And it’s true. We don’t survive the trials of life we just molt into the next version of ourselves.
If a certain transformation is going un-completed because it feels like death, it can be helpful to recognize that it is death. That’s no illusion.
To truly live life to the fullest, one has to sacrifice their self to a future person again and again and again. When you finally get there, it won’t be as the person you are now.
I tried sacrificing myself to a future person once. But the future person had the same feelings, interests, and shortcomings. Then the future person realized herself as being no better than the person who sacrificed herself to her.
IRS agent: You have thousands of dollars of overdue taxes
Me: This too shall pass
With enough time it will.
Source: my wife works for a tax authority
Reminds me of Louis CK’s joke about suicide.
You get a letter from the DMV: “You have to appear at such and such …”
“No I don’t”
Like a kidney stone
This has been my motto for years but now I have incurable cancer in the brain so I'm looking for a new one...
Will happen. Happening. Happened.
So what is it that you intend to do before you lose the capacity to do things?
All the things.
Just the fuckin way she goes boys
Trailer park boys, full of insight
Sometimes she goes, sometimes she doesn't... Fuckin way she goes...
Don't know if it counts, but I often think about when I face difficult situations.
"You’ll feel better in the morning."
I get a lot of intrusive, negative, catastrophising thoughts late at night. Worrying about things I would never worry about during daylight.
I always try to tell myself: don't think about this stuff right now, it's not helpful. Put it aside and if it still feels important in the morning then you can do something about it. Fixating on it right now serves no useful purpose.
"I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo.
"So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us."
J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring
This resonated a lot with me during the pandemic shutdown.
That didn't work... Next!
And when it's a real big mess: In 100 years, nobody will know or care.
Yup, a big factor is realising that none of this actually matters.
Depending on the OPs circumstances, that realization may actually be what is causing them their bad times.
Friend of mine has had ideation for a long ass time and the frequency of them trying to step out of life increased considerably when that realization hit them.
When you're already feeling worthless and without purpose, realizing nothing has purpose and this whole concept of life and living we have is utterly meaningless in the grand scale of the universe, it's not ideal.
So the solution is self-delusion? Not offering solutions, but you see the problem.
I don't see it as delusion, but being realistic.
What you and I do today is meaningless in the grand scale of the universe, and likely has a tiny effect on what happens to someone living a hundred years from now.
That doesn't mean that what we do doesn't have a more immediate impact.
Make your neighbor's day better, because while it won't matter in a million years, it matters now. So who cares if it costs you a few extra minutes of your life, it makes theirs better, and nothing means anything in the long run anyway, right? So why not make it easier for everyone else here, now? Making other people feel better feels good, so everyone wins, and we can better enjoy what time we have.
Some good points, which don't contradict the macro-level analysis. I agree and see things this way myself. Life is absurd, so might as well laugh about it and be nice to people while you're here, basically.
It does but it won’t so just be patient
Just imagine that one person in Europe about 30,000 years ago who found himself stuck in some hole in the ground, alone and broken, finally dying of thirst and infection, who left behind four kids and his bonded life partner. They didn’t know where he went, and in only a season she had paired with another mate in the clan. Within four years anything said about this man had wilted to almost never, and forget about anything having been written down or logged in any way.
Forgotten to time.
It didn’t take long then. Might take longer now. But time will still forget us all. Make your mark while you’re around, because after that no one will give a shit.
Shit piss cunt cocksucker shits fart dirty twat
"This too will pass"
True for both good and bad times.
Good time? Enjoy it, since it will pass.
Bad time? Endure it, it will pass.
"Slow down for a moment, tackle one thing at a time" helps a lot when I'm anxious and overwhelmed.
Yup. One thing at a time is a powerful thing.
When I was in college I had a therapist. I was telling him how I wasn’t sure if I was being perfectly efficient about how I was going about things, that I was wasting time and energy in my approach.
His advice was just to focus on doing something rather than nothing, without trying to optimize it.
It really helped.
This is really close to what I do as well. If I’m overwhelmed, I think to myself, “Just start with one small thing. Then do another small thing. Eventually, lots of small things add up to a large thing. Won’t get anywhere doing nothing and worrying about how much I have to do.”
The way out is through.
Days of thunder?
I've actually never seen it, but I might just watch it this weekend.
"One day at a time. One hour at a time. Let's just get through this one little task."
"I am here, I move forward." Might do for you. Say it, take the time to see where you are and what you can do next. Even a small improvement is valid, just make sure you move and don't dwell on things you can't control.
Best of luck.
It's what it's.
My butchering of it is what it is
It's'wh't's
Would that't'were so simple.
It''''s
The whole book of Ecclesiastes
It’ll sound cheesy, but “Don’t Go Hollow” is that phrase for me.
In 2019, I was hospitalized for suicidal ideation. When at in-patient, we didn’t get much to express ourselves. Every meal, we ate with plastic utensils and foam plates and cups for safety. I would carve that phrase into the cups, along with a bonfire.
“Don’t Go Hollow” goes back to Dark Souls. It’s a phrase that means something in the game world, but it’s also metaphorical. What’s an avatar without the player? It’s like a body without spirit. You’re not progressing in the game because you checked out. If you want to keep going, you need to be present, to keep trying.
