Why are they not talking about couches? What have they got to hide? Seems kinda suspicious.
I agree. It seems like something you'd deny outright. It raises questions about whether or not Trump is a couch-fucker, or if MAGA republicans endorse couch-fucking. Is this their political agenda? To fuck my couch? Or your couch? Are they recruiting my furniture into their couch-fucking culture? There are a lot of questions here.
Probably gonna need a congressional inquiry to get to the bottom of this one.
Don’t forget to check under the cushions.
this their political agenda? To fuck my couch? Or your couch? Are they recruiting my furniture into their couch-fucking culture? There are a lot of questions here.
Given how they taped maxi pads to their ears or wore diapers, id absolutely believe they'd fuck couches to prove their dedication to the GOP. Republicans are nothing if not performative.
It raises questions about whether or not Trump is a couch-fucker
I'd rather him fuck couches than be a rapist, but here we are.
I found some instructional material that might be helpful to Vance
This was just a silly joke that got WAY out of hand. The author isn’t even trying to claim it’s real. Getting defensive and angry is the worst possible way to respond - therefore, I hope they keep doing it.
It would be something to see a headline about JD Vance denying having relations with a couch
Wonder if it'll happen
I did not have sexual relations with that couch
I did not have sexual relations with that couch
I did not have sexual relations with that couch
I did not have sexual relations with that couch
I did not have sexual relations with that couch
I did not have sexual relations with that couch
I did not have sexual relations with that couch.
Wait, that came out wrong
"It depends on what the meaning of the word 'is' couch, is"
Not to completion, at least.
If this is genuine, I think we should accept him at his word.
Oh god and they find out it was a new couch and JD has a thing for underage settees
Could you imagine being the person that wrote that?!? Id take a drink of whatever just to do a spit take. "Omfg, I can't believe it's gone that far!"
You think fucking couches is a joke? Furniture abortions are at an all-time high and you think it's some kind of silly joke?
Come on. You and I both know that those stats are cushioned.
There has been a steep recline in these numbers over the years.
“We do not want to risk Mr. Vance getting an erection on stage.”
Interviewer: Please, take a seat
JD: Ummm, here? Really?
But I just met it
That's the thing, when you're famous, they let you sit on them
And the couch is only 14 years old.
Oh please can we incept some weird mental link in his head between coaches and sex, I say send fan art
Pretty sure republicans don't have an issue with coaches and sex, just ask Gym Jordan.
They had better not have any soft-cushioned chairs on there then.
You don't have to talk to em, you just walk right up and grab em by the cushy
Furnitussy
Apparently, the only way to get under their skin is to sink down to their level a bit. It's funny how much attention some of this stuff actually got. They are just so weird!
It's not even close to sinking to their level. This shit is harmless. That makes it especially hilarious to see them blow a gasket over something so lame. Trump wants to take his ball and go home.
No, convicted felon, and genuinely weird creepy Donald Trump, will take your ball and go home.
That reminds me of a story of some business man who was playing at one of Trumps golf courses with his 12 year old son. Trump was right behind them and because he went with a golf cart he caught up with them. Now they had seen Trumps shot go in the bushes somewhere. You mark your golf balls so you know whose ball it is. Trump, undeterred, drove up with his golf cart, decided the best placed ball, the 12 yo kids, was his and continued playing with it to the absolute bafflement of the father and son.
Now this story is from way before he decided to go into politics, but already showed exactly what kind of person he is.
E. Jean Carroll already has the other one in a vice in her garage.
I mean it's just repeating a thing that isn't true.
Like someone sleeping their way to the top of the presidential ticket? We've been dealing with their bullshit rhetoric for years so much we are all but immune to it. The magat snowflakes can go fuck themselves if they can't take some in turn now.
Turns out that it's also immature and shitty when we lie
Hey, I wish "They go low, we go high" worked but 2016 proved that isn't the world we live in. Even then, joking that Vance fucked a couch, which is a super fantastical claim which most people will at worse laugh at, is in a different league than claiming the VPotUS got there on her knees, especially when misogynistic magats will instantly believe it is true.
Hey, I wish "They go low, we go high" worked but 2016 proved that isn't the world we live in.
There's a difference in boldly criticizing and just lying.
