I dunno...distractions, too much commitment, feels indulgent,... ? Just got a book for my birthday and read the first 100 pages aloud in the car because my husband and son wanted to hear it. Now it's been on my coffee table for two weeks and I'm struggling to pick it back up.
It's not really indulgent to take some time for yourself. Maybe your also missing the right book to get you interested. What kind of story are you interested in?
Thank you for the motivation
When i was younger (before kids) i read a lot - mostly Stephen King and classics and it's still what i really like. Kids are grown, but i have a hard time saying, "I'm going to sit here for an hour and read." There's always something to do...bills, husband, animals, house, yard, etc. and when i veg I mostly turn to mindlessly browsing my phone because it's 2 minute chunks that you can put down anytime. After 15 years of working at the same job i just found out that my lunch break is 60 minutes instead of 30 - maybe I'll bring a book and try to use that time to read.
After 4 years of engineering I'm scared of books now....😂😂😂
The trick is to read something that's fictional and less dry. Fantasy would be an excellent choice. Sci Fi if you still enjoy things slightly more grounded in reality.
valid lol, sometimes gotta take a break for a while
As a fellow reader, how do you identify others in the wild? I feel like my method sucks...
They're reading a book
My method is very simple, just looking for people who sit and read in trains, cafés, etc., most people who do that tend to be people who like to read books.
Plus they love it when you pull off their headphones to ask what they're reading.
I just talk about books I've read when relevant, or during the "whatve you been up to?" small talk.
^ this
There is a term in kendo called hikitate geiko. I won't get too technical, but in essence, it is an attitude employed by a senior who spars with their junior that helps elevate their skills. It is more difficult than it appears, because if you make it too easy for them, they don't improve, but if you make it too hard for someone, they won't learn anything either; and at the same time, you yourself won't benefit from the spar. By practicing good hikitate geiko, you are able to elevate your partner's skills, but at the same time, refine and perfect your own technique.
I find that this attitude is beautiful in every aspect of life, and isn't easy to accomplish; I think this is a huge green flag when someone does that well, regardless of the situation or context.
This. Someone who is willing to come down to my ignorant level in a subject and reward me for my tiny effort and interest in it, is an immediate win in my book. Though it is a hard line to cross without going into smirky/mansplaining territory.
For example, Veritasium videos are always fantastic, but I can't get over how the man smirks when he explains concepts, despite the fact that it's his natural smile.
Finding that sweet spot is incredibly difficult, and requires a lot of attention and skill.
In kendo, if I make it too easy, not only the junior won't learn much from it, but they will get frustrated and feel that they are being dismissed or looked down on. If you go too hard on someone, you are crushing their spirit and demoralising them, and they don't get the opportunity to learn or improve. The problem is that such environments tend to be festered in some dojo, so if you see that, best to look for another group.
The point of hikitate geiko is to give your partner both a boost in confidence and engagement, giving them opportunities to attack you, but if they don't immediately capitalise on them, move on.
As for applying it outside the dojo, I think you have to want to share your enthusiasm about something, and when you get them hyped about it like you, it's an awesome feeling. When you give them the confidence to try something, or ask a question, they are trusting you and it's great. I also love seeing someone when something they have been trying to do just clicks.
I find that when learning a new skill, there is a point of psychological friction, because you feel that you suck, and just aren't getting it. Hikitate geiko helps the junior not feel like they suck, it feels awesome and it increases morale, which makes learning both fun and effective.
I think you have to want to share your enthusiasm about something
This, the enthusiasm sells the authenticity of it, and people are more willing to listen.
I have a friend who teaches high school history and has traveled a lot. She's great at this! I feel like i can talk to her about almost anything and she never makes me feel stupid.
Somewhat related... I work at a garden center and my manager is a professor of horticulture. When I transferred to her department, I thought I would be learning so much, but this woman has no passion for teaching and is cynical about everything. She sucks the life and fun out of work. Luckily I enjoy working with my other coworkers, and everybody likes me better than they do her.
This really sucks, but I'm glad the other people there weren't dragged down by the manager and remained positive people to interact with.
Bit of an update... 3 out of 4 of us employed under her are planning to quit after the new year. We're just finishing the holiday season because it's a busy time and don't want to bail when it's all hands on deck right now.
The 4th person is only part-time and we haven't told him yet about our plans, so he may join us once he finds out.
All of us are quitting because of the manager.
I'm glad you're no longer putting up with her. Best of luck.
I do this when I play MTG or board games with people. I'm not like professional MTG good or anything but it is the kind of complex system I tend to do really well in. I want to have fun too though so a lot of times I end up trying to control the board in a way to make my opponent think about specific challenges to overcome to defeat me. Gives me something to do that isn't obliterating them and they get to have an engaging game out of it too
That's exactly it! This matches the spirit of hikitate geiko beautifully. You're both helping your opponent understand the game better, creating opportunities for them to challenge themselves in engaging ways and helping them feel awesome while doing it, which is a great motivator to improve and play more in the future.
Do you feel this makes you a better MTG player in general when you do it?
I'd say it depends who I'm against but overall yeah. There's always something to be learning in that game and if someone completely new to the game finds a novel way around a challenge than I'll tuck that away in my toolbelt as well. I also have to know some really obscure parts of how things work together to orchestrate the kind of board state I'm talking about so lots of research goes into it.
I actually do this mostly as a way to learn about new people; see how they approach problem solving and how they socially interact with me (MTG is a space I'm comfortable in so I end up talking way more than usual during play); but I have a couple close friends we mostly try and out shitpost each other with ridiculous gameplay. And then sometimes, on a rare occasion if someone is rude to me, I can take off the training wheels and use my finely tuned bullshittery to make them pick up their ball and go home lol
That's really awesome! There are more similarities than I thought between our hobbies.
They are happy to see you!
They handle stress and disappointment well.
They don't externalize their frustrations, and take responsibility for solving their own problems. They act like a functioning adult.
They have interests and hobbies that they are happy to do alone, or share.
Unfair - but they don't have intense money, drug, social pressure in their life, a stable situation is the good grounds for relationships
bonus: If their parents are attractive, then they could be a good partner who ages gracefully with you
That bonus really looked like it was going somewhere else for a second there.
bonus: if their parents are attractive, you have a potential thruple opportunity to fall back on if the relationship sours.
"Then you might have a plan B if the relationship doesn't work out as expected"
Uses vim?
I, too, appreciate a clean bathroom
Now I'm not dating someone unless they can prove their vim skills. Probably I'm gonna die alone.
:wq is the equivalent of sexting you
Maybe :q! (Bang)
I like to stay safe with my sexting
I only date someone if they have successfully entered, and exited, the gates of vim.
What if they did it once like 10 years ago then immediately changed to something else to preserve their sanity?
And she is lesbian
If a person carries their trash with them until they stumble upon a trash bin they instantly have a plus in my book.
That's such a low bar, i feel sorry for your past
It is, but it's pretty alarming how many people I see not doing this :/
I wouldn't consider them people if they don't have the cognitive ability to hold onto their trash to throw into a trash can.
I'm pretty sure you can train a crow to do better
next step is holocaust
I mean I agree with you, but yet, I still see humans do it all the time
You might be surprised
The simple virtue of being able to genuinely express these words; "I don't know", "Sorry" and "Thank you" (or any derivative of these*).
Being able to admit a mistake is huge, being able to genuinely apologize without some cop-out disclaimer is even better.
They're self aware. Understand the difference between subjectivity and objectivity. When they encounter someone different, they don't judge, see it as a learning opportunity. Put thought into their words. If you ask them a question, you can see them carefully thinking about it.
Everyone judges, it's how you act upon that judgement that is the mark of your character. Anyone that says "I don't judge" is either full of shit or means that they are self aware of their biases, conscious and subconscious and don't act upon their judgements.
Judging people is a natural part of being human and impossible to not do.
I would just append that judging people is a good thing, often blanket misinterpreted as a bad thing. You should make an initial judgement upon meeting someone (it doesn't really matter, your subconscious will anyway). The important part is being willing to update that judgement based on learning more.
And to add to that, all the characteristics listed their green flags - characteristics used to judge people.
I've spoken about this with my girlfriend. She mentioned that we shouldn't judge a book by its cover and I get what she was trying to say but everyone judges and to a certain extent everyone should judge. It's how you act upon that initial judgment and your willingness to append it that shows your character.
I feel like all of those are what people would see as signs of intelligence but I'm pretty dumb and I do all of those as well.
