A sorcerer appears and states that they will erase any one song from existence - which song would you choose?

SLVRDRGN@lemmy.world to Ask Lemmy@lemmy.world – 235 points –

This ability of the sorcerer will wipe any one song of your choosing from the pages of history, as if it never existed! Gone from our reality. They were going to do it anyway, but they're making you choose.

Which song would you pick?

(If you really can't narrow it down to one, then try narrowing to three)

~picture credit goes to zenart07 , DeviantArt~

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No one's gonna say that marraiah carrey christmas song? Ok i'll say it, tha marraiah carrey Christmas song.

Everyone in retail will worship you.

Then you'll get all the remixes of Feliz Navidad instead.

At least they're remixes with some fucking variation

I want the retail stores to play something with more gusto, like I Believe in Father Christmas (by Greg Lake, sounds a bit different than the name suggests)

Nah, there are a lot of retail songs waaayyyy more annoying than that one that would just take its place. At least that one has some talent involved lmao.

I will never forgive the Apple rep who came into our retail store and loaded up the store Homepod with A PLAYLIST OF SIXTY THREE DIFFERENT FUCKING RENDITIONS OF THAT CUNTING SONG and then locked it out so we couldn't change it back to normal human music. Said it was his favourite song.

I made a complaint and never saw him again. I've never seen an entire store's staff hate life more.

The "oh no oh no" high pitched "song" from TikTok that plays from my mom's phone when I'm about to sleep

1-877-CARS-4KIDS

K.A.R.S CARS FOR KIDS

1-877-CARS 4 KIDS

DONATE YOUR CAR TODAY

runs screaming off a cliff, smiling through tears

K a r s cars for kids?

They're kids, not English professors

Sorry, whenever I read the phone number 1 877 Kars for kids, it needs to be spelled incorrectly, just in case someone wanted to donate their car today. If they're going to spell it wrong I'm the phone number it should be spelled wrong in the lyrics. I didn't realize the op had spelled out the phone number correctly XD

Now accepting donations of land, buildings, and other forms of real estate!

Can I please donate the real estate this occupies in my brain.

You know all you’re donating to is to keep funding kids sitting in yeshivas so they can get indoctrinated to become Hasidic leeches off society. That’s where it actually goes.

Baby Shark. The entire time that ducking song was making it's rounds through society, I managed to avoid it. I knew it was repetitive and awful, and through good fortune and luck, it missed me completely.

Then I watched the new season of Umbrella Academy. Those motherfuckers.

The story of Baby Shark is kind of interesting. It used to be a camp song in the 90s. It didn't become ridiculously popular until the infamous YouTube video that everyone knows. Various people and institutions have tried to sue for ownership, but it was ruled public domain. Anyone can release their own version of Baby Shark if they want.

The US national anthem. People will stand around before sporting events knowing that they used to do something but are mystified they can't remember what.

Happy Birthday

Somebody just posted this image in another Ask and I thought it was relevant:

Damn! I was going to say American Pie but I think you've got the better answer but I don't want to hear either of these songs ever again.

The Song That Doesn’t End—we’ll finally rescue all those people who started singing it not knowing what it was.

But they'll continue singing forever, they just won't know what they're singing anymore.

I’d improvise one on the spot. just to prevent the erasure of others’ art. Nah, fuck that; Baby Shark can die.

Baaaaby SHARK! Do-da-dooo, baby SHark…..

I'd made it so long without hearing that song until it popped up in Umbrella Academy. Streak ruined.

Queen's Radio Ga-Ga so I won't have PTSD about it anymore. When I was 19, I worked on a cruise ship that was still in the final stages of construction and at one point they were testing the PA system by playing that song, on repeat, for seven whole fucking days.

Are you sure it was a cruise ship and not some sort of squid game shit? Because that sounds like actual torture.

If there was anyone else aboard NCL's Pride of America before it left dry dock in Bremerhaven around 2004/2005 that is also on Lemmy, they'd be able to back me up. But there is a good chance everyone else who suffered with me is locked in the loony bin from having heard Radio Ga-Ga for a week.

Oh, probably this song or one like it:

Yes, it was a real song, published in London in 1900.

fuck, it gets worse the longer you look at it.

There are a few explicitly racist songwriters from more recent times that don't have any historical aspect.