Even then, joking that Vance fucked a couch, which is a super fantastical claim which most people will at worse laugh at,
You say that but it's easily believed as something a teenager could've done. Also right after the last time I had this silly argument I corrected someone on here who thanked me because they literally believed it happened.
is in a different league than claiming the VPotUS got there on her knees, especially when misogynistic magats will instantly believe it is true.
Of course it is. "They're worse" isn't really an argument. Just an excuse.
This is totally harmless and a total tounge in cheek reference to the only talking points MAGA can come up with. MTG says Democrats are pedophiles on the floor of congress, lefties are saying JD fucks couches on Twitter. There's apples and oranges but this is oranges and pine cones and also helps lighten the mood overall which helps voter engagement and turnout.
But most importantly, fuck em.
It was never true, not even partially. I don't want to measure how decent I am by the shittiest benchmark conceivable, i.e. MTG. Also btw this is based on a tweet that is believable and cites page numbers. Plenty of teenagers have done things weirder than fuck couches.
You missed the entire point of what I said. The "lowest" the left went is an obvious joke, which is the oranges. MTG calling dems pedophiles is the fucking pine cones. They are NOT similar, at all. It is not something that can br used to measure a god damned thing. Don't be obtuse because you have a bad take on an issue, it's a bad look.
And anyone who thinks someone would write about fucking couches in a grift book to Bible thumper is a fucking idiot. That is not believable.
Thanks for identifying yourself as someone I never would choose to converse with. You know I never implied the two were comparable.
"I don't want to measure how decent I am by the shittiest benchmark conceivable, i.e. MTG."
Like 15 minutes ago goofball.
That quote is me saying that I refuse to be compared to her. Not sure why Internet people so often choose to not understand thoughts if they didn't have them first.
Lol k sounds like "internet people" do this a lot. I'm sure it's everyone else's fault you sweet, sweet summer child 🌼 🌞 🌼
It looks kind of pathetic. These dudes have real policy positions and behavior to attack and instead of anything substantive we get couches and weird.
If you're trying to reach voters already with you, then it'll be effective for that maybe, but it only tells other voters you think they're imbeciles. Which is prolly accurate.
The talk about them being weird wasn't devorced from policy. It was first brought up when talking about how republican leaders are weird for wanting book bans and abortion related policies
The media latched on to the word "weird" because it was unusual, but if you look at when Walz using it, it's still largely being used in discussions of their horrible plans and actions
They latched onto it because they were told to by the DNC lol
There's no way you believe that's organic.
but it only tells other voters you think they're imbeciles. Which is prolly accurate.
They're trying to reach republican voters, of course they're going to assume their target audience is a bunch of imbeciles who don't care about policy. Because we have decades of evidence that they are a bunch of imbeciles who don't care about policy.
You gotta meet your audience where they are, and we already know where the republican electorate is.
"We're not going to talk about couches or coconuts or whatever weird fetish KamalaHQ is into," Cheung said, also referencing the coconut memes associated with Harris' political persona. "When we have something to say, we'll say loud and clear. If Kamala is a coward, we'll call her a coward. If Tim Walz is a liar, we'll call him a liar."
Weird way to not talk about couches bro.
Wait, lying is a problem now? Somebody better let Trump know.
Lying is only a problem if you’re a Democrat.
If you’re a republican they expect you to.
when we have something to say, we'll say it loud and clear
Uh huh, like calling her a "DEI hire". Or maybe the implied racism is sufficiently loud and clear for them
It’s really a lot of couch talk for a campaign declaring no couch talk 🤷♂️
Throw pillow talk after you just banged your sofa?
Don't look at our maggoty cum fart couch, look at what THEY'RE doing instead!
Sorry, your name inspired that, aptly named for this topic after all.
But Donald is a coward and a liar. He is also old as fuck. It is exacerbating his syphilis dementia.
Lol what?! Kamala's fetish? She has nothing to do with couches. She's not even mentioned the situation with JD at all so far as I'm aware.
Jesus, is JD afraid Kamala might take his couch away or something? Why are they always afraid of people taking stuff away from them when in reality nobody wants to do that. They are so fucking weird.
Just because I haven't told you recently: your username is disgusting
C’mon Vance, don’t be a La-Z-Boy, answer the questions about your sectionality
Cmon, at least the couch won't tell us how little your dick is.
