How much for cuddles?

sag@lemm.ee to Lemmy Shitpost@lemmy.world – 512 points –
193

no nagging for a week

Wow, there’s just so much to unpack from just that sentence, let alone the chart.

Look at his eyes, and look at his face... this is the trained male.

Long have nation states and governments tried to break the male, to wrangle the male into a submissive state, but none are more successful than the woman sociopath.

The female sociopath is in many ways addicted to control. Her one impulse to anything the male does is how she can turn it into her advantage, to control the male entirely.

Luckily for the male, the sociopath woman gives fierce blowjobs, so it's up to him wether or not the pain and degradation is worth it. 4/10 males say it is.

Look at his eyes. He's truly worked for this.

Luckily for the male, the sociopath woman gives fierce blowjobs

Honestly that's a 50/50 shot between fierce and dead fish. I have proclivity for crazy, and a good half the time it's all for show and a real disappointment at game time. That all said, always test drive the car before signing the paperwork.

Listen to this guy, he knows what he's talking about

Also ... if you have too many questions for the transaction from the start ... it probably isn't a worthwhile transaction.

On the contrary, given my current life experience, I damn well diserve answers to all the questions I may have... if there are none or not enough, yes, the transaction is not worthwile.

Why did I read that with the David Attenborough voice in mind?

Lad should just whack it to succubus porn like the rest of us.

Wtaf did I just read, and why god does it have so many up votes. Please let this be a copy pasta.

It's a sarcastic view on what the meme depicts. We are in shitposts after all.

"sarcastic"

Yeah I wouldn't get my hopes up

That's the fun part about sarcasm, you never know how much of what that person said or wrote he really identifies with.

Look guys, I've spotted the incel!

Voluntary. I'm ace. But I'm also an aspiring Gonzo writer. Check my other comments.

Unfortunately, women tend to want partners, men want caregivers. Reminding him to care for his kids because he doesn't recognize how children as his responsibility is now a women's personality issue, rather than a man's personality issue. It's wild that a woman doing merely most of the care work and the full entirety of family organization from cleaning to meals has become something to look down on as a woman failing rather than men being irresponsible and not respecting their spouse.

You may be right in general, but none of that is a good excuse for a transactional sex life.

If I wanted to exchange services (labor) for sex, I could simply take the money earned from labor to purchase it from a prostitute. That is not what a marriage should be like.

I don’t think the kids pay you to clean up their puke or blowouts.

You are making a lot of sweeping generalizations that are wildly inaccurate. Some of those statements (hell, maybe all of them) may be true for certain socio-political subgroups of our society, but I absolutely do not agree that that’s the dynamic through which most heterosexual people view their partners (or more accurately, the idea of a partner).

You’re basically just regurgitating the “atomic family” ethos from back in the 1950s.

Reminding him to care for his kids

by treating him like a kid will not help. Yes, making clear that you expect him to share the care work with you is important. Making rules together can be a way of doing it, but he needs to do it because he is the dad and her partner and a reasonable adult that takes their responsibilities serious, not because he wants a BJ at the end of the week. They both need couple therapy, because he isn't a responsible adult and she infantilizes him on top.

Unfortunately, women tend to want partners, men want caregivers.

Thank you. Nobody's seeing that. All the comments saying the woman is mean, instead of talking about how irresponsible the man must be that he needs a reward system to do what he should be doing on his own* for his family.

*I'm not sure if it's the right expression. I mean by his own volition and out of responsibility.

Edit: I won't acknowledge the rest of your comment because, honestly, it got confusing.

I'm really surprised this got downvoted... don't get me wrong, I downvoted as well, but... this is not what I expected.

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“Get out of the dog house card” isn’t going to work the way either of them think. Pulling that card when you’re in the doghouse is not going to make her fine with whatever upset her. There’s a good chance she’ll say she’s “fine” because she doesn’t want to renege on her chart, but whatever conflict isn’t going to resolve itself because he gave her that card.

Trading sex for chores is gross. I don’t want a BJ or lap-dance from a partner that is only doing it because the sticker chart says she has to.

It’s also insane that things like washing dishes or packing lunches or changing diapers aren’t part of the baseline expectations for a dad. You don’t get an award for doing the bare minimum!