Other ones that come to mind are “This is a moment. It will pass.” which I said in the showers that scared the fuck out of me, and “Fall down 7 times, get up 8.” “Let it rip,” from the Bear is another one I like.
My personal favorite is from Wheel of Time
"Almost dead yesterday, maybe dead tomorrow, but alive gloriously alive today"
Another good one from the same series is "We are always more afraid than we wish to be, but we can always be braver than we expect."
”I can kill myself tomorrow."
Sometimes it means one thing, sometimes another.
This is probably a toxic one I learned from my teachers that time I tried learning Korean:
If it feels like you're drowning it's cause you haven't died yet.
Damn Korean’s hard core
There is neither happiness nor unhappiness in this world; there is only the comparison of one state with another. Only a man who has felt ultimate despair is capable of feeling ultimate bliss. It is necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.....the sum of all human wisdom will be contained in these two words: Wait and Hope.
Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo
"it's okay, just keep swimming". That's really what i always tell myself.
🎵Just keep swimming, just keep swimming🎶
I gatekeep my own misery with perspective.
Knowing that there's billions of people having a far worse moment/day/life keeps me intact. I have nothing to complain about.
This one has never helped me. It just has me wanting to give up so much more, overwhelmed by the pain and suffering of others along with my own.
This divergent response may have something to do with personality types.
"Whatever happens, happens."
Spike Spiegel, Cowboy Bebop.
It is a space anime with characters living quick and dangerous, but due to the way it is written, hand-animated, detailed, and grounded to a heavy extent, this one anime hits different as I age. It is itself targeting an older audience compared other blockbuster animes, but nevertheless it is one that keeps some aspects with you through the rewatches, but can also have substantial new feelings as you gain different life experiences. All of the main characters themselves have some kind of a past that is weighing them down through their current affairs, but their power to go on can be mostly summarized to living a life in limbo all the while trying to cope with it via simple tough-guy acts of trying to be indifferent to it.
It is not a good mantra that can be maintained for long. It is rather something that helps delaying the immediate feelings before the acceptance comes.
In the future this will be a period of time I'll remember clearly, which makes it valuable. Easy times lead to no substantial memories which is effectively the loss of that time.
This is how I interact with my dad’s dog.
Dad’s out of town so I’m staying at his house taking care of his dog. I love this dog. But also take this dog for granted a lot, especially when I’ve just come home from work and I’m irritable and overwhelmed.
I pretend that, instead of this being me here and now, it’s a future version of me, from maybe thirty years in the future, when this dog has been long dead. Then I imagine that this moment is some kind of miracle wormhole through time where the me from the time this dog is an ancient memory has been given a few minutes to be with the dog.
Like, I would happily trade my finger and all the money I have for a minute with my mother, who died fifteen years ago. But I can’t.
What I can do is treat the people around me as I would treat my mother in that one minute, if it were somehow granted to me.
Almost like opening myself up to visitation from my future self. And in doing so, I experience more richly and it will actually work. When the dog is long gone, in the ground for decades, I will be able to visit him because I opened myself, which led to deep memory inscription.
Brilliant post, and I try to do the same thing, if I'm somewhere beautiful or profound and I have a few minutes to myself I like to make a "memory bubble" to me it's like a little snapshot of experience that I work really hard to recall every minute detail ( including my emotional state and sounds and smells, etc..) and then I can revisit them in the future.
I like this because it makes you appreciate where you are at the time more, and gives you good memories to lean on in the future.
Incidentally, I think this phenomenon of appreciating the present by looking through the lens of a future where it’s lost, is the basis of the band name The Grateful Dead.
Easy times lead to no substantial memories
This seems wrong
I'm open to discussion, but now that I've existed for a substantial period of time, I've found that my most prevailing memories are the ones hard won (e.g. when I almost had to sleep on the streets or ran out of money in a foreign country or got evicted from my flat). Whereas days sat on my couch watching telly, or in the pub having fun with friends, or another routine day in the gym are all blurred memories with no definition and no real sense of elapsed time.
Not really a mantra, but I try to remind myself that the only thing that seems to be certain in life is change. If you're in a shitty spot, just wait for the change. Will it be a change for the good or a change for the bad? You can't always predict it, but it WILL change. Often, that means when I'm in a shitty mood or scenario, I wait for the change to happen in a more positive direction.
My mantra is just rama rama rama. Meditation with a mantra helps a lot of you put in the work beforehand.
It sounds like you're talking more about a motivational slogan, though. Mine is, "You don't have to want it, you just have to do it." It helps because it frees me from the tyranny of desire. I don't need to figure out if I'm in the mood. I don't need to trick myself into enjoying it. I can just do the thing and be done with it.
Relatedly, there's a line from a favorite book, "Somebody has to and no one else will" with a similar vibe.
In my case it’s a mantra, because I say it out loud repeatedly.
I don't have one, but these replies remind me of some lines from Inglourious Basterds:
"You'll be hanged for this!"
"No, I'll get chewed out. I've been chewed out before."
My dad always said "Always do the right thing", and "the world is what you make of it"
"Nothing changes if nothing changes"
I say "fuck this" or "fuck that" or "fuck it all" or "fuck everything" pretty often. I guess that?
"If you're going through hell, keep going"
-Winston Churchill
Go through the pain, as it is the way
Once you went through it and the pain is no more, you'll have a whole new range of possible that were masked by the pain beforehand.