It's far too traumatized to answer questions at this time. Please respect the couches wishes for privacy.
That’s ok because the rest of us are having great fun discussing it because it’s sofa king hilarious
I want a Vance shirt to say Vance he Sofa King the Couch
🎶We don't talk about couches, no no no🎶
7 foot frame
Crusty center crack
When it calls your name
Don’t tempt me Love Sack
I understand, I don't like when people bring up my ex either.
That’s because Flipper Vance is getting too much attention with all this couch action.
Anyday now Trump will crack and announce that he had lots of couches back in his day more than anyone and when your rich they let you do it to their couches with tears in their eyes saying thank you sir. Big strong men with big strong couches. Some of them were on the younger side to be sure but they liked the couches as much as I did.
I want this to happen to so bad. This is peak "life is absurd" moment.
A US candidate for President gets so upset that their VP is hogging all the news about a shit post about fucking a couch.
Could happen. He’s been spiraling so hard after Biden stepped aside that he posted a fanfic the other night, in which Biden triumphantly storms the DNC and reclaims the nomination that was “stolen” from him.
when your rich
when you're* rich
Feel free to send the correction to the Trump campaign!
Oh geez, no thank you. Have a nice day, kind person!
You're not supposed to announce that you're not going to talk about something...
My "Not Going To Talk About Couch Fucking" t-shirt is raising a lot of questions which I believe were answered succinctly by that shirt.
Narrator: “they’re totally going to talk about couches.”
Now I'm hearing The Narrator talking about how Stanley JD Vance went down the hallway to the break room and found several couches laying there, waiting. But for whom were they waiting? JD's heart skipped a beat at the thought that they had been waiting for him, and when he saw the way those lustful couches looked at him, he knew it was his lucky day.
Vladimir Futon.
"I did not have sexual relations with that settee!"
Sectional relations
From the article:
That's spurred criticism from the right that — even if the meme is tongue-in-cheek — Democrats are spreading baseless lies about one of their political opponents.
Because the Republicans would never stoop to such a low!
“Not going to talk about couches”? Oh yes you are. You’ve been hoisted by your own petard, and you’re gonna stay up there till we decide to take you down (we won’t, you deserve it).
Trump campaign refuses to deny that Vance sexually assaulted a love seat
That's weird. People are saying Shay D Vance LOVES his couch.
When asked why he's ignoring his wife, Vance stated quote "I don't know, there's just something so thrilling about the chaise, and I just don't get that from her."
Lol, that reminds me of someone's comment the other day calling him a homo-sectional
"Obviously my couch isn't white, but I love her."
Oh, that's probably the best name I've heard of him yet. Hope it sticks.
It's like "uhhh, you realize you're talking about couches right now, right?"
Bring the tsr and feathers.
I know it's a typo but my job title at work is tsr and I had to read your post again
The fact they even have to say this in a PR release....WOW!
Imagine being the person who just made a small little joke online that's now changed the direction of the election in a way
I would be RIGID if I did that.
If you fucked a couch?
If I nearly universally applied the title couch fucker to a politician.
I mean, who hasn't!?
Right, guys?
Right?
Wow. Their silence on couches is deafening. WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO HIDE?!
We're gonna talk about them endlessly.
Hmm curious why would Trump campaign hide this info from the voters?? Did Vance really fuck the couches and the internet just guessed right????
i think he's statistically likely to have fucked a couch and is panicked that someone found out somehow
He wrote about it in his own book. With his own words. I'm down with whatever you wanna do man, but you wrote about on a book and then try to hide it? I'm gonna laugh at you
He didn't. Somebody lied and claimed he did. That's where this whole thing started. It has no basis in actual reality.
How would you know? Is not like anybody's actually read that book.
It's true, it's on pages 179-81
Especially coming from the party of "we want to control every aspect of your private life".
They want to judge people's sex life? Well, we're going to make fun of theirs.
Otherwise what happens between a man and his couch would otherwise be none of my business (unless I'm offered to sit on said couch, then I would really like to some warning).
Convicted felon Donald Project 2025 Trump's campaign says it's 'not going to talk about couches', in reference to JD Couch Fucker Vance
well it ottoman!
