The best time to start regularly exercising and eating at least moderately healthy food is 10 years ago, the second best time is now.
You know something that helped me exercise regularly was.. "you're going to be scrolling through your phone. Might as well do it while on the treadmill/peloton/etc"
But I can't be at a treadmill and take a dump at the same time. Actually I could, but I don't want to.
Sure you can. The belt will just fling it off the back.
Yeah but you can do curls on the toilet while watcbing YT
Don't try to have a good diet and workout routine, try to regularly improve your diet and workout routine.
The best workout routine is the one you can stick to. Plenty of people online will tell you that to lose weight you need to be doing cardio in a certain heart rate zone or to gain muscle you need to weight lift a certain way. That is technically true, but useless. A great workout routine is just walking for half an hour each day. It is a much more realistic goal for out of shape people and simply getting your heat pumping and your muscles moving regularly will get you most of the health benefits you need.
Same thing with diet. A keto or intermittent fasting diet may be the fastest way to burn fat, but they are very hard to stick to and when you break them, you will be so hungry that you will eat enough to gain back all the weight you lost. A more realistic plan is to cut out a sugary beverage from each day and to make sure that every meal includes a vegetable high in fiber. Once that is an established habit, build on it with other small changes that move you closer to a healthy lifestyle.
I heard the same advice about investing for retirement. This feels like a glitch in the matrix.
Usually it's "the best time to plant a tree", that way it's a metaphor for everything.
I work a very sedentary career and don't have a ton of energy after work/kids, but I've found having an under the desk pedal cycle to use during the day has done wonders for my physical and mental health.
I have an under desk treadmill and it is easily the best investment I've made for my fitness.
But don't switch completely to a healthy diet all of a sudden, do it slowly. Otherwise your body may not handle the drastic change and you may get health issues (mine was a belly button infection đ).
If someone left their partner to be with you, they're capable of leaving you to be with someone new.
This one is painfully accurate. And doubled if they cheated on their ex. It's not romantic, you're not in a movie. They're a shitty person who cheated on their partner. They will do it to you.
Yes. My usual version of this is "You're not special. If they lied to someone else, they'll lie to you."
if they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you
One of my mom's two best bits of wisdom. The other was I cut, you choose.
My mom would have added:
You never let someone hit you a second time.
This. This one was a rough lesson to learn.
If you see a toilet in your dreams, don't use it!
Can't confirm. I've had lucid dreams, where I'm aware that it's a dream, but not in control.
Then I started just pissing everywhere. And I could feel my sweatpants getting soaked. And then I shit myself. And in the dream I'm panicing because I know it's happening in real life. I'm very aware that when I wake up my sweatpants will be piss soaked, and I have shat myself. I can FEEL it happening as it happens. Then I wake up. No shit. No piss. Totally dry, and I IMMEDIATELY need to get to a bathroom. Where I shit and piss in the toilet.
And then I stand up, and there's no shit or piss in the toilet. And I'm like "WTF??? Am I just groggy? What the hell is happening???"
Then the toilet starts talking. "FEED ME YOUR TASTY POOPS!!!" And I'm like what the fuck is going on? Am I on drugs???" And this toilet is getting angry that I won't shit in it's mouth. Then it starts stomping around like the piano from Super Mario 64.
Then I wake up, and IMMEDIATELY need to piss and shit. So I run to the toilet, and yell at the toilet "ARE YOU GOING TO DEMAND I SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH??? I KNOW YOUR TRICKS, TOILET!!!"
And thats when I hear my neighbors laughing, because the walls are thin, it's 3AM, and they now think I'm crazy.
This has happened several times. I hope I never meet my neighbors.
what the fuck
Cool story, bro.
Weed will reduce your dreams, which could be good or bad in your situation.
This made me laugh so much đ
I was mostly wtf, but I will admit I did laugh.
What about if there's a fire, can I use the hose to put it out?
It probably wouldn't even put the fire out.
Watch "Strange Brew" and let me know if you change your mind on that.
Awesome Canadian movie.
When that was first said, what came to mind was actually Gulliver's Travels with Jack Black. Fires are typically not even weak to a firefighting hose, that's why those firefighting games at Chuck E. Cheese are so hard. Firefighting is actually more difficult than that.
I once avoided asking my father for money for the dentist, out of pride, as a tooth infection was developing.
By the time I finally did break down and ask him, it had advanced to the point where my nervous system got permanently altered by the pain levels I experienced.
I finally broke down and asked him when it got too much for me to handle. But by that time, it wasnât at its peak yet. The pain peaked after I started the antibiotics.
I guess the lesson was: a problem will continue to develop after you take steps to solve it. In my case, waiting until the pain reached a level I couldnât handle meant that the maximum pain level was well above what I could handle.
The lesson I learned is this: The problem does not go away magically the moment you decide to ask for help. So donât wait until the last second to ask for help.
Like, call the fire department long before the fire gets out of control.
Oh my GOD yes. The pain now is a FRACTION of what it'll be the longer you put it off! And trust me, at some point you will be forced to go if you don't choose to go yourself. Just go. They won't judge you for starting now.
Currently the non-availability of dental care in the budget is the biggest visible sign of poverty.
Remember that while dentristry is an essential service, it is mercenary and thus priced out of reach of our bottom 30%.
Some things are important, but importance is only half of the prioritization.
Who needs teeth if you can't buy groceries...
Also, floss.
Put your money where you spend your time. Don't spend money on something if you won't be using it.
You spend a lot of time sleeping, so get a nice, comfortable mattress.
Spend a lot of time on your feet at work? Get durable, comfortable shoes/boots, and maybe some nice insoles so you don't limp back to your car from pain.
Spend a lot of time playing a F2P video game? Go ahead and buy that DLC or cosmetic item to make it more fun, and support the devs to keep the game going.
The list can go on, but before any non-trivial purchase, I ask myself how much time I will spend using it.
I like to measure costs in dollars per hour, similar to this. So what if that hobby item is 400 dollars. How many hundreds of hours will you get enjoying it? So like, a dollar an hour.
A movie you don't care about seeing? 20 dollars for 2 hours. Maybe hold off.
Agreed and agreed. But an addendum regarding mattresses: No matter what the salespeople tell you, most mattresses with pocketed coil springs are pretty much the same apart from hardness, especially with a compensating mattress topper. Just get one that feels right to you, definitely don't think that more expensive=better, mattress-wise.
More money advice: Most things come in two tiers worth purchasing: "nice" and "wow".
"Nice" are the things experts deem good enough, or clothes-wise ones that you can see yourself actually wearing across multiple years, both durability- and appearance-wise. Affordable, and you like them. A useable placeholder, if you will.
"Wow" are the things that you've been steadily dreaming of for years, or ones that catch your eye even if you weren't looking. "Buy it for life" stuff. Solid whole wood furniture, that teapot or coffee maker you've been dreaming of. A designer winter coat that only costs 20 times your old one. 𫣠On these you look at the price tag after; you want it, you get it, and if it breaks, you repair it. If it's affordable, or if you find more than one of these every 1-3 years, consider yourself very lucky.
Nothing below "nice" is worth getting, and very few things between "nice" and "wow" are worth getting.
Yep, learned this the hard way.
I ordered a 10⏠"Skmei" watch from Aliexpress and it died in a year. My cousin buys ~30⏠casio watches and they last at least 5 years of abuse.
Cheap Redmi phones have half the processing power of a top end midranger and will not decently survive years of planned obsolescence. I only have a Redmi (4x from their decent times) because I got it for free from my dad. It's a decent phone, but performance is terrible so they aren't worth paying for from the longevity standpoint, but if you need a temporary phone they are decent.
I dropped 200 euros on a split ergonomic keyboard and it fixed my shoulder pain from typing excessively.
Could i ask you which keyboard did you buy? I'm thinking of taking one myself
Kinesis advantage 2. It's weird to type on to begin with but it was worth it for me.
Thank you
I push people in wheelchairs for a living. I roughly walk 6-10 miles a day. My shoes are 2-3 years old, and literally falling apart.
And I'll keep wearing them until a week AFTER they fall apart! I got duct tape!
Uhh, ok, weird flex, but like.. why? And you seem so proud of it too..
Good shoes are important. Protect your feet, knees, and back. You'll thank yourself for it one day.
Tape is fine if you don't use them all the time, but at least buy some superglue and repair them correctly.
If you can find a consignment store for used outdoor gear, many hiking shoes are strurdy.
Get low-tops unless you want knee problems down the line.
Learn to pad the insoles with foam so you can make them just for you, and easily alter them if things change.
Ah, you should check out Terry Pratchett. One of his characters in his discworld series had a good theory on this
I invested in an Areon chair and have zero regrets. Best decision I ever made. I work as a software engineer, and also game in my spare time. So sitting around is a lot of what I do unfortunately.
Can confirm on the shoes. Whatever else needs cut back, as long as you can afford rent and food and gas to get to work, buy good quality shoes. Not all expensive shoes are good, but good shoes are not cheap. Second hand good shoes that are your size are very very rare. Upgrading insoles can get you by for a while, but there's nothing like good quality shoes.
If youâre falling in love with someone whoâs âperfectâ youâre probably falling in love with someone who only exists in your head and not the real person. Thatâs a disservice to everyone involved.
Also, if your parents were abusive, be deeply skeptical of âlove at first sightâ.
The most amazing connection I ever had with a partner led to the worst abuse Iâve ever experienced.
I've heard a 'crush' being described as an absence of knowledge about the actual person you are fixated on. It reminds me of the story Robert Pattinson told where he took his stalker out to lunch, bitched about his life for an hour, and then never saw her again!
