Is this normal for girls or just a extreme edge case? (Serious question)

ByteOnBikes@slrpnk.net to No Stupid Questions@lemmy.world – 549 points –

I know this is probably a shitposting meme. And my wife and my female friend, when I asked them, both laughed and said, "Yeah all the time." I can't tell if it's sarcasm.

I asked this because Im a guy, and we've heard it all before. The guy plowing a warm apple pie. The ookie cookie BS. The jerk off with a sock. Dudes have done some weird things. I absolutely have found myself relieving some stress in interesting ways.

But veggies: Is this a common thing? Am I going to have to worry that my daughter, when she reaches a curious age, starts exploring with vegetables?

During puberty, should I start giving my children Amazon gift cards or no questions ask money to protect my produce?

I am aware this question is ridiculous and I am prepared to be ridiculed.

272

Take their 'joke' seriously and buy them each their own vibrator/dildo combo. Be really serious about the whole thing; explain what they are, what they're for, everything.

This way, if they weren't joking, your veggies are safe. If they were joking, you have just completely topped their joke with your own.

Rabbits suck. Get a cordless magic wand (silicone head) or a we-vibe touch. If she wants a dildo get it separate (also silicone, I’m a bad dragon enthusiast but you can get great silicone dildos elsewhere)

Dad buying their underage daughter a dildo sounds like a good way to get canceled. Or worse.

I don't think it's a bad idea per-se but I can imagine a ton of ways how that could backfire.

EDIT: Yeah I misread that

OP was talking about his wife and her friend.

Dad buying their underage wife and her friend a dildo sounds like a good way to get canceled. Or worse.

I don't think it's a bad idea per-se but I can imagine a ton of ways how that could backfire.

Times are tough for underage dads in this cancel culture

And not to mention tough for their UNDERAGE CHILDREN!!!

^/s^

Dad buying their underage wife and her friend sounds like a good way to get canceled. Or worse.

I don’t think it’s a bad idea per-se but I can imagine a ton of ways how that could backfire.

1 more...

I really dont need any more reasons to lick every dildo I find, but I'll roll with it.

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Hope she washed it off well before putting it back in the fridge. So I doubt the post is real. As for the rest I'll have to leave it to women to answer. But if you ever find your cucumber in the garbage, just leave it there.

Do most people take food back out from the trash?

Yeah, to give it to the rabbits. Don't waste food

Ohhhhhh, I didn't think about that. I considered that the same as "discarded." But now I feel bad how nonchalantly I was thinking like, "throw the cucumber of joy into the compost or let nature consume it"

I have a dog who doesn't like most fruits or any vegetables. I've forgotten how easy it is to just give produce to pets such as bunnies or the adorable yet giant Texas desert centipede you and your friend nabbed from Terlingua for his wife.

Only if you are George Costanza.

The eclair was more or less floating on top of the garbage. It wasn't IN the garbage.

Solution: simply cover your most phallic groceries with condoms, then dispose the condoms before eating.

Yeah that lube in the condoms 👌 chef's kiss

That's why I buy the flavored ones. The strawberry-flavored side salad is absolutely yums!

I've never used a veg for these purposes and I'm not planning to. I would definitely not recommend it to anyone, and I would recommend be very mindful of the hygiene of any objects you decide to insert for whatever reason- speaking from experience here, UTIs are no fun.

Most people don't use vegetables for this afaik.

That aside, the only girl who ever confided in me that she used a veg (a banana btw) also said she put it in a condom. She said she would bin it all afterwards and this sounds like what someone reasonable enough would do. I'd be grossed out if I was to eat something used for that and I'd feel awful to have my family eat something used that way. Just no.

Thank you for the honest response! I sincerely appreciate it.

Reflecting on your answer, that would make complete sense. Why wouldn't a person use a condom? My wife has explained how concerned she is about UTIs, and adding that veggie bacteria would be concerning.

I'm starting to feel like my veggies are safe.

Also most young teens would be a little intimidated by a cucumber. A carrot or banana is more likely, since they've probably seen a condom on one before.

As for the 3 hours, it's long but by no means impossible.

I havent seen anyone mention this, but cucumbers have little sharp spikes/spines on their skin so that'd be a huge no for the vast majority of people, and those little spikes would probably rip any condom stretched over it.

Very few people are gonna be into fucking themselves with something that's got tiny thorns on it...unless they go out of their way to remove them without peeling it entirely I guess.

Seems like a lot of work though.

I'm a dude and a cucumber definitely doesn't seem like it would feel great going in and out. It's bumpy and the skin is pretty coarse. A banana definitely sounds like a more logical choice.

Nah, you haven't lived until you've experienced the girth and texture of a garden cucumber.

I used to grow cucumbers. Garden cucumbers have a rep for flavour and texture, not girth. That's a nice looking cucumber there, good job.

Well she said she used it for 3 hours so I can only imagine it was in fact and edging case.

Any cucumber you handle for 3 hours for any reason is garbage. You wouldn't put it in a salad because it would be mush. This is a BS post, obviously.

her post may not be real, but is it a real thing?

Fucking yourself with a cucumber? Sure, if that's all you got, get it, queen. I'd suggest something slightly more substantial, though.

The fuck you mean substantial?