Don't die tho
"Fear is the mind-killer" comes to mind here.
Yes but it's more about letting go through it than fighting it
Hakuna matata!
What a wonderful phrase!
Fate is inescapable to both protagonists as antagonists. Death remains the great equalizer across all layers of society.
I'm not sure how "Your choices don't matter and you'll all die anyway." is supposed to keep people going, but okay.
A lot of us are more worried about making wrong choices than we should be.
Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.
— Howard Thurman
YMMV but to me it's a comforting thought that, in the very end, nothing you do actually matters. From the most insignificant pauper to Musk, eventually we all die, rot, fade away and are forgotten.
That may be sad, but it liberates you in this moment. It does for me somewhat, anyway.
Hey I just want to say that in my own life, I had a rough upbringing. Lots and lots and lots of emotional abuse, and it wrapped me in a cocoon of inhibition. I was terrified of taking on shame, so I didn’t want to do anything.
The perspective you’re referring to did indeed help me escape the cocoon of fear, to allow me to try things that I was afraid could possibly go wrong.
I took it pretty far. I did intense zen training for about three years, and about nine years in total. I pursued “no self” pretty hard, and it was helpful.
However, at a certain point I had to switch polarity in order to progress. At a certain point I had freed myself of the initial terror of action, but it wasn’t working. The next step, which took me beyond that place, was to reverse that orientation and find things that really did matter.
Not saying you’re wrong. Just saying be prepared to switch vehicles at a certain point. As the buddha said: When you get to the other side of the river, leave the boat behind.
Fall down seven times, stand up eight times.
"Tough times never last, only tough people last. *alien translation*" youtube
It’s got to be true and uplifting.
One of the most effective for me has been “I can make my life a little better today”.
I just keep repeating that when I have nothing in the tank, and it helps me find a little more.
swearing like an injured sailor under my breath
I made it through 100% of all the bad days, weeks and months in my life so far. I will also make it through the ones that have yet to come.
...and on my more cynical days, this follow-up:
And if, one day, I won't survive a bad day, then it is not my f[%$]ng problem anymore.
I tried to have a more positive mantra, but eventually realized that sheer spite can be a powerful motivator in bad times, even more so than trying to stay "nice" to the rest of the world.
Kant approves.
Anger is a really powerful motivator. I spent years of my life trying to shut down my anger from childhood. I had such a violent temper up to my mid-20s. Now I'm 40 and in a complete "dead-zone". No motivation, no drive.
I've found I get most motivated when one of two things happen - I forget to take my anti-depressant for the day or I try to quit vaping. Both these things cause me to get irritable and both cause me to shift and do something.
P.S. Meth also motivates me but that's not a long-term strategy worth pursuing as I'm trying to remain sober.
Ah well, nothing to be done about it, might as well carry on
"I'm working on it." when I feel like things are where I want them to be, but they're gradually getting there, it makes it seem okay, since I'm actively working towards a goal. This could be my weightloss, managing my depression, cleaning the house, or going through endless emails. It helps to know that it's fine that it's not perfect or great yet, but I'm working on it.
Despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage.
I can't go on. I'll go on.
(Samuel Beckett)
If you are going through some shit, keep going.
Worse things have happened to better people.
From Lord of the Rings: "Not all who wander are lost."
From the Old Kingdom Series: "Does the walker choose the path, or does the path choose the walker?"
I like the idea and message of the first one except that I used to have an absolute asshole of a neighbor who drove a heep-ed out Wrangler with a spare tire cover which had the phrase on it. I can't separate any longer.
"If you are going through hell, keep going".
Churchill
When I was young life was pure chaos. It was a constant battle and I often looked for things that would ground me and let my mind rest for a bit. I discovered the Peter Gabriel song Washing of the Water. I really liked how he sang it and so I memorized the words. They are good and when its a very dark time for me, the words are a great way for me to gain a little mental peace.
The whole song is beautiful. The perfect balance of wanting calm in hard times and finding peace in the nature of things
https://piped.video/watch?v=Ic4N6rT6Qks
"It's only a gameshow". Big Brother contestants sang it to themselves on one of the seasons back in the 00s. My colleagues and I did the same during a rough patch at a former company I worked for.
I like it because it's a reminder that things can seem immovably important until you remove yourself from the context of that situation and assess it from the outside.
Amor fati.
Just keep swimming
Pain is life - trevor cadieu
Be your best you as long as you can; then be a right bastard.
Tomorrow will be better; even if it's just not today.
*shrug shoulders*
Eh…
I don’t have the vocabulary for a good mantra like most of you. But a shoulder shrug and a “what are you gonna do about it” kind of noise is enough for me.
But not in a super depressivt way, just when I'm super bored or waiting for something or in a tight spot working on an issue I just kinda zone out and imagine myself looking back on this while relaxing.
Hard times are never permanent.
The closest I come is "Calgon, take me away."
Ancient Chinese secret, eh? ;)
What do you mean?
Can’t tell ancient Chinese secret
Living in the "self esteem" part of Maslow's pirimid when you are battling basic needs aka allergies, sleep, dehydration, dimentia, etc is a good way to be depressed. Focus on preservation of assets and restoring basic functions.
