Meet my new puppy: Ass!

no banana @lemmy.world to Lemmy Shitpost@lemmy.world – 452 points –
210

Cum.

I had to jerk off before posting just to make this comment true.

My left leg.

(If somebody could come get me off this desert island that’d be great)

Shuffle one letter over to dessert island and you'll be good for a bit.

I don't know why you went for the left. Plenty of meat left on the right one. We'll send a team out in a month.

It was back last August, so... does Ensure count?

Also, I knew a guy who had a little yippy dog named Mr. President. Best dog name ever.

Somehow I have a Mitchell and Webb sketch ringing in my head, but I'm not quite sure which.

....

I think it might be the giant death laser.

Ciabatta with sweet potato madras spread, green olives, feta, and Dutch cheese. Rolls off the tongue

Actually, Alfredo is an amazing name for that little goi

Phat bitch dip: 2 blocks cream cheese 3 cans of shredded chicken drained 5 diced jalapeños Siracha to taste Shredded cheddar

Microwave cream cheese till soft. Mix in chicken, jalapeños, and Siracha. Put in a casserole dish and top with shredded cheese. Bake @ 350f for 10 minutes or until cheese is melted

Edit: Phat is 80s slang for 'Pretty hot and tempting'

Waffles. But my roommate in college bought a puppy before the summer, named it Waffles, took her home, and came back in the fall with an untrained dog that peed in the house and he never cleaned it up. Poor Waffles, she didn't ask to be raised by terrible owners but I ended up moving out early because of her.

I know you're not the owner and so it isn't your job to house-train the dog, but personally I would have asked if it was okay if I trained it for them. I like dogs and working with animals, so personally I'd be more than happy to do it for free so long as they A) aren't demanding I teach the dog tricks (only basic house-training), and B) they follow any instructions I give them.

Oh I tried, but he undermined everything I worked on. I went home to work every weekend so she'd pee on the carpet and he'd just leave it until I got back, so the idea that peeing in the apartment was bad never really stuck. He let her chew a red marker all over the floor, too, and when I walked in to see her doing it and him in the couch ignoring her, he sat up and was like, "oh, uh, bad dog!" It was impossible.

Emmi Energy Milk High Protein Double Zero Ananas-Kokos

Burger

I had to scroll pass eighty people claiming they ate ass before I saw this. Yeah I ate ass then hopped on lemmy, yup.

And the joke is already made in the title, so either they don't read them or they thought it was so funny they had to repeat it.

Chickpea <3

Do yk the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? I wouldn't let a garbanzo bean on my face

Rex. That's a coincidence, that was my neighbour's dog's name. Shame what happened to him, he was always so friendly. Tasty too

Long ago I had this one cat named Birria, because I used to jokingly tell her mother "If you don't behave, I'm going to make birria tacos out of you!"

When I rescued her mom, I thought she was a male, still quite young, and before I'd found a vet she disappeared for a couple of days and came back pregnant. After that, she and every cat I've had since then, male or female, I've taken to the vet to be neutered or spayed before anybody gets knocked up.

soy milk

(kinda fitting actually)

Do you eat milk? Or just drink it?

What about soup?

Haha I searched this up, general consensus seems to be if you sip it from a spoon you're eating it, if you do it straight from the bowl you're drinking it. I guess it's the same for milk?

Derby Pie isn’t the worst name ever. “Here little Derby! Who’s a good wittle Derby Pie? ”

Torta

Honestly it would be kinda cute, if not for the slang meaning...

Peanut butter! (⁠✿⁠ ⁠♡⁠‿⁠♡⁠)

apple and cinnamon pastry triangle with a slice of spam

Potato ball

Either that or empanada, since i'm still in the process of eating the potato ball.

Eggs with spilled tea (Spilled egg)

Dog? It's an okay name I guess