Both of these people are demonstrating the emotional intelligence of a block of cheese.

I was in a relationship with a controlling partner who made something very similar to this back in ~2016. I can't remember exactly what was on it, but there was definitely a sexual favor reward for some amount of chores (it was like I had to give her X hour-long full body massages or smth) 💀

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Don't slander cheese like that.

Imagine the French and Italian retaliation if they had said wheel of cheese.

It’s also insane that things like washing dishes or packing lunches or changing diapers aren’t part of the baseline expectations for a dad.

This is the one that gets me the most. Like, I do the majority of a lot of these things in addition to taking my kid to daycare, doing almost all of the cooking, etc. I do it because I want to help my family, not because I'm saving up for a toothy blowjob.

I do all that, and yet, it's still not enough... always expected to do more and nagged about not doing enough.

I guess I'm just kinky, because the idea of chores for sex sounds pretty awesome to me.

It sound good till you actually experience that and realize how degrading it is.

Look, I'm a male and I completely get the "I'm horny all the time" aspect of males, but... if she did this, that's a complete downer for me. Mind you, I love sex, I would have it a few times a day if I could.

It depends on how seriously it's followed. My wife will often say something along the lines of "if you make dinner I'll let you feel me up," but it's with the mutual understanding that she knows I'd make her dinner because she asked regardless of the reward, and I know she wouldn't offer it if she wasn't happy to give it - she just wants to make sure we have dinner first.

This chart's a bit too far, though, since it's a more long-term commitment that doesn't factor in everyone's feelings at the time that the rewards come due, but I could see that being circumvented in the event that a "rain check" could be called if someone's not feeling it at that moment.

It sound good till you actually experience that and realize how degrading it is.

Some are into that

I think that the key is to have a "safe word".

Does she want sex or does she want chores done? Because if it's just the latter, then I wouldn't really want sex either.

If you're ever handed a chore chart and it's not part of a kink, then assume your relationship is in serious trouble.

I was thinking more in terms of the latter. If it's part of a kink, sure.

I was gonna say, the way I care for our kid, if we had done this chart I wouldn't have had time to do anything but get continuous blow jobs and lap dances!

I'm kind of disturbed by the fact that they call it "being in the dog house"... Is it a common expression in English?

Someone else answered but yes it's a boomer expression. Basically to mean you're in trouble with your spouse. (They aren't letting you in their bed so you go to sleep with your dog in the dog house.)

Yes, I've never heard a real person use it but I've heard it on TV enough to know what it means. I think it's a boomer expression.

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Speak to your partner adult to adult? Nahh, I’ll just treat my husband like another child!

I know it’s rage bait but this shit does happen and it’s cringe as hell

Why is she also the therapist? He’s a grown adult and could take some initiative.

I'm glad everyone finds it weird and gross, but I'm also amused at how many people don't know this is a five year old joke from a mommy blogger at this point.

Never actually real, just meant to make people who were currently dealing with sticker boards and feeling weird about it chuckle.

I'm appalled that you actually expect me to do research on memes and not accept them at face value. Leave my propaganda addled mind in peace dammit.

It honestly blows my mind how many people on Lemmy are completely incapable of interpreting sarcasm. I know Poe's Law and all that, but this is pretty clearly a joke.

We live in a post Trump presidency, post Covid mandates world. Nothing is pretty clearly a joke anymore.

Yeah, this. I'm certain there do exist people in this world who have a chart like this. Probably they just happen to enough sense to not post the chart online, or are too obscure for theirs to become the meme.

if you think people like this don't really exist then... lucky you!

The comments are really weird. Not just about the chart training and prostitutional aspect, but also that people who argue about it still seem to have a shared opinion that stererotypical men won't do these tasks.

So, even if they acknowledge that the meme is crazy in one way or the other, they're still reinforcing the negative stereotype of the bumbling sitcom dad and that these tasks are not manly or something.

This joke is quite toxic even when understood as a joke.

As has been pointed out before, Lemmy is mostly people who up and left Reddit.

There's a variety of different archetypes that did that.

And it explains a lot of the more head scratching experiences I've had here.