During puberty, should I start giving my children Amazon gift cards or no questions ask money to protect my produce?

🤣

Hairbrush handles are much more common. I'd say most girls probably haven't used vegetables.

Most hairbrush handle designs are intentionally... yeah. But plastic is porous and nearly impossible to fully disinfect, so girls who reach puberty should be provided with high quality silicone or glass to protect them from getting a bad infection. Prudeness in our society will just hide issues like infection until it gets really awful.

why is it just assumed that they'll use an object? hands work fine too, you don't assume people with penises will inevitably get an infection from sticking it inside a vacuum cleaner..

And like, lesbians exist?? they have lots of fun just with rubbing!

Because fingers get tired and, in the case of women, the object can go further inside than her fingers. Depending on setup, she can go hands free, too.

Sticking a dick in a vacuum cleaner is not a proper comparison because most of the dick is protected by skin and even the glans will mostly be fine with the same dirt/contaminants that you can wash off your skin.

Anything that gets inside your body represents a much greater risk of infections. A better comparison would be to a man pretend sucking something or sticking it up his ass.

Please don't skip biology classes.

well thanks for being condescending, not sure what this has to do with biology class?

yes, fingers get tired, why do you think there's the joke about guys with one suspiciously muscular arm?
my point is that using your hands is perfectly fine and what you'll naturally gravitate towards since it's extremely readily available, it's strange to me that everyone immediately assumes that women have to use toys to get off, it feels vaguely misogynist somehow, as if girls are incapable of pleasuring themselves..

that toys feel better is a non argument since that applies arguably doubly so to guys, who can both shove something up their bum and get a fleshlight, and yet no one's going around saying guys need toys to get off.

Counterpoint: teenagers are stupid

There is a female comic who was on "This Isn't Happening" who told the story of how she tried to masturbate with a brush with a silicone handle whilst not knowing she was allergic to silicone. She ended up in the ER.

and yet no one worries about what boys get up to, they don't consider buying their sons a fleshlight so they won't fuck the couch (though maybe a specific pair of parents should have).

it just feels strange to me that young women are assumed to be incapable of not harming themselves while having fun, like oh what a coincidence that it's girls who need protecting, huh?

Because they don't know how to get a woman off acoustically. You make great points. Majority of the time I've masturbated, it's been without a toy

Because they don't know how to get a woman off acoustically

I think you mean "digitally". Digital = with your digits (ie. fingers). Acoustically = with sound (?)

Unless you're talking about ear-tonguing. Which I agree is hot but I think it'd be pretty hard to make a woman cum that way.

No, I mean acoustically because I'm referencing a meme, ya nerd.

Lol, never seen that one. Agree that I am a nerd.

Kinda wild to me that a woman could have this take since as a dude I'm very used to playing acoustic dick. Can't imagine just deciding I don't wanna nut anymore because I'd have to do it by hand. I gotta say I kinda envy women since it's pretty socially acceptable for them to use toys compared to the fellas. It'd be cool if I could just have a fleshlight or sex doll in a drawer somewhere and nobody would think it's any weirder than a girl having a vibrator in her drawer. They look like they'd feel good and be a fun time. But there's so much judgement around them.

Despite what you may have seen in porn, using your own fingers for penetration is kind of awkward in terms of angle, and has a very different feeling.

I think the implication you're making about lesbians is that they participate in substantially less penetration?

Being interested in women doesn't change what feels good in regards to physical gratification.

what i'm implying is that external stimulation also feels good, and i find the idea that you need internal stimulation to be strange. no one applies this to people with dicks, anyone with a dick is just assumed that external stimulation is sufficient and internal stimulation is an extra thing for brave people.

Is it normal for teenagers discovering sexuality to improvise sex toys? Absolutely. Cucumbers are generally a convenient shape and size. When I was a young male teenager, I used hotel shampoo bottles. (Almost got one stuck inside me, no idea what I would have done.) When the time comes to have that talk, mention sex toys and that if they want to experiment, they should use objects that are meant to be used that way and that you won't judge them for it. I'd probably also mention that you won't open packages addressed to them and leave it at that.

Also tell them: In the worst case, when improvising despite your warnings, flared bases are essential!

People are missing the more important question:
Why did she put the cucumber back in the fridge?

Keeps it fresh for longer for as much fun as possible.

ient dirty joke. Back in the day kids you could find collections of them in printed books, and later, entire websites solely dedicated to hosting thousands of dirty jokes. They were presented in story format, often happening to your cousin’s friend.

Not saying no one had ever had this happen to them in the history of mankind. But this is also an old dirty joke that is probably more commonly repeated than acted out.

*WITHOUT WASHING IT! I mean, was she ok with it being eaten by another family member as long as it wasn't her? That's just as gross!

Yeah, that's my main take away.

Not only did she put it back in the fridge in this completely fabricated story, but they did so without washing it?

Who does that?

You have to put it in lukewarm water for 30min / 1 hour too so putting it in the fridge seems counterproductive.

Well so I have heard, but it was for zucchinis (true story actually, but it was the guy explaining it, I have no idea if it was only used for stroking or penetrating or just to fool around with to lighten up the miod or something. I also recall something about peeling it but that seems wrong).

