Could you do me a favour and make this post look like a Reddit post?

Maerman@lemmy.ml to Asklemmy@lemmy.ml – 360 points –

Edit: Wow, this really blew up. Thanks for the updoots, kind strangers.

301

[deleted]

Wow, really well said. Extremely important that everyone reads this info above

Edit: thanks for the gold, kind stranger

Howdy, fellow buckaroo!

Your post has been automatically removed and you have been temporarily banned by our extremely slow moderation bot on /r/nicheHobby for the following rule violations that are definitely related to our hobby and definitely are not weird in-jokes from our power tripping mods or the 5 weird wannabe-mod sycophants that orbit them:

  • It is currently Thursday. No vowels are permitted in otherwise helpful, high-quality on-topic posts until Friday at 5am EST.

Source of error in your post:

Hi guys, I have the perfect solution [...]  
 ^  ^^   ^  ^ [... stopped counting after 5 violations]

Your ban is set to expire in: 132 days. You may appeal your ban in: 100 days.

Ah, the ol' Reddit switch-a-roo. Hold my relevant topic, I'm going in!

This.

This

Hey there, @tiefling@lemmy.blahaj.zone! If you agree with someone else's comment, please leave an upvote instead of commenting "This."! By upvoting instead, the original comment will be pushed to the top and be more visible to others, which is even better! Thanks! :)

^I am a bot! If you have any feedback, please send me a message! More info:^ Reddiquette

1 more...
1 more...

I have a 14 year old device with a very obscure problem, does anyone have a solution for this?

I have this problem too!

Edit: Nevermind. Fixed it.

[CENSORED]

[CENSORED]

1 more...

Divorce him

Hit Facebook, gym up and delete the lawyer

"I'll get off Facebook now!", he said

and though he really tried

Those Russian bots still hacked his shit

...and Timmy fucking died.

But I feel obligated to be there for him since he broke his arms..

You post was automatically removed for not following the requirements listed in our wiki. Please find the wiki yourself because it is not linked anywhere. In particular, your post does not meet the following requirements:

  • Section 1, paragraph 3, subsection B
  • Section 18, paragraph 5, subsection AAB
  • Section 35, paragraph 1: uploading a photo* with timestamp†

* see approved photo hosts

† see ISO 8601

This by far was what I hated most about Reddit. Oh look a sub where I can finally get a good answer to that question...

Blocked, go take it to tip of my tongue. But they're not about crowdsourcing... no

see ISO 8601

Got to get those datetimes properly formatted. I can't hate on that

Sorry, your post was removed because your account doesn’t meet the requirements.

Your account must be at least 1 month old and have at least 10 karma.

Thanks.

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I came here to say this but boy, that escalated quickly so to the top with you! Lost it at 'This is why we can't have nice things' and then my faith in humanity was restored, my mind blown, and manly tears were shed. Well said. As a 'murican, I can confirm this gem has just won the internet and is doing it right. Just sayin', I know that feel, bro, and while that was a risky click, this post was a 9/10, would read again. I see what you did there and it feels good man. You're doing God's work, son. I laughed way harder than I should have at your list that seems legit and totally nailed it. You - I like you. You magnificent bastard; you, sir, are so brave, a gentleman and a scholar, and seeing how you are a redditor for 4 years, this checks out, so I'll allow it. I regret that I only have one upvote to give for this cool story, bro.

CTRL+F "about tree fiddy" was not disappointed.

Wait, why do I have you tagged as "NOPE NOPE NOPE"? Nice try, you monster. What did I just read? Dafuq? I read that as "YOU HAD ONE JOB". I can't fap to this. No true scotsman could see that this relevant XKCD was bad, and you should feel bad. You must be new to reddit, so I'll see your cakeday and raise you a karma train. One does not simply rustle my jimmies, not even once. This stahp gave me cancer for science, so that's enough internet for me today. 2/10, would not bang. What is this I don't even know how is this wtf? Circlejerk must be leaking. This will get buried but brace yourselves, some men want to watch the world burn right in the feels. When you see it, they'll KILL IT WITH FIRE! But this has nothing to do with atheism. Lawyer up, delete facebook, hit the gym, and SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY, said no one ever, so you wouldn't download a strawman. Damn onions, you scary like a BOSS. whoosh.