It's nobody's business but the Turks
Who came up person man?
The Little Birdhouse in my soul
It's an older code but it checks out.
COUCHES are being used in SCHOOLS to FORCE kids to have sex! We need to BAN these sick perverted couches. THEY want your children to stop having kids.
GET THEM OUT OF SCHOOLS
Or something deranged like that.
If their voters are willing to wear t-shirts saying "real men wear diapers", we need to get in on this racket and sell "real men fuck couches" and "better a couch-fucker than a Democrat!" shirts, then after a certain threshold of sales and enough time for Vance and Trump to notice and comment on the phenomenon, we can reveal that the profits are being donated to Kamala and that every shirt sold has a secret message written around the image in a tiny font that says "if you can read this, you're a fucking moron".
Dear castingcouch.com,
Do you have any without the women?
Sincerely,
JD
“Dear casting couch,
Thanks for the quick reply.
No, not like that. Just the couch.
Jd.”
"Hi casting couch,
Actually those others worked too. Can I get a mixed selection?"
-J Drizzle"
Which got me the sick idea of "Coucher", an app like Tinder where you can swipe pics of upholstered living room furniture...
I'm not going to look, but I find the idea hilarious.
NSFW
::: spoiler spoiler
:::
Holy shit! Ngl, that's the hottest couch I've ever seen.
Don't worry, we'll talk about it for you
Sounds like it just did
They're really trying to couch the narrative.
They could have memed it to hell and back with stuff like "I did not have a sexual relationship with that furniture mr. Clinton" or "only inanimate thing im horny for is democracy" but they had to go full serious damage control mode. Like, if they told us there are no aliens invading and put soldiers in the streets we would look out for ufos. What did they think they were going to gain by that kind of response? Completely detached from the ether, they are.
He still hasn't denied it!
Streisand'd the narrative wonderfully
If you're not gonna talk about it, just don't talk about it. This counts as talking about it.
What happens in the couch, stays in the couch. But hey, loveseats got that name for a reason.
JD Vance’s local furniture store got that standing order for quarterly couch delivery for the very same reason!
Yeah, I don't blame them. You don't want Vance to lose his concentration and start fantasizing about couches.
A lot of people are talking about couches and other sexy furniture.
They don't kiss and tell! /wink
Don't wanna discuss it huh? So you've got something to hide about it?
"..because now we fucking LOVE SEATS, y'all!!!"
Nice word play.
The pig fucker strategy happened by accident for the Democrats. Thanks goodness for the tik tokr that started that. When Walz cracked that joke in his first speech as VP candidate it clearly upset Vance.
I heard he has a secret nest of tables with his mistress.
How dare you talk about his ottomans that way!
To the tune of “We don’t talk about Bruno”
Technically, they’re talking about it!
Not evading the couch allegations.
This is just too much. Ha ha ha.
No talk, only segs.
Denial, can we ask Matt Gaetz which stage of grief this is?
The best part is everyone except the right wing idiots knows it's just a joke, but they are getting so upset over it.
If they're trying to sweep this under the rug, I do not wanna know what JD Vance did to that rug...
Weird strategy this is the kind of thing you really want to get a head into er ahead of.
"...because too much talking ruins the mood!!!"
Of course not, they think couches are pornographic.
WHY ARE YOU DODGING THE QUESTION?
QUICK! Don't think of a couch!
Ok, what should we talk about instead? Epstein's lists? Project 2025? Whether "I own the place" is a good reason to waltz in to a room that was supposed to give young girls privacy for changing? How much one should expect to pay to silence a porn star? Why regular Trump supporters should think he gives a single fuck about them when so many of the ones he selected to be a part of his administration ended up in prison when he could have pardoned them? Why he keeps bragging about passing a test that included tough questions like "identify this common object" and "what is your name?"? Whether he thinks his secret service agents gave the shooter some free shots deliberately because they secretly can't stand him either and intend to push the idea of reasonable doubt as far as Trump himself does?
No, they’re not gonna talk about couches at all!
Phillipjeffries.jpg
If they were "smart" they'd be their usual disgusting selves and turn it on us. "Oh these people are rich: they want men to have sex with men, women to have sex with men that are now women? They want to have sex with human-animals(furries), but the couch is where they draw the line!? Talk about hypocrite Democrats, but what else is new!?"