In my case:
If you're falling in love with someone who's "perfect", you're probably falling in love with someone who has an undiagnosed mental illness and is very good at pretending to be the person she thinks you want her to be, for a while.
She will spend the next 6 years making your life very, very miserable.
Where the fuck were you 30 years ago??? I was in 8th grade, and I was OBSESSED with (girls name redacted).
14 year old me saw wedding bells, and wild sex nights, and babies, and a house.
40 year old me knows I was just horny, and she was just putting out horny flirty vibes. I don't even know her favorite food!
yeah same, kinda
You will not be rewarded for doing it fast. You will be penalized for doing it wrong.
This doesn't apply to software engineering. No one cares that your code is shitty if you can deliver within the unrealistic deadline set by PMs. Just ship it, claim gains, get promoted, and quickly move on before the shittiness of the code catches up with you.
Yup. The standard is release now, patch later.
Pro-moted? What's that?
It's when you apply for a better position and get hired. Almost always in a different company. Or a company you left earlier.
my wife is nodding over my shoulder
Unless production is down. Then it is often the reverse.
If production is down it's probably because someone didn't heed my words.
disagree. you can very well be rewarded for speed/reaction time in many jobs. dunno where you live but but there are piecework wages in many jobs.
Don't think that's what they're saying, how many of these jobs will you keep if you're quickly reacting by doing the wrong thing multiple times?
Speed isn't a problem, sacrificing requirements for speed is
Slow is smooth, smooth is fast
there are piecework wages in many jobs.
Ya but then youre asked to do more and more and more work yet theres no benefit. Sure you get more money but i like to go home when my work is done, not get more pilled on.
From my therapist: In the absence of a crystal ball the best predictor of someone's future behavior is their past behavior.
OMG, so good!
tldr, track record
Don't take shortcuts doing DIY. Prepare, use the right tools. Don't skip steps or do things "quick and dirty". Clean up afterwards.
Also don't expect to do it well the first time. Skills take practice to develop. Practice with those tools before you apply them to expensive materials for the thing you really want to make.
This also applies to software engineering and farming, from experience.
Red flags in relationships are serious business and don't go away. I wish desperately I never got married, and when someone goes to the point of deliberately running over a squirrel to upset you, you've really hooked up with a sociopath. If your gut says go, go before you tie your finances to that of a crazy person.
This is true. The book "why does he do that" is a fascinating look into how abusive people (mostly but not always men) operate.
Goes to the point of WHAT?
Running over a squirrel when I told him to watch out for the squirrel running across the road.
The tip of the iceberg to be honest.
Tell people in your life what they mean to you and that you love them.
Often and always, you never know how much time you have together.
Call your mom, dad, your grandparents, spend time with your kids, with your nieces and nephew. Tell them all, that you are proud of them or grateful for them and that you love them.
We always think we have all the time in the world to spend with family and people we love. But if one of their lives is cut short, you might regret it forever!
Also, after breaking with my parents, and telling my kids I love them, I realized how very rare it was for my father to tell me he loves me.
So, tell people what they mean to you and that you love them because it might not seem like much at the moment, but it means a lot in the long run.
Some people can't do that because their parents will use that against them. They love their parents but need to maintain a certain emotional distance so they don't leverage that for emotional blackmail.
Of course who you tell is not universally the same. Just tell the people that are important to you. It doesn't matter if that is your biological family or your chosen one.
Do NOT invite anyone into your home that you do not know. And do NOT save someone from eviction and have them live with you if you only barely know them.
I just went through six months of hell with two freeloading pieces of shit who never cleaned up after themselves and almost never lifted a finger to help in the house â all while getting free room and board, free food, etc.
My kid happened to be friends with a kid whose 64 year old mother (kid was adopted) got evicted and we knew them in passing for a good decade. We were the ONLY ones to help, despite them being a part of a church with hundreds of people.
I now know exactly why no one helped them, and know exactly why they were evicted.
Just donât do it. Itâs not worth the stress and the money.
Holy shit, are you me? We're going through the same thing. A not close friend of mine got evicted so his landlord could renovate his apartment and he has been living with us for six months now, for free. He stays in his room and plays video games all day, every day. He has no job. He subsists on dry cereal unless we feed him. He barely interacts with us. He doesn't do anything to help with chores, instead agreeing to assist and then just "forgetting". He sleeps from 6 am to 2 pm and is up all fucking night. We only know if he's awake because we can hear him playing games.
We told him two months ago that he needs to leave by now but he still has no job and no prospects. My wife, him, and I are in our fifties. We have a 55 year old child.
That sounds so familiar except this was a 64 year old woman and her 16 year old adopted daughter. The mother stayed in the room we provided, with a king sized bed, an Amazon echo, a Roku flat panel 55â TV and only left to eat ramen (that was her âcerealâ), poop, and take her daughter wherever she needed to go.
People are selfish assholes. Period. And I will never again waste my money or time or stress or effort or anything on anyone that I donât know extremely well.
Iâm sorry you are also going through this. If you notified by official letter to get out of your house by a specific date, according to your laws, (and have him sign it), then you are within your rights (at least in the US in every state), typically, to have the county sheriff remove them.
My state requires 60 days notice, so on July 1, we gave these freeloaders official notice to vacate by 5pm on Aug 30. They finally left yesterday. They didnât clean anything. They didnât even sit down and show any appreciation. And they have the gall to ask for a things they left behind after rushing to pack and leave yesterday.
I basically told the mom to go fuck herself in many words. They wasted $5000 of our money over this time, and even their religion they hold so dear didnât force them to be good people and do the right things.
(Shouting this to everyone who would listenâŚ) NEVER take anyone in. Unless itâs family you trust or a really, really good friend that youâve known for a long time.
We're not in the US and, where we live, to file for eviction we must take this to court for a judge to validate the reason for eviction. Typical eviction times range between 3-9 months. We're going to try being such terrible flatmates that he decides to leave. No more free food or access to our toiletries. We'll be blasting our music all day. I'm growing several konjac plants which produce flowers that smell like rotting meat.
If this doesn't work, then we'll take the legal route.
Ouch, Iâm sorry itâs that difficult. Yet another reason to never take in anyone, if living in a country that has such laws that make it that difficult to remove freeloaders and squatters.
I donât want to be that kind of a-hole. I had the best of intentions at the start of this. But there comes a moment when after being screwed so much, itâs time to put an end to it.
Good luck to you!!
Thanks! It's annoying now but we'll laugh about it someday. I'm glad your squatters are gone, it gives me hope.
Iâll toast a drink to us both!
if you start now, it will be over quick. best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago and all that. start the paperwork, move forward.
That's a really good point and I can't disagree. Worst case, our annoyance tactics fail and we have the court proceedings already in motion. You're totally right.
Could also try bribing them. My brother owned a condo for a bit, until he got frustrated with bad tenants. When he needed one to leave, he found bribing them the best answer, even with very little tenant protection where he lives. If you start eviction proceedings, now you have a pissed off tenant in your property who can do any amount of damage that will be expensive to repair. Instead, heâd say âIâll give you $200 to be out next weekendâ and it worked pretty well while being cheaper than legal proceedings
That's also a great idea. We could offer him the likely cost of legal proceedings. Ugh. Never again.
I had a mate who didn't speak with his parents, lost his job and left his partner.
Took him in, rent free for 6 months. Got him on his feet, he got a new job and 6 months later he left... With my 10 year relationship. And my cat (but to be fair my ex was a vet so it made sense that she took him)
I thought he was a friend.
How nice of him, he took the trash out as he left.
Wow.
[DELETED]
Nope, not me.
Mine was a 10 year relationship and she wasn't my wife..
Sounds like you have someone who is (or was) in your life who shouldn't be.
I also work disability support - I have no money to throw around ;)
I had a similar experience, took a friend in for about a year after he lost his job. He just spiraled deeper into depression, I burned a ton of social capital trying to get him out of the house to make friends. He spray painted things on my patio without putting down a drop cloth, broke things inside the house, constantly complained about how crappy or small my house was, while never paying a penny towards it. He was just constantly grumpy and rude, and was completely shocked when I asked him to move out. He kept saying how it was good for him to live with me and just couldn't conceive that it was awful for me.
Classic selfish narcissism. It feels a tad better knowing Iâm not the only one to have dealt with people like that, but it pains me that you and others, who have been as selfless and giving, are treated just as poorly as my family and house was.
Never start a machined bolt/nut with your electric drill. Start it by hand first.
And start it backward, slowly. You can feel the thread drop in. Then start to turn the right way.
Works with threads in plastic as well so the metal screw doesn't make new ones.
care to elaborate?
By hand you can feel that you've engaged the thread properly. If you just send it with a power tool then dealing with cross threaded fasteners is in your future.
my assumption is a machined bolt is not as tempered as a store purchased one so using an electric tool on it could strip the head.
Using a hand tool applies less torque so you are less likely to strip it.
"Machined" doesn't mean "homemade", it's a manufacturing method meaning that the threads of the bolt/nut were cut from a smooth piece of metal (as opposed to being cast or forged from a mold). Machined hardware is more likely to have defects like tiny nicks in the threads or bent threads that can damage/ destroy whatever you're using it to fasten. You can usually tell pretty quickly if you've got a shitty bolt or nut if you're threading it by hand - any irregularities are easy to feel. But if you just blast it with a power drill right off the rip, you won't feel any of it, and might end up with an unplanned permanent fixture.
But can I strip....myself??? I WANNA BE NAKED!!!
