I’ve had it up to here with people saying JD Vance had sex with a couch. How many times do I have to say there’s no evidence JD Vance had sex with a couch before people stop saying JD Vance had sex with a couch? Liberals must be pretty desperate to make up that JD Vance had sex with a couch. The story that on March 17, 2011 JD Vance was banned from a Cleveland area IKEA after so thoroughly deflowering a KIVIK Sofa Chaise that it had to be removed as a biohazard due to the various fluids in and around it, causing the night manager to not only quit but need intensive therapy is beyond the pale. Who would believe this? There is sworn. court. testimony. that JD Vance has not made bare skin contact with a couch within the past 5 years. That’s a fact. Look it up. The idea that this is because JD Vance cannot contain his overwhelming sexual urges in the presence of soft furniture is reckless conjecture. Calling JD Vance a couchfucker is slander and you need to take it back.
The Left™ will do anything to avoid talking about the real issues in this campaign, like the fact that Kamala Harris laughs sometimes.
It’s funny you say that. However it’s a Fox News person that’s asking for this.
They’re too stupid to know that proving something like fucking a couch didn’t happen is impossible. They think that lack of video evidence will prove it, but they’re just jagwagons.
“We don’t buy the hoaxes and believe the hype anymore,” he continued.
Yeah, Fox sells them, not buys them. Get your facts straight.
“Our eyes are wide open.
Uh-oh. That sounds pretty woke to me.
And if you’re gonna accuse someone of having sex with a couch, you better have video.” He then brought on a guest to discuss whether Harris has a chance at winning the election in November without further explaining his request for the video.
Yes, because you want to see it....for totally normal reasons.
Weird people
Sofa king weird.
AGOPAW All GOP Are Weird
Does word weird equal cringe?
It can mean cringe but it's more similar to the word strange and can be good or bad depending on context. Someone who learns Elvish and wears clothes from the 1920s could be considered weird but interesting. Republicans are the kind of weird that makes you feel uncomfortable around them. "Why are they so concerned about what my children are wearing?" Kind of weird
Yes, and I feel like the Republicans as you describe them would aptly be called "creepy."
And I think "cringe" is often a feeling of second-hand embarrassment.
"Weird" and "strange" are more general and synonymous with "unusual" and "peculiar."
None of that is in disagreement with your take, though
If one of my kids started speaking knife ear I’d be concern too.
Way to be racist towards people who aren't even real 🤦
Having a grudge against Elves is a part of my race.
And which race would that be? The New York Marathon? Le Mans 24h? Liege-Bastogne-Liege? 😛
The race to rock and stone bottom.
I like your fortress 👌
I hid a clown car at the bottom.
Just watch out that you don't dig TOO deep!
"Absolutely revolting claim! And where's the proof? The video? I need to see that horrible, disgusting video before I believe these claims! Show me-I mean us the video!"
I mean… they can’t possibly miss the joke, can they? It fucking racks my brain, the density of these fuckwits sometimes. The whole reason this is still a thing is because they’re saying shit like, ‘If you accuse some of X, you’d better have proof.’
Hey guys, it’s time to mature up and admit that Vance probably did not have sex with a couch.
He made love to it. Also, the couch was totally asking for it.
You know the couch was into it... When the couch doesn't want it, nature has ways of just shutting all that down.
I heard the couch was dressed like a total loveseat, and wasn’t even wearing a cover.
Lets call it what it is, folks. It was rape. He raped that couch. Just because the couch had a suggestively placed throw, doesn't make it OK.
The couch was asking for it, wearing that slip cover!
If the couch didn’t want fucked why was it wearing those sexy cushions?!!
Showing off it's legs. Disgusting.
Too bad it wasn't a bed because then we could talk about how short the bed skirt was.
It was totally consensual
-The couch
You know, until recently I thought that the golden days of Internet activism were over and we were mostly living in times where it was ridiculously easy to get things censored on the Internet.
Then something as stupid as this gets this amount of attention because of Internet users having way too much time and energy to spread it. WTF
Oh fuck yeah spread it
Spread it like JD Vance's couch cushions.
Are there no actually serious issues in the world that it is worth spreading information about? I think there are.
Shit I forgot that we're only allowed to talk about one thing at a time, and if someone makes a joke then all the other information dies.
More serious issues than a fascist trying to take over one of the world's most powerful nations? Not really. If saying his VP candidate fucks couches is bothering them this much, please keep spreading that information.
There is no problem with the lack of information though. It's the opposite, the internet is oversaturated.
Much better to talk openly encouraging the posting of revenge porn.
Humans are such relative morality miscreants.
I think that only proves your thoughts. This thing blew up uncontrollably. Now try repeating this with some truly important point.
The AP was correct to pull the article. Nobody can definitively say "J.D. Vance did not have sex with a couch" just that "J.D. Vance did not write about having sex with a couch in his memoir, 'Hillbilly Elegy'."
We don't even know he didn't write about it. All we can definitively say is that the story about J.D. Vance fucking a couch did not appear in the published edition of Hillbilly Elegy.
Did he fuck a couch? Did he write about fucking a couch? Only Vance can tell us for sure and he's probably too busy fucking a couch.
Comment above yours states that it is in there
If everyone is saying it there must be something to it.
How many of those comments are just parroting others?
I'm not sure but if everyone is saying it there must be something to it, dude definitely enjoys the chaise.
I disagree on that concept. Just because a lot of people are saying something doesn’t mean there is something to it. Should we look at it? Absolutely yes
But there is a guy who made a comment that says his grandma (or maybe it was his mom can’t remember) read the book so I’d ask who else has actually read the book?
