How did you find your significant other?

Jeena@piefed.jeena.net to Ask Lemmy@lemmy.world – 289 points –

Let's hear some stories from the thready-verse about how you guys met your significant other.

For me it was during the first year of COVID, my company asked who from Europe (I was living in Sweden) wanted to go for a three month business trip to coach a big Korean automotive supplier on how to do modern software development. Most of the other people had families and especially during COVID nobody wanted to travel. I said I could do it, even though I never coached before. But because nobody else volunteered they sent me and and another guy who also was single without a family, etc.

I was convinced that the other guy would have good game with the women here, and thought that there is no harm in installing some international dating app and to try my own luck. During COVID I just lost a ton of weight and found new confidence and it was far away from home and what happens in Korea stays in Korea and so on :D

Anyway, to my surprise during the first two weeks I got some matches and I hit it off with one of them. We met and started dating and very quickly fell for each other. Then when the 3 months were over, I asked the company if the customer would still have some use for my skills and they said yes and send me for 3 more months. I had to go back to Sweden to get a new Visa and spent another 2 weeks in quarantine (as the first time). But then the second tree months were over too and I asked again for more. By that time I was really sick of all the time in quarantine and asked if they could move me from the Swedish office to the Korean office and they agreed.

I went back to Sweden, threw away most of my stuff and put the most valuable things up on a friends attic and moved to Korea with one suitcase. I stayed at AirBnB's for two more months and then we found an apartment and moved in together.

She has a daughter from a previous marriage and we now have a 1.5 year old son together and we still live in Korea :D

153

Met on irc a hundred years ago. Moved to a different state to be together. Got married, had kids, still together livin' the dream. No regerts. Ragerts. Whatever.

Ah another IRC couple! My story is also on this thread and started on IRC as well.

That was a nice time, I regret those chatrooms and the dumb things we said over there.

+1 for IRC, but international move to be together for us. Still love him stupid much ♥️

She was dating my ex girlfriend. They split. My ex recommended she ask me out because she thought we might be a good fit. It's been 14 years.

Having a previous significant partner that I split with on good terms has always been a great strategy for getting a new partner.

Met last year through online dating, met once when we were able to and sparks flew when I saw he eyes light up at me mentioning that the intersection outside my front door really should be a roundabout.

Never knew how sexy a politically active dryad could be until I was seeing one whenever we had the chance to meet up. She's legit like a forest spirit that shows up from congress with the fey courts and immediately wants to jump me and it's fucking amazing. 10/10, date the witchy ones if you know how to appreciate them, they will have you under a spell you'll never want to be freed from.

Maybe it's second honeymoon phase since we're getting to see each other for the first time in a few months after I caught a nasty bug, but the needed time apart has just reinforced to me that my life's better with her in it than it is when she's not, and if that's not a healthy foundation for something bigger to be built on, I haven't found what is yet.

Gary bar. We're not gay.

Edit: Well fuck me in the ass. I'm leaving it as is.

Very common. About a quarter of our local gay bar gang are straight and they meet loads of others.

Coincidentally we also have two Garys.

At risk of repeating an answer to a similar question some weeks or months ago:

My wife and I met on a porn site. We caught feelings and met IRL and it was actually pretty great.

Well, it was not exactly porn but more a popular “adult fanfiction” (almost the same thing) site where we went from cooperative creative writing to something much more intimate. I flew out to meet her and now we’ve been married for about a decade.

I still say we met because of porn. My first message to her contained a detailed, descriptive, as unceremonious as it was unambiguous list of preferences but it seems to be working out so far.

My first message to her contained a detailed, descriptive, as unceremonious as it was unambiguous list of preferences but it seems to be working out so far.

Sounds like the foundation for great communication to me.

That's the way it should be. 1st date...what are you in to?

Probably save a lot of time on both parties.

To be fair, that was the idea behind my first message! Let's get that squared away so we can get writing, or not without wasting anyone's time.

Man....

Ok, so I was 12 years old and had only just moved from England to Australia. First few days of high school I noticed this girl. Normal looking girl - beautiful eyes, but one of those beautiful people that tends to be quiet and go by unnoticed... But I noticed her.

I was always very outgoing and loud, and she was more quiet and reserved. I loved to do card tricks. I also became incredibly shy when I wanted to talk to her, so I devised a plan

I laid some playing cards on the corner of my desk and waited for her to walk past. When she did, I knocked them off and we started a conversation..

Eventually I did a card trick and knew she'd picked the 3 of Diamonds. That card has held significance for us this whole time..

Through high school we both had feelings for eachother - me, being confident, silly and outgoing declaring my love for her to everyone and asking her out on a few occasions, never looking at the other girls who wanted to spend more time with the English boy who now lives in Australia. I only had eyes for her. I just knew she was the one.

But for 4 and a half years of high school it never happened. She was too shy to say yes, and I was too shy to ask properly. Sure, I'd slipped her notes and I'd asked on a few occasions, but it never happened. She did say yes once and we "dated" for 2 weeks but nothing happened, not a kiss, nothing. We were both young and inexperienced in relationships and after 2 weeks she said "you're dumped"... It hurt.

But for that whole high school time everyone in school knew we wanted eachother.

Then came secondary school (High school in Aus is year 7-10 when you're like, 12-16ish in age, secondary is Year 11 and 12 when you're about 16-18ish)

In secondary school I met my then best friend.. He was a great bloke and we got along like a house on fire. A couple of months into Year 11 he asked if he could ask the girl I loved out.. I told him "Why not, she doesn't want me anyway" so he did.