Am I going to have to worry that my daughter, when she reaches a curious age, starts exploring with vegetables?

No. Worrying doesn't help anyone. Just relax.

Next thing you're going to tell us is that we SHOULDN'T become absolutely obsessed with the personal habits and sex lives of other people whom I will never meet nor be involved with in any way! Preposterous!

the way I look at it, you're wasting your resources And making unnecessary enemies if you interfere with the sex live of other people.

It seems so obviously counterproductive that the only thing I can think is that they're enjoying it, like it's a kink to get into other people's sex lives and tell them what they should and should not do.

No, seriously. If you spend time in the conservative, christian communities like where I grew up, you hear these people just spend night and fucking day thinking about "sin" and the ways that nasty, dirty, eeeeevil sinners like to sin and all the details about what manner of sin they partake in... and so on.

Chances are, if something can be fucked or used as a dildo… somebody somewhere has done it out of horniness.

I still remember about 20 years ago a female friend told me that she masturbated using a bottle of Bawls energy drink (IDK if they even still make the stuff). It was a glass bottle that was bumpy all over (think of the divots on a golf ball, but inverse) and she apparently used it on her clit/vulva.

When I was a horny pre-teen boy and had no idea how to actually beat off, I discovered that rubbing a silk/nylon pillow with pictures of cats on it felt really good.

JD Vance fucked a couch.

Good deflection buddy. You shared, which is the important part. Progress.

Hahaha unlike my Reddit account which easily links back to me (I made it 11 years ago and didn't heavily start using it until about 6 years ago), this has zero link to me so I have no shame.

I believe hotel rooms & their contents are specifically designed around this

Cucumbers are the gateway veg.

Cucumbers are the gateway veg.

Posts a picture of bitter melon.

Weird flex but okay.

Whooooosh!

That was his point. The pic is of what could be next.

Edit: lol 45 accounts and growing of people who can't take a joke but can take a bitter melon.

As a teen I had little to no interest in penetration. Tampons didn't feel good, so why would I assume something else would? I wasn't really interested in penetration until I was interested in my partner specifically.

Once I (eventually) figured out pleasurable masturbation, I still stuck with external stuff mostly, and fingers in general. Eventually I got a job and a debit card and could privately online shop, but my little bag of toys continues to go mostly unused. Nothing beats my fingers.

I don't know about other women, but for me masturbation is and always has been much more about what's going on in my head, and then adding the pleasurable sensations to that, rather than experimenting with different sensations.

For a beginner I literally cannot imagine a cucumber. How many dicks are as thick as a grocery store cucumber? None I've seen in real life. Maybe in porn, but I can't think of any. It would just hurt. Beginners would need something maybe the size of 2 female fingers. (Maybe a farmers market cucumber that's skinnier?)

It's a shitposting meme. The poster has this pinned on their twitter:

That said... I have heard horror stories about poor theater staff finding cucumbers after the 50 shades premiere. Some of it was just people memeing and trying to prank but I'm not entirely sure about all of it.

don't come texting me about none I said

She sounds like a smart one>

TIL there are like no women on lemmy

yeah it's wild. every time i open Lemmy any internet application I turn into a guy? it's very handy when the women's bathroom line is too long

yes, that is the transgender agenda, we switch genders each time we open lemmy and use blahaj plushies to stabilize, don't blow our cover like that in public though jesus christ

That's not very helpful. It's always the mens bathroom line that's too long at work. The woman basically gets her own.

we are a tech company. we had several floors in two near but separate buildings. we had as many toilets for woman as we had for men. basically each floor had one for woman and one for men which had a pissoir too. as we had > 90% men, mens toilets always had a waiting line after lunch time (not for the pissoir, however). on one floor the only woman was a trainee who (normal here) often had to go to school for 3weeks in a row, that was when men just used womens toilet as there was no woman to use it on the floor and the other woman on the other floor of that building literally had her very own toilet to share with no one. (rest of all the woman happened to work in the other building)

then the company started to build its own building to leave the rental situation and at the same time to better longterm meet some necessarities that come along with the market niche that the company serves. (there are some laws regulating some physical aspects of the building for our services.)

one if the promises was, that the "toilet situation" would be improved with the new building.

the new building then had larger toilets on each floor. the space was then used to still have one toilet for men, but now there were two pissoirs! and two large sinks just for washing hands. yay! womens bathroom now have 3 toilets on each floor each and also the large sinks too. same amount of toilets for 90% of empleyee, the 10% have now triple number toilets they had before and double the space for washing, using mirror etc.

The woman basically gets her own.

exactly, and when men don't have enough toilets, women actually gets build more of them to "statistically" solve the problem !! 🤣

It's fine. Now you can hire another two women and they still get their own. 👍

yes 💪

or maybe thats the hiring strategy to get more woman into tech jobs 😂 ... and we have reserved private toilets !! ...

I mean if i were, i would definitely shut up about it as well.

Well duh. Lemmy is on the internet, and there are no women on the internet.

Vibrators are much better than they used to be - quiet, rechargeable, and durable. I think your veggies are safe. If you're worried about it, only buy non phallus-shaped veg for awhile and see if anyone comments. I think (hope) those food sex things are just jokes, but i will not use a hotel room glass, coffee maker, or refillable shampoo.