Good example of group think: lots of people thought disco was good.
I agree with you 100%. We should absolutely be asking why JD Vance would fuck a couch, if in fact he fucked a couch. And why so many people would be talking about JD Vance fucking couches if he didn't.
It doesn't really change anything for me but I don't think I'll be letting that guy around my couches. Not because I honestly think JD Vance fucks couches but it's better to be safe than sorry.
edit: Personally I don't want to read the kind of filth a couch fucker would write so I haven't read the book but I have it on good authority that people are saying JD Vance admits to fucking at least one couch.
Better to be safe the sorry, don’t let him near your couch. Now your ex’s couch well I’ll leave that up to you
Side note: disco sucks
The bookstore I was at a few years ago you could get a copy signed by a Chesterfield for an extra buck. Make of that what you will
My mother read the book, and tells me that the couch fucking part is absolutely in there.
She also said he's a bad writer and his book is mostly fiction, so the couch fucking is probably as true as him being from Appalachia.
He no longer fucks couches, preferring to make sweet love with them instead
Finally, a use case for AI that I can really get behind!
Kidding, please god no one deepfake that weirdo going to town on a totally innocent sofa. Fuckin nightmare fuel.
Rule 34, it's already a thing.
Or rule 35
No no, they should absolutely do it and show it (heavily censored and muted) live. With PoV cam (both Vance and the couches PoV)
Tell them it's on Hunter's laptop and watch them implode!
We've finally found a job for AI.
Ah yes, a Deep Fake.
I bet it isn’t very deep
Lol
Just the tip and only for a minute.
As long as the couch is
Not to kink shame you, Jesse, but maybe keep what titillates you to yourself.
Anyway, by now there's bound to be porn with a Vance lookalike fucking a couch, so you'll get what you need for the most part.
Did Jesse Walters have a fetish where he watches people fuck couches? I'm just asking questions here.
He never said he didn't have a fetish where he watches people fuck couches. Many people are saying he has a fetish where he watches people fuck couches.
Thank you, now that you mention it I've totally heard about his couch fetish. A lot of people are saying it even in this thread.
This is my favorite comment chain.
I demand video evidence of him not having a couch fucking fetish
I'll play it next to the clip where he publicly requested a video of a man fucking a couch
Such a video is the job AI was created to do.
Maybe not the Hero we want, but the Hero we deserve.
Now now. JD Vance only fucks couches when he wears eyeliner. Everyone knows that.
That sure is a weird-ass thing to ask for.
Those people are weird.
What is it with conservative hosts demanding porn?
Probably plenty of other examples in the meantime, but that's the especially heinous one that immediately came to mind.
They want to see the couch's outfit for themselves, of course. Perhaps it was asking for it.
Weren't they obsessed with someone's dick a few years ago?
Twice, actually. First that of Anthony Wiener and then that of Hunter Biden.
For a party of homophobes who claim to hate liberals, they sure seem to be hungry for some liberal cock 😂
No wonder JD wants to make porn illegal. I'm almost with him if it means me not getting Rickrolled with a gif of him fucking a loveseat
“It’s not a loveseat, okay?! It’s a couch! I don’t fuck loveseats!” - Vance, probably?
"It's called making love when it's a loveseat! It's in the name!!! Also, ban porn NOW!"
-- From The book "Hillbilly Elegy: A Memoir Of a Family and Culture in Crisis" by author JD Vance
Anyone else hoping that a video surfaces just so we can make the conservatives watch it? Bonus points if he refers to the couch as Flipper while borking it.
Anyone else hoping that a video surfaces just so we can make the conservatives watch it?
The new Rick Roll is inserting footage of JD Vance fucking a couch in between scenes of Hunter Biden fucking a prostitute.
Once Republicans regain power, these will be the only two legal forms of pornography.
Ai might be useful afterall
Double bonus if he shames and belittles the couch for not getting pregnant, and says if it were up to him, it would not be allowed to vote
Put that shit up on a screen like what happened to the old and wrinkled Italian regime. Tifa up there screaming, giving heart attacks to poor old men, that scene was so obscene.
Now imagine the travesty, bunch of out the closet conservatives projecting their desires, watching what transpires as JD Vance has a relationship with an entire set. They're the ones that must bear witness to that.
“Guess we know why they call it a blow hole now, don’t we you stupid fucking cetacean”
For research guys, it's for research.
Would it help if I filmed myself fucking a couch and put a deep fake over it?
It's for the good of people my dude, rail that couch for democracy!
Can't hurt!
Depends on the springs
Hmmm, I would have to see it first
I've already got a few clips already in the can.
Well if politics doesn't work out for JD there is always OnlyFans
OnlyFutons
Purely for "research," right Fox?
JD Vance puts the "C" in LGBTQIA2SC.
Stark difference in the immediate memes that came out about Harris vs Vance. Coconut tree is quirky, couch is weird.
Coconut tree is quirky, couch is weird.
Coconut Tree is Wine Mom trying to explain a legitimately profound idea she read in a book once in college.
Couch is Creepy Uncle trying to lure you into his shed.
It's probably something she heard from a south Indian relative when she didn't want to go to some family function.
She said her mom would say it, the full quote is:
My mother used to—she would give us a hard time sometimes, and she would say to us, "I don't know what's wrong with you young people. You think you just fell out of a coconut tree?" (Laughs.) You exist in the context of all in which you live and what came before you.