They got together and we stayed friends. I was heartbroken but I wanted the best for her and he seemed like a good bloke, and I didn't want to ruin what they had by being upset or jealous, and I didn't want to lose my friendship with either of them, so I kept my feelings hidden and eventually went on to date other girls. By this time she and I were about 16...

The following few years we all hung out with our friends group and they stayed together... I was the best man at their wedding and one of the first to meet their newborn son when he arrived...

But then slowly we drifted.. Id message him and get no replies, or short and careless ones. I'd long since stopped messaging her as usually messaging him was realistically intended for the both of them anyway...

And so 4 years went by without any contact from either of them...

Then I had a son. I wasn't in a good place or a good relationship at the time. Don't get me wrong, my then partner was fine. She is a good person but we just didn't fit and I feel I was with her out of lonliness more than love.

Anyhow, I got a message from the girl I loved through high school congratulating me on my son. I replied and asked how she was, told her I missed them and proposed a catch up with us all. I got no reply.

Another year passed and I left my then partner. 4 months-ish later, my high school crush had her then husband removed from the house for domestic violence. I found out through a chance encounter with her sister.

We made arrangements for me to go visit, and so I did.

I stepped into her house where her family was helping tidy the place and saw her down the long hall at a distance and so many of those feelings came flooding back.

I walked up and gave her the biggest hug. It felt like I held her forever... Then I got to work on helping tidy the house.. Then I met her daughter for the first time. At this point she'd had 2 kids with her then husband. One was 3, the other, 5.

Through the next couple of weeks I spent a lot of time catching up with her and trying to offer my help where I could. I learned a lot more about my old "friend" and just how controlling, coercive, manipulative and abusive he was for the 17 years they were together. 17 long years that feel as if they were robbed from "us".. But we were so young...

At one point we kissed. And that was it. Finally, after knowing her for 21-22 years and loving her for so long, we finally kissed.

It just was right. There was so much going on, court dates to maintain an intervention order against her ex husband, him lying about anything and everything. His manipulation of the court system and even his own children continues to this day... But finally we had eachother and we weren't about to let go.

I'd had a vasectomy after my son was born... But after a year of being with her I got it reversed. We now have a beautiful daughter together. We got married, too. Life together is what we should have always had. We both feel it.

Its tremendously difficult being the stepdad of 2 kids that are being conditioned and coerced into hating you 5 nights a fortnight, but they're good kids. I'm trying my best for them

I feel I have a lot to unpack and work through but with 4 kids and working in disability support its next to impossible to afford any kind of therapy, let alone the free time to attend..

But I love her. So much. And she loves me. I have a tattoo on my side - a silhouette of the 2 of us on our wedding day, surrounded by the clubs, diamonds, hearts and spades suits to symbolise how we met. There are 3 diamonds.

Through the abuse she endured theres a lot for us both to work through but again, we're so lucky to finally have eachother. We're 35 now and spent half our lives apart, despite at one point wanting to be with eachother for 1/3 of our lives to that point.. We're not letting eachother go now. I couldn't imagine life without her. She is everything to me. I just feel so sorry for our past selves. They deserved so much better.

I have to keep reminding myself that had we gotten together back then it might not have worked out how it has. We may have grown apart, or not had anything to compare to in order to see how good we really have it...

I love her. Always.

I've never written that all down before. There's plenty more to it, but I felt compelled to really delve into it that time. Thank you so much for asking the question.

Wow, that's quite a roller coaster ride, thanks for sharing!

I'm a firm believer in everything happens for a reason, no matter how shitty it may be. There's lessons to learn and things to appreciate and it seems like you guys have both covered. Don't dwell on the past - focus on the future and things you do have control over. Good luck to you both.

Edit - thanks for sharing your story.

5 more...
5 more...

My story is kinda cool. TLDR: she stole my cat.

We lived in the same street, but other than the occasional nod when passing by each other, never really talked. I always thought she was cute, though. Oh, and she was married to a typical abusive guy.

One day my cat escaped, and after a week of searching, I almost gave up. Then one day she knocked on my door and asked if that cat was mine, because she thought she was a stray, and took her in. She gave her back, apologized, and that was it. But that cat would always find a way to go back to her place, and we kind of agreed to let her have 2 homes. Still didn't talk too much or anything.

Years passed, and she finally had enough of her husband, got a divorce, and moved out. Came to ask if she could take the cat with her, and I said that's ok, she barely came to my place anymore anyway.

More time passed, we kept a little in touch, but still didn't really talk to each other. And then I decided to have a barbecue at home for my birthday... I invited mostly people from work, but then thought: "it would be cool to invite her". And so I did. We talked, and talked, and when we realized, it was already 10 pm (barbecue was supposed to be from noon to sunset). She went home, the next day I invited her out, and long story short, we've been together for almost 5 years, living together for 3 and a half years, have 6 cats, and our first son is about to be born.

I've been happily married for six years, and we met on a dating app. (OKCupid.)