What would you do if someone did comment on it?

"Hey mom/dad, could you get some cucumbers next groceries trip. My face is so dry lately and in dire need of a moisturizing mask"

"I'm gaining weight lately so I need more salad, could you pick up some cucumbers and spinach while you at the store please?"

"Hey mom/dad, could you get some cucumbers next groceries trip. My face is so dry lately and in dire need of a moisturizing mask"

"Sorry honey we are restricting you to only non phallic veggies for your own safety" why do I feel like super Christian households would actually say this.

They probably actually have. It makes me shudder to even think about that.

wait, why spinach? (text-only answer, please)

I like where your mind go, but it's not that. Spinach is just a cover up, a distraction. You can't make a salad with just cucumbers, right?

I see, it has to be cultural. I'm from Czech Republic, but born close to Slovakian/Hungarian border. Where I come from, the spinach would be the suspicious ingredient. (I was like, "are you out of wipes or something?")

Cucumbers, Balkan cheese, tomatoes, pepper, maybe onion would make it much easier to blend in the crowd.

see if anyone comments

hahahahahahahahhhahahahahaha

Veggies are certainly not unheard of, but everyone is different. Your wife and friend may be serious, or not, but some people totally fuck vegetables.

When i was in the early weeks of getting freaky with my now wife we were at her place making out and I picked up the TV remote and asked if she'd ever used it as a dildo and she blushed a little and said yes.

One of my exes would use bottles sometimes, I was always a little nervous about them breaking but fortunately it never happened.

You better make sure your son doesn't have access to coconuts

I thought this was long gone with the annuals of time.

this was only 2 years ago, right? like maybe last summer or the one before

Just don't have him near african and european swallows and you're good.

As a woman on Lemmy, I have never done this. I didn't find penetration very comfy until I learned how to have G spot orgasms with my SO, but by then I was an adult and could buy a G spot dildo for times he wasn't around. All I can think of with a cucumber is that something would break off inside me and I'd get an infection.

As far as I know, most women don't do this, but of course, if something exists, there's also someone who fucks or wants to fuck it.

Carrots and cucumbers, yes. Rumours went around a neighbouring school after a girl confided in her friend, who then betrayed her trust.

They are cheap, easily accessible, and great replacements in countries where sex toys are illegal. Just... Use a condom around it please.

Oh, and don't put it back in the fridge.

No joke, my mother used one when my dad was was away on work. I know because she forgot about it and my sister had the bright idea to go snooping around in her drawers one day.

I would hope that in our modern age with more access to privately get sex toys (thanks to the internet) that most people would not resort to using vegetables. However, is someone saw buying sex toys as somehow "wrong" then they might.

Most teens don't want to put anything up there because it hurts, even tampons hurt as a virgin especially with 0 lube. I never liked regular dildos, most women do not orgasm through penetration. So I would say they are messing with you. I've had guys ask me if I ever experimented with pencils or rulers because if they were a girl they would do it. No, wtf only guys think women are like this.

Uhh. Hi, woman here...RIP my inbox but I think it's important parents talk to teenagers of all genders about this and consider having them look for toys they can experiment with if they express interest. Just because we don't orgasm from penetration doesn't mean it feels bad lol. Better they have toys available so they're less likely to use something inappropriate.

I agree parents should talk with their kids, I never meant to allude to that. But I disagree that penetration doesn't feel bad, for me it feels painful without lube and with lube it feels not painful but never enjoyable. Vibrators are the only thing that feels good, that much is universal among the women I've talked to.

Well, not that I think it has to be your experience by any means, that's part of the beauty of life - we're all a bit different and into different things. I do quite enjoy penetration without need for lube (I mean, I do need to have natural lube, obviously). I usually get myself there with just hands and might use a dildo when I'm worked up enough. Vibrators are great, no doubt. I don't typically use toys, though, honestly. I did more in my teens when I was ignorant to how my body worked lol. Which is why I wrote the OG comment...I didn't have appropriate toys, and it caused some shame on occasion. I knew it felt good but didn't feel safe talking to my parents about it.

Understandable. I was never into penetration and thought I was weird but after talking to more women and then reading Come As You Are, it clicked that I was actually normal and in the majority (80% are like me). Not that being in the minority is weird, if you read the book you'll find that is actually normal too. I hate masturbation or sex without a vibrator lol. I never felt safe talking to my parents either, they were super religious and invaded my privacy regularly. I was an adult before getting toys, and everything sex related sucked before them.

My understanding is 80% of people with a uterus don't climax from penetration, not that we find it necessarily unenjoyable (which is true for me, too; I do need clitoral stimulation to climax). I've taken courses on women's studies, feminist philosophy, etc. to overcome the problematic religious attitudes my parents had, too - and lots of therapy! I'll see if my library has that book available, though. I'm always interested in learning more.

I'm really sorry you had that experience growing up, though, that's awful. As normal as our experiences felt to us having privacy invaded and all the shame, that much shouldn't be normalized! I'm glad you've found what works for you, and I wish you all the most pleasurable experiences around it throughout the rest of your life 💝

It feels like nothing but rubbing for me? Idk. But I definitely recommend the book. I'm not saying those 80% hate penetration, but it isn't a big part. I know when I talked to my gyno about painful sex, she said use plenty of lube and orgasm before penetration. Very good advice in case anyone needs it.