If they were "smart" they wouldn't be "republicans"
Very true lol
What about love seats? Or is that too vague for him because he loves all the seats.
"...because actions speak LOUDER than words!!!!"
Isn't it kinda counterproductive to talk about his meaningless kinks and focus on his politics? That sounds like something trump does when he calls people ugly or stupid. American politics are already a joke, now it's just two poodles barking at each other.
::: spoiler Business Insider - News Source Context (Click to view Full Report)
Information for Business Insider:
MBFC: Left-Center - Credibility: High - Factual Reporting: Mostly Factual - United States of America Wikipedia about this source
:::
Why are they not talking about couches? What have they got to hide? Seems kinda suspicious.
I agree. It seems like something you'd deny outright. It raises questions about whether or not Trump is a couch-fucker, or if MAGA republicans endorse couch-fucking. Is this their political agenda? To fuck my couch? Or your couch? Are they recruiting my furniture into their couch-fucking culture? There are a lot of questions here.
Probably gonna need a congressional inquiry to get to the bottom of this one.
Don’t forget to check under the cushions.
Given how they taped maxi pads to their ears or wore diapers, id absolutely believe they'd fuck couches to prove their dedication to the GOP. Republicans are nothing if not performative.
I'd rather him fuck couches than be a rapist, but here we are.
I found some instructional material that might be helpful to Vance
This was just a silly joke that got WAY out of hand. The author isn’t even trying to claim it’s real. Getting defensive and angry is the worst possible way to respond - therefore, I hope they keep doing it.
It would be something to see a headline about JD Vance denying having relations with a couch
Wonder if it'll happen
I did not have sexual relations with that couch
I did not have sexual relations with that couch
I did not have sexual relations with that couch
I did not have sexual relations with that couch
I did not have sexual relations with that couch
I did not have sexual relations with that couch
Wait, that came out wrong
"It depends on what the meaning of the word
'is'couch, is"Not to completion, at least.
If this is genuine, I think we should accept him at his word.
Oh god and they find out it was a new couch and JD has a thing for underage settees
Could you imagine being the person that wrote that?!? Id take a drink of whatever just to do a spit take. "Omfg, I can't believe it's gone that far!"
You think fucking couches is a joke? Furniture abortions are at an all-time high and you think it's some kind of silly joke?
Come on. You and I both know that those stats are cushioned.
There has been a steep recline in these numbers over the years.
“We do not want to risk Mr. Vance getting an erection on stage.”
Interviewer: Please, take a seat
JD: Ummm, here? Really?
But I just met it
That's the thing, when you're famous, they let you sit on them
And the couch is only 14 years old.
Oh please can we incept some weird mental link in his head between coaches and sex, I say send fan art
Pretty sure republicans don't have an issue with coaches and sex, just ask Gym Jordan.
They had better not have any soft-cushioned chairs on there then.
You don't have to talk to em, you just walk right up and grab em by the cushy
Furnitussy
Apparently, the only way to get under their skin is to sink down to their level a bit. It's funny how much attention some of this stuff actually got. They are just so weird!
It's not even close to sinking to their level. This shit is harmless. That makes it especially hilarious to see them blow a gasket over something so lame. Trump wants to take his ball and go home.
No, convicted felon, and genuinely weird creepy Donald Trump, will take your ball and go home.
That reminds me of a story of some business man who was playing at one of Trumps golf courses with his 12 year old son. Trump was right behind them and because he went with a golf cart he caught up with them. Now they had seen Trumps shot go in the bushes somewhere. You mark your golf balls so you know whose ball it is. Trump, undeterred, drove up with his golf cart, decided the best placed ball, the 12 yo kids, was his and continued playing with it to the absolute bafflement of the father and son.
Now this story is from way before he decided to go into politics, but already showed exactly what kind of person he is.
E. Jean Carroll already has the other one in a vice in her garage.
I mean it's just repeating a thing that isn't true.
Like someone sleeping their way to the top of the presidential ticket? We've been dealing with their bullshit rhetoric for years so much we are all but immune to it. The magat snowflakes can go fuck themselves if they can't take some in turn now.