At first, I was going to pass on destroying music, but then I remembered the anger I feel any time I have to see Peter Pan because, in part, the fucking racist shit that is What Makes the Red Man Red. Maybe I could work out a deal to erase the entire movie...

Before anyone attempts to defend it with, "it was a product of the times", know that the play Peter Pan is based on was considered shockingly racist at the time and Disney's solution to that was to double down on the racism so that nobody would take it seriously.

Peter Pan is a very weird movie. Peter himself is pretty questionable.

"Last Christmas"

Definitely that one. Since I can select the radio station without taking the hands of the steering wheel, it is "next station" as soon as it starts.

It's strange. It's for me like All I Want for Christmas Is You by Mariah Carey.

The first time it's played at Christmas time I get in the mood. The following times I want to throw out my radio.

Happy birthday song.

Now it's even more awkward as everyone must stare in silence in front of the cake 😈

what day is today, it's nibbler's birthday, what a day for a birthday, lets all have some cake

They did. You're welcome.

Good point. If the wizard did this you also would never know that such a song existed. Hence your "worst song in the world" spot would be filled with a different song the instant the spell hits.

It shows how such categories as "the worst" and "the best" are only constructions of our mind.

Because it's already starting again, "Last Christmas". Fuck that garbage piece of shit song that's ruining the lives of everyone that has to work in retail during Christmas.

That was far the from the worst IMO, The 12 Days of Christmas played 3 times in a row by 3 different singers once, I almost quit on the spot.

Hello sorcerer. Please erase "Man, I feel like a woman" by Shania Twain. It annoys me anyway, but it not like it makes being a woman sound especially inspiring either ("Colour my hair, do what I dare" - woah, slow down there Shania!). Thanks.

"If I Could Turn Back Time" by Cher, thus proving to her for a fraction of a nanosecond that her premise was actually possible after all, before every trace of the tune ceases to exist.

last christmas 😁

I firmly believe you have identified the correct answer.

A lot of other song suggestions in this thread are actually decent and come down to taste, but this fucking song came to mind immediately.

The American national anthem, please.

It's such a terrible song, and it keeps getting sung in weird ways by bad singers. I swear, as a non-american I'm subjugated to it more often than all other national anthems combined, including my own.

God Save the King/Queen wants a word.

Beverly Hills - Weezer

I actually quite like Weezer, but goddamn that song drives me nuts for some reason I can't put my finger on. A close second is Bubbly - Colbie Caillat, in large part because of the line "I get the tingles in a silly place". It's such a deranged way to say you're horny.

I'm just a kid who's four Each day I grow some more I like exploring, I'm Caillou

So many things to do Each day is something new I'll share them with you, I'm Caillou

My world is turning Changing each day With mommy and daddy I'm finding my way Growing up is not so tough 'Cept when I've had enough But there's lots of fun stuff

I'm Caillou, Caillou Caillou, I'm Caillou

That's me!

Baby it’s cold outside.

Seems to be America’s favourite rape song played for the entire cold season.

I was under the impression that this is a misconception about the songs meaning.

At the time women would be expected to say no outright and go home. To say they have to leave, instead of having autonomy and being promiscuous.

So in the song the woman wants to stay but is following the societal expectation to say they need to leave and the man is giving her all the excuses she could use to explain why she didnt leave, so people wouldnt suspect her of staying over to have sex.

These days that expectation is not there so the song is interpreted in a different way and sounds super rapey.

To be clear. I am not advocating for this old way of thinking, nor am i saying i know the explanation i have given is true. I am only telling what i have heard and felt like to me that actually makes a lot of sense in the right context.

Basically, women wanted to be able to have sex with anyone they wanted, but people would look down on them for doing it. So, to avoid being ostracised, they would avoid situations like that.

But again. I may be wrong. I have just heard this explanation and wanted to share.

It was also written to be performed at the end of a party when they were telling the guests they didn't have to go home but they couldn't stay there

this song is a perfect example of tone deafness where a person doesn’t take a few steps back to reread how their lyrics land in pretty much most scenarios it is going to be received . Particularly in situations at the time for gender and how consent was pretty much frowned upon as a form of slut shaming or that men don’t have to take ‘no’ as an answer.