I'm glad you found relief from the religious oppression. We need less shaming and better sex ed for everyone. Thanks for your wishes, I wish you the same!

Oh gotcha, I totally agree it's not a big part at all! Honestly, I didn't experience an orgasm until well after I became sexually active, and very rarely with a partner since. It's extremely important to me as I'm back "on the market" now and have really struggled in past relationships with it. I enjoy the whole aspect to it, exploring whole bodies, but I would very much like to find a relationship where my partner prioritizes helping me climax and has some patience with me on it.

By chance, did you talk with your gyno about vaginismus? Not sure if I'm spelling that right, but I've had a few friends mention that it's painful, one friend saying she couldn't wear tampons or anything. I could see why orgasming first would help the muscles to relax

Girl same, it took me a couple of guys and years before I had an orgasm. Luckily my current partner is very patient with me and I hope you find someone like that too. I feel like a lot of maybe younger or inexperienced guys just jackhammer a girl and then they're done ugh. Sorry for misunderstanding you earlier, looks like we had much more in common than I thought! Judging by the down votes it looks like I said something offensive, and I just wanted to say sorry about that. This is just my experience.

I think I did ask about that and since she doesn't have trouble inserting the speculum she said I didn't have it. I use menstrual cups with lube just fine, although I do use a cup on the softer side.

Hey, I'm sorry it's taken me so long to respond but you had nothing to apologize for! I appreciated the conversation and had some confusion, but that's why I originally commented to get clarification:) I enjoyed the chat, though, and hope you're doing well!

I've seen a girl use a syring (without the needle) and put a ziplock bag over it and fuck herself on cam with me. College teens are horny and creative lol

We're all horny and creative - seen one use a deodorant can... in the front of the car... while I was driving...and stuck in traffic.

Those of us who don't live with parents just don't need to get creative - just buy what you want, or want to try, or your partner wants to try. Three drawers committed to turning her into a sexy puddle.

Wow, you're quite a connoisseur

Getting there myself. My girl deserves every piece of joy she can get, and I do too (hehe)

I wouldn't say connoisseur - it's like they select fine wine and appropriate pairings after careful consideration. We're more like "24 pack and a goon bag" and see where we end up. Never stop trying new things and exploring with someone you trust.

That's pretty cool!

Yeah we have one such set that includes just about everything to spice things up. Not necessarily best grade stuff, but a nice starting point to figure out good directions!

Found the Australian? Or is it the states that use goon bag? I thought it was space bag in the states.

Kiwi, but we use similar lingo.

Ah, sorry. I am not too well versed in the lingo over there (Aus or Kiwi). I based my entire comment off of a song (wingnut dishwashers union - Jesus does the dishes). The original lyric mentions space bags, but when the artist was in Aus he changed it to goon bags. Didn't think I'd learn that much from a folk-pink song. Also worth checking out if you wanna hear someone playing acoustic guitar and yelling.

That bit about tampons isn't true at all, and has nothing to do with virginity. Nothing fundamentally changed about your body when you had sex. You were just using tampons badly.

You're probably right, I never used lube with tampons but if I did it might not have hurt so bad. I did feel it was less tight putting them in once my virginity was gone but it still felt like tearing using them so maybe that was just me. Just now I tried searching but all I got was tampons don't take your virginity which I already knew and was not trying to imply. I use cups now with lube and it is much better than tampons for me.

Edit:

Will tampons hurt with endometriosis?

They can, but the tampon pain associated with endometriosis tends to be similar to endometriosis dyspareunia, a term used to describe pain during sex. With endometriosis, a tampon can cause a heavy pain felt deep in the abdomen, or cramping.

Sometimes the tampon pain related to endometriosis also can cause your vaginal muscles to tense, causing a sharp pain at the entrance of the vagina when inserting or removing a tampon.

TINA tip: If you have endometriosis, speak with your doctor about which options for managing your period might be most comfortable. Speak up about how you’re feeling so your doctor can help you determine which type of pain relief options might work for you.

TIL I may have had endometriosis this whole time. I was wondering how I was using tampons wrong when I have heavy flows that need tampon+pad to manage.

https://www.tinahealthcare.com/blogs/learn/tampons-cause-pain-or-discomfort

Girls experiment.

You can downvote me but my girlfriend literally did what you're describing with a pencil when she was younger, I'm sure she's not the only girl in the world to have done that.

I'm not going to down vote you lol, I haven't down voted anyone in this thread. There is no wrong answer or response. I do feel bad for her though, pencils are sharp even when unsharpened, I can't imagine that felt good. Did she wrap it in a condom? How old was she?

Yo, this is a real actual human person right here.

Men would be asking me the most heinous of shit and I literally had nothing to do with them. Like, what? I think things are better now, cause I'm older. But hot damn, the shit I was being asked if I reversed it I'd be like asking if when they are fucking a girl do they make sure to jizz on their face or some shit. Like wtf who the fuck asks this just sitting around talking to someone they just met or are (platonically, in a group) having some chow with!?

Some people talk about sex freely. In college everyone in my friend group knew who all fucked who. My ex girlfriend made a drawing connecting everyone with lines. It was pretty damn funny.

