What's a phrase you hear a lot, but disagree with?

Yeah what didn't kill me gave me a chronic disease. I'm weak as hell compared to 3 years ago.

What doesn't kill you evolves and tries again

In the same vein (and at least as dangerous): "Pain is just weakness leaving the body." No, you testosterone poisoned numb-nuts - it is your body's way of telling you that something is not right. Stop and listen!

I’m a fan of “what doesn’t kill you only serves to postpone the inevitable.” But maybe that’s a bit fatalistic.

Science has proven that what doesn’t kill you (like a virus) actually weakens you. But, conversely, you become more efficient at responding to that specific thing so it only appears like it made you stronger.

And maybe a long term disability too.

What doesn't kill you only postpones the inevitable.

What doesn't kill you gets exrea practice for next time.

That reminds me of that zach and cody episode where their mom says "alls fair in love and war" and both of them run with it and Cody ends up locking Zach in a closet as he steals the girl

It's not a great saying if used to defend acts (on the love side of things, that mindset can even ruin what it's trying to "win"), but it does make sense to keep it in mind when considering possible actions of other players. If you're fighting for someone's love or at war, don't assume there's any moral limits to what others might do and that it's thus safe to ignore those angles.

I've always liked it. I guess it depends who is saying it because when my old boss said it, it meant more like, "this is the situation we're in, let's not waste time arguing about why it is the situation and let's just focus on dealing with it and going forward"

,I feel like this one is context dependent. Sometimes it's just acceptance of the situation.

"Wish it weren't so hot outside, but this is Texas in August. It is what it is."

An entirely hollow statement, yet somehow ringing with apathy.

"Agree to disagree" is even worse, especially since often the thing you're arguing about is an empirical goddamn fact and they are not entitled to "disagree" about it. That's not having a difference of opinion; that's just fucking being wrong!

I use it when people keep complaining about situations they cannot change. Yes, we fell in the hole, yes it hurt, please just let's focus on how to get out.

"Ah fuck, this hole sucks! Who even dug that here!? My shoes are dirty, my pants are a mess!" ....

"Well.. It is what it is. Let's get out."

It do be like that

I like it. It's premise is accepting things beyond your control, allowing someone to stoically move forward rather than dwell in anxiety and disbelief.

Ooo I get that one, but kinda the opposite way. I tell someone it has to be done this way, or to a certain standard, for it to be right. They don't want to, so they respond with that nonsense.

It’s what it’s

Tautology is tautology, as I say.

I agree, when it’s used as a thought-terminating cliché. It’s also very applicable to impart acceptance of something that you can’t control.

It's good for when talking about things beyond your control. They way your boss is using it is bullshit. In that case, it is what he's choosing to decide it is.

Interesting. I use it to indicate I may not like a situation, but I have to play the have I was dealt to the best of my ability, and sometimes... Well to quote lyrics, "got to know when to hold cem, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run."

I hate how people use this but not the phrase itself.

Everything DOES happen for a reason. It's literal, precise, and accurate. Reasons dont need to be mysterious, aloof, or unknowable. They often are because we choose to stop learning but everything does happen for a reason so start looking for better questions

All those innocent people being abused usually have a reason behind it too; it's just that the reason is usually corporate greed and a lack of ethics in politics.

I mean, everything does happen for a reason. It's just that most of the time, the reason is "because so-and-so is an asshole". It makes it essentially a useless platitude, but not an untrue one. I definitely take issue with the implication of it, that there's some supreme, all-knowing authority in the universe who has this complicated, labyrinthine plan for everyone that involves massive amounts of suffering. That whole "mysterious plan of God" thing is a way for Christians to take credit for all of the good stuff that happens, while downplaying all of the bad stuff that happens as just "part of God's plan!" It's insidious.

Second time I'm bringing it up in this thread, but in response to exactly that kind of thinking is why I've adopted "the universe doesn't care, so we have to" as a phrase I try to live by.

There are so many popular ways of thinking that absolve humans and humanity of various kinds of responsibility.

It's not good.

Key indicator of privilege right there.

My preferred response to this is, "Entropy. The eventually and unstoppable heat death of the universe where none of this matters is the reason."

I think I get the sentiment that you are angry at but there is nothing wrong with that statement. It just doesn't mean "whelp, there must be some higher purpose those things are serving that we don't see" and is more like "there are some awful people doing bad things" or "they just were living in a seismic area" or "they had some genes not compatible with their survival"... There are always reasons. Not satisfying or purpose fulfilling reasons, just reasons.