Not recommended while using power tools.
Based on my posting history, I thought this comment was in reference to pissing and shitting your pants in your sleep.
If you're going to "chase your dreams," it might be a good idea to first figure out whether they actually really are yours.
I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're goin' and hook up with em later.
Iâm just going to ask where theyâre goinâ and hook up with em later.
This is the way.
Also research the downside first. Some "dream jobs" are marketed that way for a reason.
Now I wonder if I even have dreams... Damn
If you have to force it, you're going to break it.
Or in my case, tear it.
Was it your butthole?
Ouche...
Not really the case if you are trying to open phones nowadays...... đ
Does not apply to stuck jars, ofc
Although there is usually a better way then just muscling it
One time I couldn't get a jar of jelly open so I smashed it. There are definitely better ways.
Cleaning is a skill. Learn to like it young and never have a messy home.
And like all skills, will develop as you do it more and more. If youâre new to cleaning and you suck at it, donât despair. Just keep trying.
Also, if you don't have it in you or enough time in your day to do the right kind of cleaning, it's better to do a half-assed clean today than none at all.
The best amount for me is five minutes, with a timer. When the timer goes off, I stop.
That's my strategy for intimacy, too.
Man I wish I could last five minutes
Just get the tattoo. Your parents are already disappointed anyway. Live your life.
I'd worry more about disappointing your future self than your parents.
idk man I've seen some pretty bad tattoos
No ragerts
Per your advice I got a tattoo of Anna and Elsa 69ing on my cheek, thanks!
I'm proud of you!
You're the first one, thanks! :D
Life isnât about possibilities. Itâs about doing.
Donât wait.
So much wasted timeâŚ
"The world is made by those who control their own destiny. It isn't made by those who don't do, it's made by those who DO do. Which is what made me the man that I am. I do do."
Iâve spent too much money on âstuffâ. Itâs just âstuffâ. Experiences last longer.
Get. Your. Oil. Changed.
Itâs quite embarrassing, but I donât drive very much (have been working from home for almost 5 years now) and let time and miles get away from me. Iâm currently waiting to hear back, but Iâm very likely going to need to get a new engine, so this will be the most expensive mistake that Iâve ever made.
Same...
Not just, "change your oil at the recommended intervals", but "change your oil annually, even if you don't reach the service interval". If you car is going to be sitting for an extended period of time, drain the tank, run the car dry, put the battery on a tender, and change the oil before you start it back up. (Reason: most gas in the US has ethanol in it, and ethanol is hygroscopic. Water in your engine is bad. )
It's really easy to have an alcohol problem without realizing you have an alcohol problem. This is especially true in people with certain personality or mental health conditions. Alcohol cost me a ridiculous amount of money and at least one job and nearly a couple of others. I was drinking to get out of social anxiety and have addiction issues in general, but somehow didn't see how bad I was getting. I would take time off drinking and think I was fine, but I always went back to it. Never start that. Also, never start smoking.
Remember that, in general, consuming almost always costs you something while producing can potentially give you something. This is true in a very broad sense.
..........although not true of poop.
Technically it is. Producing it gives you feeling of achievment (depending of the product size) while consuming costs you your dignity.
I feel this. I recently hit 10 years on my steam account and kinda came to the realization that "I've spent thousands of hours in some of these games and what do I have to show for it?" So I've been cutting back on my time gaming, and trying other things.
It sucks though because video games are one of the cheapest hobbies. Spend about $500-1000 on a decent gaming computer every 3-10 years then $20-40 here and there on games as they tickle your fancy
But I've developed a joy for fitness which is cool. I started biking and on March I struggled to make it around the (very hilly) 1/4 mile block but now I'm biking 8 miles a day.
Anyways I'm looking at the finances and barring some unscheduled catastrophe, I should be good to start a more expensive hobby actually making stuff next year...I hope
If you are a teenager and you currently feel like you have failed at being a man/woman/heterosexual/whatever, then there is a 79.8% chance you are some form of LGBTQ. Stop beating yourself up and start exploring instead. You'll be happy you did.
You could also be autistic and have the same experience like me or even both
Or you could just be comparing yourself to the unreasonably high standards set by archaic cultural norms.
Basically if you're a teenager and think you're failing at life: No, you aren't, just give yourself some more time to figure things out.
Isn't 'failing at life' the normal teenage feeling? It sucks, but it will pass.
Also works
Me too actually
Important note: just because at some point you felt attraction to people of opposite sex, doesn't automatically disqualify you from LGBTQ
The opposite is also true. Just relax and like who you like. Sexuality is a spectrum. Just don't worry about it and didn't stress about who you're attracted to.
Citation on that? I'm sure it's possible, but weirdly-specific percentages with no citation make me suspicious.
In in my, it was just a lot of factors of upbringing and had really weird ideals and probably a dash of neurodivergence that combined to give me this feeling. Getting out of the environment I was in, getting some mental help, etc. solved that for me.
The percentage is just a quirky way of saying it's a high chance, dw about it.
Triple check your tax forms when you land a new job. I got my dream job but realized after the first tax year that theyâd been deducting essentially no taxes so I had a very hefty tax bill that year. đŞ
I've had the opposite - they marked me down as having 2 jobs (originally started as a part timer) so I was paying way more than I needed to. Only noticed when my refund went over a grand.
also if you're married and spouse goes back to work, make sure you get the withholdings correct. otherwise it's a hefty chunk you'll owe April 15th
You can offer help, but do not take action until the person you are helping has actually asked. This is of course talking about "real help" not helping someone pick up a book they dropped.
It takes a modicum of selfishness to live a healthy life.
You CANNOT fool yourself, the sooner you work within your reality the better it will be for you and everyone around you
Getting wasted in bars and clubs is not how one finds quality life partners.
Similarly, if no one is into you, that might be because the core of your identity is feeling desperately lonely while getting drunk in bars and clubs.
Don't get married unless you are 10,000% sure. People invariably get sick of each other over time. It can feel like a prison sentence. Real life is not the movies.
"Relationships take work". Yes. Absolutely. But would you buy a car that costs $50k or more to dispose of after it's broken down and unrepairable?
It feels more like a deployment. There are mission objectives and your team is okay most of the time, but your time is never your own.
People are different. Even if 10000% perfect matches, there will be issues in between. Just give sometime.
Multiple solutions are there, like counselling. Understanding each other plays a big role. If you are parents, you gotta hell of responsibilities and less time for arguments.
Wear hearing protection.
Can you share model details. Also, possible to use while driving/swimming.
Find someone you can share the good and the bad. Someone who won't judge you for how things turned out. Someone who will just listen and appreciate you being there. Be that person to them as well.
It doesn't have to be a partner. It may or may not be your parents. But find that person. And never let them go. You may not talk for years even. But always remember them.
I like everything except that last part. DO MAINTENANCE ON YOUR RELATIONSHIPS PEOPLE. Not enough people maintain relationships
Investing even relatively small amounts of money monthly or weekly into an indexed mutual fund or similar at a young age should result in substantial growth and returns over 30 years or so.
into an indexed mutual fund or similar
Financially speaking, yes, absolutely. It's "easy" and rather low risk. Yet... being on Lemmy I assume a lot of people reading this advice do care both about technology and privacy. Such funds often support, rationally, "winners" which right now would include e.g Meta, Microsoft, Google, etc. They could also include big banks with questionable practices, e.g HSBC, or "energy" company that basically stick to oil. This kind of companies might be at odd with what people want to support. I would thus suggest to check "how the sausage is made" by understanding which stocks are actually part of the fund.
Do not allow humans to pick your stocks. I recommend ETF index funds as opposed to Mutual funds. Mutual funds, or any fund that is controlled by humans, could morph into something else, i.e., whatever gets them the highest return. In an extreme example, you could buy a Green mutual fund only to find out later that it shifted a lot of its investments to fossil fuel companies. Index Funds pick a sector and follow it brainlessly. No broker or manager f#ckery.
Maybe a company making greener solutions like electric cars could be a safer bet?
looks at tesla stock
Oh shit
If it weren't for Musk, yeah, Tesla would be a great bet. Unfortunately, he's made everything he touches radioactive, and a company that should be selling huge numbers are seeing sales cool because people don't want to buy a product sold by Musk.
Yeah, I can't argue with that. I try to avoid funds that have significant investment in weapons manufacturers. If a person's needs require a minimum level social and/or environmental awareness, there are tools in the Fidelity research system that show that kind of thing. This may be limited to specific stocks and not funds though. I can only speak about Fidelity since that is my only point of experience.
I don't even know what that is
It might be helpful to your long term financial health to find out what that is.
check where your retirement and savings are invested. buy a low cost index fund (fidelity and vanguard have great ones).
do not invest in any funds that have high fees. (there are plenty of good funds with fees around 0.1%)
I split my savings between:
total domestic stock index
total international stock index
cash/money market/bonds
a small amount in a sector fund with higher growth potential (e. g. tech) or risky investments
some cool stuff also qualifies as either luck, brave or stupid; or a combination of those.
what's brave today maybe an embarassing thing that keeps you up at night later.
Username........relevant?
Don't push too hard to poop. Just try again later or take something to help it out.
OR WHAT!?
Or you get hemorrhoids to contend with the rest of your life or have a painful procedure to fix it.
Look up prolapse if youâre brave.
Think twice before lending money.
Don't lend money that you expect to get back.
This is the way
I don't lend.
If they need money and I can afford it, I'll just make a gift of it.
If I can't afford it, they can't have it.