Amen
I have two:
Way back when I was 16, I worked as a host at a busy restaurant, I would get really stressed when we had a long line at the door (the wait would easily get up to 1 hour on weekends), and I just started repeating, "you can only do what you can do, you can't do any more". As someone who has always really struggled with the need to please everyone all the time, it's really helpful when I'm running busy events (I work as an events manager now) or when anything is approaching FUBAR because of things beyond my control.
On a broader, life-changes perspective, I always loved a quote from The Riches (said by the actor now known as Suzy Eddie Izzard),
"Life's a river kid, you gotta go where it takes you."
Its helped a very risk-adverse me take some huge leaps and I've not regretted any of them.
"it's not supposed to be easy all the time"
It could be though, if you were rich
As much as I hate the rich, I don't think they don't have problems or stress, it's just a different selection of problems and stress.
They can still have relationship issues, family members die, diarrhea.
We have those problems too. We have to worry about money at the same time.
If you were rich:
Relationship issues> the best counseling, less time working, more holidays, de-stress any number of other ways to make solving those issues easier.
Family member dies> stop working for a period of time (if you even choose to work) spend time with family, pay for funeral for a nice send off, pay to have cleaners and meals cooked for the house of the deceased to ease their burden. Pay for people to fly or take time off work so they can spend time with family.
Diarrhea> fancy toilet and bidet.
The idea life is not easier with money is a lie. We know this because everyone who has it will do everything they can to keep it and get more. The difference is the more money you have, the more problems your brain has to manufacture. Not knowing which Bentley to buy or feeling like your too busy while you have the power at any moment to pay to have other people do a lot of those things aren’t real problems because you have the resource to solve them. When you’re poor your problems are more real. Not having enough food or worrying about rent or paying to medical costs are real problems.
Also like, we’re the proof of that.
People from 1,000 years ago would not believe we could be suffering at all, given our level of wealth.
That’s not true
Well not all the time, but a lot more of the time. Here’s a philosophical question. Do you think being on a holiday is easier than having to go to work? Why would not being on a permanent holiday be easier? Do extremely rich retired people look like they’re having a hard time aside from physical decline?
Seems a little weird to make your life mantra a meme phrase anyways.
Mine is the motto from my high school lacrosse team, of all things. I was 15, an angsty teenager, the team sucked and lost most our games. But our coach was relentlessly positive. The motto was a Latin phrase that roughly translates to "if you're going to do something, commit to it". Basically, no half ass efforts. That stuck with me all the way through until 11 years later when I had it incorporated into a tattoo design.
Whatever intrinsic motivation you pick, it's gotta have a little more meaning to you than being the flavor of the month on the internet, or it will always lose its magic.
One I like from Malazan Book of the Fallen: "I am not yet done." The mantra of a man who's duty it was to bear the souls of the fallen for his faith as it crushed him.
Yes Exists. (to the tune of The Chemical Brothers - The Test)
Thæs ofereode
Thisses swa mæg
That was overcome
So may this be.
From Deors lament. A Middle English poem.
I heard my partner's dad working on some IKEA patio furniture or something in his backyard when he messed something up and yelled, "Nothing's ever easy!" In the moment, it was hilarious. Then it was kind of sad. Then it was true. Many years later that shit still sticks with me. Nothing ever is fucking easy. And any time you feel like you're getting a bit too sure of yourself or when you need to keep in mind everything you've gotten through so far, it's good to remind yourself of that.
Simple - "Everything will be ok"
Never been wrong
Yet
May I suggest a reading of the Voltaire book Candide? Phrases like "Everything will be ok" or as the book often suggests "all is for the best" in the "best of all possible worlds" will take on a whole new meaning.
The book is funny most of the time but it has a very sharp cynical edge about life and positive thinking and how it doesn't mean much in the face of most life changing events.
YOLO
"I am already dead" and "They are not your friends"
Get back up.
Above all, no matter how many times you get hit, can you get back up? --Gwen Stacy, Into the Spider-Verse
Can't stop won't stop.
All the roads lead to Rome
Just went to Rome, someone tried to pickpocket me.
"It's only temporary"
Everything is temporary in the long term
"Right now" is forever. It's always "right now". So, don't let the past weigh you down and don't let the future trip you up. Live in the moment.
As my first zen teacher once so eloquently put it, “The past and the future Do. Not. Exist.”
Do what you can.
There's so many problems, so much uncertainty about the future, it can sometimes feel overwhelming and you just shut down. If you have a counter full of dishes, even if you wash one dish you've technically made the situation better. Marginally sure, but still in the right direction. And if that's where you can focus your attention it might provide some momentum to finish all of them. But if not, that's fine too, you still made the situation a little better and sometimes that's the best we can hope for.
Hope you find what you're looking for.
"I have to get past this, why not now"
From one of Patton Oswald's stand up specials, he shares his late wife's mantra, as a devout atheist: "It's chaos. Be kind." Nothing means anything, nothing happens for a reason, things just happen, they only have the meaning we bring to them, be kind.
"Every task before you is a challenge to succeed."
It's from "Moment to Moment" by a band called Children 18:3. Great song.
Also from them "All my balloons are popping!"
be far-sighted
"it doesn't really matter" keeps me going
That's a great platinum blonde single.
"it's not the worst thing that's ever happened to me."
And even if it turns out to be, we'll only really know in hindsight.
This too shall pass
Me: This too shall pass
My circumstances: YOU SHALL NOT PASS
And it’s true. We don’t survive the trials of life we just molt into the next version of ourselves.