There are many kinds of intelligence. Social, emotional, etc. I'm betting you're really good at some things I'm horrible at.
vegan
soft spoken
patient
hands scarred/calloused from work
creases in face from smiling
casual manner/attire
walks around other earthlings on footpaths etc instead of through
puts their shopping trolley away, bonus if they round up others
mocks authority
is kind to children and listens to them seriously
i see your mocks authority and raise you an acab.
these are good green flags. I see the flak youre getting from folks doing the whole "make fun of vegans on the internet" thing, and wanted to say that the vegans Ive met irl have been really chill folks that are willing to make sacrifices for a better society. idk why vegans get trashed on online for sharing the long list of pros for veganism, as if people don't share opinions online all the time.
personally, I'm on a reduce animal products in ways i can with an occasional "treat yo-self" day, but that's mostly because ive lived a lot of my life being poor and havent always been able to select my own diet.
excited for more lab grown options, and I love when vegan options exist because they are usually unique, delicious, and dont have dairy(am allergic).
We're all on our own journey. I spent 25 years eating, wearing, or otherwise using our fellow earthlings to various degrees before I realised I didn't want to be someone who kills when I don't have to.
I am grateful for what kindness you practice and I hope you will continue to reflect on your relationship with earthlings.
Sounds awesome!
Mocking authority is a green flag?
Of course, authority is a pretty fucked up concept as implemented in our society. It's almost always nothing more than the threat of violence for not subsuming your own needs to the needs of another. The other usually claiming that privilege through nonsense like birthright, wealth, closeness to power structures or similar.
Anyone who uses such a ridiculous thing is at best a fool. Calling out injustice and laughing at awful people is definitely a green flag.
Consider say the difference between interacting with a cop and a firefighter. The cop claims authority, do what they say or be tortured into compliance. The firefighter has no authority and yet I'll bet you trust everything they say a lot more than the cop and are far more willing to cooperate.
The firefighter is an authority on fire safety, and shouldn't be mocked for that authority
There's a lot of writing on subtle details of sorts of authority and it's a bit of a problem with language.
You could say that you voluntarily grant the firefighter temporary authority in some circumstances or whatever but to avoid quibbling over language for essays let's agree that there is a difference between someone imposing authority vs an individual deciding to believe someone should be listened to because of some domain expertise.
It's probably due to autism traits but "mocking authority" sounds like just mocking anyone relying on previous experience or education rather being able to justify their position in the situation at hand.
Compare to the logical fallacy of "relying on authority"
When it comes to fire safety, I don't need to know exactly with sources why some areas need to be "fire cells" while other areas, similar in my eyes, doesn't if the information comes from a fire fighter. I rely completely on his/her authority on the matter and doesn't need any more evidence to let the fire fighter enforce those laws and regulations.
Im guessing that in this context "authority" in the thread starter text is shorthand for "perceived authority by the enforcer without real and safe recourse for the person having authority enforced upon"?
Since both the cop and fire fighter have means of legal repercussions if their authority is not followed I mean.
I'm not sure I follow. For the purposes of my example the firefighter has no legal recourse if you don't listen. They're just random volunteers where I live.
I don't want to get too hung up on definitions because that's counter productive I think. So what I'm talking about is that sometimes humans rely on power, real or perceived, in order to demand that others subsume their own desires and submit to those of the powerful.
Examples are police and other violent gangs - do what I say or I shoot you, capitalists - work for me or I will starve you, shitty parents - do what I say or I will hurt you.
I am calling that authority, notice that at no point is there consent from the person authority is being claimed over (it's not consent if it's coerced).
On the other hand people sometimes agree to perform certain roles with each other, or to be bound by certain rules in order to undertake some endeavour. For example when I am teaching my niece science she agrees to solve the problems I ask her to solve, but there is no coercion here. She is free to say at any moment "no" and I am free to either withdraw my offer to teach, ask a different question, propose a break or whatever else. Similarly working groups might elect someone among them to manage a project, but this isn't authority (as I have defined above) if they are free to relect a project manager, refuse directions or whatever.
Various writers have waffled to varying extents trying to pin down specific definitions. I side with those who think it's clearer to distinguish between the two social arrangements by not calling the second one authority.
Where I live the fire fighters are a professional force tasked with emergency tasks as well as enforcing compliance with fire safety regulations, as an example an association I work with had to pay a fine due to having some of the smoke detectors non functioning. Thats an authority I have no issue with, with goes back to the word "mocking" authority rather than "questioning" authority.
One sounds like the refusal of having another party authority over oneself, the latter implies a valuation if the authority is proper, fitting and reasonable or not.
but it's not the legal repurcussions that make you listen. If anything they undermine, as you need to establish whether advice is genuine or somebody throwing their weight around.
I'm infamous for understanding to an extent, but that's like saying "Japanese police are bad, therefore being in the Yakuza is a green flag". I too am not that fond of authority, but that doesn't make every robber a Robin Hood.
I missed this.
Violent thugs claim authority regardless of the source. The cops claim the law enables them to torture you into compliance, the gangs claim it by right of might.
The reason is not relevant, laugh at them all (where doing so won't get you killed).
This doesn't mean fuck rules or cooperation. If my friends and I play a board game we all agree to be bound by collective rules for the pursuit of some mutual fun. Of course nobody has authority in the same sense, anyone is free to say "I don't think this rule is fun, can we change it?" or "I'm not having fun right now, I'm sorry but I'd like to stop playing".
I love people who help others, I just also love it when those helpful people burst out laughing when someone says "that's Mr Bossman to you!".
As to your reply to other person, yeah a lot of people don't respect authority and laugh at it. I think it's a green flag. Some people kiss the ring and lick the boot. Those people scare me because I can't think of any reason except that they dream of being over another.
Seems you are using that brain again. Didn't school teach you not to do that?
Cop and firefighter was a good example.
Mocking authority for me would be a red flag as it's a sign of immaturity. The people in my life that do this are the ones that tend to be emotionally rash, and inability to control emotions is a huge red flag.
However not just submitting to authority and being confident enough to stand up to it while being respectful, that's a green flag.
why respect someone who's threatening you? That's the implicit case with authority "bow to me or I will make you suffer"
Who gains anything there except the authoritarian? Why do you want people to respect that?
We get on with each other fine without it.
What do you gain from treating them with disrespect, other than escalation? Nobody likes being disrespected, regardless of whether or not they deserve / have earned that respect. By operating on a baseline of "give people the benefit of the doubt and treat them with respect by default" you open a world of constructive / logical discussion that would be closed if you were emotional.
To me, mocking someone is a person's way of saying "I don't have a well thought out argument against X, so I'll just give it a nickname and talk shit about it".
If you have to think of one person who is famous for mocking anyone / anything they don't like, who would it be? For me, the first person that comes to mind is Trump. Is that someone who is worth modelling your behaviour after?
ability to reasonable and critical common sense thinking, when it's against the hive mind of their surroundings -- > greenest of all green flags 😉
walking around other earthlings on footpaths etc instead of through
Is an earthling a human, an animal, a plant or subsets of those three? And what is walking through an earthling?
I'm geniuenly curious, I have no idea what you mean.
Earthlings are all of us, all sentient beings. We are from earth, we are the earthlings.
Like not just plowing through birds foraging, or lizards sunbaking, or ants doing a nuptial flight or whatever.
Considering others' right to use space equal to their own.
That makes much more sense, my first intuition was passing people on the sidewalk which... doesn't seem like a red flag.
Yeah, that sounds like a fun dude (I'm assuming dude given the kind of work he does). I've never met him, though.
my wife is the light of my life ^.^
Vegan is a red flag for me.
Same. I prefer partners without willpower
Good to know you're both cruel and insecure. Thanks for sharing with the group
It's not that, it's just the baggage that comes with it. It's like a partner telling you they have two small kids you have to deal with. At first it's fine, but then the pressure grows on you until one night you find yourself about to sacrifice the neighbours cat for a piece of that sweet sweet flesh, blood raining down as you tear the feline on half, its final yowls turning raw and gutteral whilst the life winks slowly out of its eyes to be reborn elsewhere in another life no doubt.
You know, small stuff like that.
Mmm death murder blood.
You're /so/ cool
Exactly, it's the cool factor that is the main driving force. Every time I go to the kebab shop, I pop on my sunglasses, sidle up casually to the counter and raise two fingers to the meatkeep, signalling that I want two baby deer on a pizza - stat! - and then I slide him two dollars across the counter, to sweeten the deal, and with a wink he throws in a hamster for that extra zest.