Turns out that it's also immature and shitty when we lie
Hey, I wish "They go low, we go high" worked but 2016 proved that isn't the world we live in. Even then, joking that Vance fucked a couch, which is a super fantastical claim which most people will at worse laugh at, is in a different league than claiming the VPotUS got there on her knees, especially when misogynistic magats will instantly believe it is true.
There's a difference in boldly criticizing and just lying.
You say that but it's easily believed as something a teenager could've done. Also right after the last time I had this silly argument I corrected someone on here who thanked me because they literally believed it happened.
Of course it is. "They're worse" isn't really an argument. Just an excuse.
This is totally harmless and a total tounge in cheek reference to the only talking points MAGA can come up with. MTG says Democrats are pedophiles on the floor of congress, lefties are saying JD fucks couches on Twitter. There's apples and oranges but this is oranges and pine cones and also helps lighten the mood overall which helps voter engagement and turnout.
But most importantly, fuck em.
It was never true, not even partially. I don't want to measure how decent I am by the shittiest benchmark conceivable, i.e. MTG. Also btw this is based on a tweet that is believable and cites page numbers. Plenty of teenagers have done things weirder than fuck couches.
You missed the entire point of what I said. The "lowest" the left went is an obvious joke, which is the oranges. MTG calling dems pedophiles is the fucking pine cones. They are NOT similar, at all. It is not something that can br used to measure a god damned thing. Don't be obtuse because you have a bad take on an issue, it's a bad look.
And anyone who thinks someone would write about fucking couches in a grift book to Bible thumper is a fucking idiot. That is not believable.
Thanks for identifying yourself as someone I never would choose to converse with. You know I never implied the two were comparable.
"I don't want to measure how decent I am by the shittiest benchmark conceivable, i.e. MTG."
Like 15 minutes ago goofball.
That quote is me saying that I refuse to be compared to her. Not sure why Internet people so often choose to not understand thoughts if they didn't have them first.
Lol k sounds like "internet people" do this a lot. I'm sure it's everyone else's fault you sweet, sweet summer child 🌼 🌞 🌼
It looks kind of pathetic. These dudes have real policy positions and behavior to attack and instead of anything substantive we get couches and weird.
If you're trying to reach voters already with you, then it'll be effective for that maybe, but it only tells other voters you think they're imbeciles. Which is prolly accurate.
The talk about them being weird wasn't devorced from policy. It was first brought up when talking about how republican leaders are weird for wanting book bans and abortion related policies
The media latched on to the word "weird" because it was unusual, but if you look at when Walz using it, it's still largely being used in discussions of their horrible plans and actions
They latched onto it because they were told to by the DNC lol
There's no way you believe that's organic.
They're trying to reach republican voters, of course they're going to assume their target audience is a bunch of imbeciles who don't care about policy. Because we have decades of evidence that they are a bunch of imbeciles who don't care about policy.
You gotta meet your audience where they are, and we already know where the republican electorate is.
Weird way to not talk about couches bro.
Wait, lying is a problem now? Somebody better let Trump know.
Lying is only a problem if you’re a Democrat.
If you’re a republican they expect you to.
Uh huh, like calling her a "DEI hire". Or maybe the implied racism is sufficiently loud and clear for them
It’s really a lot of couch talk for a campaign declaring no couch talk 🤷♂️
Throw pillow talk after you just banged your sofa?
Don't look at our maggoty cum fart couch, look at what THEY'RE doing instead!
Sorry, your name inspired that, aptly named for this topic after all.
But Donald is a coward and a liar. He is also old as fuck. It is exacerbating his syphilis dementia.
Lol what?! Kamala's fetish? She has nothing to do with couches. She's not even mentioned the situation with JD at all so far as I'm aware.
Jesus, is JD afraid Kamala might take his couch away or something? Why are they always afraid of people taking stuff away from them when in reality nobody wants to do that. They are so fucking weird.
Just because I haven't told you recently: your username is disgusting
C’mon Vance, don’t be a La-Z-Boy, answer the questions about your sectionality
Cmon, at least the couch won't tell us how little your dick is.
It's far too traumatized to answer questions at this time. Please respect the couches wishes for privacy.
That’s ok because the rest of us are having great fun discussing it because it’s sofa king hilarious
I want a Vance shirt to say Vance he Sofa King the Couch
🎶We don't talk about couches, no no no🎶
7 foot frame Crusty center crack When it calls your name Don’t tempt me Love Sack
I understand, I don't like when people bring up my ex either.