Sure, she may have infantalized him to an embarrassing degree, but at least she posted it online so the entire world can see how unhealthy their marriage is and how transactional their sex live is.

online so the entire world can see how unhealthy their marriage

Not to mention their fucking child. Hopefully "daddy" is just a nickname.

Unless the throw up he's cleaning and blown out diaper he's changing are hers, probably not. Also "rugrats" he bathed.

Excuse me, but, she made it transactional.

no shit, are you illiterate?

Look at the chart, she made it... I don't understand where the confusion is...

Transactional.

Keeping score isn't love.

I'd totally get her to suck my dick 10 times per day and never nag again. This seems like a good deal.

I can pee and throw up 10 times per day, no issues.

"Honey, the kids are taking 5 lunches to school today, I'm adding the stickers myself, thanks".

I can pee and throw up 10 times per day, no issues.

Am I the only one alarmed that he's cleaning up so much vomit? I mean I get that he wants the BJs, but is he feeding the kids syrup of ipecac sandwiches?

Very young kids puke sometimes. It happens. We also don't know how long it took him to get all those stickers. Could've been over the course of a few months or longer.

It's 3x as often as he does the dishes at any rate; he must not be a big drinker.

EDIT: It's 2x as often as he puts the toilet seat down as well...must not have to go pee pee very often.

EDIT2: For people with the "toilet seat down" problem, just get a toilet seat that slow closes on its own...they're like 20 bucks and then you can just tap the top of the top part of the seat and it does the rest of the work.

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Back in my day we assumed everything on the internet was false, and we liked it.

"Don't believe everything you see on internet." Albert Einstein.

One thing I have noticed is that most people assume that these obviously fake posts are real. I personally just assume everything is complete bullshit until proven otherwise. I guess I'm in the minority.

I assume it's fake, but there's not much to talk about in that case, so I look for the people who think it's real and then engage with them since their opinions are based how they feel about this very fucked up situation if it were real.

And then we watched Dana Carvey do an old man on SNL and whine and complain the whole time, "wah, wah, wah. I'm an old man. Laugh at me."

And we liked it.

I'd love to see him retaliate with a chart for her

[x] Stop being a cunt -> Stay Married

Mhm, that would be my ace of spades.

Sure, the spouse that has to create a reward system so that the other person does their chores is the one in the wrong, not the spouse that apparently needs parenting. Also, marriage is a favor to the former, not something both want and benefit from (/sarcasm).

You say she "has to create" this and that he "apparently needs parenting". Did you have some additional context that informs that opinion?

Couldn't there be other reasons, such as she just doesn't like doing those particular chores?

No nagging for a week

This woman must be horribly annoying

The man literally needs the motivational tool of a 5 year old to learn to put down the toilet seat or otherwise contribute around the house.

I bet you dollars to donuts he considers "nagging" to be asking him anything that he'd have to leave the couch for.

Ummmm can't she just put it down. He had to pick it up.

If this is an actual source of stress in your household, you could always just get an open front toilet seat and never think about it again.

I actually try to close the entire thing, lid included. Less poop particles when you flush, and erryone gotta work in this household. True equality.

It's actually the same poop particles. But it is quieter.

Yeah I just saw an article and discussion here with that info lmao.

Welp, I'll stick with true equality out of principle.

Alright, I'm sure the big boy that needs a sticker chart for washing the dishes and taking care of his children is the mature one in the relationship, you right, she's probably in the wrong here.

You assume he "needs" a sticker chart when just as easily the wife could be trying to get him to do all of it instead of his share. That's your bias showing.

Plus this inhumane and soul destroying regardless.

Who the fuck makes a sticker chart with BJs and naked hula dances?

Based on the evidence I've seen, women do tend to bear more of the cognitive load of running a household in our society. Can you share any evidence that says otherwise? I'd love to learn.

I haven't done that much research, but a quick Google scholar search suggests that it's a pretty gendered issue.

That's cool but has nothing to do with this, so unfortunately I don't have any studies prepared for you to learn from.

  1. We've established that the task of maintaining on a household typically falls on women in our society.
  2. We have an example here of a sticker chart being used to encourage a man to take care of his child.
  3. You're saying I'm biased for thinking that the man needs this chart.