If a certain transformation is going un-completed because it feels like death, it can be helpful to recognize that it is death. That’s no illusion.
To truly live life to the fullest, one has to sacrifice their self to a future person again and again and again. When you finally get there, it won’t be as the person you are now.
I tried sacrificing myself to a future person once. But the future person had the same feelings, interests, and shortcomings. Then the future person realized herself as being no better than the person who sacrificed herself to her.
IRS agent: You have thousands of dollars of overdue taxes
Me: This too shall pass
With enough time it will.
Source: my wife works for a tax authority
Reminds me of Louis CK’s joke about suicide.
You get a letter from the DMV: “You have to appear at such and such …”
“No I don’t”
Like a kidney stone
This has been my motto for years but now I have incurable cancer in the brain so I'm looking for a new one...
Will happen. Happening. Happened.
So what is it that you intend to do before you lose the capacity to do things?
All the things.
Just the fuckin way she goes boys
Trailer park boys, full of insight
Sometimes she goes, sometimes she doesn't... Fuckin way she goes...
Fuck you mean it's just the fuckin way she goes?
Don't know if it counts, but I often think about
when I face difficult situations.
"You’ll feel better in the morning."
I get a lot of intrusive, negative, catastrophising thoughts late at night. Worrying about things I would never worry about during daylight.
I always try to tell myself: don't think about this stuff right now, it's not helpful. Put it aside and if it still feels important in the morning then you can do something about it. Fixating on it right now serves no useful purpose.
"I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo. "So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us." J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring
This resonated a lot with me during the pandemic shutdown.
That didn't work... Next!
And when it's a real big mess: In 100 years, nobody will know or care.
Yup, a big factor is realising that none of this actually matters.
Depending on the OPs circumstances, that realization may actually be what is causing them their bad times.
Friend of mine has had ideation for a long ass time and the frequency of them trying to step out of life increased considerably when that realization hit them.
When you're already feeling worthless and without purpose, realizing nothing has purpose and this whole concept of life and living we have is utterly meaningless in the grand scale of the universe, it's not ideal.
So the solution is self-delusion? Not offering solutions, but you see the problem.
I don't see it as delusion, but being realistic.
What you and I do today is meaningless in the grand scale of the universe, and likely has a tiny effect on what happens to someone living a hundred years from now.
That doesn't mean that what we do doesn't have a more immediate impact.
Make your neighbor's day better, because while it won't matter in a million years, it matters now. So who cares if it costs you a few extra minutes of your life, it makes theirs better, and nothing means anything in the long run anyway, right? So why not make it easier for everyone else here, now? Making other people feel better feels good, so everyone wins, and we can better enjoy what time we have.
Some good points, which don't contradict the macro-level analysis. I agree and see things this way myself. Life is absurd, so might as well laugh about it and be nice to people while you're here, basically.
It does but it won’t so just be patient
Just imagine that one person in Europe about 30,000 years ago who found himself stuck in some hole in the ground, alone and broken, finally dying of thirst and infection, who left behind four kids and his bonded life partner. They didn’t know where he went, and in only a season she had paired with another mate in the clan. Within four years anything said about this man had wilted to almost never, and forget about anything having been written down or logged in any way.
Forgotten to time.
It didn’t take long then. Might take longer now. But time will still forget us all. Make your mark while you’re around, because after that no one will give a shit.
Shit piss cunt cocksucker shits fart dirty twat
"This too will pass"
True for both good and bad times. Good time? Enjoy it, since it will pass. Bad time? Endure it, it will pass.
I like its variant better: "This too shall pass."
https://youtu.be/Tg5kB4UcAuA
"Slow down for a moment, tackle one thing at a time" helps a lot when I'm anxious and overwhelmed.
Yup. One thing at a time is a powerful thing.
When I was in college I had a therapist. I was telling him how I wasn’t sure if I was being perfectly efficient about how I was going about things, that I was wasting time and energy in my approach.
His advice was just to focus on doing something rather than nothing, without trying to optimize it.
It really helped.
This is really close to what I do as well. If I’m overwhelmed, I think to myself, “Just start with one small thing. Then do another small thing. Eventually, lots of small things add up to a large thing. Won’t get anywhere doing nothing and worrying about how much I have to do.”
The way out is through.
Days of thunder?
I've actually never seen it, but I might just watch it this weekend.
"One day at a time. One hour at a time. Let's just get through this one little task."
"I am here, I move forward." Might do for you. Say it, take the time to see where you are and what you can do next. Even a small improvement is valid, just make sure you move and don't dwell on things you can't control.
Best of luck.
It's what it's. My butchering of it is what it is
It's'wh't's
Would that't'were so simple.
It''''s
The whole book of Ecclesiastes
It’ll sound cheesy, but “Don’t Go Hollow” is that phrase for me.
In 2019, I was hospitalized for suicidal ideation. When at in-patient, we didn’t get much to express ourselves. Every meal, we ate with plastic utensils and foam plates and cups for safety. I would carve that phrase into the cups, along with a bonfire.
“Don’t Go Hollow” goes back to Dark Souls. It’s a phrase that means something in the game world, but it’s also metaphorical. What’s an avatar without the player? It’s like a body without spirit. You’re not progressing in the game because you checked out. If you want to keep going, you need to be present, to keep trying.