I chug down my ayran like a boss so fast that it makes the girls gasp, and then I grab my pizza and action roll out of the shop, tossing finger guns at everyone in sight. I aaaaaay across the road, fonzie-style, and tip the local crackhead generously with the end of mood ring to show him that I care and that I'm down.
That's just how I roll.
Can I be cool too?
putting down the wheel of time and reading the malazan book of the fallen would be a pretty cool thing to do ;)
I'm not a saint. If people are going to try and hurt me I'm going to ridicule them.
Go audit what that person has said.
Besides maybe I'm a piece of shit, there's no guarrantee I fulfill my own green flags.
I actually frequently identify myself as a human garbage fire, which is funny really. Like I am a human garbage fire and even I am vegan, so what does that make non vegans?
I'm eating a nice juicy burger right now. Yum!
Congrats, you’re as insufferable as the people you’re trying to offend!
I'm not vegan so this doesn't offend me.
I'm not vegan either, but you're still annoying lol
Congrats I suppose
I'm not a vampire, it's not like waving the idea of death at me is going to send me slinking back to my verdant fields.
Humans are omnivores, nothing to feel bad about.
Nobody should feel shame for what their body can do. That doesn't mean we should do it.
We have all sorts of abilities, we can drop kick babies for example. Doesn't mean you should do that.
You do you, I'll do me.
See that breaks down when there are victims. Even if we stick to non human animals I'm sure you have negative opinions about some of the following: whaling, dog fighting, dog eating, skinning cats, horse racing, circus animals, pet hoarding, shark nets.
Like everyone is familiar with the idea that there are acceptable ways to seek pleasure in the world and some line beyond which they say "no you're victimising another for your own gain. I do not think that is acceptable". Even anti vegans rarely endorse arbitrary use of non human animals for pleasure.
So you are probably comfortable with the idea that you can't just say "live and let live" and be done with it. That works for whether you want to plant red roses and I want to plant pink ones, or you like toffee and I like cake. It doesn't apply when lives are on the line.
Killing/hurting beings that want to live and suffer when you don't have to is wrong. It is a wrong thing to do.
You said vegan. That explains the downvotes.. And you said it as the first point even. Next time leave it for last!
I'm not going to hide my values. They're not shameful
ikr, ITT, people getting mad they don't fit into / agree with a strangers green flag list. The world is a wild place and I hope it's not as hostile or absurd as I believe it is.
The V word makes people go nuts because they know they ought to be.
Notice how nobody is flipping out about my preference for people unfraid of getting their hands dirty, or imagine if I had written Buddhist. Would anyone have replied that it's a red flag for them or written weird fantasies about anti Buddhist violence?
It upsets people because we all know killing animals is wrong. It's easy and it's tasty though. We tell ourselves it's ok because everyone else is, but then a vegan comes along and the illusion shatters.
At the time of writing, the comment only has 32% downvotes.
Lemmy is a lot more vegan friendly than most places on the internet.
A lot of the hatred of vegens comes from fossil fascists, and they get banned here.
Only kicks upwards, not downwards. Has a backbone and principles. Doesn't value money over meaning. Likes to teach people instead of putting oneself over them.
I agree, bot.
Please dont racist toward bot.
His race is bot. He is born as bot.
He can't choice to be born as human
Bleep bloop :'(
Expresses disagreement with people talking shit about others when they don't have to
People who treat others who cannot benefit them well. For example, wait staff.
Actually intelligent, reads books, sense of humor, actually listens.
I love my ereader but I miss the days when you could actually see what someone was reading. It was like a book recommending a person
Someone reading a book doesn't mean the book is good.
I have a book written by a mentally ill person I met, just because I wanted to have more insight into his mental state.
Comments about reading
Completely misreads my sentence
😂
"good" book is highly subjective. It depends not only on your tastes but also on your general mood while reading it. Same for film and art. I saw the Mona Lisa in person and was completely unimpressed.
How do you measure actually intelligent?
You don't measure it. You compare it to your own intelligence and see if it matches.
It's like art, you know it when you see it.
When they say it. If somebody says "I'm very smart" or "I'm very intelligent", you know the answer.
but what is the question?
Exactly!
Excellent question. For me, it has a lot to do with their sense of humor, general outlook, and their problem solving. ymmv
Have you heard about IQ Test.
The flawed metric racists use to claim they are somehow superior?
There is a reason why it isn't standard practice and only covers certain topics. It can measure some general knowledge, but is in no way indictment to the actual intelligence of a person.
Yes I know the origins of IQ Tests and how it was used for justifying eugenics in USA and how Hitler got inspired by it. But I ment it as a joke to the original comment asking how to measure intelligence. And anyway who believes in a number on piece of paper we all only believe in how much upvotes we can get on Lemmy.
No that's dumb
somebody talking about their IQ would be a major red flag for me lol
Is it OK if they mention that their IQ is less than 0 Kelvin.
some healthy self-deprecation is definitely nice, but the eldritch implications of somebody representing their intelligence as convertible to a temperature value transgressing thermodynamic law intrigue me more.
Have YOU been on the mensa forums?
I'm theoretically Mensa qualified but when I met some I turned away. My sense of what's fun and creative did not align. At all.
No particular order:
Being a furry/furry sympathetic.
A science major of any kind. IMO the S needs more love in STEM.
Ever overhear them say "walkable" in a positive light.
Hobbies besides media consumption
Not "too cool" to learn something. Likes learning for fun.
Not to concerned with looking cool or badass, either. Look at CHUDs, I made a joke the other day that I can sense a decent bit of residual 90's 'tude in modern CHUDDery, and I think I'm onto something.
Likes learning for fun.
where do I find other people like this? where am I supposed to go?
Makerspaces? Maybe just hang around at bars near your local conference/convention center?
Makerspaces? Maybe just hang around at bars near your local conference/convention center?
I'll feel weird and out of place. But I guess I have nothing better to do. lol
and I gotta hope no gross chuds pick on me
To nerd forum, i guess, like LessWrong.
don't go there
Nah that site’s full of subtly (and sometimes overtly) unnerving techbros
seems like a place where there'd be very few women. lol
One of my least favorite things about my ex is that she hated learning. Like why? The world has cool things, why would you not like learning about ANYTHING? You don't realize how much it sucks to date someone that is unwilling to learn new things for fun until you deal with it.
Treats everyone with respect regardless of what their perceived status is.
They talk about Pokemon in the first date and will defend gen whatever while still calling it shit.
First Gen, the game is fucking broken as fuck. But it's also the most memorable and iconic one. I think with little tweaking in types and mechanics in Gen 1, you could have the perfect pokémon game.
But since it was the first, a lot of shit wasn't discovered and explored.
This is what Pokémon Let’s Go is, a modern refining of Gen One Pokémon. If that interests you, it has already been made
First Gen. You could actually memorize the Pokedex. Now you can't.
... Yeah... We totally can't anymore.... 💦 Oof...
Red flag for me. I'm all for people having hobbies, but bringing up niche hobbies from childhood would not be great. I'm sure 2 fans would get along great. However, it would be odd to bring up with another adult who is not a known fan.
Why is Pokemon exclusively a childhood thing?
It's a show marketed at kids. Manu adults like it as they grew up with it. Manu adultsike the games, but those unfamiliar are not starting as adults.
For me, it's not about having a childhood hobby you still enjoy. It's about not having the social awareness to not being it up on a first date. In context, sure, why not, if you walked by a poster or kid playing and it became a topic of conversation. But as a topic of conversation whose purpose is to get to know each other, I'd be worried they never matured.
I still.play video games from my childhood almost daily, when I get the chance. I won't chat about combos or new sf6 characters with strangers or a first date.
Pokemon being marketed to kids isn't the same as Pokemon being a kids' game, especially when a huge chunk of the community around the franchise are late teens/adults. Sure, don't bring it up randomly, but I honestly don't see how games are different from sports, knitting, anime, or any other hobby in that regard. Someone being passionate about something --whether it's games or anything else-- shouldn't really impact your perception of their maturity.
Yes, but that's partly my point. The teens and adults that are fans are only fans due to playing as kids, likely due to marketing to them. That's not to say any game is good or bad, but to me it's a sign of immaturity to bring it up. I'd have similar red flags with someone discussing non kid hobbies if I showed little interest. If someone wants to chat football or handbags, I'd equally want out. It's a know your audience problem. If have no problem dating a Pokemon fan and I'd probably take up the game to play with them. My issue is being so into it it's all you want to talk about on a first date. It would strine me as immature.
If we were discussing hobbies and they briefly brought it up, that wouldn't be a red flag, per se.
When they call you because they're at the supermarket and you might want something.