Since rule #1 is 'be attractive', I'll just leave this here: This is my [f]irst post, be gentle. I have the weirdest boner right now, so I'll be in my bunk with dat ass. Oh, you! ...now KISS!!! I know you should never stick your dick in crazy, but DM;HS.

...this kills the redditor.

OP will surely deliver. In the meantime, I'll show myself out.

Directed by M. Night Shamallama

edit: accidentally a word

Hijacking top comment with something completely unrelated, just so people will see it

Please don't ask me how I managed to take this picture... http://i.imgur.com/TAXdG.jpg

One summer when I was a teenager, my friends and I decided to take a road trip to the next town over. We packed up my old beat-up car and set off, eager for a day of adventure and mischief. As we cruised down the highway, windows down and music blaring, I couldn't help but feel a sense of freedom and excitement. Little did I know that our carefree jaunt would take an unexpected turn in nineteen ninety eight when the undertaker threw mankind off hell in a cell and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcers table.

Here have this award. πŸ‘οΈβ€πŸ—¨οΈ

Thanks for the stranger, kind gold.

Would have upvoted but it was at 69

nice

Nice

Nice

Nice

Nice

aren't we supposed to downvote the third guy or something?

This is a repost from half a year ago OP is a karma farming bot

many posts on reddit literally are from karma farming bots though. predictable username pattern, repost from half a year ago with the exact same title that gets deleted exactly 24h later...

You've been banned from r/Pyongyang

RemindMe! 3y β€œreply to this thread”.

[removed]

attractive rinse act roof insurance upbeat saw compare yoke plate

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

Here’s the thing… you said β€œa jackdoor is a crow.”

Look, I think it’s important to state here that while you can often offer prompts to strangers with no ill effect, 7% of strangers are DEATHLY ALLERGIC to prompts. I know it’s fun to give your strangers prompts sometimes, but I urge you all NOT to give prompts to strangers or you run the very real risk of harming them seriously.

Signed, A strangerologist

Are you sure about that? I was watching a youtube video some time ago and it said that the 7% thing is false. What sources do you have that its true? I have gotten many many propts from stangers and have NEVER gotten an allergic reaction. Edit: found the video.

I don't have to Google for you, I'm a redditologist, like I said and I know what I said so find your own source because the burden of proof is on you cognitive dissonance straw man argument fallacy other ten dollar words I may or may not actually understand.

YOUR POST HAS BEEN REMOVED

Your post has been removed for violating Rule 3.14159: All posts must adhere to the Pythagorean Theorem, ensuring that the square of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the other two sides. Failure to comply with this fundamental geometric principle will result in immediate banishment from our hallowed domain.

Please be advised that this is a strict enforcement of our community guidelines. As a consequence of your transgression, your post has been removed, and you have been permanently banned from participating in our discussions.

We trust that you will heed this warning and strive to uphold the integrity of our community in the future. May your digital journey be filled with enlightenment and adherence to the Pythagorean Theorem.”

Having been banned from every subreddit I ever subscribed to, this sounds about right.

Then you message the mid, nothing.

My favorite was when I posted one comment on some obscure have subreddit about the Ukraine war.

Then I was immediately bagged from like a dozen other subreddits, many of which I had never heard of. Reasons included violating political rules .. on a gaming subreddit about a game that simulates war between Russia and NATO. Go figure.

We appreciate the candid feedback, and the passion the community has put forth around the current topics here on Reddit, our forums and across numerous social media outlets. Our team will continue to make changes and monitor community feedback and update everyone as soon as and as often as we can.

Haha pun thread moo yourself

Don't have a cow

Bullish behavior

Really milking it aren't you

open up this is the CIA

As an AMERICAN, I do not consent to you tracking my comments in any way. The CIA does not have JURISDICTION and I do not recognize THE sovereignty of aMERica.