Also, co-signing a loan is the same thing as taking a loan out on someone else's behalf. Only cosign a loan if you're willing to pay it off entirely for that person because all they have to do is stop paying and you're on the hook.
If someone is good to pay back a loan on their own, the bank probably wouldn't want a cosigner. At the very least, they think it's too risky.
weight loss is great but as you get older building muscle and strength is just as important - especially if you are female.
Never send an email or text that could get you in trouble later.
Goes well with "you have 2 ears and 1 mouth cause you're expected to listen more then talk"
Or my favorite that I learned from an impromptu mentor: when unsure what to say, shut your mouth and hold your stare until they start talking again. You can put a thinking stare, defying stare, unsure stare, doesn't matter, while you're not giving away your position they're giving away theirs simply because they're uncomfortable with the silence.
Also. Never take pictures that could get you in trouble. Even if they'll only ever be on your phone. Nothing of questionable legality. No nudity. No behavior that could cost a job 15 years later.
Get a dashcam. It's worth your whole car and everything in it.
Always out matching money into your 491k.
As someone who thought they couldnt afford it. I could have. Just do it. I regret not doing it sooner so much.
Check out Mr FancyPants over here, investing in their 491k while us plebs invest in our 401ks
You have a 401k? I have an old lunchbox I put quarters into.....
You have a lunchbox?!? Lucky you, I have to hold my quarters in my mouth and my friends all call me "Mumbles".
What's a 491
If you don't have a dream, do what makes money. Fuck what you enjoy.
Hobbies aren't careers and you don't want to end up 40 having never "found" yourself, suck working in a factory.
Source: long island doesn't have cliffs for me to drive off.
By the time the changes in your health are dramatic enough that you notice the difference, you've already done enough damage to warrant a loooong recovery. This goes double for mental health.
A lot of people will just write off symptoms that don't disrupt their daily routine. "Walk it off," so to speak. But that's when you should have started looking for what lifestyle changes you could make to avoid anything more dire in the future.
I failed out of college the first time I ignored my anxiety and depression. This time, it led to a complete breakdown that I'm still struggling to overcomevthe symptoms of: I spend every day feeling on edge like my safety is threatened, and my gut revolts at every crumb of food. At night I twitch and can't sleep from the stomach pain without a sleeping pill. And it's been better this week than it was this time last month, where I hadn't slept for >48 hours, after a week of waking up every hour nightly, and was in the worst pain I've ever experienced as my body started to digest itself.
It started slowly in spring, with just a panic attack once a week or so, and spikes of anxiety that caused my vision to shake too much to see... But I still perservered without much thought. The doc prescribed me anti-vert meds, said it was just vertigo induced by allergies, sent me on. I forgot about it all summer as I focused on obligations and trips and work.
And now I'm wondering if this is just my life now, if I'll never feel relaxed again. Will the meds and therapy work, or have I done irreversible damage to my brain through inaction? Admittedly a less unpleasant thought than wondering if I'd ever be able to see straight long enough to get work done and put food on the table, or stand up without collapsing from panic and dizziness. At times I've wondered how much more I can take before suicide starts to sound like the better alternative.
I'm gonna keep on fighting and healing, but holy shit I wish I had just started the meds sooner.
If she says she's on birth control but you haven't seen it, dont believe her. If she pressures you not to use a condom, don't consent.
Don't marry someone before you've known them well for a few years. Don't ignore red flags, such as them telling you that they see other people as pawns or them pressuring you to empty your 401k to put it into their financial/realestate schemes.
If your partner doesn't treat you with kindness and respect right now, then they are never going to, no matter how many times they say they will if you would only just do this or be that - nothing will ever be good enough for that kind of person, period, full stop. And, no, they won't change, no matter how much you do, and no matter how much you love them.
Do learn what "love bombing" is. Then find out if someone is grossly irresponsible with money or hiding a severe alcohol problem before you move in with them.
There are a lot of people in this world who will take advantage of your kindness and naivety, if you let them, so be mindful of how people treat you and those around them before you make commitments to them.
Not everyone is awful.
Edit to add: don't ignore your friends or family telling you that they think your relationship is unhealthy, or that the person is mistreating you or others, or may be taking advantage of you. Even if you don't have much respect for the person telling you this, stop and listen and reflect, because red flags don't stand out to you when you're wearing rosy tinted glasses.
red flags donât stand out to you when youâre wearing rosy tinted glasses.
Nice!
Learned this the hard way.
If you are in that situation, get out.
Don't get fat. It is so hard to lose weight once you get over 40 years of age because you are fighting a reduced metabolism.
Your metabolism basically remains the same across all of adulthood.
Don't be afraid of therapy, especially if you have anxiety.
When your partner complains they canât screw other people because youâre away for a week, you might be dating someone you canât fully trust long-term.
If youâre good at something, even if you donât enjoy it, it might still make a good career. You donât have to love what makes you money, just not hate it. If youâre good enough, you end up with a lot more free time for yourself. Doing what you love can also cause you to hate doing it as a hobby eventually. People donât âloveâ their jobs. You donât see them paying to do their job like they do for tennis lessons or sports events. You probably just tolerate your job, and thatâs ok. Your life isnât ruined.
Stay away from even legal drugs if you realize they affect you differently from the norm / other people. You might end up spending a couple nights in a hospital.
Alcohol is not really good for your body or mind.
Donât just go for a shallow understanding of concepts. Learn and reason through them completely in your own way and youâll never forget them. Youâll also be better prepared to use and extend them.
A solid sleep schedule is good for building a routine. A crazy sleep schedule can make you more creative. Choose a balance.
Know how food impacts you. You maybe eating something that drains you for decades without even realizing it. Introduce things one by one and see how you feel and think.
What people think about you does matter to an extent. Itâs good to have confidence in yourself, but you can also be overconfident. Itâs also ok to be a little judgmental at times about things that are important to you. You donât have to be a dick about it though.
If youâre good at something, even if you donât enjoy it, it might still make a good career. You donât have to love what makes you money, just not hate it. If youâre good enough, you end up with a lot more free time for yourself. Doing what you love can also cause you to hate doing it as a hobby eventually. People donât âloveâ their jobs. You donât see them paying to do their job like they do for tennis lessons or sports events. You probably just tolerate your job, and thatâs ok. Your life isnât ruined.
This so many times over.
I spent years trying to get a job I loved.
Ended up getting a different job that I was kinda good at.
Turns out, being good at a job every day makes you feel good at the end of the day.
Alcohol is not good for your body or mind
Fair, but neither are acetaminophen or nsaids technically. When used sparingly for temporary relief, they can provide a benefit that can outweigh the damage depending on the individual.
Solid advice all around
Try to take a couple of minutes to look up at the sky every day. Whether it's pretty clouds or a cool plane or the moon and the stars. Seems too many people end up missing what's right over their heads
Pick something to get good at, then really work to get really good at it. The younger the better. But be focused. Ideally something you can make money with.
IMHO that's a surefire way to burnout and self-doubts later on. My advice would almost be the opposite.
Never too late to change if what you're doing isn't working for you. Recognize when you're about to kill your passion with expectations, and don't do it. There is little to no cross-disciplinary knowledge that doesn't come in useful, so don't force yourself to be single-minded in your pursuits. What you're learning matters surprisingly little, that you're learning matters so much more.
But yea, don't change major pursuits, like, every year. Probably depends on the person which advice they need. I definitely would have needed the latter.
Be the change you want to see in the world.
Personally, I like to plant gardens that help out natural pollinators in order to change the bees that I want to see in the world.
If you're being hailed as a hero in the US and you aren't a politician....
Run. Do not walk away, run. Society is absolving itself of caring for you after the inevitable sacrifice of your health and/or sanity.
Don't grow up super religious and become a conservative operative on Capitol Hill for 7 years. Just trust me, it's not as good as it sounds.
I think a lot of people might be interested in your story right now.
Be true to yourself and don't be afraid to say how you feel. That's what it means to be human; no one gets extra points for hiding it.
Warning: This is not liscense to reject objective reality.
Edit: would like to add that when I say objective reality I mean a shared version of history/current events; appreciation for science and the scientific theory; appreciation for the mysterious and unknown; and appreciation for basic human rights.
You can grow and change and be better.
Accept that you did wrong, recognize what you did and why, think about what you've learned, tell yourself how you're going to do better next time.
Grow. Change. Aspire to be better.
Donât date someone through high school into college. You are young, you donât know yourself, and you will change a lot. Also, thereâs thousands of new people to meet in college and, if youâre already taken, you wonât know where a conversation after class could take you. Be free and experience life.
I can't really speak to this personally except that from what I've observed in friends it seems fine for people to just end up even marrying their high school partner. Not my thing, but they seem as happy and stable as anyone else.
Either way I would highly recommend staying at least friendly with old friends / intimate partners. They provide invaluable insights later in your life.
No one can call you on your shit better than someone who's had their fingers up your ass.
Yeah, we are still good friends. But all the opportunities we both missed because we thought we were forever is kind of disappointing. And you donât get those college days again.
And for the downvoters - Iâm not saying donât marry your high school sweetheart but, if itâs meant to be, then find your way back to them and at least you know and itâs not just default mode.
I think people romanticise (fetishise?) relationships in university/college. People are only marginally more mature than they were in high school. I'm sure dating as an adult sucks but a relationship is a relationship regardless of how you meet each other.
Sleeping with someone you love, when they don't love you, is a heartwrenching experience as soon as one of you gets off. Doubly so if they're cheating on someone.
You can use money from your 401k (stipulations vary) for a down payment on a first home, without the tax penalty (in America at least)
Not everything what shine is gold..