I should probably add my own. They like plants
Oh yeah, must have. Bonus points if their house plants are prickly or poisonous.
The problem with dangerous plants is you need to warn people not to touch the gympie gympie.
Or breathe around it.
The gympie gympie gets its own separate, controlled environment to share with giant hogweed and friends.
Girl, are you covered in the entrails of a sheep to sacrifice to the Lord Glycon to wake him from his sleep, or are you happy to see me?
They're a fucking weirdo like me and so don't mind being goofy a good bit of the time.
mine is similar, they laugh at my jokes and can also continue them
They can laugh at themselves. Not to the point of self deprecation, but they can acknowledge when they're wrong or dumb
I feel like everything is a green flag until a red flag pops up. Like how an open road is functionally a permission to cintinue driving.
There are things where I get excited about a person, but even then red flags are more important. "Never admits to wrongdoing" and "Thinks kicking down a door and screaming at your partner is an appropriate response to leaving a mug in the wrong cupboard" is going to flatly be more important in a relationship than "does activism" or "is house trained".
That said, I don't like arguing all the time and do organising stuff irl, so it would be nice to agree politically on a bunch of things. Responds to texts/messages and seems excited to build conversation with me.
Good range of spices - preferably slightly more than they have enough room for.
I live with a chef, we have more spices than I can keep track of. We keep them in small mason jars, dozens of jars, jars everywhere. I don't even know what like 1/4 of the spices are. Sometimes I just go through smelling them being like 'sure whatever the fuck this is smells like it would go well in this dish'
Cutting the bullshit and getting straight to the point. If I wanna play games I have a playstation.
Amen to this. Life's too short for stupid BS.
its more of a long term green flag but whenever someone listens to me, like brings up something i mentioned ages ago or whatever, its just a nice little thing i appreciate a lot
Having red and yellow or red and black flags on their clothing/accessories
Why is being Belgian a green flag?
No, that's red, yellow AND black
To avoid any further confusion, red should be the base color, the yellow a cute symbol and black a triangle connecting three of the corners
Okay, yep, I would consider someone being an communist or anarchist to be a green flag
Yeah, I tried to make a funny bit about red flags but avoiding sectarianism muddled it
They communicate honestly
When they pay back what they owe without being reminded.
They actually show up, or, failing that, tell you they aren't going to show up and summarize why and when the next best time is.
Liking ska punk
Everyone has a favorite ska song.
Whether it's Soundsystem by Operation Ivy, The Impression That I Get by Might Mighty Bosstones, or any of the popular Sublime ones. Ska is just fun to listen to and you can't change my mind.
Green flags, not Black Flag!
Yes, yes, don't start with genres.
Eager to discuss the cool things they've read.
Able to make me laugh.
Cleans up after themselves (I know, low bar).
Communist of some stripe.
Superficial but:
Physically stronger than me.
Would you say audiobooks count as "read"?
Y'know, I've never thought about that before.
I guess, I would.
Close enough in my book!
this made me want a full reading of lenins work by stephen fry
Sweetest thing I have ever been told
They're a Wobbly.
Hell yeah, IWW unite!
I mean, I guess they are already, aren't they?
...Success!
A WHAT?!
A member of the Industrial Workers of the World.
Workers of the world unite: An injury to one is an injury to all.
They smile at people they meet in a genuine "have a good day" vibe. It lifts people more than you know.
communism, support for palestine
Enjoys the outdoors
Child Free
Has a dog
Atheist/Agnostic
“A person can perhaps succeed in hiding his sins from the world, he can perhaps be foolishly happy that he succeeds, or yet, a little more honest, admit that it is a deplorable weakness and cowardliness that he does not have the courage to become open-but a person cannot hide his sins from himself.” — Kierkegaard, Two Discourses at Friday Communion
Texts me and makes plans instead of me being the one who has to.
Huge cock
If I don't have my own, will store-bought do?
A desire to learn.
They are open to the idea that they could be at fault in any given situation but neither always assume they are nor always assume they are not.
They join banter in a comfortable way without using character assassination as an authority/persuasion grab.
I think the way people talk about themselves vs. the way they talk about others is very telling about their personality.
Being positive and humble/making fun of oneself while being positive about others is a huge green flag.
They care about other people
Kindness and looking out for others even when they don't have to.
They are self-aware, willing to change and learn, and have a rational, logical view of things. It's rare to meet people like that, but they are by far the best people. Someone's philosophy on life is probably the best descriptor of a person.
Books. If you go to someone's house and they don't have books, don't fuck them. - John Waters
Massively. My first manoeuvre when I go in someone’s house is to look at their bookcase, and judge them accordingly.
I read ebooks 😢
I don't think I've stopped to think what the different flags for people are for me. It's just something I've instinctively known and haven't really thought about
My thoughts exactly. It's an unconscious split second decision if I want to get to know someone or not.
Informs you about stuff proactively and you don't have to pull everything out of them yourself
Italy and Bulgaria come to mind
Old Lybia flag?
Their fingernails. It sounds weird, but you can tell a lot about a person by how maintained their nails are. If they have long gross unkept nails, it says a lot. Versus trimmed and clean nails.
I always do dinner and a movie for Date 1. At dinner, how do they treat the staff? Are they kind, do they thank the worker for their help? Do they tip well? Do they take forever to pick an item off the menu? When I offer to pay, do they initially counter offer for them to pay or us split at least?
I'd just ask them their thoughts on trans folks wanting to participate in the Olympics with their same gender. The way they react to a hardball question pretty quickly outs any red flags.
what is your answer on 3?
Suddenly this thread is playing with fire lol
I will try. This comes up frequently these days with my Trumper friend, so this could be valuable to discuss here.
I think it would be fine for them to compete provided we can ensure a level playing field. I don't know what that would entail, but studies should be done to get it figured out. Is it a blood draw for testosterone levels (maybe not.. sometimes that's naturally high for either cis gender)? Maybe estrogen? Maybe it's number of years post transition, though I see difficulty defining the start.
Definitely a tough issue since if we get it wrong and be too accepting or not accepting enough, many athletes will suffer. I would love to hear some more ideas and thoughts on this. I'm tired of getting shot down trying to talk to this guy.
I saw one suggestion which was to so away with male and female competitions, and instead have "open" and "restricted" comps. Open would be available to anyone, male or female, while you could set up as many restricted comps as you needed for the particular sport or activity with whatever rules make sense. So the 100m sprint might have Open, Restricted - Testosterone, and Restricted - Height - with whatever T level or height in centimetres decided by the relevant authority. Whereas something like weightlifting might have Restricted - Weight as it's own class. The idea being any gender can compete provided provided meet the restrictions in place to make an interesting/fair competition within that bracket.
That’s interesting. I was a long time nail biter, and I only recently managed to stop, I literally never before had cut my nails. Even when I was a baby, my mom bit my nails, she was like 15 when I was born and didn’t know how to adult. Do you have any tips for taking care of nails? It’s all new to me. So far I’ve found that filing them is worth doing, and my hands get way dirtier now that I have a place for dirt to hide under.
Proud of you for breaking the habit! Not sure if you're masc or fem, but I'm masc and all I do is clip them before they get too long which helps prevent the buildup of dirt. Nail clippers also usually have a little scraper attachment that works great for getting dirt out when you notice it. I've never felt the need to file my nails, but you may prefer the extra smoothness!
Ooh that makes sense. I always kinda wondered what that little knife thing in the clippers was for haha. Thanks!!!
Yeah and if the scraper is textured on a side that's for filing. Be careful with cheap files though they can have sharp edges. I recently learned the joys of cutting right into the tip of my finger this way
Interested in learning and willing to change their mind when presented with new information.
Atheist
Common sense of humor + loves memes/shitposting
Loves computers
Self confident
Good looking
Doing (cardio) sports
“In our times, as was remarked, no one is content with faith, but ‘goes right on.’ The question as to whether they are proceeding may be a silly question; whereas it is a sign of urbanity and culture to assume that every one has faith, to begin with, for else it were a curious statement for them to make, that they are proceeding further. In the olden days it was different. Then, faith was a task for a whole life-time because it was held that proficiency in faith was not to be won within a few days or weeks.” — Kierkegaard, Fear and Trembling
I'm too dumb to understand this. Can you explain please?
Appreciates spiders and other crawlies.
Able to touch their toes
I can touch my toes but I have to bend my knees instead of just my back. Does that still count?
You know, I don't have one. I should come up with something so people have quick ways to go up in my opinion and not just down. It will make me less sad.
They take the time to clean up all the blood!
Is the blood yours or theirs or a third person you enjoyed for a lovely dinner.