It was my first time using such a thing, I was in my late 30s and mildly curious about those apps the Kids These Days seem to like. I installed one and was basically daring the silly thing to work. I figured if I was going to try that sort of thing, I was going to do it in a very practical way. I made sure everything about me I thought might be a red flag for someone out there was featured prominently in my profile:

  • Here's exactly where I am politically, religiously, etc., my real age, and my firm disinterest in parenthood.
  • Here's my bisexuality but also my monogamousness, yes those two things can go together.
  • Here's the neighborhood I live in (not the nearest fashionable one.)
  • Here are a bunch of weird hobbies and pursuits of mine.
  • Here are social and political things about which I'm a vocal activist.
  • Here's some of the art, comedy, and other creative stuff I do, and a bit of the weirder end of my sense of humor.
  • Here's the fact that my username there was also the one I've used everywhere online for decades (here included) and I've had a pretty active online presence since there's been such a thing, so I'm fairly searchable before you even say hello.
  • Here are photos of me I quite like but also some I think I look particularly fat/old/unflattered in, and ones that clearly show off certain things I like to do with my personal style (for example, I'm a cis masculine-presenting guy who wears nail polish.)

In addition to filling the hell out of my profile with all this, I had a lot of fun with the app's survey questions and generally gave really involved answers.

My attitude on the app was one of blatant honesty. I'd heard so many horror stories about people meeting on dating apps and the person turning out to be nothing like their profile, look nothing like their photo, etc. to the point of false advertising, and I really failed to understand the logic behind that; why lie to someone from the start, as if they won't actually realize you lied to them when they meet you?

Another important factor for me was that when I got on the app I was just getting back into dating, having recently taken a long time to work on myself and recover from a toxic and abusive relationship. Among other crappy things, my former abuser had spent the duration of our time together disapproving of and trying to force me to change fundamental things about myself in ways that caused me a lot of long-term harm and I was not interested in going through that sort of thing again. I'd rather someone who doesn't like thing X about me would see that thing on my profile right up front and so choose not engage with me to begin with, rather than have them get interested but find out that deal-breaker thing about me later and be disappointed. I came at it from the angle of saying "hey, I'm here, this is what I'm like, and here's a bunch of stuff about me you might not like." I wasn't necessarily trying to warn people off, but I wanted to see if anyone out there would see all those things about me and still potentially like me.

Long story long, it worked. I got messaged by someone who saw my profile and liked it, I liked hers, and we really clicked from the start. (Our first date was meant to be a quick cup of tea at a cafe, and ended up being many hours of walking and talking around town.) We totally fell for one another, dated, moved in together, got married, and six years later are still ridiculously happy. She is literally my favorite person in the entire world. Her weird and my weird mesh together so perfectly, and our relationship has always been based on complete honesty and open communication and sharing. We've seen and supported each other through the highest highs, lowest lows, and everything in between. It's the healthiest, happiest, and closest romance, friendship, and personal relationship of any kind I've ever had, and every day we spend together is better than the last. Among a lot of people who know us we're that obnoxiously-cute couple. We even have podcasts and other creative projects together nowadays, it's so goddamn gross. 🥰

Met my wife on OkCupid we have been together over 10 years now. I messaged her because she loved Dragons and claimed to be a Supernatural fan. Of course years later she thought it was an okay show while I was a super fan. But we hit off both loving to write and reat is history.

These stupid apps don't work for people like me.

They didn't work for my wife either, until they did. I was a newbie, but she'd been on for much longer and was nearly ready to give up when I popped up on her feed and one thing successfully led to another.

I met my partner 25 years ago online on a sort of social network website called sixdegrees. They lived in Singapore and me in the Netherlands. I already had a trip planned to SG so ee decided to meet up.
It was a fun time, but we were both way too shy and insecure to make a move (it was our first relationship :)
It took another couple of weeks before we finally worked up the courage to admit our feelings. We had a long distance relationship for less than a year before it fizzled out.

About six years later we got in touch again and the spark reignited. They came to visit me and we fell truely in love. Plans were made and my partner moved to NL two years later. We’ve been together for 16 years now.

Introduced by a college friend. Buddy of mine was visiting my home country, we plan to meet up and he randomly and last minute tells me he's inviting an acquaintance to our meet up. I was a bit annoyed at the sudden change in plans but turns out the rando he invited was a pretty cool lady with a lot of shared interests.

We went to a concert together that weekend, a comic convention the next and the fun kept going.

We met on the internet back when that was still viewed as kinda sketchy.

We progressed very quickly from being friends to deciding we were meant for each other to having a kid on the way and being married at a very young age.

I think most people knew we were doomed from the start.

And I don't blame them for thinking so, but we're planning to renew our vows in a few years, when we celebrate our 25th anniversary. Just to twist the knife.

In all seriousness, I love my wife more than I ever thought I would be capable of loving someone else, and that is a statement that is increasingly true with time, and mutually shared, as it seems we aren't done falling in love yet.

But I hesitate to relate this story, romantic as it is (and it is), because it risks validating what was really a series of poorly informed decisions; partially the passion of youth and partially the ignorance of a sheltered upbringing. It so happens we did and do love each other, but there are many unknowable versions of our story where our love would just not have been able to overcome our circumstances. We are beating the odds so far, but the odds are, yknow, the odds.

But damn I love my wife.

OKCupid. And given what I hear about the state of dating apps today, it feels like we caught the last chopper out of 'Nam.

Same here. Been together 8 years, and from the sounds of it they got terrible ~7 years ago.

A random account on FB, with only like one or two mutual friends and a name and profile picture both being reference to Tim Burton's movies has messaged me because of a photo of me on a local old school goth festival. We started talking and hit it off pretty well, and eventually decided to meet. No-one of my friends knew who she was, I never saw any of her real pictures or had any indication whether I'm being scammed, catfished, or who the hell it is, other than her mentioning that she was part of the local goth scene several years ago, before I started participating.