I used to say this when I was a cringy 20-year-old, before I really saw and understood the world (and still believed in a god).

I got told "life isn't fair" so many times growing up, I came up with a default comeback: "Doesn't mean you have to be."

A version of it has grown to became my tenet in life: "The universe doesn't care, so we have to."

I hate how "well life is just not fair" shuts down so many very much needed discussions.

That being said, I say that a lot, especially to myself whenever someone, again, including myself, is being intolerable brat who thinks they deserve fairness. No, that's not how world works.

Funny thing is that those kind of people tend to not care about other people's struggle or fairness.

"Life isn't fair" always bothered me, even as a kid, because it was used against me to dismiss unjust actions.

Saying something isn't fair is basically saying it's not right, it's not just.

Trying to claim the injustice against me is moot or unimportant just because there's lots of injustice in the world, seems bonkers to me.

I actually am guilty of using that when people try to tell me "there's someone out there for everyone." Or "don't worry, you'll find someone who loves you for you."

Like no? Life isn't fair, there's no guarantee of anything.

To your point I agree though, discussing what we'd like to improve is important.

aka bootstrapping

"Bootstrapping" came after "pull up by the bootstraps". The former does allude to the latter, but it isn't the same phrase; it was used in computing to refer to the initial startup of a computer, where the computer has to start up enough of itself to load its own code into memory. That's a difficult problem, but not an impractical one.

the original interpretation actually makes sense!

They're just saying that it feels good to their confirmation bias.

You just reminded me of this

Those who champion "brutal honesty" are more interested in the brutality than the honest

"they say racist things and i like that because people don't like it when i say it. this way i can be racist but outsource the messaging"

good for other kinds of bigotry and douchebaggery

I think it depends on the context. If we have an expert on a topic who tries to use some form of simplified Modell and direct speach to make his knowledge more understandable for everyone it is true. Even tho it may be simplified it still contains the most important parts.

I assumed this was about sheep at first, and was confused and increasingly concerned.

RAM usually sits at 95% utilized anyway. People who say this dont know the first thing about operatig systems. They cache files...

That currently unused ram has use later on. I don't use my second ram stick without booting up a game, doesn't mean it's a waste.

People also often confuse allocated RAM with used RAM.

I mean it still technically is. Modern web browsers for example use as much memory as they can do for efficiency, but they will free up memory (to certain point) if other applications need it.

Depends on the context, I suppose. I always say to get twice the RAM than you think you need when building/buying a system. Like storage space, the ideal memory usage is 50 percent with the biggest memory eaters you have running. Enough to run everything you have and room to grow for the future.

Or as I prefer to say, no such thing as too much RAM (assuming your system supports it)

Here's a great response to that:

If you're at a house party and you need to take a shit, do you do it with the door wide open so everyone can see and smell you? Or do you actually understand, when it comes down to it, that there are valid reasons for wanting privacy other than wanting to get away with something wrong or illegal?

Just reading this makes me SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW!!!

I see it like a special move.

Like I'm interjecting/interrupting.

So like "Quick question attack! Where did you get that pie?"

I try to only use that when it's information I expect the person already knows and can answer quickly (i.e. generally very concrete yes/no questions of low complexity)

Most people don’t care about what’s true, something that took me forever to realize. Encountering humanity under the assumption that everyone cares about the truth (or any aspect of empirical and normative reality) is bound to be suuuper confusing until you figure things out. People are literally animals (we forget that), and animals are just trying to survive. Some of them are cute or loving. Not all of them are particularly “good,” and even fewer are willing to sacrifice creature comforts in pursuit of some abstract virtues. That’s why Trump gets any votes.

Hmmm, while I see your point on the phrase, my friend group and I only ever use it on subjective things. Like orange juice or chocolate milk being better, for example. If we're both arguing (in a fun way) and have no good points to change the other's mind, then we agree to disagree. Haha

but there is just no right or wrong answer to every question... sometimes it's just about opinion.

sometimes these questions are trivial (which color of tie should I wear with this shirt) and sometimes they are literally life and death questions (should death penalty be legal)... and there will always be people with opposing opinions on them. "agreeing to disagree" is literally the best possible thing they can do to live in the same society.

I find it really useful to shut down discussions where no one is budging and are just overall a big waste of time. As an example, if I've been trying to convince someone that the earth is round for 10 minutes and they clearly don't have any interest in changing their view, I'll just spare me the trouble and say it. If they still refuse to let it go, I start blindly agreeing with them, that usually does the trick.