Assuming that others are good people.
Being open minded about ideas.
I have never met a person who carried a "people are trash" mindset who haven't been just complete monsters themselves.
Has a favorite Bauhaus professor.
Holds the door open for everyone (men, women, children, etc)
Hodor
Actually, he held the door closed so people couldn't get in. Very rude.
They treat service people well.
I was going to write this one.
they read books
Oh man. I wish i could read a book!
What's keeping you?
I dunno...distractions, too much commitment, feels indulgent,... ? Just got a book for my birthday and read the first 100 pages aloud in the car because my husband and son wanted to hear it. Now it's been on my coffee table for two weeks and I'm struggling to pick it back up.
It's not really indulgent to take some time for yourself. Maybe your also missing the right book to get you interested. What kind of story are you interested in?
Thank you for the motivation
When i was younger (before kids) i read a lot - mostly Stephen King and classics and it's still what i really like. Kids are grown, but i have a hard time saying, "I'm going to sit here for an hour and read." There's always something to do...bills, husband, animals, house, yard, etc. and when i veg I mostly turn to mindlessly browsing my phone because it's 2 minute chunks that you can put down anytime. After 15 years of working at the same job i just found out that my lunch break is 60 minutes instead of 30 - maybe I'll bring a book and try to use that time to read.
After 4 years of engineering I'm scared of books now....😂😂😂
The trick is to read something that's fictional and less dry. Fantasy would be an excellent choice. Sci Fi if you still enjoy things slightly more grounded in reality.
valid lol, sometimes gotta take a break for a while
As a fellow reader, how do you identify others in the wild? I feel like my method sucks...
They're reading a book
My method is very simple, just looking for people who sit and read in trains, cafés, etc., most people who do that tend to be people who like to read books.
Plus they love it when you pull off their headphones to ask what they're reading.
I just talk about books I've read when relevant, or during the "whatve you been up to?" small talk.
^ this
There is a term in kendo called hikitate geiko. I won't get too technical, but in essence, it is an attitude employed by a senior who spars with their junior that helps elevate their skills. It is more difficult than it appears, because if you make it too easy for them, they don't improve, but if you make it too hard for someone, they won't learn anything either; and at the same time, you yourself won't benefit from the spar. By practicing good hikitate geiko, you are able to elevate your partner's skills, but at the same time, refine and perfect your own technique.
I find that this attitude is beautiful in every aspect of life, and isn't easy to accomplish; I think this is a huge green flag when someone does that well, regardless of the situation or context.
This. Someone who is willing to come down to my ignorant level in a subject and reward me for my tiny effort and interest in it, is an immediate win in my book. Though it is a hard line to cross without going into smirky/mansplaining territory.
For example, Veritasium videos are always fantastic, but I can't get over how the man smirks when he explains concepts, despite the fact that it's his natural smile.
Finding that sweet spot is incredibly difficult, and requires a lot of attention and skill.
In kendo, if I make it too easy, not only the junior won't learn much from it, but they will get frustrated and feel that they are being dismissed or looked down on. If you go too hard on someone, you are crushing their spirit and demoralising them, and they don't get the opportunity to learn or improve. The problem is that such environments tend to be festered in some dojo, so if you see that, best to look for another group.
The point of hikitate geiko is to give your partner both a boost in confidence and engagement, giving them opportunities to attack you, but if they don't immediately capitalise on them, move on.
As for applying it outside the dojo, I think you have to want to share your enthusiasm about something, and when you get them hyped about it like you, it's an awesome feeling. When you give them the confidence to try something, or ask a question, they are trusting you and it's great. I also love seeing someone when something they have been trying to do just clicks.
I find that when learning a new skill, there is a point of psychological friction, because you feel that you suck, and just aren't getting it. Hikitate geiko helps the junior not feel like they suck, it feels awesome and it increases morale, which makes learning both fun and effective.
This, the enthusiasm sells the authenticity of it, and people are more willing to listen.
I have a friend who teaches high school history and has traveled a lot. She's great at this! I feel like i can talk to her about almost anything and she never makes me feel stupid.
Somewhat related... I work at a garden center and my manager is a professor of horticulture. When I transferred to her department, I thought I would be learning so much, but this woman has no passion for teaching and is cynical about everything. She sucks the life and fun out of work. Luckily I enjoy working with my other coworkers, and everybody likes me better than they do her.
This really sucks, but I'm glad the other people there weren't dragged down by the manager and remained positive people to interact with.
Bit of an update... 3 out of 4 of us employed under her are planning to quit after the new year. We're just finishing the holiday season because it's a busy time and don't want to bail when it's all hands on deck right now.
The 4th person is only part-time and we haven't told him yet about our plans, so he may join us once he finds out.
All of us are quitting because of the manager.
I'm glad you're no longer putting up with her. Best of luck.
I do this when I play MTG or board games with people. I'm not like professional MTG good or anything but it is the kind of complex system I tend to do really well in. I want to have fun too though so a lot of times I end up trying to control the board in a way to make my opponent think about specific challenges to overcome to defeat me. Gives me something to do that isn't obliterating them and they get to have an engaging game out of it too
That's exactly it! This matches the spirit of hikitate geiko beautifully. You're both helping your opponent understand the game better, creating opportunities for them to challenge themselves in engaging ways and helping them feel awesome while doing it, which is a great motivator to improve and play more in the future.
Do you feel this makes you a better MTG player in general when you do it?
I'd say it depends who I'm against but overall yeah. There's always something to be learning in that game and if someone completely new to the game finds a novel way around a challenge than I'll tuck that away in my toolbelt as well. I also have to know some really obscure parts of how things work together to orchestrate the kind of board state I'm talking about so lots of research goes into it.
I actually do this mostly as a way to learn about new people; see how they approach problem solving and how they socially interact with me (MTG is a space I'm comfortable in so I end up talking way more than usual during play); but I have a couple close friends we mostly try and out shitpost each other with ridiculous gameplay. And then sometimes, on a rare occasion if someone is rude to me, I can take off the training wheels and use my finely tuned bullshittery to make them pick up their ball and go home lol
That's really awesome! There are more similarities than I thought between our hobbies.
They are happy to see you!
They handle stress and disappointment well.
They don't externalize their frustrations, and take responsibility for solving their own problems. They act like a functioning adult.
They have interests and hobbies that they are happy to do alone, or share.
Unfair - but they don't have intense money, drug, social pressure in their life, a stable situation is the good grounds for relationships
bonus: If their parents are attractive, then they could be a good partner who ages gracefully with you
That bonus really looked like it was going somewhere else for a second there.
bonus: if their parents are attractive, you have a potential thruple opportunity to fall back on if the relationship sours.
"Then you might have a plan B if the relationship doesn't work out as expected"
Uses vim?
I, too, appreciate a clean bathroom
Now I'm not dating someone unless they can prove their vim skills. Probably I'm gonna die alone.
:wq is the equivalent of sexting you
Maybe :q! (Bang)
I like to stay safe with my sexting
I only date someone if they have successfully entered, and exited, the gates of vim.
What if they did it once like 10 years ago then immediately changed to something else to preserve their sanity?
And she is lesbian
If a person carries their trash with them until they stumble upon a trash bin they instantly have a plus in my book.
That's such a low bar, i feel sorry for your past
It is, but it's pretty alarming how many people I see not doing this :/
I wouldn't consider them people if they don't have the cognitive ability to hold onto their trash to throw into a trash can.
I'm pretty sure you can train a crow to do better
next step is holocaust
I mean I agree with you, but yet, I still see humans do it all the time
You might be surprised
The simple virtue of being able to genuinely express these words; "I don't know", "Sorry" and "Thank you" (or any derivative of these*).
Being able to admit a mistake is huge, being able to genuinely apologize without some cop-out disclaimer is even better.
Kindness to animals. Just all animals, generally
They're self aware. Understand the difference between subjectivity and objectivity. When they encounter someone different, they don't judge, see it as a learning opportunity. Put thought into their words. If you ask them a question, you can see them carefully thinking about it.
Everyone judges, it's how you act upon that judgement that is the mark of your character. Anyone that says "I don't judge" is either full of shit or means that they are self aware of their biases, conscious and subconscious and don't act upon their judgements.
Judging people is a natural part of being human and impossible to not do.
I would just append that judging people is a good thing, often blanket misinterpreted as a bad thing. You should make an initial judgement upon meeting someone (it doesn't really matter, your subconscious will anyway). The important part is being willing to update that judgement based on learning more.
And to add to that, all the characteristics listed their green flags - characteristics used to judge people.