Damn it is pretty pushy now that you mention it

Santa Baby is also pretty gross. "Hurry down my chimney tonight" ...urm, okay..

Given the fact that your question has caused The Evil Song to get stuck in my head, Sorcerer, I feel you are obligated to erase "It's a Small World" from my mind and from existence.

Please and thank you.

If you have been troubled, be troubled no more.

Dude Looks Like a Lady by Aerosmith

Yeah, at least that other "product of its time" (TM) song about being surprised someone at the bar is trans sounds decent. Dude Looks Like a Lady is just bad.

Either the British or American national anthems, they're both pretentious as fuck and it'd be kinda interesting to see if something like that has knock on effects down the line.

I'd say the American one because as a British person, I haven't sung ours once in my entire life but Americans seem to sing theirs for everything.

Jesse's Girl. My high school used it daily in an ad for some bullshit they wanted to sell, and my first 10 working years they had a radio on wherever I worked on one of three stations depending, all of which play that song at least (at least) once a day every day. (That's at least daily and sometimes twice a day exposure to that garbage song for 14 years straight for anyone counting.)

If I hear it come on I will leave the room, and I'll be back in 3:14. Idgaf where I am. If I have the aux (it won't be played, but if it somehow does) I'm changing it. If I hit the lotto I'm buying the rights so nobody can play it on the radio and taking it off streaming so I can lessen the likelihood of exposure. I'll put it for free on itunes or some shit and never strike pirates but for the love of god please don't play it near me!

That song’s protagonist is such a jealous, insecure piece of ass. I totally approve of that song being erased from existence.

Bird is the word, fuck that song and on a similar note, fuck Peter Griffin.

Intro song to star trek enterprise

https://youtu.be/bbnTZREMEJI

I think just using it as instrumental would have been fine, for some reason having lyrics for the first time scarred some fans, even though it's really not that bad.

It's still not really fitting for a sci-fi show though.

Neither is bossa nova/samba (TOS) or a country ballad (Firefly).

Everyone's ragging on the Christmas retail ambience songs, but at least you can mitigate the risks of hearing those ones by staying the fuck out of shopping malls. My top three:

  • Cotton Eye Joe
  • Whatever that song is that's basically just "tonight's gonna be a good night" over and over
  • Danza Kuduro

Since I choose, am I aware of the song being gone afterwards? Can I choose a Beatles song that the world loves and then “write” it and profit from it? (See the movie “Yesterday”.) It’s interesting that a lot of answers are “get rid of the song that I don’t like. Okay, I get that. But! If I’m aware that the song is gone afterwards, I’d choose whatever the most sung religious song is just to see what that affects.

Unfortunately, you must understand, as you are part of the reality you inhabit, you could not be aware of a song that never existed.

Gotcha. And, fair enough. I now choose “Stairway to Heaven” so that the world forever debates Tenacious D’s “Tribute” and what song it could be about. ** laughs in Jack Black **

It would be better to remove Metallica’s One from existence then.

Though that might remove Tribute from existence too then.

That dance monkey song.

Omg I had to scroll too far down for this... I detest this song with every fiber of my being. Unfortunately for me my beautiful children think it's amazing.

For the sake of that one poor woman, please delete "cbat." It's done enough damage.

Happy birthday. Just to see what replaces it in NA

Pearl jam last kiss.

I just hate it.

Keep who let the dogs out, keep the witch doctor, toss the last kiss.

Tricky, theirs is a cover version, so the original would still exist.

The song that never ends, A paradox will occur wiping out of existence.

The boys are back in town. I never liked the sing to begin with, but when I first started my apprenticeship I was working in a valley that only had a couple of radio stations and the only one I liked was a classic rock station. Apparently one of their DJs loved it though. They would play it every day at the same time, just when I was getting out of work and getting on the highway to head home. It ruined my afternoon for about a week until I realised they were going to play it everyday, and I just started my ride home in silence. It still irritates the shit out of me when I hear it now.

Oh! I got a similar story. My first roommate in college had a Police CD, Every time you got in it started at the first song, Roxanne... He NEVER changed the CD.

I never was a big fan but by the end of the year I hated that song.

it is such a pathetic song....remember that one time that guy did a thing and we just died laughing? remember that? That was cool....