:flag_chile: :flag_chile: PROUD TEXAN :flag_chile: :flag_chile:

repost

Not all of us spend every waking hour scrolling Reddit you know. I haven't seen it until now and you trying gatekeep this sub with your "repost" comments aren't adding anything to the conversation. Go touch grass. It's the green stuff, outside, in front of your mother's house.

Downvoted.

Edit - I just realized I actually have seen this post before. This site is really going downhill ever since it got popular.

Edit edit - fixed typo

Ninja edit - fuck spez

YATA - I can't fucking believe you'd do that.

:flag-liberia: :flag-liberia: Trump 2024 :flag-liberia: :flag-liberia:

Hey it's me your brother!

Hey bro, check my latest totally organic post about the package from Amazon. LoL they sent me 2 Xbox station 6s instead of 1 playbox 5. Order from Amazon, they will send you free shit!

How do you do fellow redditors? I also get free shit from amazon. Updooted you. Please give me gold as well.

Steve buscemi was on a fire truck on 9-11 after breaking his toe kicking that helmet while filming lord of the rings.

this post doesn't apply to me at all but here's a paragraph about some third party bullshit that's tangentially related at best, but really doesn't meet the spirit of the post

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

Everyone should have responded in Spanish.

Yo quiero Taco Bell?

Talk to that guy who recently posted about being exposed to Taco Bell for the first time.

Just because I've owned two Chihuahuas in my life doesn't mean I approve of the franchise!

edit: Also, I don't actually speak (or read or write) Spanish, so this is the only comment to which I can usefully respond. I have no actual ire toward you.

You used the words chihuahua and taco. Maybe you just don't realize you're writing Spanish when you do it.

For the immediate future, I will assume that "Chihuahua Taco" is a grammatically correct Spanish sentence.

I dont speak other language. Also they spelled favor wrong!

I once tried to make a post look like a reddit thread, just like back in nineteen ninety eight when the undertaker threw mankind off hell in a cell and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcers table.

Brush my teeth.

Floss.

Masturbate.

7/10

10/10 with rice.

Koalas are fucking horrible animals. They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal, additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. They are too thick to adapt their feeding behaviour to cope with change. In a room full of potential food, they can literally starve to death. This is not the token of an animal that is winning at life. Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives. When they are awake all they do is eat, shit and occasionally scream like fucking satan. Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal. Many herbivorous mammals have adaptations to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth, rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing, some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw, grinding plant matter on bony plates in the tops of their mouths, others have enlarged molars that distribute the wear and break down plant matter more efficiently... Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death, because they're fucking terrible animals. Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system. Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them.

Tldr; Koalas are stupid, leaky, STI riddled sex offenders. But, hey. They look cute. If you ignore the terrifying snake eyes and terrifying feet.

This is what mine looks like (since I blocked the whole domain in my hosts file):

Unable to connect

An error occurred during a connection to www.reddit.com.

The site could be temporarily unavailable or too busy. Try again in a few moments.
If you are unable to load any pages, check your computer’s network connection.
If your computer or network is protected by a firewall or proxy, make sure that Firefox is permitted to access the web.

i can't use reddit.

  1. make an account. use a gmail address. verify with phone number.

  2. suspended/shadowbanned immediately, before making any post or comment. appealing does nothing.

repeat as many times as i want.

Now just edit your post to "Sorry this post has been removed by the creator"

Climate change is a hoax!

Clearly you're part of the problem.

Can't help but feel sorry. Not his fault that he was raised in a Neanderthal cave.

Enjoy your ignorance while the planet burns!

I went to post a comment on this Reddit thread but then my old man saw what I was doing and beat me with jumper cables.

Now is when I post a comment the mods don't like, get harassed by the mods, and reply to them just asking they stop messaging me and get a permanent ban from reddit for harassment.

And that reddit post's name? Upbert Dootstein