Other ones that come to mind are “This is a moment. It will pass.” which I said in the showers that scared the fuck out of me, and “Fall down 7 times, get up 8.” “Let it rip,” from the Bear is another one I like.
My personal favorite is from Wheel of Time
"Almost dead yesterday, maybe dead tomorrow, but alive gloriously alive today"
Another good one from the same series is "We are always more afraid than we wish to be, but we can always be braver than we expect."
”I can kill myself tomorrow."
Sometimes it means one thing, sometimes another.
This is probably a toxic one I learned from my teachers that time I tried learning Korean:
If it feels like you're drowning it's cause you haven't died yet.
Damn Korean’s hard core
There is neither happiness nor unhappiness in this world; there is only the comparison of one state with another. Only a man who has felt ultimate despair is capable of feeling ultimate bliss. It is necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.....the sum of all human wisdom will be contained in these two words: Wait and Hope.
Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo
"it's okay, just keep swimming". That's really what i always tell myself.
🎵Just keep swimming, just keep swimming🎶
I gatekeep my own misery with perspective.
Knowing that there's billions of people having a far worse moment/day/life keeps me intact. I have nothing to complain about.
This one has never helped me. It just has me wanting to give up so much more, overwhelmed by the pain and suffering of others along with my own.
This divergent response may have something to do with personality types.
"Whatever happens, happens."
It is a space anime with characters living quick and dangerous, but due to the way it is written, hand-animated, detailed, and grounded to a heavy extent, this one anime hits different as I age. It is itself targeting an older audience compared other blockbuster animes, but nevertheless it is one that keeps some aspects with you through the rewatches, but can also have substantial new feelings as you gain different life experiences. All of the main characters themselves have some kind of a past that is weighing them down through their current affairs, but their power to go on can be mostly summarized to living a life in limbo all the while trying to cope with it via simple tough-guy acts of trying to be indifferent to it.
It is not a good mantra that can be maintained for long. It is rather something that helps delaying the immediate feelings before the acceptance comes.
In the future this will be a period of time I'll remember clearly, which makes it valuable. Easy times lead to no substantial memories which is effectively the loss of that time.
This is how I interact with my dad’s dog.
Dad’s out of town so I’m staying at his house taking care of his dog. I love this dog. But also take this dog for granted a lot, especially when I’ve just come home from work and I’m irritable and overwhelmed.
I pretend that, instead of this being me here and now, it’s a future version of me, from maybe thirty years in the future, when this dog has been long dead. Then I imagine that this moment is some kind of miracle wormhole through time where the me from the time this dog is an ancient memory has been given a few minutes to be with the dog.
Like, I would happily trade my finger and all the money I have for a minute with my mother, who died fifteen years ago. But I can’t.
What I can do is treat the people around me as I would treat my mother in that one minute, if it were somehow granted to me.
Almost like opening myself up to visitation from my future self. And in doing so, I experience more richly and it will actually work. When the dog is long gone, in the ground for decades, I will be able to visit him because I opened myself, which led to deep memory inscription.
Brilliant post, and I try to do the same thing, if I'm somewhere beautiful or profound and I have a few minutes to myself I like to make a "memory bubble" to me it's like a little snapshot of experience that I work really hard to recall every minute detail ( including my emotional state and sounds and smells, etc..) and then I can revisit them in the future.
I like this because it makes you appreciate where you are at the time more, and gives you good memories to lean on in the future.
Incidentally, I think this phenomenon of appreciating the present by looking through the lens of a future where it’s lost, is the basis of the band name The Grateful Dead.
This seems wrong
I'm open to discussion, but now that I've existed for a substantial period of time, I've found that my most prevailing memories are the ones hard won (e.g. when I almost had to sleep on the streets or ran out of money in a foreign country or got evicted from my flat). Whereas days sat on my couch watching telly, or in the pub having fun with friends, or another routine day in the gym are all blurred memories with no definition and no real sense of elapsed time.
Not really a mantra, but I try to remind myself that the only thing that seems to be certain in life is change. If you're in a shitty spot, just wait for the change. Will it be a change for the good or a change for the bad? You can't always predict it, but it WILL change. Often, that means when I'm in a shitty mood or scenario, I wait for the change to happen in a more positive direction.
My mantra is just rama rama rama. Meditation with a mantra helps a lot of you put in the work beforehand.
It sounds like you're talking more about a motivational slogan, though. Mine is, "You don't have to want it, you just have to do it." It helps because it frees me from the tyranny of desire. I don't need to figure out if I'm in the mood. I don't need to trick myself into enjoying it. I can just do the thing and be done with it.
Relatedly, there's a line from a favorite book, "Somebody has to and no one else will" with a similar vibe.
In my case it’s a mantra, because I say it out loud repeatedly.
I don't have one, but these replies remind me of some lines from Inglourious Basterds:
"You'll be hanged for this!"
"No, I'll get chewed out. I've been chewed out before."
My dad always said "Always do the right thing", and "the world is what you make of it"
"Nothing changes if nothing changes"
I say "fuck this" or "fuck that" or "fuck it all" or "fuck everything" pretty often. I guess that?
"If you're going through hell, keep going" -Winston Churchill
Go through the pain, as it is the way
Once you went through it and the pain is no more, you'll have a whole new range of possible that were masked by the pain beforehand.