Don’t forget to add little love notes. e.g., “Thinking of you 💋”
And, remember kids, drink your Ovaltine!
Hey, I like you. Keep up the good work!
Thank you! It is much appreciated.
"JD Vance's couch tape" to the tune of "Hunter Biden's laptop"
Well, we do live in the age of AI generated deepfake videos, don't we? We could feed Jesse Watters' unnatural curiosity, couldn't we?
What's the story of him fucking a couch? It's one of the least problematic things about him.
That might be why they're pushing this story.
I'm agree, but it is still funny. Anyway, apparently he wrote about it in his book?
He didn’t write about it, which is why this went viral, in a way. It was an online joke and some AP reporter searched his book for the word “couch” and wrote about it in a fact check to disprove that JD fucked a couch
He actually fucked a sofa
That isn't funny and you shouldn't make jokes like that.
It was a ❤️ loveseat ❤️.
Why are these people so fking creepy weird?
Grabs popcorn, unzips pants *
I just want to know if the couch consented…has anyone been able to verify? I hope so :(
We’ll never know until we get the video!
Aunty: Oh Vance! My favorite nephew! Come in come in! Sit on the couch with me! What brings you here?
Vance: nobody likes me because I wear makeup like women do and I like to fuck the couch!
Aunty: well worry no more! You can stay with us for as long as you like! There's just one thing I need to tell you about.
Vance: what is it?
Aunty: your uncle and I have a house policy where we don't wear any clothes indoors. Is that okay? I'm sure if we talk to your uncle, we can agree to let you fuck a couch too!
Vance proceeds to get complete naked. Uncle comes into the scene and the aunty is already naked too.
Vance: hi uncle!
Uncle: well hello! I see you are getting used to the rules of the house!
Aunty: yes. He also would like it if he could fuck the couch when he feels the need.
Uncle: no problem!
Scene cuts to Vance taking a shower. For more on this please refer to your favorite pornhub show.
why did you write this?
you either write fanfic, and know how to shitpost, OR you consume a lot of porn, it's one of the two.
I would go with the porn.
makes sense, lol
Is there a spitefic genre yet?
probably, i think that's just fanfic though. Idk if there would be a specific genre lmao. I'd support it though.
What the fuck man i thought this was an onion article cause the headline is too good to be true
I'm sorry... I'm way outta the loop on this one.
Someone explain?
This is extremely simplistic and reductive, but essentially, after JD Vance was named Trump's VP, someone made a shit post saying 'Wow, I can't believe he said he had sex with a couch, that's wild'. To their slight credit, the same person commented like an hour later admiting it was all a lie (they just posted the Arthur meme of "You think someone would do that? Go on the internet and tell lies?"), but that didn't really matter and it got shared around a lot, mostly by people who knew it was fake news but still thought it was funny anyway.
Later that week, AP News did a fact check on it (because, sadly, they have to do A LOT of false-fact debunking) and they essentially said "JD Vance did not have sex with a couch". HOWEVER, they have an internal policy that says their fact-checks must say only the truth, even if they have to be extremely specific in their wording. Since they originally said "No, he has never had sex with a couch" but, technically speaking, unless they've been spying on him for his entire life, there's no way to actually PROVE that, so they had to take it down. Lots of people saw it get taken down and jumped on that fact as a 'Well, then he must have done it, obviously' and the memes continued.
Fast forward to today, and some FOX host who probably still uses Yahoo as their search engine and has no connection with meme culture is demanding the video proof that they presume to exist despite no one EVER saying that there's proof.
Hope that answered most of your questions
Edit: slightly wording fix
My favorite part was that Vance, supposedly, wrote about it in Hillbilly Elegy. Reading the book would easily solve the issue once and for all, but no one wanted to.
It's also why the AP article was retracted. They could obviously prove that it's not in the book, but like you said, it would be impossible to prove that he never, at any point in his life, when no one was around, fucked a couch.
...but also, the AP article didn't even involve reading the book. They just used Ctrl+F on key terms because, again, no one wants to actually read that book.
tl;dr version: the left has learned to meme
And right is weird
I didn't even know it was a story until I read about the retraction. Like, "What do you mean they retracted their story saying he didn't tuck a couch...? Does that mean...?"
Is yahoo search even a thing still? I used it like a week ago and it said powered by Bing. I wouldn't be surprised if they took down their search engine and just use a version of Bing instead of an amalgamation.
Yahoo search was killed years ago by the guy that now runs Google search.
This should be the most insane sentence in the thread, except that we're in a thread about a vice presidential candidate possibly fucking a couch.
There's only one way out. The VP candidate now needs to prove beyond all reasonable doubt that he has never fucked a couch.
Vance fucked a couch
(It was a joke someone made. I think it was originally amplified when AP decided to “fact check” what was clearly an internet joke)
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Beep boop. This action was performed automatically. If you dont like me then please block me.💔
If you have any questions or comments about me, you can make a post to LW Support lemmy community.
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I like the idea of this bot but could you make the text a bit smaller? It's pretty obnoxious ATM.
This is what I see:
Maybe the summary tags aren't working on your app? But I guess the "Thanks to..." section could be moved to the footer, too.
Most app clients don't fully support formatting yet. I'm on Boost and neither spoilers nor superscript work.
I don't know the numbers on each app vs web clients, but I suspect apps are a significant portion. Ignoring their limitations is ignoring a good portion of your users.
It is particularly obnoxious on Sync for Lemmy...
edit:fixing image link
It looks pretty well considered in Voyager.
It seems to be you should contact the app's developer since the problem is with the app.