We decided to eventually meet before another party, and I went in half expecting I'll just get a funny catfish story out of it, but I like collecting funny stories so why not. And she promised to bring alcohol, so all I was risking was one awkward afternoon I'd spend getting drunk with someone.

We both arrived already tipsy, and I was met at the train station with a really nice looking girl carrying three bottles of mead, which we've managed to drink on the way to the party. It was amazing experience and we hit it off immediately and it was basically love at first sight. Both of us could hold our drinks well, and we got to the party pretty drunk but nowhere near too drunk - I can drink a lot and be OK (not that I do it too often), and it's rare when I meet someone who can keep up with me.

When we arrived, it turned out that half of the people already knows her, because she indeed was part of the scene around five years before my time, before she got into a really bad relationship she couldn't get out of due to mortage for several years, cutting contact, but she changed her nickname so no one realized it was her I was talking about. She just got out of the relationship by moving out within a day because she found out he was cheating on her, and few months after that randomly decided to message me, because she saw me on photos with her highschool classmate - who was also my best friend who got me in the scene several years before that (I'm around 6 years younger than both of them), and her friend convinced her to just give it a try and message me.

We've been together for almost 6 years, moved together four years ago, and we've eventually started DJing and hosting our own goth parties, among other things, while also helping local promoters with their events. All in all, it's good, but it was a pretty random luck that we've met.

You'll never believe me, Runescape when I was 12

You have to tell us more (If you'd like)

I met them on RuneScape, through a friend. We hit it off and I asked them out when we were about two months in, it was long distance at the time.

My dad found out and was super not okay with it and made me block them. But a few years after that, we reconnected and she ended up moving across the country for me when we were 18. And we've been together ever since.

What does your dad think now?

In 2017 I was coming out as transgender and looking for a job. Got an interview as head evening manager at a grocery store. Go in for the interview and am not sure if I'm out yet, but the store manager figured it out and was really open and said they had 2 trans people working there already, so I'm like fuck it, get the job and am out.

One of the other trans people is my right hand person like 2-3 days/week, store manager tries to enthusiastically but awkwardly introduce us.

Over the next couple of weeks everything goes to shit in the store; manager is fired, lot's of employees leave, severely understaffed, etc. I'm working like 80 hour weeks and every evening is a battle, and through commiseration and tough days a bond forms between me and the other person. Start meeting every time I have a day off and start dating like 6 weeks after we first meet, and 6 weeks after that we move in together.

Been together almost 7 years, now. Worked together for the first 3ish.

Long time ago i was an actor and a cook at a medieval market. it was Beltane and my best friend said "I'll get you a wife tonight". It didn't work, and she was very upset about it. I had some sausages on the fire when some girls walked past, and i cried out loud "i'm giving a sausage in a bun for a virgin, anyone interested?. One girl was interested, but very annoying, but her friend was cute. So now i'm married with two children with her.

After working overseas, I went travelling. I tried to book in at a popular hostel but it was booked up, and the second best one only had co-ed dorms. Booked into one of those and the dude in the room greeted me with "THIS ROOM IS FULL, MY FRIENDS ARE IN THOSE BUNKS, SORRY". I went back to the desk to check and they told me two people left that morning. I went back and told him "your friends left you, I'm your friend now". Later I bought beers and offered him one. We played cards. We eventually kissed a bit. I went home to the UK.

6 months later I saw a ridiculously cheap flight and booked it. Told him, and wasn't sure he'd come meet me at the airport, but he was waiting at the bottom of the escalator. We spent two weeks together and it was magical. I flew home again and decided to return in the summer. For the next two years I flew back and forth until eventually we moved in. Six years later we married in the park where we took our first walk together. We posed for photos in the dorm where we met. This year we got tattoos, both with a little symbol to represent the room number.

I'd travel the world 600 times over to find him if I had to. At our wedding I talked about how saying yes to opportunities led me to him, and I still believe strongly in the power of yes. I love him so much.

This is a great story. Thanks for sharing. Idk about 600 times, but it sounds like you did travel the world a lot to be with him.

OkCupid. I had been using dating apps for like 8 years at that point with no luck. I was her first or second match. W4w

My wife and I also met on there. Like 99% match (which in hindsight is funny, our personality types and such are very different but quite complementary, however our core beliefs and interests are very similar). I had 2 kids from a previous girlfriend, she had 1 (which makes dating really hard in the SF bay area esp in your 20s, people here often dont have kids until their 40s). 11 years later we've been married for 5 and probably happier than ever.

She picked me up in a bar. Been married for 23 years now

I was joining the crew of a ship that I had worked on before. When I met the mate in the tender to bring me aboard I requested to be moved into a specific cabin (to avoid being put in the one that shares a bulkhead with the engine room water tight door which is clanged loudly every half hour for safety checks). That cabin was already occupied by my future wife.

We met in college. We are in the same class, and just sat together.

Funnily, I wanted to organize a D&D round, so I texted in the common class group if anyone was interested. No one publicly replied, and she felt sad for me - so she texted me privately and told me that she hopes someone answered me. That's how we began texting and talking.

I think that's a cute story :)

I met her at my university’s Brony club. I sat next to her because she had a sketchbook open. I brought out my own sketchbook and struck up a conversation.

We had a two-year courtship and have been married for 6 years now.

A what?

A watch party for people that like the television show and fandom surrounding My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

My wife and I are huge nerds

Ohhh i don't get it.