"God loves you" is fine for me. they are usually simply wishing us happiness in their own way (sure it can be passive-aggressively throw to people they call "sinners" too).

What I really despise is "god has a plan" as words of comfort.

A plan for fucking what? Noahs ark V2? cleverly getting around the "promise not to flood the earth" clause by having greedy assholes pollute the earth in his stead ?

"Ah little 4 year old Andrew would fuck up my plans, better give him cancer... Hm, let's hit Jane with a truck just incase"

I don't appreciate that you somehow think a magic man in the sky planning something so cruel would be of any comfort to me.

I especially hate it here in the South, as it's used as a sanctimonious "fuck you" while dishonestly claiming righteousness.

For example, the last time that was said to me was when some asshole crossed a double-yellow to pass me while I was doing 22 in a 25 mph school zone (which means he was doing at least 35 or 40). When I pulled up next to him at the red light and pointed that out, he bitched at me for taking the lane instead of riding in the bike lane (that didn't exist! It was half a block of shoulder that ended!). He continued to argue that cyclists weren't entitled to use the street, then as the light changed said "bless you" as if he fucking won and drove off.

It is the most condescending, assholish thing you can say to a person and it makes me want to punch you in your smarmy goddamn face every single time.

"God love you... no one else will"

Common sense is usually one of two things

One: your self preservation instincts

Two: ability to understand social clues and responding accordingly

The problem is that common sense isn't all that common. In Denmark we say "healthy sense" instead.

I rip into people who say "common sense". It's often used by people who aren't good communicators.

I've found I like interpretating phrase "common sense" akin to this scene, from blazing saddles.

https://youtu.be/KHJbSvidohg

I hate the phrase in political contexts.

"We need common sense (insert) laws!"

In other words, you either agree with me or lack common sense.

Yeah. I always vehemently agree with the person misusing. "Yes! That's exactly it. A few bad apples spoil the bunch. Perfectly captures the problem, friend! Good call."

In French, it is actuall "a single apple" spoil the whole thing "une pomme pourrie gâte tout le panier"

I'd only ever say it while referring to myself, and when I do it's not of a consolation to myself or maybe as a way to tell the other person to not feel sorry about distracting me and making me forget. Is that the same way you interpret it?

Every single time that's happened to me and I later remembered what it was, it wasn't important.

Not important to them, very important to you.

Whatever doesn't kill you might make you stronger, but it might also make you weaker. It's highly dependent on the circumstances.

Jimmy Carr said it best:

My father always said 'Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger...until the accident.'

Whatever doesn't kill me makes me wish it did

Yeaaahhhh Nietzsche was making a very different point about convalescence but of course popular culture bastardized it. If Nietzsche knew that he was going to become an anthem for white girl positivity, he would... well, he'd probably gloat because he predicted that. But his gloating would look like misery.

You can't take money from certain funds like 401k before reaching certain age without paying hefty penalty tho

There are parts of the world where it is a function of age, or at least of the number of years you've been working, because the government will pay you a pension after you worked and paid taxes this many years.

I think this one just morphed over time to be misused to excuse poor behavior. I always took as like boys rough housing each other and mucking about or eating dirt etc.

It's true, happiness can't be bought. However, what money can buy is the removal of certain obstacles to that happiness.

money can't buy happiness, but it can create the environment and conditions in which you can more easily become happy.

This one is only true after a certain point which depends on the cost of living where you live. Money absolutely buys happiness up to a point.

It fundamentally can't. Humanity has seen plenty of miserable rich folks to know the innate truth of that.

Over here in Brazil, I guess because we're a third world country that is more accustomed to poverty than the anglosphere/yurop, we have a variant of this phrase:

"Money can't buy you happiness -- But the lack of it will take your happiness away"

It's true that you can be extremely rich and still fucking depressed.

But if you can't afford rent, and/or are working by day to pay for a small meal at night, and/or are getting sick and just tanking it because actual care is outside your paygrade -- You are guaranteed to be miserable.

I think this extends to "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger".

Mentally, maybe, if you're the right crop for the circumstance. But, generally, no. It's such an off target idea.

The only thing I “understand” is that all the rules are arbitrary as all fuck, society was made up by idiots with giant sticks up their arses, and everyone should go fuck themselves.

See? They were right, you do understand now. 😜

I'd say aggressivity IS a part of human nature. Even kids can be aggressive while playing. It is there inside of us. Whether we use it for good or bad causes and in good or bad ways is what matters.

Have you seen children? Empathy is one of the last things to develop. There is a specific purity of cruelty attributed to children for a reason.