Nah, bruh, I'm just looking at the data and drawing conclusions.

Sure, there are exceptions, but when we lack any other indicators of exceptions, it's safe to assume societal roles carry over. Making any other assumption is ironically letting YOUR personal biases show.

If I tell you 7/10 balls in a box are red, 3/10 are blue, and ask you to guess the color of a ball I'm grabbing from the box, what're you going to guess? Red.

I'm pretty sure this sticker chart is fake anyways, but it's the reaction of folks to this that's surprising.

No you're dishonestly ignoring all the content of the image and pushing some random stats in a vacuum.

I could care less about those stats, I have eyes.

Obviously this is fake, but it's fun to argue.

What am I ignoring?

I could care less about those stats, I have eyes.

Okay if we're just going to pick and choose what context we ignore when interpreting what we see then there's no real point in having a conversation.

He seems horribly annoying to force people in relationships to have to take the mommy manager role before he’ll wipe his own asshole.

That's much bigger leap based on the info we have

Relationships are a two way street, and dynamics like this are pretty common. It's sometimes called over/under functioning or codependency in substance abuse. It could be the over functioner just tore the other person down, or the under functioner was susceptible already or drew it out of the over functioner. I agree it's really difficult to know based on limited data, and all we can say is this is strange and comes across as infantilizing but if it works for them then whatever tbh. Not my relationship to care about

Does the word "nagging" really suggest she's bad when there's needs to be a transactional economy where he only contributes to the care of his child after trading in his good boy points for a tendies a blowjob?

I hope some of the folks in this thread get the partner they deserve.

It's fake, Its a crooked depiction of a toxic relationship which is fucked up, I know, but why would a guy need to be reminded to clean up, or care for their children?

I see everyone is quick to jump on the domestic abuse hate train, but if you are a guy and not doing these things in a relationship you are just as fucked up as this imaginary psycho partner.

At first I was thinking they were making fun of people who go to the ‘she’s a nag’ absurdity(it is in shitPost ). Sadly some misogynists got triggered in here.

Step 1: drink water

Step 2: piss

Step 3: put seat down

Step 4: repeat 5 more times

Step 5: wait till I'm nagged

Step 6: remind her of the toilet seat

Step 7: continue ignoring child's needs

Step 8: ignore feelings of depression and ruminate about how fucked my life is

He realized after putting the seat down three times the nagging wasn't going to stop anyway.

Holy fucking shit his face...

This woman is the epitome of the scorecard partner.

are the straights ok?

do gays not give bjs after a certain amount of gold stars?

How exactly do the gays transact for sex with their spouses? Like, do they pick one who will withold sex from the other until chores are done? Or do they swap roles monthly? How do they decide which one will be the begger and which one will grudgingly submit to their clumsy, sweaty defilement?

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He's gonna give her the blow job

Come here you big hunk and suck on this juicy clit!!!

Yep, that'll get me in the mood in no time.

Yeah this looks like a horrible couple photo about 3 months before the inevitable divorce.

She's gonna be pissed when the curtie next door is going down on him. He's just gonna point to the chart. Doesn't say who from?

That man's soul is screaming for help behind those eyes.

notice how his eyebrows have fallen out...

Why'd they Photoshop her eye upside-down into his left eye?

Good catch, that's really weird. They must be trying to enhance the battered spouse look because that guys looks like he had his soul sucked out through his nose after enduring a 10 round prize fight

that guys looks like he had his soul sucked out through his nose after enduring a 10 round prize fight

That's the result of the best BJs on this side of the Mississippi

They've definitely photoshopped it to make it look worse for the Internet rage machine

Wait, his kids made this?

naked hula dance by yours truly

I fukn hope not

My kids would absolutely put “BJs” as a reward in my sticker chart.

But to them, BJs is the store I buy paper goods, frozen foods, and non-perishables at. I love that place.

Look it's the only row with full stickers. He was probably forcing their kid to throw up just so that he can clean it. This's grim as shit

Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

This isn't real. This can't be real.

Can it?