Apostrophe's aren't alway's where they be'long.
Not everything what shine... It's gold!
If you have the chance to get laid SAFELY as a young adult, DO IT. You miss your chance and you may end up virgin and lonely forever, regretting not doing it and being terrified of being rejected or mocked now.
The best time to start regularly exercising and eating at least moderately healthy food is 10 years ago, the second best time is now.
You know something that helped me exercise regularly was.. "you're going to be scrolling through your phone. Might as well do it while on the treadmill/peloton/etc"
But I can't be at a treadmill and take a dump at the same time. Actually I could, but I don't want to.
Sure you can. The belt will just fling it off the back.
Yeah but you can do curls on the toilet while watcbing YT
Don't try to have a good diet and workout routine, try to regularly improve your diet and workout routine.
The best workout routine is the one you can stick to. Plenty of people online will tell you that to lose weight you need to be doing cardio in a certain heart rate zone or to gain muscle you need to weight lift a certain way. That is technically true, but useless. A great workout routine is just walking for half an hour each day. It is a much more realistic goal for out of shape people and simply getting your heat pumping and your muscles moving regularly will get you most of the health benefits you need.
Same thing with diet. A keto or intermittent fasting diet may be the fastest way to burn fat, but they are very hard to stick to and when you break them, you will be so hungry that you will eat enough to gain back all the weight you lost. A more realistic plan is to cut out a sugary beverage from each day and to make sure that every meal includes a vegetable high in fiber. Once that is an established habit, build on it with other small changes that move you closer to a healthy lifestyle.
I heard the same advice about investing for retirement. This feels like a glitch in the matrix.
Usually it's "the best time to plant a tree", that way it's a metaphor for everything.
I work a very sedentary career and don't have a ton of energy after work/kids, but I've found having an under the desk pedal cycle to use during the day has done wonders for my physical and mental health.
I have an under desk treadmill and it is easily the best investment I've made for my fitness.
But don't switch completely to a healthy diet all of a sudden, do it slowly. Otherwise your body may not handle the drastic change and you may get health issues (mine was a belly button infection đ).
If someone left their partner to be with you, they're capable of leaving you to be with someone new.
This one is painfully accurate. And doubled if they cheated on their ex. It's not romantic, you're not in a movie. They're a shitty person who cheated on their partner. They will do it to you.
Yes. My usual version of this is "You're not special. If they lied to someone else, they'll lie to you."
if they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you
One of my mom's two best bits of wisdom. The other was I cut, you choose.
My mom would have added:
You never let someone hit you a second time.
This. This one was a rough lesson to learn.
If you see a toilet in your dreams, don't use it!
Can't confirm. I've had lucid dreams, where I'm aware that it's a dream, but not in control.
Then I started just pissing everywhere. And I could feel my sweatpants getting soaked. And then I shit myself. And in the dream I'm panicing because I know it's happening in real life. I'm very aware that when I wake up my sweatpants will be piss soaked, and I have shat myself. I can FEEL it happening as it happens. Then I wake up. No shit. No piss. Totally dry, and I IMMEDIATELY need to get to a bathroom. Where I shit and piss in the toilet.
And then I stand up, and there's no shit or piss in the toilet. And I'm like "WTF??? Am I just groggy? What the hell is happening???"
Then the toilet starts talking. "FEED ME YOUR TASTY POOPS!!!" And I'm like what the fuck is going on? Am I on drugs???" And this toilet is getting angry that I won't shit in it's mouth. Then it starts stomping around like the piano from Super Mario 64.
Then I wake up, and IMMEDIATELY need to piss and shit. So I run to the toilet, and yell at the toilet "ARE YOU GOING TO DEMAND I SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH??? I KNOW YOUR TRICKS, TOILET!!!"
And thats when I hear my neighbors laughing, because the walls are thin, it's 3AM, and they now think I'm crazy.
This has happened several times. I hope I never meet my neighbors.
what the fuck
Cool story, bro.
Weed will reduce your dreams, which could be good or bad in your situation.
This made me laugh so much đ
I was mostly wtf, but I will admit I did laugh.
What about if there's a fire, can I use the hose to put it out?
It probably wouldn't even put the fire out.
Watch "Strange Brew" and let me know if you change your mind on that.
Awesome Canadian movie.
When that was first said, what came to mind was actually Gulliver's Travels with Jack Black. Fires are typically not even weak to a firefighting hose, that's why those firefighting games at Chuck E. Cheese are so hard. Firefighting is actually more difficult than that.
Just go to the fucking dentist.
I once avoided asking my father for money for the dentist, out of pride, as a tooth infection was developing.
By the time I finally did break down and ask him, it had advanced to the point where my nervous system got permanently altered by the pain levels I experienced.
I finally broke down and asked him when it got too much for me to handle. But by that time, it wasnât at its peak yet. The pain peaked after I started the antibiotics.
I guess the lesson was: a problem will continue to develop after you take steps to solve it. In my case, waiting until the pain reached a level I couldnât handle meant that the maximum pain level was well above what I could handle.
The lesson I learned is this: The problem does not go away magically the moment you decide to ask for help. So donât wait until the last second to ask for help.
Like, call the fire department long before the fire gets out of control.
Oh my GOD yes. The pain now is a FRACTION of what it'll be the longer you put it off! And trust me, at some point you will be forced to go if you don't choose to go yourself. Just go. They won't judge you for starting now.
Currently the non-availability of dental care in the budget is the biggest visible sign of poverty.
Remember that while dentristry is an essential service, it is mercenary and thus priced out of reach of our bottom 30%.
Some things are important, but importance is only half of the prioritization.
Who needs teeth if you can't buy groceries...
Also, floss.
Put your money where you spend your time. Don't spend money on something if you won't be using it.
You spend a lot of time sleeping, so get a nice, comfortable mattress. Spend a lot of time on your feet at work? Get durable, comfortable shoes/boots, and maybe some nice insoles so you don't limp back to your car from pain. Spend a lot of time playing a F2P video game? Go ahead and buy that DLC or cosmetic item to make it more fun, and support the devs to keep the game going.
The list can go on, but before any non-trivial purchase, I ask myself how much time I will spend using it.
I like to measure costs in dollars per hour, similar to this. So what if that hobby item is 400 dollars. How many hundreds of hours will you get enjoying it? So like, a dollar an hour.
A movie you don't care about seeing? 20 dollars for 2 hours. Maybe hold off.
Agreed and agreed. But an addendum regarding mattresses: No matter what the salespeople tell you, most mattresses with pocketed coil springs are pretty much the same apart from hardness, especially with a compensating mattress topper. Just get one that feels right to you, definitely don't think that more expensive=better, mattress-wise.
More money advice: Most things come in two tiers worth purchasing: "nice" and "wow".
"Nice" are the things experts deem good enough, or clothes-wise ones that you can see yourself actually wearing across multiple years, both durability- and appearance-wise. Affordable, and you like them. A useable placeholder, if you will.
"Wow" are the things that you've been steadily dreaming of for years, or ones that catch your eye even if you weren't looking. "Buy it for life" stuff. Solid whole wood furniture, that teapot or coffee maker you've been dreaming of. A designer winter coat that only costs 20 times your old one. 𫣠On these you look at the price tag after; you want it, you get it, and if it breaks, you repair it. If it's affordable, or if you find more than one of these every 1-3 years, consider yourself very lucky.
Nothing below "nice" is worth getting, and very few things between "nice" and "wow" are worth getting.
Yep, learned this the hard way.
I dropped 200 euros on a split ergonomic keyboard and it fixed my shoulder pain from typing excessively.
Could i ask you which keyboard did you buy? I'm thinking of taking one myself
Kinesis advantage 2. It's weird to type on to begin with but it was worth it for me.
Thank you
I push people in wheelchairs for a living. I roughly walk 6-10 miles a day. My shoes are 2-3 years old, and literally falling apart.
And I'll keep wearing them until a week AFTER they fall apart! I got duct tape!
Uhh, ok, weird flex, but like.. why? And you seem so proud of it too..
Good shoes are important. Protect your feet, knees, and back. You'll thank yourself for it one day.
Tape is fine if you don't use them all the time, but at least buy some superglue and repair them correctly.
If you can find a consignment store for used outdoor gear, many hiking shoes are strurdy.
Get low-tops unless you want knee problems down the line.
Learn to pad the insoles with foam so you can make them just for you, and easily alter them if things change.
Ah, you should check out Terry Pratchett. One of his characters in his discworld series had a good theory on this
Vime's boots theory
I invested in an Areon chair and have zero regrets. Best decision I ever made. I work as a software engineer, and also game in my spare time. So sitting around is a lot of what I do unfortunately.
Can confirm on the shoes. Whatever else needs cut back, as long as you can afford rent and food and gas to get to work, buy good quality shoes. Not all expensive shoes are good, but good shoes are not cheap. Second hand good shoes that are your size are very very rare. Upgrading insoles can get you by for a while, but there's nothing like good quality shoes.
If youâre falling in love with someone whoâs âperfectâ youâre probably falling in love with someone who only exists in your head and not the real person. Thatâs a disservice to everyone involved.
Also, if your parents were abusive, be deeply skeptical of âlove at first sightâ.
The most amazing connection I ever had with a partner led to the worst abuse Iâve ever experienced.
I've heard a 'crush' being described as an absence of knowledge about the actual person you are fixated on. It reminds me of the story Robert Pattinson told where he took his stalker out to lunch, bitched about his life for an hour, and then never saw her again!