It’s just a tv show. I went to watch parties for Legend of Korra, anime, movies, and board game nights.

I’m not sure there’s much more to get

Said something sarcastic (about expecting no reanimation if she fell off a table) as I met her by coincidence and she bit back harsh and quite colorful.

Stumbled upon each other 6 month later and I recognized her. I shouted a greeting from afar - she thought it was another sarcastic remark, because she didn't hear it all and answered accordingly - I couldn't hear her clearly as well and took it as a greeting. Then we had a short talk which was very interesting and nice.

And that's that. Five years later, she still hasn't strangled me in my sleep. Perhaps it's the long game. Awsome person.

I was just looking for a watch buddy online and then she began becaming intimate with me because she found me handsome 🤷‍♂️

Ooh, did you believe Netflix and Chill actually meant just that?

My wife and I naively did and we were using it before my mom took me aside and had to explain that I can't be saying that in the Target checkout line.

We were chatting on IRC, and no I wasn’t a moderator. We decided to meet IRL several months to maybe a year after starting chatting. We lived less than 2 hours apart so that made it easier. I encouraged her to find a job in my city as life in Switzerland is sweeter than life with minimal income in Lyon (France), she did and moved in with me.

That was 15 years ago, we’ve been married for 7 years before getting a divorce in 2024 but we are still friends and talk regularly. She’s now a Swiss citizen and is very happy with her professional life.

Now I am not looking for a significant other anymore, but all of my, ahem, 'adult games partners' have been met in bars or places like that.

She came to visit a mutual friend for the weekend. We met and by the end of the first evening I was kind of hooked. We've been married for 23 years now and have 4 beautiful children.

Drunk at a karaoke bar. Twice.

You saw them there twice, or you met two people there?

We met once, were drunk, exchanged numbers, and neither of us followed up because we were drunk and assumed the other wasn’t interested. Two weeks later, saw each other again, laughed that we chickened out, and agreed to call. We’ve been married 20 years now.

We were in the same friend group in high school. We each dated others in the group but never had any interest in each other. I was living with one of his friends in college - still no interest at all. At a party one night we were talking and kissed me. It's the kiss that changed my life. Married 30 years and I'm thankful every day.

When our best friends were getting married and we met at the rehearsal dinner. Her best friend had been trying to get us to meet for years (our work schedules and lives in general always kept us from meeting). Within two months we were dating and have been together ever since.

Plot twist, best friends got married just to get you two to meet

World of Warcraft server. It was shortly after its initial launch. I don't know how many of the myriad relationships that spawned on that server lasted, but we've been together for almost 20 years now. We haven't played the game for a long time now, but we've survived all of life's expansions so far.

1 more...

I caught her cheating off my test in a gen-ed health class in my freshman year of college. I am normally a pretty strict rule follower, but this class sucked so much that I didn't care. After that, we started talking a bit after each class.

The next semester, we worked together on the groundskeeping crew for the school, and she got to see me do a classic Looney Tunes self-injury when I threw something heavy down on one end of a shovel lying next to me. The wooden end flew up, knocking my glasses clear off and giving me a black eye, and she rushed over to make sure I was okay.

We've been married for 5 years now!

a then coworker that usually threw small get togethers for work friends, invited me to an event in his house. i thought it was the usual kind of reunion with a few people from work, so i show up with some snacks and a 12 pack. turns out it was a massive party with a couple hundred people from the small town he lives in. within the first 5 minutes i arrive, once i realize what’s going on and adjust to the unexpectedness of it all, i see someone dancing in a group of people that i find very attractive. after staring for a few seconds, they turn to see me and we exchange a few flirty looks. after a couple hours of talking with friends and mingling, we end up in the same table. although we haven’t talked to each other, we keep exchanging looks. no one has the courage get up and go talk to the other one. since i drove with friends, when they decide to leave i just follow them back to our car to go back home. but right at the door i’m like “fuck it, i’m going for it”, and i tell them i forgot something and have to go back. on my way back, i meet the other person halfway from the far back table we were sitting at to the entrance. we just stare at each other for a moment and they say: “hey, can i get your number?” to which i replied “that’s what i came back for.” we moved in together 5 months after that and we’ve been together for 7 years now.

On a dating app. Bumble or Plenty of Fish or Coffee Meets Bagel. I no longer remember.

I had just finished college and had proof and confidence that I had shed my desperation and insecurities. I was excited to date. Had intentions of dating a lot, sleeping around, finding a cool, low commitment consistent FWB or something.

I was set to be a menace and enjoy my heaux phase.

Tinder was full of bots, so I tried a few different apps, meta few girls, but hadn't really hit it off with anyone. I knew I liked weird/off kilter/nerdy girls. That much was certain.

So when I saw her tagline, which specifically asked for facts about a certain, semi obscure animal, I (excuse the pun) pounced And that was the greatest mistake I ever made.

She was a weirdo, to be sure. But like, a cool one. Self-confident. Curvy. With similar cultural experiences as me and a lot of similar interests and tastes. And I like the way she thought about things. She felt the same way.

After our second date I didn't wanna talk to other women. I didn't wanna play the field or sleep around or build a ho-tation. I just wanted her I wanted her to like me, to think about me, to want me too.

We've been married for 6 years now. She's still a lil goofy. Still very charming, very curious, and chubby curvy, and the person I most wanna hangout with on any given day.

Met both of them the same night at a dungeon. Lucked the fuck out that day

Both? How does that work out?