It's "real" in that it's not photoshopped, but it was never really used and was always just a dumb joke for social media:

https://www.babygaga.com/truth-about-daddys-sticker-chart-revealed/

y'all taking literal boomer humor at face value. That's embarrassing

y'all taking literal boomer humor at face value. That's embarrassing

I literally asked if it was real lol.

Thanks for answering.

Sorry, the "y'all" was directed at the rest who weren't questioning this bait; I didn't mean to imply it was towards you

Oh gotcha. I'm so used to the singular use of "y'all" because of my social circle haha

All good, it was an understandable way to read my comment and entirely my fault for being unclear. But I think we're good. Cheers ✌

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I just watched this episode today! Show is is good, I love old adult swim cartoons. I gotta rewatch through Xavier Renegade Angel at some point as well

That's fucking horrifying.

How many stickers to get his soul back?

As a frequent visitor of faproulette.co, this is probably the least sexy game I've seen.

I hate how our society has created a world where the dad of a family is an extra child for the wife to take care of.

Yeah one of the guys I work with has a 4-5 month old. He came back to work a few weeks ago and Mom is still on maternity leave. He made the comment that because he is working 100% of the child care is done by mom. He has to work so she can has to everything for the kid.

I just said. Wtf and walked away. That is no way to be a father

Kinda yes though.

Marriage is a partnership, and both parties need to be contributing. If one person is expected to work 8+ hours a day outside of the home--plus commute, etc.--then the other person needs to be doing the things that keep the household operating. The gender of the people don't matter; if my wife works as an attorney, and I am a househusband, that means that yeah, I'm doing the cleaning, the laundry, paying the bills, pet care, and all the other things that need to be done while she's at work. Because housework is my job.

Yeah, what you're saying is mostly reasonable but for the mom to do 100% of childcare is bullshit. What kind of dad is that? I personally can't wait to hold my daughter after work and my "commute".

Kinda sounds like they want the fun parts like the child holding you enjoy with none of the bad parts, which I don't think you could consider yourself a father for, more like an uncle.

Ok so when she gets home she isn't responsible for anything around the house?

TBQH, I should be able to accomplish the day-to-day tasks required to keep a household from sliding into chaos within 10-12 hours in a day. That doesn't mean that the spouse that works outside the home won't have to help with irregular chores. But hey, if I sit around on my ass all day and play video games while my wife is at work, and then expect that we're going to work together to get general household shit done when she gets home, then I'm a huge asshole.

Putting toilet seat down shoud not be ‘let’s negotiate my tasks’

That is literally on the list. And what is more cringeful is that you have a house full of kids and an open toilet of water is just asinine level of idiocy from a parent.

That’s ‘ I shouldn’t have to wipe my own ass’ level of incompetence.

That is the face of a man 1 BJ away from passing out

BJ? He gets banana juice for cleaning up vomit? Seems like an unfair trade.

This guy is 100% poisoning his kids so they can throw up

If it's a baby, then my man is going to be getting it non-stop.

The pro move is to self-induce vomiting on your own dick so she has to help you clean it up.

it could be the blowjobs are causing her to throw up.......

Wouldn't it be more useful if he first threw up and then cleaned up?

The creepiest thing about that is how she wants her husband to be her child and still put his penis in her mouth. Fucked. Up.

I would say the creepiest part is that this man needs a childish chart like this just to take care of his children. She's not his mom and honestly they should talk separation instead of having to come up with incentive charts just to get him to be a father.

Where in there do you see there being a need?

Sometimes, the latter is easier for the children's sake. I can confirm from experience.

Where I can find womens like her? asking for a friend!

Anywhere. Now keeping that relationship going will be the tricky part. Think of it cynically. If the only thing you are doing for her is giving her money and adding to the workload she can get your money and not have to work for you by getting divorced. Who doesn't want to do less work for the same amount of money? She won't have a relationship with you she will have it with your bank account.

In general I try to be sympathetic to new parents. I was terrified to watch my first born when she was born. Everything else I could help with but I kept worrying that something would happen if I watched our baby alone. It took time, and I built confidence. Then mom was able to run errands or have fun for a few hours. The thing is I wanted to improve.

Glorifying male sexual abuse. Lovely stuff.