Oh for sure, I am stanky pirate but like - there's like talking about sex freely and being a homophobic dickweed. And growing up I got so many micro-aggresive bullshit homophobic shit-shit questions. But I am pretty different than some folks (personally) in which I don't fuck friends. Cause a lot of them are found family for me and they act as sisters, brothers, and the likes. And I ain't about that life. But I am friends with some of my exes. But it's not on that level. Like, I wish them well and am happy they're doing okay in their lives. Having a solid talk every now and then is cool. But I always figured exes are exes for a reason, and I'm not terribly close with any of them. Although, like I said I mean really - all the best to them as a whole.

My gal fucks her friends. She's like totally different than me. So I know different strokes for different folks. And it's not to say I didn't "get it in" or wasn't a raunchy pirate hooker. I just draw the boundary within my own existence and honestly I am pretty happy overall with the folks I have gotten the sweetness to carry with me thus far in life. And I hope that someday if/when I am old I still have at least some of them around.

I can't even remember what the person said up there. And the post so and such isn't showing it. But I think what I was seeing if I remember correctly was someone stating that it's not all about penetration (although it can be, and have at if that's your jam), it's not all about fucking (although yet again - if that's your priority - have at), but that there are some real sexual issues that hit folks with the female sex that could supersede the issue.

I also think you know probably a majority of people who responded were more than likely guys, and I saw this person - as someone who had to at least be female-sexed. I mean I don't know their life. But it sounds like that's whatsup. But it is an assumption, so like - at the end of the day I think I put person.

And I don't know your life, although I'm gunna assume you like The Pixies (=P) but lots of dudes over my lifetime and been putting their dick-brains (as in talking with their dicks) and harassing the fuck out of me whether I knew them or not all over the joint. The other stuff is straight homophobic, but I will say in general that most people who are female presenting in some way are gunna be harassed and that's what I am talking about.

My two sibbies stole butt-plugs from me at one point in my life. Do not like that. Found out much later. Had they come to me, I would have grabbed them anything they want. I was, and still am hella sex-positive. Only difference is that I am now in a long-term dedicated monogamous relationships and I have health issues that have overall affected my life in general so it's not like sex is my tippy-top "chase the cat" prerogative. More so I just want to stay as physically healthy as I can, so that I can have the best quality of life I can. So like, still get down. Do my thing. Have a great gay life. But I am older (not like so damn old, but def people aren't out here just crossing my boundaries like they are getting paid to) so I think that the guys are more chill, I live in a completely different area that anything else I've ever lived in before (which is less openly social as a whole so I don't think most guys are out here just cat-calling people anyways), and I feel pretty ambivalent on the whole sex scene outside of my bedroom because I don't have any skin in the game.

If any of that makes sense. Idk. But either way, it's all about whatever floats your boat. You know? But it's pretty funny though as a whole you saying what you're saying because I might be the least censored individual I have ever been around. Cause I am a real fuck-face. But it is what it is.

p.s. - I don't give a fuck what guys be doing, let alone heterosexuals as a whole with their sexual stuff. I'm happy if you're happy. But I literally never could give an actual fuck. Which might sound hetero-phobic - but by that I mean do you. Do I care? Nah. And I would love, love, love if people came at me with that energy instead of asking me stupid ass shit. That basically invalidated my sexual experiences.

When your children start ordering packages, don't open them and you'll never have to worry about this.

I dunno, opening the package to see that it's a dildo might give some peace of mind that they won't be using the produce.

Now I'm wondering what would be an appropriate age to have that awkward "It's ok if you want to play, it's just much safer and more sanitary to use toys meant for the purpose rather than improvising with anything that is the right shape" conversation.

The best story I ever heard about this was a single dad who had to take his teenage daughter to the doctor because she got an infection from inserting a toothbrush handle or something else that wasn't sanitary, and instead of giving her ANY kind of scolding or negative judgement, he was very loving and helped her laugh it off, and then he just left on her pillow a $100 gift card to Adam & Eve or some other large, commercial, adult site that lets you buy gift cards.

I don't think it's appropriate to even suggest an age here, but I think as a parent you will know when it's time to have the talk/leave the card.

Best with vaginal yogurt dressing.

Cecilia Westbrook, an MD/PhD student at the University of Wisconsin, and her friends wondered why there are so many semen-based recipes and nothing on Google about cooking with vaginal juices.

Wut

They're really into equal rights.

My guess is that the vaginal juice recipes are already there, they're just suffering a lack of the personnel with the SEO skills to get them to the first few pages.

Did she try looking for recipes based around menstrual fluid? There are a surprising amount of those.

I did not need to know that, thanks.

The only thing I can assume is that these recipes are created by vampires for vampires that don't want to bite people.

From my personal experience: There are a good number of... well basically self-taught witches, who use menstrual blood (among other things) for various rituals and spells and hexes, and some of that eventually evolved into cooking.

From elsewhere: All around the world, there are various traditions, folk religion, local superstitions, most of which are quite niche, but simultaneously a lot of them also have rituals involving consumption of menstrual blood or food made with it for varying reasons.