Mlem shows the full thing with giant header text.
Does mlem show other formatting like strikethrough or ^superscript^ ?
Mlem dev here. It shows strikethrough, but not superscript. Lemmy has got a unique dialect of Markdown - in the current version we're using an open-source Github-dialect parser, which is close to Lemmy's dialect but not perfect. In the next update we've written a custom parser that handles all of Lemmy's Markdown elements, including superscript and spoilers.
Yeah no.
No yeah.
Yeah let's talk about some stupid meme instead of real issues like single payer healthcare, inequality, and I dunno maybe the fact we just had the hottest ever recorded temperatures on Earth in human history.
Filling the narrative with this drama detracts from focusing public attention on real issues.
But I guess this Vance guy prob just needs to drink what plants crave and not talk like a fag and everything will be ok.
We can walk and chew gum, thank you
But I guess this Vance guy prob just needs to drink what plants crave and not talk like a fag and everything will be ok.
One, it's not good to use slurs; even if this isn't a situation about two men. Two, are you implying Vance's a gay couch? Three, did you just assume that coach's gender?
It's not a slur. The saying is from the movie Idiocracy where society talks like that.
I was implying that Lemmy is in that state of Idiocracy where real issues aren't discussed but calling everyone a couch fucker who you disagree with is ok.
real issues aren’t discussed but calling everyone a couch fucker who you disagree with is ok
I get where you are coming from. We have a few main factions on Lemmy (tankies, progressives, moderates/liberals, and trolls) and in JD Vance we all found something to laugh at together. Don't rock the boat. Republicans don't care about the issues. Democrats know about the issues; we are waiting on Harris to see her platform and which issues she cares about.
The average Murican voter cannot comprehend what you call "real" issues. This gossipy, high school, melodrama has much better chance to reach them
Why do people care?
How did we come to the culture where personal life of politicians outside their direct political convictions matters?
Not only is it a manipulation that has no relation to somebody's political performance, it also makes opposition dependent on criticizing a person - something that recently fucked up Republicans themselves as Biden stepped down.
Why do people care?
Because the right is constantly being self-righteous while attacking people for being queer. If those same puritan-minded people who want to criminalize LGBTQ+ people also fuck couches for fun, everyone deserves to know about it. They don't stay out of our personal lives, why the fuck should I afford them any privacy? They don't respect our humanity, why should I respect their dignity just because couch-fucking is victimless?
They're the party of "family values", let's put their party position under the microscope.
it also makes opposition dependent on criticizing a person - something that recently fucked up Republicans themselves as Biden stepped down.
The mistake Republicans made wasn't in standing against Biden, it was in failing to stand for anything else. If J.D. Vance drops out of the election, I am not going to be out of political ammunition. In fact, J.D. Vance should and probably will drop out and I'm not worried about if he does, because Trump isn't going to choose a good running mate no matter what.
In fact, changing the running mate after the RNC destroys their argument that it is somehow improper for Democrats to change their nominee before the DNC, so while they play checkers, we're playing chess.
I was going to ask the same question. Why should we care. But you have a good point. If the right is saying "we must look into the bedroom " then the left might as well join in. It won't fix anything. But at this point, make the idiots squirm.
You think he will drop out? I'm not sure what's going to happen - our political situation is beyond sane prediction - but I feel like dropping out would be admitting a mistake, and I just don't see either Trump or Vance wanting to do that. I feel like they will ride that decision right into November.
I feel like dropping out would be admitting a mistake
Trump got famous running a reality TV show where he feigns business acumen by firing people.
It is well understood in the real world that constantly firing people is a sign of poor leadership. You either aren't hiring productive employees, or you're too eager to terminate under-performing employees. That didn't matter in The Apprentice, because people view firing people as authoritative behavior, and they love it.
So when Vance backs down (and he will because he's toxic to Trump's approval rating), it will be presented as Trump smartly firing his inferior running mate in favor of a superior job candidate.
Good point. You may be right.
Just saw this. Now I think you're almost certainly right. LOL Dude's goin' down.
I think the Dems found the:"why not both?" meme when it comes to politics against the maga Republicans, who gave up on competing on policy years ago. They've only been competing by creating these dumb "culture wars" and ad hominem attacks of opponents. There is no principled position, there is no good faith arguments, there is no limit to their hypocrisy.
The Democrats have been getting beat on messaging for years too.
What I think we are seeing now is a sea change. The Democrats have wildly popular policy and positions on most things. They win on policy.
And now they arent letting the Republicans get away with being "weird" hypocritical unprincipled lunatics that lack substance. They aren't ceding the field on the "manipulation" that Republicans have been engaging in for years. Call them weird. Call them old. Call them criminals.
If they hit below the belt, hit back. If they stay on the high road, meet them there. But as soon as they want to mudsling, slap em in the face with a well deserved mud pie.
When democracy is at stake you can't afford to lose an election because you wanted to avoid calling a couch-fucking creep, weird.
I'll also add, I think the reason you are seeing such a ground swell in Democrat support and a dogpile on JD Vance is the pent up frustration of years of Dems being doormats and not squaring up and fighting back.
This is how you beat a bully. You have to bloody their nose. Turn the other cheek sounds great but you quickly run out of cheeks. Fight back.