Through the magic of falling in love with the two of them…

But for real all of us were pretty committed to polyamory when we met. My wife and I had both recently left partners who wanted monogamy and my girlfriend’s husband helped set her up with me.

Through the magic of falling in love with the two of them…

Is that a reference to the Technology Connections magic of buying two of them?

Best friend of a girl I met through online dating, who insisted that the two of us had to meet. Long story short she quickly moved in 14 years ago and we got 2 kids quite quickly as well.

Reading all these stories make me really depressed. Some people are cursed to be alone. Not gonna lie I'm bitter that y'all are doing well, actually angry.

Or look at it like: these stories are mostly unique, that's because a lot of it is just the luck of meeting the right person. What does help your chances the most though is putting yourself in as many situations where you can meet people, so the dice rolls are more frequent.

I don't have a dice. I mean cmon these people here are doing basically nothing "I was playing a videogame, got lucky, my cat made us met, a bus stop" Like, I've been in majority of those situations during my 35 years of life and NOTHING happened. Or what, is really mandatory to go to high school/college to get some? Because I never went there.

Meeting someone on a game is very rare, yeah placed like school or work are definitely the most common.

We're alone together!

Seriously though I'm coming up on a decade since my last real relationship.

I'm an absolute worthless pile of unredeemable garbage though so it's really no wonder lol women are smart to pick literally anyone else.

That saidddddd, people generally don't like our kind of comment in a place like this because this thread is about other people's success/happiness. They don't like to see others make it "all about them" and be upset seeing others success.

I've never had ANYTHING and I'm old enough to have teenagers as my sons/daughters. Even you are living the life better man... You said that but, If I can't even be upset about their success and my suffering, then what remains? Just crawl and die in silence?

If I can’t even be upset about their success and my suffering, then what remains? Just crawl and die in silence?

It's not about never expressing how you feel, I was just saying that this specific thread probably isn't the place to do it as "everyone" is looking to read a happy story. Honestly I came here looking to see if there were any comments like yours because I share that pain too. I may have had a small handful of relationships in my late teens and early 20s but I was always left or cheated on. I'm not sure that's much better than not having anything at all, I feel completely worthless as well.

I see you weren't downvoted much at all though so that's good, but whenever this kind of thing would come up on Reddit people would usually dogpile on the person who expressed frustration with some form of "it's not about you" so I've come to assume that is how people think about these kinds of threads and was just looking out for you. I'm glad people are better about it here though.

We were the only two people at a concert that weren't part of the local arts scene, and this the only two who didn't know anybody. I saw her alone and started talking to her. I was just trying to bum a cigarette, but she had other ideas.

First day of my sophomore year of college, my roommate comes back to the room with two smoking hot girls and was like "they want to smoke pot with us."

I thought "damn good job!"

25 years later I'm married to one of those "girls" and we have two beautiful sons together.

When local gaming stores were a thing here, I met him while playing some rpgs.

We then went to see Beowulf in theaters where it was me, him, and one guy waaaaay in the back we joked was just there for the tit scenes.

We talked the entire movie (making fun of it), sorry single other guy there!

In a bar instead of online like NORMAL PEOPLE.

All jokes and sarcasm aside, I met my wife in a bar as her and her friend were trying to avoid a guy who seemed to be bothering them. Offered to buy the all a round of drinks and said we are at a table over in the corner if they wanted to join. My future wife and her friend said yeah lets go the guy had a sour look on his face and said no thanks but I will take the beer.

Had a wonderfully late night talking and laughing with her and fell in love shortly after.

A buddy wanted to play board games and there was a shop not far from where I lived with a lot of them, including some in English (I live in Japan, Tokyo at the time). We played games and I wanted to introduce him to my favorite bar. The place next to it was also somewhere I went often and had two open seats. We sat down and started talking with some others I didn't know and some regulars. Well, I hit it off with one of those people I didn't know and we've now been married almost 3 years. I wasn't actually looking for anything at the time, having more-or-less given up on the whole dating thing after a couple of relationships (mostly looking on LTR/marriage-focused apps here). So, basically, very lucky.

A friend of my roommate at the time brought my now-wife to a New Year's Eve party we were throwing. Her "friends" had made plans without her to go to a concert and deliberately kept it from her until tickets were sold out. She was all set to have a sad evening at home but my roommates friend made her come with to the party. We hit it off immediately

Made a friend in Final Fantasy XIV, which then blossomed into more. She moved across the country to be with me. We are one of those super-affectionate-joined-at-the-hip couples.

These stories of getting laid thanks to videogames seem like fantasy to me (if you're not lying). I've been playing for 25 plus years of my life and still a virgin. I guess I have zero chances in everything.

Finding a partner has two roadblocks.

  1. Would you date yourself?
  2. Could you date yourself?

The first asks are you fun to be around? If you were a fly on the wall in your house would you think "this is a person I want to be with, their activities, demeanor, and level of self-care are something I find attractive". If you don't want to be with yourself why would anyone else? Work to being and staying a person you enjoy being around.

The second is more applicable to people who are alone and introverted. If you lived two streets over from yourself how could you meet yourself. If you're not someone that ever interacts with new people then how can you meet anyone? Find ways to open yourself up to meeting people you want to be with and who want to be with you. This could be through hobby based communities, to socializing with classmates and co-workers, to meeting friends of friends, to joining new groups or classes you're interested in.