Civilization is conditioned into humans as a general rule, not the other way around, and needs consistent reinforcement. Humans are eusocial, but like chimpanzees and ants where war with other "tribes" is closer to a baseline than cooperation.

"This is human nature"

Looks inside

19th century anglo customs.

Yup. Often said by people who did things as a child that didn’t realize 90% of the other children weren’t initiating the things they are doing.

“I killed a dog. Cuz you know, I was young”

No. That’s not just ‘being young’. Most kids do not do that kind of thing.

It’s the same syndrome you get from rapists in prison. They think everyone secretly wants to rape and that they are just brave.

The MAGA street salesman I see on my way to work now has "KEEP America Great" merchandise and I'm super tempted to pull over and act super enthused that he supports Harris

I mean, if there wasn't fourty years worth of context for why this is bad, I'd agree with it.

Like, it could mean infrastructure projects or a renewed investment in education or something. But alas it honestly just means "destroy and loot America by deceiving uneducated rural whites" at this point.

I always liked "practice makes permanent"

I dont think it applies if everyone you know is actually an asshole.

The takeaway from the phrase is just to check yourself and your attitude. Make sure you aren't the one being difficult before you confirm that all these other people are shit heads.

Juat about self-awareness.

I prefer the version. "If you smell shit, check the floor. If you constantly smell shit, check your shoes."

It's a reminder that a 1 off problem is likely external to you. If the problem seems to follow you around, it's likely attached to you.

It doesn't deny that the problem could still be external, but not to externalise things unless you are sure you're not causing it.

As far as I could tell, it was never intended to be a serious quote, especially because the person saying this was the literal villain that was being portrayed as not sane

I'm with you on "this too shall pass". My family uses this like it's their damn catchphrase and while I'm sure the intentions are good, sometimes I would like validation when I complain about my life being a shit show, not just an idle 'this too shall pass'. Might as well have just shrugged and walked away.

Hey, what happened when the wrong people started winning elections in Iraq when we set up democracy there?

“That’s TOTALLY DIFFERENT”

I always assumed that's what the saying was alluding to? That of you're unsure about something, then you should weigh both the pros and cons and use what you learned to make a decision. At least that's how I've always thought of it

Same here. I thing it was a quote from a book or a movie. Some punchline that some character made sound funny and witty at a time but so many people insist to use it a the actual definition of insanity!

I reckon if you focus on learning how to learn in your 20s, then you can really head off that aging problem in a big way (not completely, but a fair bit).

"To be honest" is mostly used in two situations:

• to warn the listener that they might not like what they're going to hear; e.g. "to be honest your lasagna is a bit too salty"
• to highlight an apparent contradiction; e.g. "I like lasagna, but to be honest I'd rather eat pierogi today."

It should almost never be interpreted literally.

That's why I prefer "to be frank" or "to be blunt." Same implication but without that possibility.

Oh my god this sentence is used whenever I try to take the conversation to a slightly "deeper" level i hate it

It's what it's

It ain't what it ain't?

"If you can't take me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best."

I always take that as “l am a garbage person who will abuse you.” It is a MASSIVE red flag.

We still experience bad times. But the point is not to be a dick

You can have the worst day of you life and still have good vibes. The real toxic saying would be "good moods only."

No offense but I completely agree with you.

"At least, not immediately visibly. But over time and with enough repetition and obsession they will carve canyons through my personality and emotional wellbeing. These canyons will be filled with emotional sticks and stones; huge, warped phantoms of the words they represent."

Take care with your words y'all. But also, who cares what they think!

I once made my mom go quiet, and then apologize to me, defeating this point.

I was telling her that she could be really cruel with her words sometimes, and that I'd like to her to be less so. She told me I shouldn't take it so seriously, grow a thicker skin, that they're just words.

But she's my mother, and what she thinks of me and what she says will always weigh ten times more in my mind than the words of almost anyone else. Ignoring what strangers think of me is easy, but with her, it's literally impossible. I was telling her off because I knew she doesn't mean the worst of what she says, and that despite that, coming from her every word hits like a freight train. That it takes enormous effort to think through and discount the parts she doesn't mean. I told her that.

At the time I felt really clever for making that point. Getting her to actually go quiet and say sorry felt amazing, so it stayed with me.

I later realized it probably landed so hard because of how her parents treated/treat her.

Scrubs' version was, "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will hurt forever."

I generally advocate for the complete opposite, as a person with AuDHD and a lot of executive dysfunction:

If an activity has value, then it is worth half-assing.