I’ve had it up to here with people saying JD Vance had sex with a couch. How many times do I have to say there’s no evidence JD Vance had sex with a couch before people stop saying JD Vance had sex with a couch? Liberals must be pretty desperate to make up that JD Vance had sex with a couch. The story that on March 17, 2011 JD Vance was banned from a Cleveland area IKEA after so thoroughly deflowering a KIVIK Sofa Chaise that it had to be removed as a biohazard due to the various fluids in and around it, causing the night manager to not only quit but need intensive therapy is beyond the pale. Who would believe this? There is sworn. court. testimony. that JD Vance has not made bare skin contact with a couch within the past 5 years. That’s a fact. Look it up. The idea that this is because JD Vance cannot contain his overwhelming sexual urges in the presence of soft furniture is reckless conjecture. Calling JD Vance a couchfucker is slander and you need to take it back.
The Left™ will do anything to avoid talking about the real issues in this campaign, like the fact that Kamala Harris laughs sometimes.
It’s funny you say that. However it’s a Fox News person that’s asking for this.
They’re too stupid to know that proving something like fucking a couch didn’t happen is impossible. They think that lack of video evidence will prove it, but they’re just jagwagons.
Harris also has the skull shape of a Marxist! And the fact that she's a girl will make all the other manly nations call us Sissies!
JD Vance is too much of a coward to release the couch sex tape
#releasethecouchtape
It's on Hunter's laptop.
Two males? Are they buttery?
Why are they not releasing the couch sex tape? What are they hiding? Was there a loveseat involved?
Because the couch was underage.
Gaetz was inquiring last I heard
It was a…convertible sofa.😱
Hide-a-bred
This got a visceral negative reaction out of me. Well done.
Are you saying the couch... was transsectional?
There's a lot to unpack in that statement:
Yeah, Fox sells them, not buys them. Get your facts straight.
Uh-oh. That sounds pretty woke to me.
Yes, because you want to see it....for totally normal reasons.
Weird people
Sofa king weird.
AGOPAW All GOP Are Weird
Does word weird equal cringe?
It can mean cringe but it's more similar to the word strange and can be good or bad depending on context. Someone who learns Elvish and wears clothes from the 1920s could be considered weird but interesting. Republicans are the kind of weird that makes you feel uncomfortable around them. "Why are they so concerned about what my children are wearing?" Kind of weird
Yes, and I feel like the Republicans as you describe them would aptly be called "creepy."
And I think "cringe" is often a feeling of second-hand embarrassment.
"Weird" and "strange" are more general and synonymous with "unusual" and "peculiar."
None of that is in disagreement with your take, though
If one of my kids started speaking knife ear I’d be concern too.
Way to be racist towards people who aren't even real 🤦
Having a grudge against Elves is a part of my race.
And which race would that be? The New York Marathon? Le Mans 24h? Liege-Bastogne-Liege? 😛
The race to rock and stone bottom.
I like your fortress 👌
I hid a clown car at the bottom.
Just watch out that you don't dig TOO deep!
"Absolutely revolting claim! And where's the proof? The video? I need to see that horrible, disgusting video before I believe these claims! Show me-I mean us the video!"
I mean… they can’t possibly miss the joke, can they? It fucking racks my brain, the density of these fuckwits sometimes. The whole reason this is still a thing is because they’re saying shit like, ‘If you accuse some of X, you’d better have proof.’
Hey guys, it’s time to mature up and admit that Vance probably did not have sex with a couch.
He made love to it. Also, the couch was totally asking for it.
You know the couch was into it... When the couch doesn't want it, nature has ways of just shutting all that down.
I heard the couch was dressed like a total loveseat, and wasn’t even wearing a cover.
Lets call it what it is, folks. It was rape. He raped that couch. Just because the couch had a suggestively placed throw, doesn't make it OK.
The couch was asking for it, wearing that slip cover!
If the couch didn’t want fucked why was it wearing those sexy cushions?!!
Showing off it's legs. Disgusting.
Too bad it wasn't a bed because then we could talk about how short the bed skirt was.
It was totally consensual
-The couch
You know, until recently I thought that the golden days of Internet activism were over and we were mostly living in times where it was ridiculously easy to get things censored on the Internet.
Then something as stupid as this gets this amount of attention because of Internet users having way too much time and energy to spread it. WTF
Oh fuck yeah spread it
Spread it like JD Vance's couch cushions.
Are there no actually serious issues in the world that it is worth spreading information about? I think there are.
Shit I forgot that we're only allowed to talk about one thing at a time, and if someone makes a joke then all the other information dies.
More serious issues than a fascist trying to take over one of the world's most powerful nations? Not really. If saying his VP candidate fucks couches is bothering them this much, please keep spreading that information.
There is no problem with the lack of information though. It's the opposite, the internet is oversaturated.
Much better to talk openly encouraging the posting of revenge porn.
Humans are such relative morality miscreants.
I think that only proves your thoughts. This thing blew up uncontrollably. Now try repeating this with some truly important point.
The AP was correct to pull the article. Nobody can definitively say "J.D. Vance did not have sex with a couch" just that "J.D. Vance did not write about having sex with a couch in his memoir, 'Hillbilly Elegy'."
We don't even know he didn't write about it. All we can definitively say is that the story about J.D. Vance fucking a couch did not appear in the published edition of Hillbilly Elegy.
Did he fuck a couch? Did he write about fucking a couch? Only Vance can tell us for sure and he's probably too busy fucking a couch.
Comment above yours states that it is in there
If everyone is saying it there must be something to it.
How many of those comments are just parroting others?
I'm not sure but if everyone is saying it there must be something to it, dude definitely enjoys the chaise.