No I'm not a fun person. But I can't erase myself... And trust me I can't change. I don't have co workers anymore and only did middle school. Nothing around my minuscule town is for me and I'm an poor immigrant, I have everything against me.

I'm not really going to argue with that much defeatism, I just want to clarify that being a person that's enjoyable to be with doesn't mean being a Hollywood movie definition of a "fun" person. It doesn't require you to change into someone else. It just means you work to improve yourself, reduce the aspects of yourself you don't like and increase the prevalence of aspects of yourself you do like.

You don't need to become a "fun" person, just a YOU that you would want to spend time with.

Nobody is forcing you to improve yourself, but like I said before, if you wouldn't want to spend time with yourself why would anyone else? Even if you live the rest of your life alone, would you not prefer being able to enjoy your own company?

No I wouldn't. Because being alone for the rest of your life a death sentence regardless how I feel, I rather kill myself. A life that doesn't reproduce is worthless, right now I'm worthless.

I've said this before in other comment, my father wasn't a fun person, was almost as anti social as I am, he grew up dirt poor and was hit and lashed by his father, he became a scary muscular man, stone faced... Yet he managed to "secure" my mother for over a decade. He never believed in this bs of loving yourself or being "normally fun" yet he did his role in this world and got me and my brother.

Why not me? Just because I'm not fun?

Ok, let me be fair and clarify my FFXIV story. Yes I did meet my SO in a video game, and that all does sound too good to be true. What I left out was the hard work getting myself into in therapy and on a path to meaningfully and deliberately work at being happy. By the time I met my girlfriend, I was already in a much better head space, and I was already trying to put myself out there to actively start dating.

Regarding your other comment about life that doesn't reproduce being not worth living, I don't buy that for a second. All life hits a dead end. All will need to contend with The Big Freeze, The Big Rip, or The Big Crunch.

Life is meaningful precisely because it is finite. Infinities are a dime a dozen. And infinities await us all.

I had two coworkers who were sisters and I got along with decently. Befriended the younger one and one day she invited me to a house party at the place she shared with her brother. Night ended with her yelling through the door "STOP FUCKING MY FRIENDS!" which I still think is hilarious.

Anyway we partied a lot and then settled down later and we've been together for 8 years now so it didn't turn out too badly.

She sat in front of me in college English

Guy sitting next to her was trying so hard to understand FFXIV to get in her pants and I just slid in with a "X is actually the best don't you even" when she said VII was the best FF

The teacher got involved with our arguments a few weeks later and added in that VI is actually the best, which was fun

She got me to start playing FFXIV, 5 years later COVID happened 1 week before our wedding so we broke up for a year, then got back together and got married in Vegas cuz it was at least open

Still play FFXIV together (DT is terrible though so I might not anymore), still cannot agree on which FF is the best. Though my argument has shifted to a tie between VI & X

Haha cute.

When XIV came out in the first couple weeks people were trying hard to get their relic weapons and you had to clear Garuda, ifrit, and titan hard mode. We had an 8 man raid group, and most of us had taken work off for a week or more. We LAN partied in one of our living rooms and when the odd one of us wasn't online we'd just super drunk and run party finder one man down to drag some lucky random person through their relic check marks. One time I forgot to equip my job shard on Ifrit and not until the healers called for Mage's ballad did we figure it out. Still made the kill, all the while this random person in our group was like "what on the absolute fuck is wrong with you people?! That was incredible!" We still joke that was world first Ifrit Hard mode Archer kill.

That was a really fun game with it came out. Lots of friends made being way more relaxed than WoW heroic guilds at the time.

For the record, FFIV and FFIX are the best :)

1 is the best.

I dislike real time mechanics in turn based games so I MIGHT be biased.

"5 years later COVID happened 1 week before our wedding so we broke up for a year" I'm confused - you said that as if COVID was obviously going to lead to breaking up.

It's the direct catalyst as it caused lost job, moving, massive stress, family deaths, etc.

Things weren't perfect before but the absolute insane stress the first 3 months of COVID put on both of us ended it for a while. Part of that was also the subconscious effect of our wedding being cancelled so close to it happening followed by that S T R E S S

I see, thanks for expanding on that. And I'm sorry about all the crummy news.

I find all the hard to believe.

Basic reality is hard to believe?

I didn't even mention how she impressed the entire class and made the teacher scramble for his book when she referenced a page and paragraph number for a quote during an oral presentation

Or how I proposed to her at Disney World in a way that according to staff has never been done before, though I sincerely doubt that

And those are both way less believable. All true, too!

It is for me. But is not your fault, is probably just me coping. I can't believe someone is this lucky, meanwhile I've been gaming my entire life and I've had nothing, if anything probably ruined me even more.

I love final fantasy X, loved VIII. I didn't got anything for it except realise that the world doesn't work like those places, I'll never get the girl. And nobody gives a fuck about what's your favourite Final fantasy. Especially at my age.

Now you understand why I find it hard to believe?

Sounds like incel talk. Be careful about that.

Meeting people requires taking chances, being in uncomfortable situations, and often times, facing rejection. Rarely do people meet and click right off the bat.

Have you read the guy? he only mentioned a videogame and boom, love of his life. Why that never happened to me? Why I do I have to do way more and suffer more or become more physically attractive and active when deep inside I don't wanna that?

Why I do I have to do way more and suffer more or become more physically attractive and active when deep inside I don't wanna that?

Do you want an attractive and active partner?

Active? Not really. Just love me and be loyal, that's it.