I've spoken about this with my girlfriend. She mentioned that we shouldn't judge a book by its cover and I get what she was trying to say but everyone judges and to a certain extent everyone should judge. It's how you act upon that initial judgment and your willingness to append it that shows your character.
I feel like all of those are what people would see as signs of intelligence but I'm pretty dumb and I do all of those as well.
There are many kinds of intelligence. Social, emotional, etc. I'm betting you're really good at some things I'm horrible at.
i see your mocks authority and raise you an acab.
these are good green flags. I see the flak youre getting from folks doing the whole "make fun of vegans on the internet" thing, and wanted to say that the vegans Ive met irl have been really chill folks that are willing to make sacrifices for a better society. idk why vegans get trashed on online for sharing the long list of pros for veganism, as if people don't share opinions online all the time.
personally, I'm on a reduce animal products in ways i can with an occasional "treat yo-self" day, but that's mostly because ive lived a lot of my life being poor and havent always been able to select my own diet.
excited for more lab grown options, and I love when vegan options exist because they are usually unique, delicious, and dont have dairy(am allergic).
We're all on our own journey. I spent 25 years eating, wearing, or otherwise using our fellow earthlings to various degrees before I realised I didn't want to be someone who kills when I don't have to.
I am grateful for what kindness you practice and I hope you will continue to reflect on your relationship with earthlings.
Sounds awesome!
Mocking authority is a green flag?
Of course, authority is a pretty fucked up concept as implemented in our society. It's almost always nothing more than the threat of violence for not subsuming your own needs to the needs of another. The other usually claiming that privilege through nonsense like birthright, wealth, closeness to power structures or similar.
Anyone who uses such a ridiculous thing is at best a fool. Calling out injustice and laughing at awful people is definitely a green flag.
Consider say the difference between interacting with a cop and a firefighter. The cop claims authority, do what they say or be tortured into compliance. The firefighter has no authority and yet I'll bet you trust everything they say a lot more than the cop and are far more willing to cooperate.
The firefighter is an authority on fire safety, and shouldn't be mocked for that authority
There's a lot of writing on subtle details of sorts of authority and it's a bit of a problem with language.
You could say that you voluntarily grant the firefighter temporary authority in some circumstances or whatever but to avoid quibbling over language for essays let's agree that there is a difference between someone imposing authority vs an individual deciding to believe someone should be listened to because of some domain expertise.
It's probably due to autism traits but "mocking authority" sounds like just mocking anyone relying on previous experience or education rather being able to justify their position in the situation at hand. Compare to the logical fallacy of "relying on authority"
When it comes to fire safety, I don't need to know exactly with sources why some areas need to be "fire cells" while other areas, similar in my eyes, doesn't if the information comes from a fire fighter. I rely completely on his/her authority on the matter and doesn't need any more evidence to let the fire fighter enforce those laws and regulations.
Im guessing that in this context "authority" in the thread starter text is shorthand for "perceived authority by the enforcer without real and safe recourse for the person having authority enforced upon"?
Since both the cop and fire fighter have means of legal repercussions if their authority is not followed I mean.
I'm not sure I follow. For the purposes of my example the firefighter has no legal recourse if you don't listen. They're just random volunteers where I live.
I don't want to get too hung up on definitions because that's counter productive I think. So what I'm talking about is that sometimes humans rely on power, real or perceived, in order to demand that others subsume their own desires and submit to those of the powerful.
Examples are police and other violent gangs - do what I say or I shoot you, capitalists - work for me or I will starve you, shitty parents - do what I say or I will hurt you.
I am calling that authority, notice that at no point is there consent from the person authority is being claimed over (it's not consent if it's coerced).
On the other hand people sometimes agree to perform certain roles with each other, or to be bound by certain rules in order to undertake some endeavour. For example when I am teaching my niece science she agrees to solve the problems I ask her to solve, but there is no coercion here. She is free to say at any moment "no" and I am free to either withdraw my offer to teach, ask a different question, propose a break or whatever else. Similarly working groups might elect someone among them to manage a project, but this isn't authority (as I have defined above) if they are free to relect a project manager, refuse directions or whatever.
Various writers have waffled to varying extents trying to pin down specific definitions. I side with those who think it's clearer to distinguish between the two social arrangements by not calling the second one authority.
Where I live the fire fighters are a professional force tasked with emergency tasks as well as enforcing compliance with fire safety regulations, as an example an association I work with had to pay a fine due to having some of the smoke detectors non functioning. Thats an authority I have no issue with, with goes back to the word "mocking" authority rather than "questioning" authority.
One sounds like the refusal of having another party authority over oneself, the latter implies a valuation if the authority is proper, fitting and reasonable or not.
but it's not the legal repurcussions that make you listen. If anything they undermine, as you need to establish whether advice is genuine or somebody throwing their weight around.
I'm infamous for understanding to an extent, but that's like saying "Japanese police are bad, therefore being in the Yakuza is a green flag". I too am not that fond of authority, but that doesn't make every robber a Robin Hood.
I missed this.
Violent thugs claim authority regardless of the source. The cops claim the law enables them to torture you into compliance, the gangs claim it by right of might.
The reason is not relevant, laugh at them all (where doing so won't get you killed).
This doesn't mean fuck rules or cooperation. If my friends and I play a board game we all agree to be bound by collective rules for the pursuit of some mutual fun. Of course nobody has authority in the same sense, anyone is free to say "I don't think this rule is fun, can we change it?" or "I'm not having fun right now, I'm sorry but I'd like to stop playing".
I love people who help others, I just also love it when those helpful people burst out laughing when someone says "that's Mr Bossman to you!".
As to your reply to other person, yeah a lot of people don't respect authority and laugh at it. I think it's a green flag. Some people kiss the ring and lick the boot. Those people scare me because I can't think of any reason except that they dream of being over another.
Seems you are using that brain again. Didn't school teach you not to do that?
Cop and firefighter was a good example.
Mocking authority for me would be a red flag as it's a sign of immaturity. The people in my life that do this are the ones that tend to be emotionally rash, and inability to control emotions is a huge red flag.
However not just submitting to authority and being confident enough to stand up to it while being respectful, that's a green flag.
why respect someone who's threatening you? That's the implicit case with authority "bow to me or I will make you suffer"
Who gains anything there except the authoritarian? Why do you want people to respect that?
We get on with each other fine without it.
What do you gain from treating them with disrespect, other than escalation? Nobody likes being disrespected, regardless of whether or not they deserve / have earned that respect. By operating on a baseline of "give people the benefit of the doubt and treat them with respect by default" you open a world of constructive / logical discussion that would be closed if you were emotional.
To me, mocking someone is a person's way of saying "I don't have a well thought out argument against X, so I'll just give it a nickname and talk shit about it".
If you have to think of one person who is famous for mocking anyone / anything they don't like, who would it be? For me, the first person that comes to mind is Trump. Is that someone who is worth modelling your behaviour after?
ability to reasonable and critical common sense thinking, when it's against the hive mind of their surroundings -- > greenest of all green flags 😉
What do you mean with
Is an earthling a human, an animal, a plant or subsets of those three? And what is walking through an earthling?
I'm geniuenly curious, I have no idea what you mean.
Earthlings are all of us, all sentient beings. We are from earth, we are the earthlings.
Like not just plowing through birds foraging, or lizards sunbaking, or ants doing a nuptial flight or whatever.
Considering others' right to use space equal to their own.
That makes much more sense, my first intuition was passing people on the sidewalk which... doesn't seem like a red flag.
Yeah, that sounds like a fun dude (I'm assuming dude given the kind of work he does). I've never met him, though.
my wife is the light of my life ^.^
Vegan is a red flag for me.
Same. I prefer partners without willpower
Good to know you're both cruel and insecure. Thanks for sharing with the group
It's not that, it's just the baggage that comes with it. It's like a partner telling you they have two small kids you have to deal with. At first it's fine, but then the pressure grows on you until one night you find yourself about to sacrifice the neighbours cat for a piece of that sweet sweet flesh, blood raining down as you tear the feline on half, its final yowls turning raw and gutteral whilst the life winks slowly out of its eyes to be reborn elsewhere in another life no doubt.
You know, small stuff like that.
Mmm death murder blood.
You're /so/ cool
Exactly, it's the cool factor that is the main driving force. Every time I go to the kebab shop, I pop on my sunglasses, sidle up casually to the counter and raise two fingers to the meatkeep, signalling that I want two baby deer on a pizza - stat! - and then I slide him two dollars across the counter, to sweeten the deal, and with a wink he throws in a hamster for that extra zest.