I disagree on that concept. Just because a lot of people are saying something doesn’t mean there is something to it. Should we look at it? Absolutely yes
But there is a guy who made a comment that says his grandma (or maybe it was his mom can’t remember) read the book so I’d ask who else has actually read the book?
Good example of group think: lots of people thought disco was good.
I agree with you 100%. We should absolutely be asking why JD Vance would fuck a couch, if in fact he fucked a couch. And why so many people would be talking about JD Vance fucking couches if he didn't.
It doesn't really change anything for me but I don't think I'll be letting that guy around my couches. Not because I honestly think JD Vance fucks couches but it's better to be safe than sorry.
edit: Personally I don't want to read the kind of filth a couch fucker would write so I haven't read the book but I have it on good authority that people are saying JD Vance admits to fucking at least one couch.
Better to be safe the sorry, don’t let him near your couch. Now your ex’s couch well I’ll leave that up to you
Side note: disco sucks
The bookstore I was at a few years ago you could get a copy signed by a Chesterfield for an extra buck. Make of that what you will
My mother read the book, and tells me that the couch fucking part is absolutely in there.
She also said he's a bad writer and his book is mostly fiction, so the couch fucking is probably as true as him being from Appalachia.
He no longer fucks couches, preferring to make sweet love with them instead
Finally, a use case for AI that I can really get behind!
Kidding, please god no one deepfake that weirdo going to town on a totally innocent sofa. Fuckin nightmare fuel.
Rule 34, it's already a thing.
Or rule 35
No no, they should absolutely do it and show it (heavily censored and muted) live. With PoV cam (both Vance and the couches PoV)
Tell them it's on Hunter's laptop and watch them implode!
We've finally found a job for AI.
Ah yes, a Deep Fake.
I bet it isn’t very deep
Lol
Just the tip and only for a minute.
As long as the couch is
Not to kink shame you, Jesse, but maybe keep what titillates you to yourself.
Anyway, by now there's bound to be porn with a Vance lookalike fucking a couch, so you'll get what you need for the most part.
Did Jesse Walters have a fetish where he watches people fuck couches? I'm just asking questions here.
He never said he didn't have a fetish where he watches people fuck couches. Many people are saying he has a fetish where he watches people fuck couches.
Thank you, now that you mention it I've totally heard about his couch fetish. A lot of people are saying it even in this thread.
This is my favorite comment chain.
I demand video evidence of him not having a couch fucking fetish
I'll play it next to the clip where he publicly requested a video of a man fucking a couch
Such a video is the job AI was created to do.
Maybe not the Hero we want, but the Hero we deserve.
Now now. JD Vance only fucks couches when he wears eyeliner. Everyone knows that.
That sure is a weird-ass thing to ask for.
Those people are weird.
What is it with conservative hosts demanding porn?
First there was Rush Limbaugh pretending not to know what birth control is and now this.
Probably plenty of other examples in the meantime, but that's the especially heinous one that immediately came to mind.
They want to see the couch's outfit for themselves, of course. Perhaps it was asking for it.
Weren't they obsessed with someone's dick a few years ago?
Twice, actually. First that of Anthony Wiener and then that of Hunter Biden.
For a party of homophobes who claim to hate liberals, they sure seem to be hungry for some liberal cock 😂
No wonder JD wants to make porn illegal. I'm almost with him if it means me not getting Rickrolled with a gif of him fucking a loveseat
“It’s not a loveseat, okay?! It’s a couch! I don’t fuck loveseats!” - Vance, probably?
"It's called making love when it's a loveseat! It's in the name!!! Also, ban porn NOW!"
-- From The book "Hillbilly Elegy: A Memoir Of a Family and Culture in Crisis" by author JD Vance
Anyone else hoping that a video surfaces just so we can make the conservatives watch it? Bonus points if he refers to the couch as Flipper while borking it.
The new Rick Roll is inserting footage of JD Vance fucking a couch in between scenes of Hunter Biden fucking a prostitute.
Once Republicans regain power, these will be the only two legal forms of pornography.
Ai might be useful afterall
Double bonus if he shames and belittles the couch for not getting pregnant, and says if it were up to him, it would not be allowed to vote
Put that shit up on a screen like what happened to the old and wrinkled Italian regime. Tifa up there screaming, giving heart attacks to poor old men, that scene was so obscene.
Now imagine the travesty, bunch of out the closet conservatives projecting their desires, watching what transpires as JD Vance has a relationship with an entire set. They're the ones that must bear witness to that.
“Guess we know why they call it a blow hole now, don’t we you stupid fucking cetacean”
For research guys, it's for research.
Would it help if I filmed myself fucking a couch and put a deep fake over it?
It's for the good of people my dude, rail that couch for democracy!
Can't hurt!
Depends on the springs
Hmmm, I would have to see it first
I've already got a few clips already in the can.
Well if politics doesn't work out for JD there is always OnlyFans
OnlyFutons
Purely for "research," right Fox?
JD Vance puts the "C" in LGBTQIA2SC.
Stark difference in the immediate memes that came out about Harris vs Vance. Coconut tree is quirky, couch is weird.
Coconut Tree is Wine Mom trying to explain a legitimately profound idea she read in a book once in college.
Couch is Creepy Uncle trying to lure you into his shed.
It's probably something she heard from a south Indian relative when she didn't want to go to some family function.
She said her mom would say it, the full quote is:
I love that this is on the official White House record: Remarks by Vice President Harris at Swearing-In Ceremony of Commissioners for the White House Initiative on Advancing Educational Equity, Excellence, and Economic Opportunity for Hispanics
Coconut tree is so 2020.