In my case:
If you're falling in love with someone who's "perfect", you're probably falling in love with someone who has an undiagnosed mental illness and is very good at pretending to be the person she thinks you want her to be, for a while.
She will spend the next 6 years making your life very, very miserable.
Where the fuck were you 30 years ago??? I was in 8th grade, and I was OBSESSED with (girls name redacted).
14 year old me saw wedding bells, and wild sex nights, and babies, and a house.
40 year old me knows I was just horny, and she was just putting out horny flirty vibes. I don't even know her favorite food!
yeah same, kinda
You will not be rewarded for doing it fast. You will be penalized for doing it wrong.
This doesn't apply to software engineering. No one cares that your code is shitty if you can deliver within the unrealistic deadline set by PMs. Just ship it, claim gains, get promoted, and quickly move on before the shittiness of the code catches up with you.
Yup. The standard is release now, patch later.
Pro-moted? What's that?
It's when you apply for a better position and get hired. Almost always in a different company. Or a company you left earlier.
my wife is nodding over my shoulder
Unless production is down. Then it is often the reverse.
If production is down it's probably because someone didn't heed my words.
disagree. you can very well be rewarded for speed/reaction time in many jobs. dunno where you live but but there are piecework wages in many jobs.
Don't think that's what they're saying, how many of these jobs will you keep if you're quickly reacting by doing the wrong thing multiple times?
Speed isn't a problem, sacrificing requirements for speed is
Slow is smooth, smooth is fast
Ya but then youre asked to do more and more and more work yet theres no benefit. Sure you get more money but i like to go home when my work is done, not get more pilled on.
From my therapist: In the absence of a crystal ball the best predictor of someone's future behavior is their past behavior.
OMG, so good!
tldr, track record
Don't take shortcuts doing DIY. Prepare, use the right tools. Don't skip steps or do things "quick and dirty". Clean up afterwards.
Also don't expect to do it well the first time. Skills take practice to develop. Practice with those tools before you apply them to expensive materials for the thing you really want to make.
This also applies to software engineering and farming, from experience.
Red flags in relationships are serious business and don't go away. I wish desperately I never got married, and when someone goes to the point of deliberately running over a squirrel to upset you, you've really hooked up with a sociopath. If your gut says go, go before you tie your finances to that of a crazy person.
This is true. The book "why does he do that" is a fascinating look into how abusive people (mostly but not always men) operate.
Goes to the point of WHAT?
Running over a squirrel when I told him to watch out for the squirrel running across the road.
The tip of the iceberg to be honest.
Tell people in your life what they mean to you and that you love them.
Often and always, you never know how much time you have together.
Call your mom, dad, your grandparents, spend time with your kids, with your nieces and nephew. Tell them all, that you are proud of them or grateful for them and that you love them.
We always think we have all the time in the world to spend with family and people we love. But if one of their lives is cut short, you might regret it forever!
Also, after breaking with my parents, and telling my kids I love them, I realized how very rare it was for my father to tell me he loves me. So, tell people what they mean to you and that you love them because it might not seem like much at the moment, but it means a lot in the long run.
Some people can't do that because their parents will use that against them. They love their parents but need to maintain a certain emotional distance so they don't leverage that for emotional blackmail.
Of course who you tell is not universally the same. Just tell the people that are important to you. It doesn't matter if that is your biological family or your chosen one.
Do NOT invite anyone into your home that you do not know. And do NOT save someone from eviction and have them live with you if you only barely know them.
I just went through six months of hell with two freeloading pieces of shit who never cleaned up after themselves and almost never lifted a finger to help in the house â all while getting free room and board, free food, etc.
My kid happened to be friends with a kid whose 64 year old mother (kid was adopted) got evicted and we knew them in passing for a good decade. We were the ONLY ones to help, despite them being a part of a church with hundreds of people.
I now know exactly why no one helped them, and know exactly why they were evicted.
Just donât do it. Itâs not worth the stress and the money.
Holy shit, are you me? We're going through the same thing. A not close friend of mine got evicted so his landlord could renovate his apartment and he has been living with us for six months now, for free. He stays in his room and plays video games all day, every day. He has no job. He subsists on dry cereal unless we feed him. He barely interacts with us. He doesn't do anything to help with chores, instead agreeing to assist and then just "forgetting". He sleeps from 6 am to 2 pm and is up all fucking night. We only know if he's awake because we can hear him playing games.
We told him two months ago that he needs to leave by now but he still has no job and no prospects. My wife, him, and I are in our fifties. We have a 55 year old child.
That sounds so familiar except this was a 64 year old woman and her 16 year old adopted daughter. The mother stayed in the room we provided, with a king sized bed, an Amazon echo, a Roku flat panel 55â TV and only left to eat ramen (that was her âcerealâ), poop, and take her daughter wherever she needed to go.
People are selfish assholes. Period. And I will never again waste my money or time or stress or effort or anything on anyone that I donât know extremely well.
Iâm sorry you are also going through this. If you notified by official letter to get out of your house by a specific date, according to your laws, (and have him sign it), then you are within your rights (at least in the US in every state), typically, to have the county sheriff remove them.
My state requires 60 days notice, so on July 1, we gave these freeloaders official notice to vacate by 5pm on Aug 30. They finally left yesterday. They didnât clean anything. They didnât even sit down and show any appreciation. And they have the gall to ask for a things they left behind after rushing to pack and leave yesterday.
I basically told the mom to go fuck herself in many words. They wasted $5000 of our money over this time, and even their religion they hold so dear didnât force them to be good people and do the right things.
(Shouting this to everyone who would listenâŚ) NEVER take anyone in. Unless itâs family you trust or a really, really good friend that youâve known for a long time.
We're not in the US and, where we live, to file for eviction we must take this to court for a judge to validate the reason for eviction. Typical eviction times range between 3-9 months. We're going to try being such terrible flatmates that he decides to leave. No more free food or access to our toiletries. We'll be blasting our music all day. I'm growing several konjac plants which produce flowers that smell like rotting meat.
If this doesn't work, then we'll take the legal route.
Ouch, Iâm sorry itâs that difficult. Yet another reason to never take in anyone, if living in a country that has such laws that make it that difficult to remove freeloaders and squatters.
I donât want to be that kind of a-hole. I had the best of intentions at the start of this. But there comes a moment when after being screwed so much, itâs time to put an end to it.
Good luck to you!!
Thanks! It's annoying now but we'll laugh about it someday. I'm glad your squatters are gone, it gives me hope.
Iâll toast a drink to us both!
if you start now, it will be over quick. best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago and all that. start the paperwork, move forward.
That's a really good point and I can't disagree. Worst case, our annoyance tactics fail and we have the court proceedings already in motion. You're totally right.
Could also try bribing them. My brother owned a condo for a bit, until he got frustrated with bad tenants. When he needed one to leave, he found bribing them the best answer, even with very little tenant protection where he lives. If you start eviction proceedings, now you have a pissed off tenant in your property who can do any amount of damage that will be expensive to repair. Instead, heâd say âIâll give you $200 to be out next weekendâ and it worked pretty well while being cheaper than legal proceedings
That's also a great idea. We could offer him the likely cost of legal proceedings. Ugh. Never again.
Seconded.
I had a mate who didn't speak with his parents, lost his job and left his partner.
Took him in, rent free for 6 months. Got him on his feet, he got a new job and 6 months later he left... With my 10 year relationship. And my cat (but to be fair my ex was a vet so it made sense that she took him)
I thought he was a friend.
How nice of him, he took the trash out as he left.
Wow.
[DELETED]
Nope, not me.
Mine was a 10 year relationship and she wasn't my wife..
Sounds like you have someone who is (or was) in your life who shouldn't be.
I also work disability support - I have no money to throw around ;)
I had a similar experience, took a friend in for about a year after he lost his job. He just spiraled deeper into depression, I burned a ton of social capital trying to get him out of the house to make friends. He spray painted things on my patio without putting down a drop cloth, broke things inside the house, constantly complained about how crappy or small my house was, while never paying a penny towards it. He was just constantly grumpy and rude, and was completely shocked when I asked him to move out. He kept saying how it was good for him to live with me and just couldn't conceive that it was awful for me.
Classic selfish narcissism. It feels a tad better knowing Iâm not the only one to have dealt with people like that, but it pains me that you and others, who have been as selfless and giving, are treated just as poorly as my family and house was.
Never start a machined bolt/nut with your electric drill. Start it by hand first.
And start it backward, slowly. You can feel the thread drop in. Then start to turn the right way.
Works with threads in plastic as well so the metal screw doesn't make new ones.
care to elaborate?
By hand you can feel that you've engaged the thread properly. If you just send it with a power tool then dealing with cross threaded fasteners is in your future.
my assumption is a machined bolt is not as tempered as a store purchased one so using an electric tool on it could strip the head.
Using a hand tool applies less torque so you are less likely to strip it.
"Machined" doesn't mean "homemade", it's a manufacturing method meaning that the threads of the bolt/nut were cut from a smooth piece of metal (as opposed to being cast or forged from a mold). Machined hardware is more likely to have defects like tiny nicks in the threads or bent threads that can damage/ destroy whatever you're using it to fasten. You can usually tell pretty quickly if you've got a shitty bolt or nut if you're threading it by hand - any irregularities are easy to feel. But if you just blast it with a power drill right off the rip, you won't feel any of it, and might end up with an unplanned permanent fixture.
But can I strip....myself??? I WANNA BE NAKED!!!
Not recommended while using power tools.
Based on my posting history, I thought this comment was in reference to pissing and shitting your pants in your sleep.