I chug down my ayran like a boss so fast that it makes the girls gasp, and then I grab my pizza and action roll out of the shop, tossing finger guns at everyone in sight. I aaaaaay across the road, fonzie-style, and tip the local crackhead generously with the end of mood ring to show him that I care and that I'm down.
That's just how I roll.
Can I be cool too?
putting down the wheel of time and reading the malazan book of the fallen would be a pretty cool thing to do ;)
This comment is neither soft spoken nor patient.
I'm not a saint. If people are going to try and hurt me I'm going to ridicule them.
Go audit what that person has said.
Besides maybe I'm a piece of shit, there's no guarrantee I fulfill my own green flags.
I actually frequently identify myself as a human garbage fire, which is funny really. Like I am a human garbage fire and even I am vegan, so what does that make non vegans?
I'm eating a nice juicy burger right now. Yum!
Congrats, you’re as insufferable as the people you’re trying to offend!
I'm not vegan so this doesn't offend me.
I'm not vegan either, but you're still annoying lol
Congrats I suppose
I'm not a vampire, it's not like waving the idea of death at me is going to send me slinking back to my verdant fields.
Humans are omnivores, nothing to feel bad about.
Nobody should feel shame for what their body can do. That doesn't mean we should do it.
We have all sorts of abilities, we can drop kick babies for example. Doesn't mean you should do that.
You do you, I'll do me.
See that breaks down when there are victims. Even if we stick to non human animals I'm sure you have negative opinions about some of the following: whaling, dog fighting, dog eating, skinning cats, horse racing, circus animals, pet hoarding, shark nets.
Like everyone is familiar with the idea that there are acceptable ways to seek pleasure in the world and some line beyond which they say "no you're victimising another for your own gain. I do not think that is acceptable". Even anti vegans rarely endorse arbitrary use of non human animals for pleasure.
So you are probably comfortable with the idea that you can't just say "live and let live" and be done with it. That works for whether you want to plant red roses and I want to plant pink ones, or you like toffee and I like cake. It doesn't apply when lives are on the line.
Killing/hurting beings that want to live and suffer when you don't have to is wrong. It is a wrong thing to do.
You said vegan. That explains the downvotes.. And you said it as the first point even. Next time leave it for last!
I'm not going to hide my values. They're not shameful
ikr, ITT, people getting mad they don't fit into / agree with a strangers green flag list. The world is a wild place and I hope it's not as hostile or absurd as I believe it is.
The V word makes people go nuts because they know they ought to be.
Notice how nobody is flipping out about my preference for people unfraid of getting their hands dirty, or imagine if I had written Buddhist. Would anyone have replied that it's a red flag for them or written weird fantasies about anti Buddhist violence?
It upsets people because we all know killing animals is wrong. It's easy and it's tasty though. We tell ourselves it's ok because everyone else is, but then a vegan comes along and the illusion shatters.
At the time of writing, the comment only has 32% downvotes.
Lemmy is a lot more vegan friendly than most places on the internet.
A lot of the hatred of vegens comes from fossil fascists, and they get banned here.
Only kicks upwards, not downwards. Has a backbone and principles. Doesn't value money over meaning. Likes to teach people instead of putting oneself over them.
I agree, bot.
Please dont racist toward bot. His race is bot. He is born as bot. He can't choice to be born as human
Bleep bloop :'(
Expresses disagreement with people talking shit about others when they don't have to
People who treat others who cannot benefit them well. For example, wait staff.
Actually intelligent, reads books, sense of humor, actually listens.
I love my ereader but I miss the days when you could actually see what someone was reading. It was like a book recommending a person
Someone reading a book doesn't mean the book is good.
I have a book written by a mentally ill person I met, just because I wanted to have more insight into his mental state.
Comments about reading
Completely misreads my sentence
😂
"good" book is highly subjective. It depends not only on your tastes but also on your general mood while reading it. Same for film and art. I saw the Mona Lisa in person and was completely unimpressed.
How do you measure actually intelligent?
You don't measure it. You compare it to your own intelligence and see if it matches.
It's like art, you know it when you see it.
When they say it. If somebody says "I'm very smart" or "I'm very intelligent", you know the answer.
but what is the question?
Exactly!
Excellent question. For me, it has a lot to do with their sense of humor, general outlook, and their problem solving. ymmv
Have you heard about IQ Test.
The flawed metric racists use to claim they are somehow superior?
There is a reason why it isn't standard practice and only covers certain topics. It can measure some general knowledge, but is in no way indictment to the actual intelligence of a person.
Yes I know the origins of IQ Tests and how it was used for justifying eugenics in USA and how Hitler got inspired by it. But I ment it as a joke to the original comment asking how to measure intelligence. And anyway who believes in a number on piece of paper we all only believe in how much upvotes we can get on Lemmy.
No that's dumb
somebody talking about their IQ would be a major red flag for me lol
Is it OK if they mention that their IQ is less than 0 Kelvin.
some healthy self-deprecation is definitely nice, but the eldritch implications of somebody representing their intelligence as convertible to a temperature value transgressing thermodynamic law intrigue me more.
Have YOU been on the mensa forums?
I'm theoretically Mensa qualified but when I met some I turned away. My sense of what's fun and creative did not align. At all.
No particular order:
where do I find other people like this? where am I supposed to go?
Makerspaces? Maybe just hang around at bars near your local conference/convention center?
I'll feel weird and out of place. But I guess I have nothing better to do. lol
and I gotta hope no gross chuds pick on me
To nerd forum, i guess, like LessWrong.
don't go there
Nah that site’s full of subtly (and sometimes overtly) unnerving techbros
seems like a place where there'd be very few women. lol
One of my least favorite things about my ex is that she hated learning. Like why? The world has cool things, why would you not like learning about ANYTHING? You don't realize how much it sucks to date someone that is unwilling to learn new things for fun until you deal with it.
Treats everyone with respect regardless of what their perceived status is.
They talk about Pokemon in the first date and will defend gen whatever while still calling it shit.
First Gen, the game is fucking broken as fuck. But it's also the most memorable and iconic one. I think with little tweaking in types and mechanics in Gen 1, you could have the perfect pokémon game.
But since it was the first, a lot of shit wasn't discovered and explored.
This is what Pokémon Let’s Go is, a modern refining of Gen One Pokémon. If that interests you, it has already been made
First Gen. You could actually memorize the Pokedex. Now you can't.
... Yeah... We totally can't anymore.... 💦 Oof...
Red flag for me. I'm all for people having hobbies, but bringing up niche hobbies from childhood would not be great. I'm sure 2 fans would get along great. However, it would be odd to bring up with another adult who is not a known fan.
Why is Pokemon exclusively a childhood thing?
It's a show marketed at kids. Manu adults like it as they grew up with it. Manu adultsike the games, but those unfamiliar are not starting as adults.
For me, it's not about having a childhood hobby you still enjoy. It's about not having the social awareness to not being it up on a first date. In context, sure, why not, if you walked by a poster or kid playing and it became a topic of conversation. But as a topic of conversation whose purpose is to get to know each other, I'd be worried they never matured.
I still.play video games from my childhood almost daily, when I get the chance. I won't chat about combos or new sf6 characters with strangers or a first date.
Pokemon being marketed to kids isn't the same as Pokemon being a kids' game, especially when a huge chunk of the community around the franchise are late teens/adults. Sure, don't bring it up randomly, but I honestly don't see how games are different from sports, knitting, anime, or any other hobby in that regard. Someone being passionate about something --whether it's games or anything else-- shouldn't really impact your perception of their maturity.
Yes, but that's partly my point. The teens and adults that are fans are only fans due to playing as kids, likely due to marketing to them. That's not to say any game is good or bad, but to me it's a sign of immaturity to bring it up. I'd have similar red flags with someone discussing non kid hobbies if I showed little interest. If someone wants to chat football or handbags, I'd equally want out. It's a know your audience problem. If have no problem dating a Pokemon fan and I'd probably take up the game to play with them. My issue is being so into it it's all you want to talk about on a first date. It would strine me as immature.
If we were discussing hobbies and they briefly brought it up, that wouldn't be a red flag, per se.
When they call you because they're at the supermarket and you might want something.
I should probably add my own. They like plants
Oh yeah, must have. Bonus points if their house plants are prickly or poisonous.
The problem with dangerous plants is you need to warn people not to touch the gympie gympie.
Or breathe around it. The gympie gympie gets its own separate, controlled environment to share with giant hogweed and friends.
Their soul is sufficiently supple for the ritual.