Don't die tho
"Fear is the mind-killer" comes to mind here.
Yes but it's more about letting go through it than fighting it
Hakuna matata!
What a wonderful phrase!
Fate is inescapable to both protagonists as antagonists. Death remains the great equalizer across all layers of society.
I'm not sure how "Your choices don't matter and you'll all die anyway." is supposed to keep people going, but okay.
A lot of us are more worried about making wrong choices than we should be.
— Howard Thurman
YMMV but to me it's a comforting thought that, in the very end, nothing you do actually matters. From the most insignificant pauper to Musk, eventually we all die, rot, fade away and are forgotten.
That may be sad, but it liberates you in this moment. It does for me somewhat, anyway.
Hey I just want to say that in my own life, I had a rough upbringing. Lots and lots and lots of emotional abuse, and it wrapped me in a cocoon of inhibition. I was terrified of taking on shame, so I didn’t want to do anything.
The perspective you’re referring to did indeed help me escape the cocoon of fear, to allow me to try things that I was afraid could possibly go wrong.
I took it pretty far. I did intense zen training for about three years, and about nine years in total. I pursued “no self” pretty hard, and it was helpful.
However, at a certain point I had to switch polarity in order to progress. At a certain point I had freed myself of the initial terror of action, but it wasn’t working. The next step, which took me beyond that place, was to reverse that orientation and find things that really did matter.
Not saying you’re wrong. Just saying be prepared to switch vehicles at a certain point. As the buddha said: When you get to the other side of the river, leave the boat behind.
Fall down seven times, stand up eight times.
"Tough times never last, only tough people last. *alien translation*" youtube
It’s got to be true and uplifting.
One of the most effective for me has been “I can make my life a little better today”.
I just keep repeating that when I have nothing in the tank, and it helps me find a little more.
swearing like an injured sailor under my breath
...and on my more cynical days, this follow-up:
I tried to have a more positive mantra, but eventually realized that sheer spite can be a powerful motivator in bad times, even more so than trying to stay "nice" to the rest of the world.
Kant approves.
Anger is a really powerful motivator. I spent years of my life trying to shut down my anger from childhood. I had such a violent temper up to my mid-20s. Now I'm 40 and in a complete "dead-zone". No motivation, no drive.
I've found I get most motivated when one of two things happen - I forget to take my anti-depressant for the day or I try to quit vaping. Both these things cause me to get irritable and both cause me to shift and do something.
P.S. Meth also motivates me but that's not a long-term strategy worth pursuing as I'm trying to remain sober.
Ah well, nothing to be done about it, might as well carry on
"I'm working on it." when I feel like things are where I want them to be, but they're gradually getting there, it makes it seem okay, since I'm actively working towards a goal. This could be my weightloss, managing my depression, cleaning the house, or going through endless emails. It helps to know that it's fine that it's not perfect or great yet, but I'm working on it.
Despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage.
I can't go on. I'll go on.
(Samuel Beckett)
If you are going through some shit, keep going.
Worse things have happened to better people.
From Lord of the Rings: "Not all who wander are lost."
From the Old Kingdom Series: "Does the walker choose the path, or does the path choose the walker?"
I like the idea and message of the first one except that I used to have an absolute asshole of a neighbor who drove a heep-ed out Wrangler with a spare tire cover which had the phrase on it. I can't separate any longer.
"If you are going through hell, keep going". Churchill
When I was young life was pure chaos. It was a constant battle and I often looked for things that would ground me and let my mind rest for a bit. I discovered the Peter Gabriel song Washing of the Water. I really liked how he sang it and so I memorized the words. They are good and when its a very dark time for me, the words are a great way for me to gain a little mental peace.
The whole song is beautiful. The perfect balance of wanting calm in hard times and finding peace in the nature of things https://piped.video/watch?v=Ic4N6rT6Qks
"It's only a gameshow". Big Brother contestants sang it to themselves on one of the seasons back in the 00s. My colleagues and I did the same during a rough patch at a former company I worked for.
I like it because it's a reminder that things can seem immovably important until you remove yourself from the context of that situation and assess it from the outside.
Amor fati.
Just keep swimming
Pain is life - trevor cadieu
Be your best you as long as you can; then be a right bastard.
Tomorrow will be better; even if it's just not today.
*shrug shoulders*
Eh…
I don’t have the vocabulary for a good mantra like most of you. But a shoulder shrug and a “what are you gonna do about it” kind of noise is enough for me.
Don't worry about things you can't change.
Hasa Diga Eebowai
So, does that mean like ‘no worries, forever’?
Generally just "it'll be over soon"
But not in a super depressivt way, just when I'm super bored or waiting for something or in a tight spot working on an issue I just kinda zone out and imagine myself looking back on this while relaxing.
Hard times are never permanent.
The closest I come is "Calgon, take me away."
Ancient Chinese secret, eh? ;)
What do you mean?
Can’t tell ancient Chinese secret
Living in the "self esteem" part of Maslow's pirimid when you are battling basic needs aka allergies, sleep, dehydration, dimentia, etc is a good way to be depressed. Focus on preservation of assets and restoring basic functions.