It's nice when the refuing-bullshit boot is on the other foot.
It's so funny to see FOX News doing The Whitey Tape to themselves.
Hi!👋 me again, don’t forget to:
Print photos of different couches or dolphins and mail them to any or all of these locations:
https://www.vance.senate.gov/office-locations/
Don’t forget to add little love notes. e.g., “Thinking of you 💋”
And, remember kids, drink your Ovaltine!
Hey, I like you. Keep up the good work!
Thank you! It is much appreciated.
"JD Vance's couch tape" to the tune of "Hunter Biden's laptop"
Well, we do live in the age of AI generated deepfake videos, don't we? We could feed Jesse Watters' unnatural curiosity, couldn't we?
What's the story of him fucking a couch? It's one of the least problematic things about him.
That might be why they're pushing this story.
I'm agree, but it is still funny. Anyway, apparently he wrote about it in his book?
He didn’t write about it, which is why this went viral, in a way. It was an online joke and some AP reporter searched his book for the word “couch” and wrote about it in a fact check to disprove that JD fucked a couch
He actually fucked a sofa
That isn't funny and you shouldn't make jokes like that.
It was a ❤️ loveseat ❤️.
Why are these people so fking creepy weird?
I just want to know if the couch consented…has anyone been able to verify? I hope so :(
We’ll never know until we get the video!
Aunty: Oh Vance! My favorite nephew! Come in come in! Sit on the couch with me! What brings you here?
Vance: nobody likes me because I wear makeup like women do and I like to fuck the couch!
Aunty: well worry no more! You can stay with us for as long as you like! There's just one thing I need to tell you about.
Vance: what is it?
Aunty: your uncle and I have a house policy where we don't wear any clothes indoors. Is that okay? I'm sure if we talk to your uncle, we can agree to let you fuck a couch too!
Vance proceeds to get complete naked. Uncle comes into the scene and the aunty is already naked too.
Vance: hi uncle!
Uncle: well hello! I see you are getting used to the rules of the house!
Aunty: yes. He also would like it if he could fuck the couch when he feels the need.
Uncle: no problem!
Scene cuts to Vance taking a shower. For more on this please refer to your favorite pornhub show.
why did you write this?
you either write fanfic, and know how to shitpost, OR you consume a lot of porn, it's one of the two.
I would go with the porn.
makes sense, lol
Is there a spitefic genre yet?
probably, i think that's just fanfic though. Idk if there would be a specific genre lmao. I'd support it though.
What the fuck man i thought this was an onion article cause the headline is too good to be true
I'm sorry... I'm way outta the loop on this one.
Someone explain?
This is extremely simplistic and reductive, but essentially, after JD Vance was named Trump's VP, someone made a shit post saying 'Wow, I can't believe he said he had sex with a couch, that's wild'. To their slight credit, the same person commented like an hour later admiting it was all a lie (they just posted the Arthur meme of "You think someone would do that? Go on the internet and tell lies?"), but that didn't really matter and it got shared around a lot, mostly by people who knew it was fake news but still thought it was funny anyway.
Later that week, AP News did a fact check on it (because, sadly, they have to do A LOT of false-fact debunking) and they essentially said "JD Vance did not have sex with a couch". HOWEVER, they have an internal policy that says their fact-checks must say only the truth, even if they have to be extremely specific in their wording. Since they originally said "No, he has never had sex with a couch" but, technically speaking, unless they've been spying on him for his entire life, there's no way to actually PROVE that, so they had to take it down. Lots of people saw it get taken down and jumped on that fact as a 'Well, then he must have done it, obviously' and the memes continued.
Fast forward to today, and some FOX host who probably still uses Yahoo as their search engine and has no connection with meme culture is demanding the video proof that they presume to exist despite no one EVER saying that there's proof.
Hope that answered most of your questions
Edit: slightly wording fix
My favorite part was that Vance, supposedly, wrote about it in Hillbilly Elegy. Reading the book would easily solve the issue once and for all, but no one wanted to.
It's also why the AP article was retracted. They could obviously prove that it's not in the book, but like you said, it would be impossible to prove that he never, at any point in his life, when no one was around, fucked a couch.
...but also, the AP article didn't even involve reading the book. They just used Ctrl+F on key terms because, again, no one wants to actually read that book.
tl;dr version: the left has learned to meme
And right is weird
I didn't even know it was a story until I read about the retraction. Like, "What do you mean they retracted their story saying he didn't tuck a couch...? Does that mean...?"
Is yahoo search even a thing still? I used it like a week ago and it said powered by Bing. I wouldn't be surprised if they took down their search engine and just use a version of Bing instead of an amalgamation.
Yahoo search was killed years ago by the guy that now runs Google search.
This should be the most insane sentence in the thread, except that we're in a thread about a vice presidential candidate possibly fucking a couch.
There's only one way out. The VP candidate now needs to prove beyond all reasonable doubt that he has never fucked a couch.
Vance fucked a couch
(It was a joke someone made. I think it was originally amplified when AP decided to “fact check” what was clearly an internet joke)
Edit: https://ftw.usatoday.com/2024/07/jd-vance-couch-memes-associated-press
AP pulled the fact check at one point
"Fox host demands" = "Child has on-air tantrum"
Finally we’ve found a use for AI.
All you gotta do is ignore it and it becomes a weird little internet thing. And here we are lol
Rules potentially invoked.. 34, 35, .. 49..
Any hacker group willing to recreate that one Black Mirror episode but with a couch instead of a pig?
For reasons.
Fox News? More like Cocks News, am I right?