Girl, are you covered in the entrails of a sheep to sacrifice to the Lord Glycon to wake him from his sleep, or are you happy to see me?
They're a fucking weirdo like me and so don't mind being goofy a good bit of the time.
mine is similar, they laugh at my jokes and can also continue them
They can laugh at themselves. Not to the point of self deprecation, but they can acknowledge when they're wrong or dumb
I feel like everything is a green flag until a red flag pops up. Like how an open road is functionally a permission to cintinue driving.
There are things where I get excited about a person, but even then red flags are more important. "Never admits to wrongdoing" and "Thinks kicking down a door and screaming at your partner is an appropriate response to leaving a mug in the wrong cupboard" is going to flatly be more important in a relationship than "does activism" or "is house trained".
That said, I don't like arguing all the time and do organising stuff irl, so it would be nice to agree politically on a bunch of things. Responds to texts/messages and seems excited to build conversation with me.
Good range of spices - preferably slightly more than they have enough room for.
I live with a chef, we have more spices than I can keep track of. We keep them in small mason jars, dozens of jars, jars everywhere. I don't even know what like 1/4 of the spices are. Sometimes I just go through smelling them being like 'sure whatever the fuck this is smells like it would go well in this dish'
Cutting the bullshit and getting straight to the point. If I wanna play games I have a playstation.
Amen to this. Life's too short for stupid BS.
its more of a long term green flag but whenever someone listens to me, like brings up something i mentioned ages ago or whatever, its just a nice little thing i appreciate a lot
Having red and yellow or red and black flags on their clothing/accessories
Why is being Belgian a green flag?
No, that's red, yellow AND black
To avoid any further confusion, red should be the base color, the yellow a cute symbol and black a triangle connecting three of the corners
Okay, yep, I would consider someone being an communist or anarchist to be a green flag
Yeah, I tried to make a funny bit about red flags but avoiding sectarianism muddled it
They communicate honestly
When they pay back what they owe without being reminded.
They actually show up, or, failing that, tell you they aren't going to show up and summarize why and when the next best time is.
Liking ska punk
Everyone has a favorite ska song.
Whether it's Soundsystem by Operation Ivy, The Impression That I Get by Might Mighty Bosstones, or any of the popular Sublime ones. Ska is just fun to listen to and you can't change my mind.
Green flags, not Black Flag!
Yes, yes, don't start with genres.
Eager to discuss the cool things they've read.
Able to make me laugh.
Cleans up after themselves (I know, low bar).
Communist of some stripe.
Superficial but:
Would you say audiobooks count as "read"?
Y'know, I've never thought about that before.
I guess, I would.
Close enough in my book!
this made me want a full reading of lenins work by stephen fry
Sweetest thing I have ever been told
They're a Wobbly.
Hell yeah, IWW unite!
I mean, I guess they are already, aren't they?
...Success!
A WHAT?!
A member of the Industrial Workers of the World.
Workers of the world unite: An injury to one is an injury to all.
They smile at people they meet in a genuine "have a good day" vibe. It lifts people more than you know.
communism, support for palestine
Enjoys the outdoors
Child Free
Has a dog
Atheist/Agnostic
“A person can perhaps succeed in hiding his sins from the world, he can perhaps be foolishly happy that he succeeds, or yet, a little more honest, admit that it is a deplorable weakness and cowardliness that he does not have the courage to become open-but a person cannot hide his sins from himself.” — Kierkegaard, Two Discourses at Friday Communion
Texts me and makes plans instead of me being the one who has to.
Huge cock
If I don't have my own, will store-bought do?
A desire to learn.
They are open to the idea that they could be at fault in any given situation but neither always assume they are nor always assume they are not.
They join banter in a comfortable way without using character assassination as an authority/persuasion grab.
I think the way people talk about themselves vs. the way they talk about others is very telling about their personality. Being positive and humble/making fun of oneself while being positive about others is a huge green flag.
They care about other people
Kindness and looking out for others even when they don't have to.
They are self-aware, willing to change and learn, and have a rational, logical view of things. It's rare to meet people like that, but they are by far the best people. Someone's philosophy on life is probably the best descriptor of a person.
Books. If you go to someone's house and they don't have books, don't fuck them. - John Waters
Massively. My first manoeuvre when I go in someone’s house is to look at their bookcase, and judge them accordingly.
I read ebooks 😢
I don't think I've stopped to think what the different flags for people are for me. It's just something I've instinctively known and haven't really thought about
My thoughts exactly. It's an unconscious split second decision if I want to get to know someone or not.
Informs you about stuff proactively and you don't have to pull everything out of them yourself
Italy and Bulgaria come to mind
Old Lybia flag?
Their fingernails. It sounds weird, but you can tell a lot about a person by how maintained their nails are. If they have long gross unkept nails, it says a lot. Versus trimmed and clean nails.
I always do dinner and a movie for Date 1. At dinner, how do they treat the staff? Are they kind, do they thank the worker for their help? Do they tip well? Do they take forever to pick an item off the menu? When I offer to pay, do they initially counter offer for them to pay or us split at least?
I'd just ask them their thoughts on trans folks wanting to participate in the Olympics with their same gender. The way they react to a hardball question pretty quickly outs any red flags.
what is your answer on 3?
Suddenly this thread is playing with fire lol
I will try. This comes up frequently these days with my Trumper friend, so this could be valuable to discuss here.
I think it would be fine for them to compete provided we can ensure a level playing field. I don't know what that would entail, but studies should be done to get it figured out. Is it a blood draw for testosterone levels (maybe not.. sometimes that's naturally high for either cis gender)? Maybe estrogen? Maybe it's number of years post transition, though I see difficulty defining the start.
Definitely a tough issue since if we get it wrong and be too accepting or not accepting enough, many athletes will suffer. I would love to hear some more ideas and thoughts on this. I'm tired of getting shot down trying to talk to this guy.
I saw one suggestion which was to so away with male and female competitions, and instead have "open" and "restricted" comps. Open would be available to anyone, male or female, while you could set up as many restricted comps as you needed for the particular sport or activity with whatever rules make sense. So the 100m sprint might have Open, Restricted - Testosterone, and Restricted - Height - with whatever T level or height in centimetres decided by the relevant authority. Whereas something like weightlifting might have Restricted - Weight as it's own class. The idea being any gender can compete provided provided meet the restrictions in place to make an interesting/fair competition within that bracket.
That’s interesting. I was a long time nail biter, and I only recently managed to stop, I literally never before had cut my nails. Even when I was a baby, my mom bit my nails, she was like 15 when I was born and didn’t know how to adult. Do you have any tips for taking care of nails? It’s all new to me. So far I’ve found that filing them is worth doing, and my hands get way dirtier now that I have a place for dirt to hide under.
Proud of you for breaking the habit! Not sure if you're masc or fem, but I'm masc and all I do is clip them before they get too long which helps prevent the buildup of dirt. Nail clippers also usually have a little scraper attachment that works great for getting dirt out when you notice it. I've never felt the need to file my nails, but you may prefer the extra smoothness!
Ooh that makes sense. I always kinda wondered what that little knife thing in the clippers was for haha. Thanks!!!
Yeah and if the scraper is textured on a side that's for filing. Be careful with cheap files though they can have sharp edges. I recently learned the joys of cutting right into the tip of my finger this way
Your mom did what?
Eats ass
:9
Interested in learning and willing to change their mind when presented with new information.
“In our times, as was remarked, no one is content with faith, but ‘goes right on.’ The question as to whether they are proceeding may be a silly question; whereas it is a sign of urbanity and culture to assume that every one has faith, to begin with, for else it were a curious statement for them to make, that they are proceeding further. In the olden days it was different. Then, faith was a task for a whole life-time because it was held that proficiency in faith was not to be won within a few days or weeks.” — Kierkegaard, Fear and Trembling
I'm too dumb to understand this. Can you explain please?
Appreciates spiders and other crawlies.
Able to touch their toes
I can touch my toes but I have to bend my knees instead of just my back. Does that still count?
You know, I don't have one. I should come up with something so people have quick ways to go up in my opinion and not just down. It will make me less sad.
They take the time to clean up all the blood!
Is the blood yours or theirs or a third person you enjoyed for a lovely dinner.
Assuming that others are good people.
Being open minded about ideas.
I have never met a person who carried a "people are trash" mindset who haven't been just complete monsters themselves.
Has a favorite Bauhaus professor.
Holds the door open for everyone (men, women, children, etc)
Hodor
Actually, he held the door closed so people couldn't get in. Very rude.
*sad Hodor noises*
Feel, and spread the aura of energetic.