If you can go whole hog on it and do it with full effort, great! -- But you are often better off doing it kinda half-assed, knowing full well you didn't put your all into it, then you'd be if you just didn't do it because you can't do it "properly" and felt bad about it.

Be it work, schoolwork, cooking and eating, cleaning, self-care things. Whatever.

If it is an activity that has any value, it will still have more value when half-assed then it would have if you felt guilty for your inability to do it whole-ass and then just didn't do it.

Yeah but at the end of the day it is what it is.

I mean... You only have 24 hours in a day. Once it's over, well... it's a new day.

Sounds like somebody’s got a case of the Mondays

Agloe, NY, was a fake town designed as a copyright trap on a map, but then a general store was built on that spot. When a company was caught stealing the map, they used the general store as proof the town actually existed.

In Iceland in 2010, a group of comedians made a joke political party called the Best Party, with a platform that amateurs can't mess up more than the pros. They won the mayoral election.

There's a youtube video about how to pretend you know how to play guitar, which suggests you learn just four chords and cycle between them. The comments noted that this is just a beginners guide to actually knowing how to play guitar.

George Lazenby lied on his CV when he auditioned for James Bond. When he confessed this to the director, the director pointed out how he had already convinced an audience with his performance. By acting like an actor, he had shown his ability to act.

The line between pretending and doing is thin, and you learn by doing, so you can learn by pretending to do. If it's a good enough fake, it may as well be real.

That's the whole basis of CBT

I have found this one to be largely true. "All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players."

Naw, this one works. If you look like you know you're doing and are good at figuring shit out for yourself, you are good in almost all situations. We are all bumbling through life; some are better at pretending they aren't.

Some things are truly just up to personal preference. "Agree to disagree" is a perfectly valid thing to say when discussing how to cook a steak in my opinion.

Reason alone rarely if ever supports only one side or the other. You choose how you are weighting things; that's an emotional response, not a logical one.

Damn, why that?

I use "honestly" or "to be honest" myself sometimes.

It's a simple way to convey "I'm going to give you a risky or unpopular opinion. Can be unpopular with you personally, or for public in general. But either way I value the honesty of sharing that opinion over the unpopularity it will cause"

I can see why you would hate it. it wouldn't be unusual for people to share bigoted/sexist/violent opinions on subjects they should keep to themselves.

Woah there, somebody want's to piss off the entire australian continent.

Oh this one gets me too.. Why not tell me why to trust you? Then I can decide for myself if I should.

So many people spend more time telling people to “just trust me” or “I’ll explain later” than they would if they just shared the information.

As someone who self identifies as on the spectrum ( I'm over 60, so I doubt I'm going to be tested, but I have many -- but not all -- typical autism traits), I would say that it's true for me. I have never been close to people, even my own family. I've never had a very good friend, and when I move away from people, I typically don't keep in touch.

Foe example, both my parents died in the past 2 years, and while I feel a sense of loss, no strong emotions. If I lost my wife or children, I think I would continue without feeling significant trauma. I know that I'm supposed to be devastated by those kinds of losses, but it just doesn't happen. I don't really have strong attachments to anything or anyone.

I don't think I'm a bad person, it's just the way I'm wired. I don't like to see people suffer, and I have a strong aversion to conflict, so I don't believe I'm a sociopath.

So count me In as one of the people who believes that autism can be related to a lack of empathy, based on personal experience.

if they knew how many times a week they meet somebody autistic...

Person learns what exaggeration is, more at 11

I prefer using higher precision when responding like this. I will often say something like: "137.825%". Mostly, I do this because it makes the other person feel awkward, and I do it because I constantly feel awkward, and so I just want other people to feel a tiny portion of what it's like being me.

That's fair.

Life is beautiful. That it even managed to exist, let alone evolve is fascinating, wonderous, fantastical. That certain species mucked things up isn't life's fault.

Beautiful.

"Beauty" is a concept invented by the human brain, not some intrinsic truth. So the statement can be true, although it very often is not.

Life is not beatiful, but what we make of it can be

It can’t even do simple sql stuff correct. Uses functions in the query that have not been created. Even though I specify by version of sql.

It does work in the context of which it was given. Approaching a goal in hockey with the puck on your stick. And being Wayne Gretzky

This one is about accepting things for what they are rather than wasting energy wishing they were different.

"It is what it is."

"Is it?"

"IS IT!?"

Yea as the other commenter said, the idea behind this saying is that ypu shouldn't malinger in the "oh no I really wish I had done xyz!". Oh well, it is what it is, no changing the present, only the future.