Ah, yes, good old blood magic. As a teen (I'm a dude) I was interested in witchcraft/Wicca and watched Charmed and The Craft a lot. That makes sense once you said that. Thanks :)

There are though. There's even a beer.

man idk, might have something to do with one being slightly easier to collect?

Lol I’d try it. I’ve probably consumed way more vaginal bacteria before anyway.

In what is best described as her 'scientific experiment,' Westbrook harvested healthy vaginal fluid using a wooden spoon.

😶

to be fair the examples youve given for men are niche sorta fetishes too.

not many people are going around fucking cookie dough either.

You have misunderstood "ookie cookie."

Aka "Soggy Biscuit," and "Scum Cookie" if you like the band Skinless lmao.

Also tbf I'm like 90% sure it's a myth or reserved for old frat hazing rituals.

As a man with an egg allergy, Itchy.....

Socks seem normal.

I draw line at food. That guy with the melon was on another level.

I always thought the sock thing was very strange. Have folks not heard of toilet paper?

So tp breaks up too easily. I guess maybe if you're just catching it? Tissue is okay but it's not really flushable. Pop the socks in the washer and reusable. Dark colors work best. Or maybe don't wear shorts/short pants.

Not even the sock is normal imo. Why would you want a crusty sock??

Ya throw it in with your laundry afterward. I wouldn't do it these days, but when I still lived with a parent and didn't want to raise suspicions with a bunch of extra towels? Sock works just fine. Though I've never heard of someone actually masturbating with a sock, just for cleanup.

I always just used paper towels or napkins. Not even for cleanup just have a couple on hand and then grab em when you finish.

I mean you wash it. Little vinegar in there is a great fabric softener. This isn't that guy with the Kleenex box

Someone on Reddit I think told the writer David Sedaris how he used to shove frozen hot dogs up his ass.

That kid just learned a valuable lesson about washing things off when you're done using them. Especially food. Fucking gross lol

Maybe just throw the cucumber out if you use it that way

That is a perfectly good cucumber! Just picked the mother fucker. The salt and vinegar will sanitize it... And now you've got pickles!

Or just buy two. They're not expensive. One for muff, one for salad.

During puberty, should I start giving my children Amazon gift cards or no questions ask money to protect my produce?

That'd make you the coolest dad ever.

Or totally creep out your kids. "OMG dad knows what I'm doing! And he wants me to keep doing it apparently, I'm going to fucking die."

It would probably be a lot less awkward coming from the mom. I feel like it would be like a father having the "period talk" with his daughter (obviously this happens in the case of single dads but that's not the point I'm making), it's super awkward for both parties involved.

I mean it doesn't have to be "happy birthday, I got you a sybian, hope you like the red one with the racing stripes!" You can just give them an amazon or VISA gift card and simply not ask what they spend it on.

I see what you're saying, but if you randomly come out and say "Here, I got you an Amazon gift card out of the blue, buy whatever you want" they're going to know whats up. Also, I'm pretty sure most dads would rather not have that thought in their mind when they see an Amazon box addressed to their daughter and she runs to her room to open it up.

I mean giving them an Amazon gift card doesn't exactly say "I know you're going to buy a sex toy with this" especially if you're not outright saying that to them, but giving them the option to spend some money on that is a lot better than the alternatives.

I see what you're saying, but if you randomly come out and say "Here, I got you an Amazon gift card out of the blue, buy whatever you want" after they did something like this they're going to know whats up. Also, I'm pretty sure most dads would rather not have that thought in their mind when they see an Amazon box addressed to their daughter and she runs to her room to open it up. I'm 38 and my dad is your typical "Dirty Old Man" that started making sexual comments about women around me when I was like 13, but I don't think I ever felt comfortable talking about anything like this around him until I was like 19 or 20.

That's true, but it would still be awkward either way if they did something like this, and I would think that a gift card is still probably better than the alternative of them continuing to use produce for this or a worse alternative.

No this is not normal... it's not sanitary for one and nobody wants yeast infections. It also doesn't really have a suitable structure for that, and the outside rind... I mean I cannot imagine that feels nice. It's a meme more than anything like I know people are out there with food fetish and it definitely has been done by someone before but no this is very uncommon lol.

you put a condom on it to solve most of that

Or just like buy a toy meant for that

If you're a teenager experimenting and you feel you have to hide it from your parents, getting an actual sex toy can be difficult. Tbh, when I was in that position it didn't even cross my mind

This is the modem equivalent format for an ancient dirty joke. Back in the day kids you could find collections of them in printed books, and later, entire websites solely dedicated to hosting thousands of dirty jokes. They were presented in story format, often happening to your cousin's friend.

Not saying no one had ever had this happen to them in the history of mankind. But this is also an old dirty joke that is probably more commonly repeated than acted out.

This is the modem equivalent

Nice keming

Lol good catch. It was totally on purpose and not swipe being swipe. Yep.

It happens yes, but I stopped because I understood that insects / mold / organisms grow on fruit and vegetables, so I think of it as gross now, but it beat a hairbrush handle.

Got a bit freaky with a friend once. I used the cucumber on her. We both ate it after. Don't leave that shit for other people to eat. As long as they have common sense, you should be fine.

Teenagers do stupid shit. So while it's not something everyone does, it absolutely happens. No it's not something anyone should seriously try. You cannot effectively clean a vegetable and it can break, requiring embarrassing medical attention.