Nightclub dance floor during freshers week... has been 13 years and we're married now lol

She posted song lyrics online from Rush asking if anyone knew who it was.

I replied that I didn't, and was too proud to Google and say that I did. But the meter was close to "Yellow Rose of Texas" so maybe Emily Dickinson?

One thing led to another and we just had our 13th wedding anniversary this year.

We both hung out on a Digimon fansite in high school lol

So I was between relationships, hanging out with a friend, dropping her off at work when one of her coworkers catches my eye. I ask my friend who she is, and she laughs and says she's in a long-term relationship. I laugh and move on.

Later on, I try to call my friend at her work, and this lady picks up the phone. I'm in a good mood, I flirt with her a bit and hang up once I've gotten the info about my friend.

Months after all that, I'm renting out a room and this friend refers her coworker who just broke up with her boyfriend. She moves in, engages in some rebound activity, and we hang out a bit. I determine I'm interested in her and she's interested in me, but I've been dating someone for a while. This relationship is only a few months old, and it's reminding me of my first marriage. I break it off and have sex with my roommate on what could charitably be called our first date. Within 6 months she stops having her own room.

We proceed to blow past a number of other red flags, and have now been together for about 14 years, married for 7.

I told (and tell) my kids that we did everything wrong in starting a relationship, but it worked out in spite of it

We were in the same circle of friends freshman year of high school and it didn't take long for us to start dating. He moved across the state sophomore year, so we were long distance for a couple years, but he came back for university. We moved in together after graduating, married around four years later, and he's still putting up with me after twenty 😊

We both volunteered at the same music festival.

I don't really like music.

OKC, about 2015-ish. I was separated and quickly heading for divorce, and was--at the time--into consensual non-monogamy. I was completely, brutally honest about who I was, and what I was looking for. When I messaged my now spouse, it was only to give them a compliment on something that they were doing in one of their photos, because I knew exactly how challenging it was. I know how the math works out on OKC (and Tinder, and everything else owned by Match.com); I had no expectation that they would see my message in the first place, or that they would even respond. Well. They did see it, and looked at my profile. And apparently decided right on the spot that I was the person that they'd been looking for. We met a few days later, and had a good date; I said that I wasn't sure of the chemistry, but I'd like to see them again. They went home and told their ex-partner that they'd just fallen for a guy and didn't think I liked them.

I had been dating another person for a few years at this point; we'd started out with the understanding that neither of us were going to be monogamous with each other. I had gotten to the point of realizing that non-monogamy didn't give me the depth of relationship that I could get from monogamy, and told them that this was the direction I wanted to go. They wished me well, and said that wasn't where they were.

Shortly after my first date with my now-spouse, this other person texted me and said that they'd changed their mind, and that they wanted to pursue monogamy with me, but it was too late by that point.

My spouse and I got married three days after my divorce decree was finalized, and it's been a little over 8 years. It's not perfect, but it works.

my friends girlfriend brought her friend over and we all played wii bowling

then at another friends birthday party she was there and i followed her around everywhere

now we have been dating almost 4 years 😀

I was in an EMN relationship when we met on a hookup subreddit. My partner was at the time struggling with an addiction, and forgot our first conversation when I messaged the next day, but I was patient and went back over it with them. My EMN relationship combusted a few months later when my ex forgot the ethical part, and after a few more months of seeing each other more casually, my partner and I became an item. Its been six years now and I still can't believe how lucky I was to be scrolling just the right reddit at just the right time to meet the love of my life.

Tinder. Really happy, now my wife baby coming soon. Those shitty awful apps can work sometimes

Dating apps. The apps suck but meeting people in real life is a lot harder for me. Have to figure out do they date men, do they date men now, what kind of relationship do they want, etc. At least on most apps that stuff is taken care of.

Have to figure out do they date men, do they date men now, what kind of relationship do they want, etc.

I realized, the stereotypical gay stuff is partially just to signal to people who you may be interested in.

For clarity I'm a man who doesn't date men. I've just had amusingly bad luck being attracted to women who don't date men.

High school crush? Last I heard happily married to a woman.

Office crush? Happily married to a woman.

I do ethical non monogamy. I had a date with a woman. I thought she was great. At the end of the date she said she didn't really date men, so that was that.

A year later I have a date with another woman, and discovered an hour in that she was the previous woman's wife. I was apparently the last guy she tried to date before deciding she wasn't bi anymore.

Oh xd. Um... I guess learn the lesbian stereotypes? Or act aggressively straight so they know to avoid you? I think those are both bad ideas actually

Damn, you and me both! I kept falling for queer women! They gave off really good, genuine vibes that just clicked with me. Of course, I also dated straight women, but usually fell for bad ones. Then I really hit it off with a guy, which was new for me, but he turned out to be freaking awesome, and we are now engaged, years later. Go figure. xD

Do you remember 9gag? Some of you certainly do. Anyway, during those times they created another app called 9chat, later renamed it to Cookie, and later renamed it back to 9chat again.

Well, we met there, on 9chat/Cookie.

There weren't an insanely huge amount of people there, and there was a section for newcomers to upload their selfie and/or introduce themselves. And I found this gorgeous girl there, started to text her, and to my surprise, she actually replied and didn't even ghost me.

We had a nice conversation there, and we continued on WhatsApp, and three months later we met in real life too. This was 7 years ago, and sadly we're still in LDR, but the most important thing is, we have each other.

Studying at the same university, met in line waiting to be assigned our dorm rooms