Near, far....whereeeeeeever you are.

And with it delete Matt Mulholland's beautiful rendition on the recorder? I think not!

I got a feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night.

But also so many more.

The Twist, by Chubby Checker. Just to see if partnered dancing survives without it

Chubby's kind of a weirdo anyway, I'm fine with that. "Twist Again" isn't gonna make much sense anymore, but it's no great loss.

Hotel California. I refuse to elaborate further.

You can check out (and delete this song) any time you like, but you can never leave! Muahahaha!

That crying taylor swift song “she wears short skirts”

Idk the name but her singing is super annoying in that

Guns and roses' remake of knockin on heavens door. I love Bob Dylan and refuse to let it ruin the original!

probably a hot take:

  • Turkey in the Straw

Happy Birthday, just because it'll be interesting to see what we all choose to do instead of singing that song.

It'll be just like movies and TV shows for the 80 years that Warner/Chappell music claimed they owned the rights. Most of them will probably be variations of "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow"

Feliz Navidad.

Illegals in my yard

Edit: added YouTube link to make it clear that I was referencing a parody.

Nah, it's just wicked repetitive and I hate it. I had a cubicle neighbor that played the radio and it felt like that frigging song played in a loop, alongside the "kars 4 kids" jingle.

I guess it wasn't clear but I was trying to make people aware of the following parody of Feliz Navidad: Illegals in my yard

I'm not sure how you interpreted it.

Ah, I thought you were being racist against people who might sing a song in a non-English language.

Nope, while I prefer songs in languages that I know fluently, I don't mind other languages though I prefer to know the meaning before singing it myself.

Also Feliz Navidad has more English words anyways.

Emily - Joanna Newsom. I don't hate it whatsoever but ever since listening to Joanna, this song in particular, I haven't achieved that musical high since. Maybe in this altered universe it can be created once more so I can feel that joy and wonderment again - if only for a moment.

American Pie - Don McLean It never goes away.... it's everywhere!

The Gummy Bear song. I have no proof, but I think it has some kind of brain dissolving frequency.

Imagine by John Lennon

At last! Someone else hates it as much as I do.

It's definitely a love it or hate it, I definitely hate it because it feels.. half-hearted yet too try-hard

The more I learned about John Lennon the more I realized why I got bad vibes from the millionaire who abuses those closest to him because he's rich and he can singing "Imagine no possessions, I wonder if you can."

The whole of The Ramones catalogue. Basically just one song split into parts.

Title and all? I would pick . If anyone disagrees, you're lying.

It would be pretty funny if nobody could make a song that's 4 min 33 sec long again though so 4'33" might be funnier

That stupid song that gets used in every Youtube short (Time and Hope - Cinematic)

Granted. Now everyone rolls back to Tobu - Candyland

Do I get to remember it? So then I can just make it again and say it's my song

Unfortunately, you must understand, as you are part of the reality you inhabit, you could not be aware of a song that never existed.

Let em be aware but because it cannot exist they will never be physically able to produce it. Getting tongue tied every time they try to state the lyric or losing control of their limbs when they try to write it

The sorcerer finds this approach a bit sadistic to implement for their taste, though a chuckle escaped unguarded.

There's a movie about that scenario with the Beatles. Called yesterday.

Georgia Satellites - Keep Your Hands to Yourself

I CANNOT kill this off my Spotify country list.

Spotify has a block button. I discovered this after being accosted by ICP.

The Beatles - Number 9. Such a ruinous track on an otherwise wonderful album.

This might be controversial but I feel that way about Yellow Submarine. Revolver would be my favorite album if not for that song.

I agree. It kind of sounds like a kids jingle, and it's just too simple compared to the rest of the album, which has some of the most intelligent songwriting ever.

That god damned Megan Trainor Gucci song. I hate it so much.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rjTVmv8p7vo

This song. My freshman year roommate is probably responsible for a million of those plays and he ALWAYS played it at max volume on his laptop.

Either his mom filled out his roommate survey or the university didn't read them. That was a rough semester.

Could I cut up my wish into just wiping parts of a few songs? Like the march tune from Tears of a Clown, the electronic watch alarm in Rock the Casbah, and the chopsticks part of Blinded by the Light.