And yes, one of the reasons for an allowance is because teenagers need some agency and privacy to become normal healthy adults. If they want to explore their sexuality alone it's perfectly natural.

OP, does this happen with men? I need to know. Serious question

We don't fuck fruits if that's what you're asking. Other things are fair game though. A horny (pre) teenage boy will fuck damn near anything he can fit his dick in.

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it could happen, specially with teenage girls. but it's not often. the risk is higher in the discovering and exploring phase. (I'm a woman)

Anything even remotely phallic shaped and sized has probably been used like that by someone. Depends on how horny you are, both in the moment, and as a person in general. I'm a guy, but during puberty, when I was exploring masturbation and bottoming, lemme tell you, nothing was safe from getting fucked or fucking me.

I wouldn't be overly concerned about your produce, though. Most folks would toss it afterwards. If you notice your cucumbers or bananas going missing, then it might be cause for concern. But honestly, if your kids are at that age, and you're genuinely concerned they're doing something that might cause harm, the bigger concern is a lack of information about safe sex. A no questions asked Amazon gift card is one idea, but I'd recommend finding a good book or website you trust with sex Ed info, including safe solo sex practices, and an agreement that packages that come in their name aren't to be opened by anyone else. In my experience, parents who trust their kids and don't snoop or invade their privacy have way less to worry about from their kids than the parents who toss their rooms. My friends with the strictest parents had great hiding spots, I never even tried to find any. Didn't need to hide anything, and as embarrassing as it would have been had I gotten a cucumber stuck up there or something, I would have been able to tell my mom and get a ride to the ER. If your kids seriously don't trust you not to freak out, they could end up literally dying because the embarrassment would be worse than not dealing with a medical issue.

I'm just thinking of the little pokey things (spines?) on the cucumbers. Ouch.

How dose cucumbers look where you live? Mostly the ones bought from the store.

yeah this is weird to me too, all the cucumbers i've seen are very smooth..

Not on the plant, the little spines have already been broken off before they get put on a store shelf.

Wait until you find out what Dragonfruit grows on.

Spoiler: cactus. And you can grow the seeds for your very own houseplant.

Kinda like this. (Random internet image.)

The bumpy things are sharp.

cucumbers

Intresting, I have never seen a cucumber look like that. Closest are some types frown in home gardens but not even those have been that bumpy.

Here they look kind like this

So completely smooth and with around the same circumference as the bigger part of most carrots.

Looks kinda plasticky compared to the cucumbers I am familiar with. Also looks like it is missing the seeds! Interesting. Thanks for sharing with me!

those are pickling cucumbers here, technically also called a cucumber but you don't really think of them as the same thing, like how raw beets are technically perfectly edible but it's assumed you'll pickle them.

Did you put it back in the refrigerator? Did Mom find it under your bed? This wasn't an accident; someone made an intentional power move and your family is toxic.

My ex was an operating room nurse. She had a few choice stories.

Dude came in with an English cucumber stuffed so far up there they needed to knock him out to remove it. It’s all slithery and soft. It was literally baked.

My ex used to love cucumber. Chow down on them all the time. Not after that.

Better that only you know than everybody knows but nobody wants to talk about it. Communal shame is terrifying. Here's an excerpt from the story Guts.

This friend of mine, he waits months under a black cloud, waiting for his folks to confront him. And they never do. Ever. Even now he's grown up, that invisible carrot hangs over every Christmas dinner, every birthday party. Every Easter egg hunt with his kids, his parents' grandkids, that ghost carrot is hovering over all of them.

I have never met a woman who told me she did this, and I’ve certainly never done this. Toys exist for a reason.

When you have the talk, make sure they know that the two rules to follow like gospel are to always use protection, and to never use something that doesn't have a flared base.

Probably save any further interventions for if you discover that one of those gift cards was used by a horse loving kid to get a flared base and head.

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Yo, I have to take a moment and shake you because I thought you were a cool tech dyke judging by your goofy ass name. But all things aside talk with your seemingly two partners? Or like, partner and actual friend? But also like, idk what open lines of communicaiton you have with kids or what even kids will listen to - or who (cause I think maybe it could also be a who thing in this situation) - you can still attempt to give them a talk. And I think most kids run around with cards from their parents nowadays from how I've seen it. Like, if you've got a phone you've probably got a card. But this is all just some assumptions.

But all tweets (this is a tweet right?) are fake af and people just trying to be shocking and cute and like maybe down the line they can use their audience to do different monetary things. I mean like most the shit on Reddit was fake, so I can't imagine most the stuff on TwituhX is real either. So unless you having a late night rib just like - talk with your kids. About the stuff they should hear at the ages you think they should hear them. Or get your wife to do what you've got to do. And if you've got two partners you're probably open af and can legit find a way to broach the subject. I believe in you! Or bribe one of their older cousins with cash to talk with them. Cause legit, if my one cousin told me anything about sex I would hands down believe them. Just figure out which cousin they admire and BLAM, you've got an in.

Gl, you got this. Try not to rot your brains too much on bullshit, cause it's okay in moderation but I think I've read it can be bad for your health =P!

It’s not real, son. 99% things said and shown on social media aren’t. Try to not be a little bitch for once.