That’s because Flipper Vance is getting too much attention with all this couch action.
Anyday now Trump will crack and announce that he had lots of couches back in his day more than anyone and when your rich they let you do it to their couches with tears in their eyes saying thank you sir. Big strong men with big strong couches. Some of them were on the younger side to be sure but they liked the couches as much as I did.
I want this to happen to so bad. This is peak "life is absurd" moment.
A US candidate for President gets so upset that their VP is hogging all the news about a shit post about fucking a couch.
Could happen. He’s been spiraling so hard after Biden stepped aside that he posted a fanfic the other night, in which Biden triumphantly storms the DNC and reclaims the nomination that was “stolen” from him.
when you're* rich
Feel free to send the correction to the Trump campaign!
Oh geez, no thank you. Have a nice day, kind person!
You're not supposed to announce that you're not going to talk about something...
My "Not Going To Talk About Couch Fucking" t-shirt is raising a lot of questions which I believe were answered succinctly by that shirt.
Narrator: “they’re totally going to talk about couches.”
Now I'm hearing The Narrator talking about how
StanleyJD Vance went down the hallway to the break room and found several couches laying there, waiting. But for whom were they waiting? JD's heart skipped a beat at the thought that they had been waiting for him, and when he saw the way those lustful couches looked at him, he knew it was his lucky day.Vladimir Futon.
"I did not have sexual relations with that settee!"
Sectional relations
From the article:
Because the Republicans would never stoop to such a low!
“Not going to talk about couches”? Oh yes you are. You’ve been hoisted by your own petard, and you’re gonna stay up there till we decide to take you down (we won’t, you deserve it).
Trump campaign refuses to deny that Vance sexually assaulted a love seat
That's weird. People are saying Shay D Vance LOVES his couch.
When asked why he's ignoring his wife, Vance stated quote "I don't know, there's just something so thrilling about the chaise, and I just don't get that from her."
Lol, that reminds me of someone's comment the other day calling him a homo-sectional
"Obviously my couch isn't white, but I love her."
Oh, that's probably the best name I've heard of him yet. Hope it sticks.
It's like "uhhh, you realize you're talking about couches right now, right?"
Bring the tsr and feathers.
I know it's a typo but my job title at work is tsr and I had to read your post again
The fact they even have to say this in a PR release....WOW!
Imagine being the person who just made a small little joke online that's now changed the direction of the election in a way
I would be RIGID if I did that.
If you fucked a couch?
If I nearly universally applied the title couch fucker to a politician.
I mean, who hasn't!?
Right, guys?
Right?
Wow. Their silence on couches is deafening. WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO HIDE?!
We're gonna talk about them endlessly.
Hmm curious why would Trump campaign hide this info from the voters?? Did Vance really fuck the couches and the internet just guessed right????
i think he's statistically likely to have fucked a couch and is panicked that someone found out somehow
He wrote about it in his own book. With his own words. I'm down with whatever you wanna do man, but you wrote about on a book and then try to hide it? I'm gonna laugh at you
He didn't. Somebody lied and claimed he did. That's where this whole thing started. It has no basis in actual reality.
How would you know? Is not like anybody's actually read that book.
It's true, it's on pages 179-81
Especially coming from the party of "we want to control every aspect of your private life". They want to judge people's sex life? Well, we're going to make fun of theirs.
Otherwise what happens between a man and his couch would otherwise be none of my business (unless I'm offered to sit on said couch, then I would really like to some warning).
Convicted felon Donald Project 2025 Trump's campaign says it's 'not going to talk about couches', in reference to JD Couch Fucker Vance
well it ottoman!
It's nobody's business but the Turks
Who came up person man?
The Little Birdhouse in my soul
It's an older code but it checks out.
COUCHES are being used in SCHOOLS to FORCE kids to have sex! We need to BAN these sick perverted couches. THEY want your children to stop having kids.
GET THEM OUT OF SCHOOLS
Or something deranged like that.