Delusions of a Savior by Slayer because telling Spotify to block it and never play it again means that Spotify will insert it into every other playlist

One of Jack Johnston's earlier songs. They all grated on me from the first listen, but they also seemed to follow me everywhere.

Thank goodness you didn’t say Jack Johnson.

I typed it correctly 3 times and my autocorrect changed it each time.

No idea how it's called but the one that goes like "maya hi,maya ho, maya ha, maya ha ha"

I hate that song with a burning passion of thousand suns.

I was thinking i can't think of a song, but yeah that would be kinda neat if it was just gone.

"Come On, Eileen" by Dexy's Midnight Runners. Fucking hate it. Mainly for the video, but also because it is horrible.

I'd probably be a softie here and just pick something obscure that would cause a minimal ripple. There are songs out there that I don't like, but if they get much play, it's because there are people who do like them, and they should be able to listen to their favored music.

That one justin bieber song from when he first got famous

Anything with Neil Young singing. Nothing against him as a person, just his voice… it’s hurts my teeth.

Entry of the Gladiators

If that song had never existed

Which military march would get turned into clown music?

Bohemian rhapsody - it's one of the greatest songs ever made, just curious to see how it would retard the progression of music.

Brimful of Asha by Cornershop Steal my Sunshine by Len

My partner giving up 90s radio or wearing headphones would suffice.

The logical search goes ..Mexico. accordion music. Then you pick from there. Specially the ones about the drug lords would be better removed.

But if we could go back in time and find whoever brought accordions over the puddle...you sonobabich. You think you had a good life since you're already gone, but one day we'll go back to fix the leaks on your boat.

It's a toss up between accordions and trumpets. One of them is gonna go titan or titanic first thing if I get to travel back in time.

If the accordion didn't exist neither would Weird Al, and that's not a universe I can permit anyone to live in.

My friend, the trumpet, well played, is one of the finest and most expressive instruments to ever grace earkind, how could you feel this way? Can deliver ~every possible emotion, a range of volume starting at "drunken disappointed groan" and reaching "holy shit ouch stop", only got a few little twiddly bits, fits in your hand. Shiny.

Defend your position!

Praise You by Fatboy Slim. I hate that song so much I have to turn it off whenever I happen to come across it. It's the drawn-out repetitive tones.

The Green song of limbo that everyone listened to in the early 2000.

Anything K-Pop. The world will be better off without any of it.

What a total waste of incredible cosmic power! Tell me oh rotund and couch astride sorcerer; why focus on such shitty, spammy schools of magic?

Too easy.

  1. "Tubthumping" by "Chumbawumba". It is easly the most annoying and obnoxious song, and the lyrics are so stupid.

IF the wizard feels particularly generous, I have more:

  1. "Hey Soul Sister" by "Train"
  2. "All Summer Long" by "Kid Rock"
  3. "Dragostea Din Tei" by "O-Zone" (the maya hee maya ho song)

There are so many more, but just thinking of them makes me angry, so I'll stop.

I don't know you, but I hope you stub your pinky toe. Tubthumping is a goddamned global treasure and you're a bad person for disagreeing.

Yeah, the What Makes This Song Stink on "Hey Soul Sister" made me never want to hear it again for all my days

That's a wizard. Anyway I'd be nice to trace back the origin point of rap and get rid of that. I hate that stuff.

welp say goodbye to all rock music then. no more led zeppelin. james brown is gone too from the funk side. actually quite a lot of genres are gone now because of this wish. thanks a lot

By that logic all music would be gone. The origin of rap would clearly be when it deviates from jazz, rock, etc. to become its own genre. Though like country music, rap was ruined when capitalism got its penis into it, so sometime after Will Smith and before Kanye.

capitalism has its penis in every music genre not just country or rap

I usually use those two genres as they are very similar in that they were both music genres for the working class and historically underrepresented until capitalism saw the money and ruined them about the same time. And the typical audiences for each genre are often stoked into hating each other's music, and by extension hating each other.

Capitalism has no party in this particular equation. The sound of rap just makes me irrationally furious. My friend's exactly the same way with death metal. It's the sound of it, not the content. Like the audio equivalent of a food's mouth feel - such as fuck mushrooms. Rap is the mushrooms of music.

You can trace anything to a point of divergence. Also, it's magic.