Also not recommended while using power tools.
That sounds like quitter talk to me.
If you're going to "chase your dreams," it might be a good idea to first figure out whether they actually really are yours.
I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're goin' and hook up with em later.
This is the way.
Also research the downside first. Some "dream jobs" are marketed that way for a reason.
Now I wonder if I even have dreams... Damn
If you have to force it, you're going to break it.
Or in my case, tear it.
Was it your butthole?
Ouche...
Not really the case if you are trying to open phones nowadays...... đ
Does not apply to stuck jars, ofc
Although there is usually a better way then just muscling it
One time I couldn't get a jar of jelly open so I smashed it. There are definitely better ways.
Cleaning is a skill. Learn to like it young and never have a messy home.
And like all skills, will develop as you do it more and more. If youâre new to cleaning and you suck at it, donât despair. Just keep trying.
Also, if you don't have it in you or enough time in your day to do the right kind of cleaning, it's better to do a half-assed clean today than none at all.
The best amount for me is five minutes, with a timer. When the timer goes off, I stop.
That's my strategy for intimacy, too.
Man I wish I could last five minutes
Just get the tattoo. Your parents are already disappointed anyway. Live your life.
I'd worry more about disappointing your future self than your parents.
idk man I've seen some pretty bad tattoos
No ragerts
Per your advice I got a tattoo of Anna and Elsa 69ing on my cheek, thanks!
I'm proud of you!
You're the first one, thanks! :D
Life isnât about possibilities. Itâs about doing.
Donât wait.
So much wasted timeâŚ
"The world is made by those who control their own destiny. It isn't made by those who don't do, it's made by those who DO do. Which is what made me the man that I am. I do do."
Iâve spent too much money on âstuffâ. Itâs just âstuffâ. Experiences last longer.
Get. Your. Oil. Changed.
Itâs quite embarrassing, but I donât drive very much (have been working from home for almost 5 years now) and let time and miles get away from me. Iâm currently waiting to hear back, but Iâm very likely going to need to get a new engine, so this will be the most expensive mistake that Iâve ever made.
Same...
Not just, "change your oil at the recommended intervals", but "change your oil annually, even if you don't reach the service interval". If you car is going to be sitting for an extended period of time, drain the tank, run the car dry, put the battery on a tender, and change the oil before you start it back up. (Reason: most gas in the US has ethanol in it, and ethanol is hygroscopic. Water in your engine is bad. )
It's really easy to have an alcohol problem without realizing you have an alcohol problem. This is especially true in people with certain personality or mental health conditions. Alcohol cost me a ridiculous amount of money and at least one job and nearly a couple of others. I was drinking to get out of social anxiety and have addiction issues in general, but somehow didn't see how bad I was getting. I would take time off drinking and think I was fine, but I always went back to it. Never start that. Also, never start smoking.
Remember that, in general, consuming almost always costs you something while producing can potentially give you something. This is true in a very broad sense.
..........although not true of poop.
Technically it is. Producing it gives you feeling of achievment (depending of the product size) while consuming costs you your dignity.
what if I lost my dignity long ago already?
Enjoy your snack, you earned it!
It can be
I feel this. I recently hit 10 years on my steam account and kinda came to the realization that "I've spent thousands of hours in some of these games and what do I have to show for it?" So I've been cutting back on my time gaming, and trying other things.
It sucks though because video games are one of the cheapest hobbies. Spend about $500-1000 on a decent gaming computer every 3-10 years then $20-40 here and there on games as they tickle your fancy
But I've developed a joy for fitness which is cool. I started biking and on March I struggled to make it around the (very hilly) 1/4 mile block but now I'm biking 8 miles a day.
Anyways I'm looking at the finances and barring some unscheduled catastrophe, I should be good to start a more expensive hobby actually making stuff next year...I hope
If you are a teenager and you currently feel like you have failed at being a man/woman/heterosexual/whatever, then there is a 79.8% chance you are some form of LGBTQ. Stop beating yourself up and start exploring instead. You'll be happy you did.
You could also be autistic and have the same experience like me or even both
Or you could just be comparing yourself to the unreasonably high standards set by archaic cultural norms.
Basically if you're a teenager and think you're failing at life: No, you aren't, just give yourself some more time to figure things out.
Isn't 'failing at life' the normal teenage feeling? It sucks, but it will pass.
Also works
Me too actually
Important note: just because at some point you felt attraction to people of opposite sex, doesn't automatically disqualify you from LGBTQ
The opposite is also true. Just relax and like who you like. Sexuality is a spectrum. Just don't worry about it and didn't stress about who you're attracted to.
I'm not feeling that I have failed but that the whole model of gender and sexually are flawed. So, in my opinion, society has failed me.
Hey you're like seven steps ahead of me.
I only entered the phase of hating society instead of myself when I was like twenty-three.
honestly, as a 30 yo cishet man, fuck gender and sexuality. Do whatever the fuck makes you happy
Citation on that? I'm sure it's possible, but weirdly-specific percentages with no citation make me suspicious.
In in my, it was just a lot of factors of upbringing and had really weird ideals and probably a dash of neurodivergence that combined to give me this feeling. Getting out of the environment I was in, getting some mental help, etc. solved that for me.
The percentage is just a quirky way of saying it's a high chance, dw about it.
Triple check your tax forms when you land a new job. I got my dream job but realized after the first tax year that theyâd been deducting essentially no taxes so I had a very hefty tax bill that year. đŞ
I've had the opposite - they marked me down as having 2 jobs (originally started as a part timer) so I was paying way more than I needed to. Only noticed when my refund went over a grand.
also if you're married and spouse goes back to work, make sure you get the withholdings correct. otherwise it's a hefty chunk you'll owe April 15th
You can offer help, but do not take action until the person you are helping has actually asked. This is of course talking about "real help" not helping someone pick up a book they dropped.
It takes a modicum of selfishness to live a healthy life.
You CANNOT fool yourself, the sooner you work within your reality the better it will be for you and everyone around you
Getting wasted in bars and clubs is not how one finds quality life partners.
Similarly, if no one is into you, that might be because the core of your identity is feeling desperately lonely while getting drunk in bars and clubs.
Don't get married unless you are 10,000% sure. People invariably get sick of each other over time. It can feel like a prison sentence. Real life is not the movies.
"Relationships take work". Yes. Absolutely. But would you buy a car that costs $50k or more to dispose of after it's broken down and unrepairable?
It feels more like a deployment. There are mission objectives and your team is okay most of the time, but your time is never your own.
People are different. Even if 10000% perfect matches, there will be issues in between. Just give sometime.
Multiple solutions are there, like counselling. Understanding each other plays a big role. If you are parents, you gotta hell of responsibilities and less time for arguments.
Wear hearing protection.
Can you share model details. Also, possible to use while driving/swimming.
Find someone you can share the good and the bad. Someone who won't judge you for how things turned out. Someone who will just listen and appreciate you being there. Be that person to them as well.
It doesn't have to be a partner. It may or may not be your parents. But find that person. And never let them go. You may not talk for years even. But always remember them.
I like everything except that last part. DO MAINTENANCE ON YOUR RELATIONSHIPS PEOPLE. Not enough people maintain relationships
Investing even relatively small amounts of money monthly or weekly into an indexed mutual fund or similar at a young age should result in substantial growth and returns over 30 years or so.
Financially speaking, yes, absolutely. It's "easy" and rather low risk. Yet... being on Lemmy I assume a lot of people reading this advice do care both about technology and privacy. Such funds often support, rationally, "winners" which right now would include e.g Meta, Microsoft, Google, etc. They could also include big banks with questionable practices, e.g HSBC, or "energy" company that basically stick to oil. This kind of companies might be at odd with what people want to support. I would thus suggest to check "how the sausage is made" by understanding which stocks are actually part of the fund.
Do not allow humans to pick your stocks. I recommend ETF index funds as opposed to Mutual funds. Mutual funds, or any fund that is controlled by humans, could morph into something else, i.e., whatever gets them the highest return. In an extreme example, you could buy a Green mutual fund only to find out later that it shifted a lot of its investments to fossil fuel companies. Index Funds pick a sector and follow it brainlessly. No broker or manager f#ckery.
Maybe a company making greener solutions like electric cars could be a safer bet?
looks at tesla stock
Oh shit
If it weren't for Musk, yeah, Tesla would be a great bet. Unfortunately, he's made everything he touches radioactive, and a company that should be selling huge numbers are seeing sales cool because people don't want to buy a product sold by Musk.
Yeah, I can't argue with that. I try to avoid funds that have significant investment in weapons manufacturers. If a person's needs require a minimum level social and/or environmental awareness, there are tools in the Fidelity research system that show that kind of thing. This may be limited to specific stocks and not funds though. I can only speak about Fidelity since that is my only point of experience.
I don't even know what that is
It might be helpful to your long term financial health to find out what that is.
check where your retirement and savings are invested. buy a low cost index fund (fidelity and vanguard have great ones).
do not invest in any funds that have high fees. (there are plenty of good funds with fees around 0.1%)
I split my savings between:
some cool stuff also qualifies as either luck, brave or stupid; or a combination of those.
what's brave today maybe an embarassing thing that keeps you up at night later.
Username........relevant?
Don't push too hard to poop. Just try again later or take something to help it out.
OR WHAT!?
Or you get hemorrhoids to contend with the rest of your life or have a painful procedure to fix it.
Look up prolapse if youâre brave.
Think twice before lending money.
Don't lend money that you expect to get back.
This is the way
I don't lend.
If they need money and I can afford it, I'll just make a gift of it.