If their voters are willing to wear t-shirts saying "real men wear diapers", we need to get in on this racket and sell "real men fuck couches" and "better a couch-fucker than a Democrat!" shirts, then after a certain threshold of sales and enough time for Vance and Trump to notice and comment on the phenomenon, we can reveal that the profits are being donated to Kamala and that every shirt sold has a secret message written around the image in a tiny font that says "if you can read this, you're a fucking moron".
Dear castingcouch.com,
Do you have any without the women?
Sincerely,
JD
“Dear casting couch,
Thanks for the quick reply.
No, not like that. Just the couch.
Jd.”
"Hi casting couch,
Actually those others worked too. Can I get a mixed selection?"
-J Drizzle"
Which got me the sick idea of "Coucher", an app like Tinder where you can swipe pics of upholstered living room furniture...
https://onlyfans.com/velvetcouches
I'm not going to look, but I find the idea hilarious.
NSFW ::: spoiler spoiler
:::
Holy shit! Ngl, that's the hottest couch I've ever seen.
Don't worry, we'll talk about it for you
Sounds like it just did
They're really trying to couch the narrative.
They could have memed it to hell and back with stuff like "I did not have a sexual relationship with that furniture mr. Clinton" or "only inanimate thing im horny for is democracy" but they had to go full serious damage control mode. Like, if they told us there are no aliens invading and put soldiers in the streets we would look out for ufos. What did they think they were going to gain by that kind of response? Completely detached from the ether, they are.
He still hasn't denied it!
Streisand'd the narrative wonderfully
If you're not gonna talk about it, just don't talk about it. This counts as talking about it.
What happens in the couch, stays in the couch. But hey, loveseats got that name for a reason.
JD Vance’s local furniture store got that standing order for quarterly couch delivery for the very same reason!
Yeah, I don't blame them. You don't want Vance to lose his concentration and start fantasizing about couches.
A lot of people are talking about couches and other sexy furniture.
They don't kiss and tell! /wink
Don't wanna discuss it huh? So you've got something to hide about it?
"..because now we fucking LOVE SEATS, y'all!!!"
Nice word play.
The pig fucker strategy happened by accident for the Democrats. Thanks goodness for the tik tokr that started that. When Walz cracked that joke in his first speech as VP candidate it clearly upset Vance.
I heard he has a secret nest of tables with his mistress.
How dare you talk about his ottomans that way!
To the tune of “We don’t talk about Bruno”
Technically, they’re talking about it!
Not evading the couch allegations.
This is just too much. Ha ha ha.
No talk, only segs.
Denial, can we ask Matt Gaetz which stage of grief this is?
The best part is everyone except the right wing idiots knows it's just a joke, but they are getting so upset over it.
If they're trying to sweep this under the rug, I do not wanna know what JD Vance did to that rug...
Weird strategy this is the kind of thing you really want to get a head into er ahead of.
"...because too much talking ruins the mood!!!"
Of course not, they think couches are pornographic.
WHY ARE YOU DODGING THE QUESTION?
QUICK! Don't think of a couch!
Ok, what should we talk about instead? Epstein's lists? Project 2025? Whether "I own the place" is a good reason to waltz in to a room that was supposed to give young girls privacy for changing? How much one should expect to pay to silence a porn star? Why regular Trump supporters should think he gives a single fuck about them when so many of the ones he selected to be a part of his administration ended up in prison when he could have pardoned them? Why he keeps bragging about passing a test that included tough questions like "identify this common object" and "what is your name?"? Whether he thinks his secret service agents gave the shooter some free shots deliberately because they secretly can't stand him either and intend to push the idea of reasonable doubt as far as Trump himself does?
No, they’re not gonna talk about couches at all!
Phillipjeffries.jpg
If they were "smart" they'd be their usual disgusting selves and turn it on us. "Oh these people are rich: they want men to have sex with men, women to have sex with men that are now women? They want to have sex with human-animals(furries), but the couch is where they draw the line!? Talk about hypocrite Democrats, but what else is new!?"
If they were "smart" they wouldn't be "republicans"
Very true lol
What about love seats? Or is that too vague for him because he loves all the seats.
"...because actions speak LOUDER than words!!!!"
Isn't it kinda counterproductive to talk about his meaningless kinks and focus on his politics? That sounds like something trump does when he calls people ugly or stupid. American politics are already a joke, now it's just two poodles barking at each other.
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