For science!
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I like the idea of this bot but could you make the text a bit smaller? It's pretty obnoxious ATM.
This is what I see:
Maybe the summary tags aren't working on your app? But I guess the "Thanks to..." section could be moved to the footer, too.
Most app clients don't fully support formatting yet. I'm on Boost and neither spoilers nor superscript work.
I don't know the numbers on each app vs web clients, but I suspect apps are a significant portion. Ignoring their limitations is ignoring a good portion of your users.
It is particularly obnoxious on Sync for Lemmy...
edit:fixing image link
It looks pretty well considered in Voyager.
It seems to be you should contact the app's developer since the problem is with the app.
Mlem shows the full thing with giant header text.
Does mlem show other formatting like
strikethroughor ^superscript^ ?Mlem dev here. It shows strikethrough, but not superscript. Lemmy has got a unique dialect of Markdown - in the current version we're using an open-source Github-dialect parser, which is close to Lemmy's dialect but not perfect. In the next update we've written a custom parser that handles all of Lemmy's Markdown elements, including superscript and spoilers.
Yeah no.
No yeah.
Yeah let's talk about some stupid meme instead of real issues like single payer healthcare, inequality, and I dunno maybe the fact we just had the hottest ever recorded temperatures on Earth in human history.
Filling the narrative with this drama detracts from focusing public attention on real issues.
But I guess this Vance guy prob just needs to drink what plants crave and not talk like a fag and everything will be ok.
We can walk and chew gum, thank you
One, it's not good to use slurs; even if this isn't a situation about two men. Two, are you implying Vance's a gay couch? Three, did you just assume that coach's gender?
It's not a slur. The saying is from the movie Idiocracy where society talks like that.
I was implying that Lemmy is in that state of Idiocracy where real issues aren't discussed but calling everyone a couch fucker who you disagree with is ok.
I get where you are coming from. We have a few main factions on Lemmy (tankies, progressives, moderates/liberals, and trolls) and in JD Vance we all found something to laugh at together. Don't rock the boat. Republicans don't care about the issues. Democrats know about the issues; we are waiting on Harris to see her platform and which issues she cares about.
The average Murican voter cannot comprehend what you call "real" issues. This gossipy, high school, melodrama has much better chance to reach them
Why do people care?
How did we come to the culture where personal life of politicians outside their direct political convictions matters?
Not only is it a manipulation that has no relation to somebody's political performance, it also makes opposition dependent on criticizing a person - something that recently fucked up Republicans themselves as Biden stepped down.
Because the right is constantly being self-righteous while attacking people for being queer. If those same puritan-minded people who want to criminalize LGBTQ+ people also fuck couches for fun, everyone deserves to know about it. They don't stay out of our personal lives, why the fuck should I afford them any privacy? They don't respect our humanity, why should I respect their dignity just because couch-fucking is victimless?
They're the party of "family values", let's put their party position under the microscope.
The mistake Republicans made wasn't in standing against Biden, it was in failing to stand for anything else. If J.D. Vance drops out of the election, I am not going to be out of political ammunition. In fact, J.D. Vance should and probably will drop out and I'm not worried about if he does, because Trump isn't going to choose a good running mate no matter what.
In fact, changing the running mate after the RNC destroys their argument that it is somehow improper for Democrats to change their nominee before the DNC, so while they play checkers, we're playing chess.
I was going to ask the same question. Why should we care. But you have a good point. If the right is saying "we must look into the bedroom " then the left might as well join in. It won't fix anything. But at this point, make the idiots squirm.
You think he will drop out? I'm not sure what's going to happen - our political situation is beyond sane prediction - but I feel like dropping out would be admitting a mistake, and I just don't see either Trump or Vance wanting to do that. I feel like they will ride that decision right into November.
Trump got famous running a reality TV show where he feigns business acumen by firing people.
It is well understood in the real world that constantly firing people is a sign of poor leadership. You either aren't hiring productive employees, or you're too eager to terminate under-performing employees. That didn't matter in The Apprentice, because people view firing people as authoritative behavior, and they love it.
So when Vance backs down (and he will because he's toxic to Trump's approval rating), it will be presented as Trump smartly firing his inferior running mate in favor of a superior job candidate.
Good point. You may be right.
Just saw this. Now I think you're almost certainly right. LOL Dude's goin' down.
I think the Dems found the:"why not both?" meme when it comes to politics against the maga Republicans, who gave up on competing on policy years ago. They've only been competing by creating these dumb "culture wars" and ad hominem attacks of opponents. There is no principled position, there is no good faith arguments, there is no limit to their hypocrisy.
The Democrats have been getting beat on messaging for years too.
What I think we are seeing now is a sea change. The Democrats have wildly popular policy and positions on most things. They win on policy.
And now they arent letting the Republicans get away with being "weird" hypocritical unprincipled lunatics that lack substance. They aren't ceding the field on the "manipulation" that Republicans have been engaging in for years. Call them weird. Call them old. Call them criminals.
If they hit below the belt, hit back. If they stay on the high road, meet them there. But as soon as they want to mudsling, slap em in the face with a well deserved mud pie.
When democracy is at stake you can't afford to lose an election because you wanted to avoid calling a couch-fucking creep, weird.
I'll also add, I think the reason you are seeing such a ground swell in Democrat support and a dogpile on JD Vance is the pent up frustration of years of Dems being doormats and not squaring up and fighting back.
This is how you beat a bully. You have to bloody their nose. Turn the other cheek sounds great but you quickly run out of cheeks. Fight back.