If I can't afford it, they can't have it.
Also, co-signing a loan is the same thing as taking a loan out on someone else's behalf. Only cosign a loan if you're willing to pay it off entirely for that person because all they have to do is stop paying and you're on the hook.
If someone is good to pay back a loan on their own, the bank probably wouldn't want a cosigner. At the very least, they think it's too risky.
weight loss is great but as you get older building muscle and strength is just as important - especially if you are female.
Never send an email or text that could get you in trouble later.
Goes well with "you have 2 ears and 1 mouth cause you're expected to listen more then talk"
Or my favorite that I learned from an impromptu mentor: when unsure what to say, shut your mouth and hold your stare until they start talking again. You can put a thinking stare, defying stare, unsure stare, doesn't matter, while you're not giving away your position they're giving away theirs simply because they're uncomfortable with the silence.
Also. Never take pictures that could get you in trouble. Even if they'll only ever be on your phone. Nothing of questionable legality. No nudity. No behavior that could cost a job 15 years later.
Get a dashcam. It's worth your whole car and everything in it.
Always out matching money into your 491k.
As someone who thought they couldnt afford it. I could have. Just do it. I regret not doing it sooner so much.
Check out Mr FancyPants over here, investing in their 491k while us plebs invest in our 401ks
You have a 401k? I have an old lunchbox I put quarters into.....
You have a lunchbox?!? Lucky you, I have to hold my quarters in my mouth and my friends all call me "Mumbles".
What's a 491
If you don't have a dream, do what makes money. Fuck what you enjoy.
Hobbies aren't careers and you don't want to end up 40 having never "found" yourself, suck working in a factory.
Source: long island doesn't have cliffs for me to drive off.
By the time the changes in your health are dramatic enough that you notice the difference, you've already done enough damage to warrant a loooong recovery. This goes double for mental health.
A lot of people will just write off symptoms that don't disrupt their daily routine. "Walk it off," so to speak. But that's when you should have started looking for what lifestyle changes you could make to avoid anything more dire in the future.
I failed out of college the first time I ignored my anxiety and depression. This time, it led to a complete breakdown that I'm still struggling to overcomevthe symptoms of: I spend every day feeling on edge like my safety is threatened, and my gut revolts at every crumb of food. At night I twitch and can't sleep from the stomach pain without a sleeping pill. And it's been better this week than it was this time last month, where I hadn't slept for >48 hours, after a week of waking up every hour nightly, and was in the worst pain I've ever experienced as my body started to digest itself.
It started slowly in spring, with just a panic attack once a week or so, and spikes of anxiety that caused my vision to shake too much to see... But I still perservered without much thought. The doc prescribed me anti-vert meds, said it was just vertigo induced by allergies, sent me on. I forgot about it all summer as I focused on obligations and trips and work.
And now I'm wondering if this is just my life now, if I'll never feel relaxed again. Will the meds and therapy work, or have I done irreversible damage to my brain through inaction? Admittedly a less unpleasant thought than wondering if I'd ever be able to see straight long enough to get work done and put food on the table, or stand up without collapsing from panic and dizziness. At times I've wondered how much more I can take before suicide starts to sound like the better alternative.
I'm gonna keep on fighting and healing, but holy shit I wish I had just started the meds sooner.
If she says she's on birth control but you haven't seen it, dont believe her. If she pressures you not to use a condom, don't consent.
Don't marry someone before you've known them well for a few years. Don't ignore red flags, such as them telling you that they see other people as pawns or them pressuring you to empty your 401k to put it into their financial/realestate schemes.
If your partner doesn't treat you with kindness and respect right now, then they are never going to, no matter how many times they say they will if you would only just do this or be that - nothing will ever be good enough for that kind of person, period, full stop. And, no, they won't change, no matter how much you do, and no matter how much you love them.
Do learn what "love bombing" is. Then find out if someone is grossly irresponsible with money or hiding a severe alcohol problem before you move in with them.
There are a lot of people in this world who will take advantage of your kindness and naivety, if you let them, so be mindful of how people treat you and those around them before you make commitments to them.
Not everyone is awful.
Edit to add: don't ignore your friends or family telling you that they think your relationship is unhealthy, or that the person is mistreating you or others, or may be taking advantage of you. Even if you don't have much respect for the person telling you this, stop and listen and reflect, because red flags don't stand out to you when you're wearing rosy tinted glasses.
Nice!
Learned this the hard way.
If you are in that situation, get out.
Don't get fat. It is so hard to lose weight once you get over 40 years of age because you are fighting a reduced metabolism.
Your metabolism basically remains the same across all of adulthood.
https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/surprising-findings-about-metabolism-and-age-202110082613
Don't be afraid of therapy, especially if you have anxiety.
When your partner complains they canât screw other people because youâre away for a week, you might be dating someone you canât fully trust long-term.
If youâre good at something, even if you donât enjoy it, it might still make a good career. You donât have to love what makes you money, just not hate it. If youâre good enough, you end up with a lot more free time for yourself. Doing what you love can also cause you to hate doing it as a hobby eventually. People donât âloveâ their jobs. You donât see them paying to do their job like they do for tennis lessons or sports events. You probably just tolerate your job, and thatâs ok. Your life isnât ruined.
Stay away from even legal drugs if you realize they affect you differently from the norm / other people. You might end up spending a couple nights in a hospital.
Alcohol is not really good for your body or mind.
Donât just go for a shallow understanding of concepts. Learn and reason through them completely in your own way and youâll never forget them. Youâll also be better prepared to use and extend them.
A solid sleep schedule is good for building a routine. A crazy sleep schedule can make you more creative. Choose a balance.
Know how food impacts you. You maybe eating something that drains you for decades without even realizing it. Introduce things one by one and see how you feel and think.
What people think about you does matter to an extent. Itâs good to have confidence in yourself, but you can also be overconfident. Itâs also ok to be a little judgmental at times about things that are important to you. You donât have to be a dick about it though.
This so many times over.
I spent years trying to get a job I loved.
Ended up getting a different job that I was kinda good at.
Turns out, being good at a job every day makes you feel good at the end of the day.
Fair, but neither are acetaminophen or nsaids technically. When used sparingly for temporary relief, they can provide a benefit that can outweigh the damage depending on the individual.
Solid advice all around
Try to take a couple of minutes to look up at the sky every day. Whether it's pretty clouds or a cool plane or the moon and the stars. Seems too many people end up missing what's right over their heads
Pick something to get good at, then really work to get really good at it. The younger the better. But be focused. Ideally something you can make money with.
IMHO that's a surefire way to burnout and self-doubts later on. My advice would almost be the opposite.
Never too late to change if what you're doing isn't working for you. Recognize when you're about to kill your passion with expectations, and don't do it. There is little to no cross-disciplinary knowledge that doesn't come in useful, so don't force yourself to be single-minded in your pursuits. What you're learning matters surprisingly little, that you're learning matters so much more.
But yea, don't change major pursuits, like, every year. Probably depends on the person which advice they need. I definitely would have needed the latter.
Be the change you want to see in the world.
Personally, I like to plant gardens that help out natural pollinators in order to change the bees that I want to see in the world.
If you're being hailed as a hero in the US and you aren't a politician....
Run. Do not walk away, run. Society is absolving itself of caring for you after the inevitable sacrifice of your health and/or sanity.
Don't grow up super religious and become a conservative operative on Capitol Hill for 7 years. Just trust me, it's not as good as it sounds.
I think a lot of people might be interested in your story right now.
Be true to yourself and don't be afraid to say how you feel. That's what it means to be human; no one gets extra points for hiding it.
Warning: This is not liscense to reject objective reality.
Edit: would like to add that when I say objective reality I mean a shared version of history/current events; appreciation for science and the scientific theory; appreciation for the mysterious and unknown; and appreciation for basic human rights.
You can grow and change and be better.
Accept that you did wrong, recognize what you did and why, think about what you've learned, tell yourself how you're going to do better next time.
Grow. Change. Aspire to be better.
Donât date someone through high school into college. You are young, you donât know yourself, and you will change a lot. Also, thereâs thousands of new people to meet in college and, if youâre already taken, you wonât know where a conversation after class could take you. Be free and experience life.
I can't really speak to this personally except that from what I've observed in friends it seems fine for people to just end up even marrying their high school partner. Not my thing, but they seem as happy and stable as anyone else.
Either way I would highly recommend staying at least friendly with old friends / intimate partners. They provide invaluable insights later in your life.
No one can call you on your shit better than someone who's had their fingers up your ass.
Yeah, we are still good friends. But all the opportunities we both missed because we thought we were forever is kind of disappointing. And you donât get those college days again.
And for the downvoters - Iâm not saying donât marry your high school sweetheart but, if itâs meant to be, then find your way back to them and at least you know and itâs not just default mode.
I think people romanticise (fetishise?) relationships in university/college. People are only marginally more mature than they were in high school. I'm sure dating as an adult sucks but a relationship is a relationship regardless of how you meet each other.
Sleeping with someone you love, when they don't love you, is a heartwrenching experience as soon as one of you gets off. Doubly so if they're cheating on someone.
You can use money from your 401k (stipulations vary) for a down payment on a first home, without the tax penalty (in America at least)
Not everything what shine is gold..
Apostrophe's aren't alway's where they be'long.
Not everything what shine... It's gold!
If you have the chance to get laid SAFELY as a young adult, DO IT. You miss your chance and you may end up virgin and lonely forever, regretting not doing it and being terrified of being rejected or mocked now.
Never call Chuck Norris, Cuck Norris!