Amen
I have two:
Way back when I was 16, I worked as a host at a busy restaurant, I would get really stressed when we had a long line at the door (the wait would easily get up to 1 hour on weekends), and I just started repeating, "you can only do what you can do, you can't do any more". As someone who has always really struggled with the need to please everyone all the time, it's really helpful when I'm running busy events (I work as an events manager now) or when anything is approaching FUBAR because of things beyond my control.
On a broader, life-changes perspective, I always loved a quote from The Riches (said by the actor now known as Suzy Eddie Izzard),
"Life's a river kid, you gotta go where it takes you."
Its helped a very risk-adverse me take some huge leaps and I've not regretted any of them.
"it's not supposed to be easy all the time"
It could be though, if you were rich
As much as I hate the rich, I don't think they don't have problems or stress, it's just a different selection of problems and stress.
They can still have relationship issues, family members die, diarrhea.
We have those problems too. We have to worry about money at the same time.
If you were rich:
Relationship issues> the best counseling, less time working, more holidays, de-stress any number of other ways to make solving those issues easier.
Family member dies> stop working for a period of time (if you even choose to work) spend time with family, pay for funeral for a nice send off, pay to have cleaners and meals cooked for the house of the deceased to ease their burden. Pay for people to fly or take time off work so they can spend time with family.
Diarrhea> fancy toilet and bidet.
The idea life is not easier with money is a lie. We know this because everyone who has it will do everything they can to keep it and get more. The difference is the more money you have, the more problems your brain has to manufacture. Not knowing which Bentley to buy or feeling like your too busy while you have the power at any moment to pay to have other people do a lot of those things aren’t real problems because you have the resource to solve them. When you’re poor your problems are more real. Not having enough food or worrying about rent or paying to medical costs are real problems.
Also like, we’re the proof of that.
People from 1,000 years ago would not believe we could be suffering at all, given our level of wealth.
That’s not true
Well not all the time, but a lot more of the time. Here’s a philosophical question. Do you think being on a holiday is easier than having to go to work? Why would not being on a permanent holiday be easier? Do extremely rich retired people look like they’re having a hard time aside from physical decline?
Tough titties.
"one mile at a time, just one mile at a time..."
Or the Maha Mantra
Seems a little weird to make your life mantra a meme phrase anyways.
Mine is the motto from my high school lacrosse team, of all things. I was 15, an angsty teenager, the team sucked and lost most our games. But our coach was relentlessly positive. The motto was a Latin phrase that roughly translates to "if you're going to do something, commit to it". Basically, no half ass efforts. That stuck with me all the way through until 11 years later when I had it incorporated into a tattoo design.
Whatever intrinsic motivation you pick, it's gotta have a little more meaning to you than being the flavor of the month on the internet, or it will always lose its magic.
One I like from Malazan Book of the Fallen: "I am not yet done." The mantra of a man who's duty it was to bear the souls of the fallen for his faith as it crushed him.
Yes Exists. (to the tune of The Chemical Brothers - The Test)
Thæs ofereode Thisses swa mæg
That was overcome So may this be.
From Deors lament. A Middle English poem.
I heard my partner's dad working on some IKEA patio furniture or something in his backyard when he messed something up and yelled, "Nothing's ever easy!" In the moment, it was hilarious. Then it was kind of sad. Then it was true. Many years later that shit still sticks with me. Nothing ever is fucking easy. And any time you feel like you're getting a bit too sure of yourself or when you need to keep in mind everything you've gotten through so far, it's good to remind yourself of that.
Simple - "Everything will be ok"
Never been wrong
Yet
May I suggest a reading of the Voltaire book Candide? Phrases like "Everything will be ok" or as the book often suggests "all is for the best" in the "best of all possible worlds" will take on a whole new meaning.
The book is funny most of the time but it has a very sharp cynical edge about life and positive thinking and how it doesn't mean much in the face of most life changing events.
YOLO
"I am already dead" and "They are not your friends"
Get back up.
Above all, no matter how many times you get hit, can you get back up? --Gwen Stacy, Into the Spider-Verse
Can't stop won't stop.
All the roads lead to Rome
Just went to Rome, someone tried to pickpocket me.
"It's only temporary"
Everything is temporary in the long term
"Right now" is forever. It's always "right now". So, don't let the past weigh you down and don't let the future trip you up. Live in the moment.
As my first zen teacher once so eloquently put it, “The past and the future Do. Not. Exist.”
Do what you can.
There's so many problems, so much uncertainty about the future, it can sometimes feel overwhelming and you just shut down. If you have a counter full of dishes, even if you wash one dish you've technically made the situation better. Marginally sure, but still in the right direction. And if that's where you can focus your attention it might provide some momentum to finish all of them. But if not, that's fine too, you still made the situation a little better and sometimes that's the best we can hope for.
Hope you find what you're looking for.
"I have to get past this, why not now"
From one of Patton Oswald's stand up specials, he shares his late wife's mantra, as a devout atheist: "It's chaos. Be kind." Nothing means anything, nothing happens for a reason, things just happen, they only have the meaning we bring to them, be kind.
"Every task before you is a challenge to succeed." It's from "Moment to Moment" by a band called Children 18:3. Great song.
Also from them "All my balloons are popping!"
be far-sighted
"it doesn't really matter" keeps me going
That's a great platinum blonde single.
"it's not the worst thing that's ever happened to me."
And even if it turns out to be, we'll only really know in hindsight.
“The wheel of Fortune turns and turns”