What is a gender neutral replacement for man, guys, buddy, etc?
So I've realized that in conversations I'll use traditional terms for men as general terms for all genders, both singularly and for groups. I always mean it well, but I've been thinking that it's not as inclusive to women/trans people.
For example I would say:
"What's up guys?" "How's it going man?" "Good job, my dude!β etc.
Replacing these terms with person, people, etc sounds awkward. Y'all works but sounds very southern US (nowhere near where I am located) so it sounds out of place.
So what are some better options?
Edit: thanks for all the answers peoples, I appreciate the honest ones and some of the funny ones.
The simplest approach is to just drop the usage of guys, man, etc. Folks for groups and mate for singular appeal to me when I do want to add one in between friends.
Cunts
We can close this thread now. The question has been answered.
instance name checks out
Threadkiller
Found the Australian
In New Zealand of all places!
Kiwis call each other cunts almost as much as aussies. We insult each other just as much, but we have better taste.
And we taste better
They wish they could be our western island.
Oi! You're a good cunt!
I'd accept bloody beautiful bastards as well.
Ah, finally! A worthy alternative.
Fucks
Shits
Turds
Maggots
y'all
Y'all doesn't get enough love. It is gender neutral and extremely versatile.
Vosotros agrees.
Ustedes if you're less formal or you live outside Spain π
What a fun way to phrase that. You're not wrong but it's making me giggle.
Or in German: euch
I'm under the impression that you pronounce it the same way this cat looks.
You know... that's about right.
πππππ
I agree. It's the plural of "you" that should be the official standard, since it disambiguates "you." It can even be broadened to include larger groups via "all y'all," as in, not just y'all in talking to, but all y'all in the house.
It can replace "guys", but not "man," though.
The plural of you is yous or ye. In Ireland at least.
It sounds cringeworthy if you're not American though. The standard way of saying it is "you lot" and other dialects, like mine, have "yous".
Here where I'm from in the US, you occasionally hear a "y'alls" and now I'm going to start using it as a cultural gap between your dialect and mine.
It's become the go-to in my company
Do you work with me? I'm in the US south and my EU colleagues love "y'all" and have started using it (ironically or not :) pretty often.
Warms my heart.
I have no hint of a Southern accent, but when I moved here "y'all" became almost an instant part of my vocabulary.
A LOT of my company is remote, but we are headquartered in Providence Rhode Island.
I can't do it, I don't want to sound like I'm from the South.
If everyone starts using it, it wonβt sound southern any more. Cβmon, you know you want to.
And, for larger groups, all y'all.
you'uns
Youse if youβre a Geordie.
further down under you may hear "hey, yous lot..."
I use y'all a lot and im near Chicago
I've started using it and I'm Canadian.
I've started using it and I'm north of Canada ... In Detroit
Did you know that you can be north of Canada ... in California?
https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-75f887668c7f322a0dd1a226e128cea3
At a more northern latitude than part of Canada. Detroit is directly north of part of Canada
What in the world. They need to fix that on the next patch.
For those not in the US south and afraid of being judged, "all" on its own is an option.
"Hi all" is unlikely to raise any eyebrows
yinz
A lot of people use βfolksβ for plural.
I feel like βguysβ is fairly un-gendered but people disagree with me. Personally, I havenβt used the word βguysβ to refer to anything male in what seems like forever.
βBudβ and βfellaβ are good singulars.
I used to have a maths teacher who called almost every number "guy".
"And this guy goes to zero, while this guy goes to infinity!"
I really, really wish we could degender "guy" and "guys". I know plenty of people of all genders that use the words in general to describe people, objects, concepts, everything. The only holdouts are people that insist on it specifically meaning males. Ironically, these people are often the hardcore feminists.
If other English words can change their meanings and be claimed/reclaimed by certain groups, why can't others?
Take guy! Use it to describe whatever you want! Free it of its historically phallic shackles!
Yeah, I agree with you gal, while we're at it I wish we could degender "gal", "chick", and "doll" too. Equality for all!
Guy was originally gender neutral as it was used to call someone stupidly bold (iirc). The term was most often used toward a single gender that was known for being stupidly bold and became synonymous with that gender. That's how it became gendered.
I'm a cis woman in IT, I'm guy, dude, man, bro... I don't really care. You can change to make a specific person feel more confortable but most woman don't care to be dude or guy
A wise man once said, "I'm a dude, he's a dudes, she's a dude. We're all dudes. Hey!"
Strange though, that when you ask most men how many dudes they've slept with suddenly, she's not a dude...
There's a very big difference between "dude", referring to someone you're talking to, and "a dude", referring to someone you were talking about.
Ive generally always agreed with the former comment, but I've heard this argument a few times and it does demonstrate the disconnect well. I've switched it up to a simple y'all.
Yep. Something that can only ever mean "neutral" or "man" isn't neutral
That's just how our language works. You can also use the word "fuck" in many ways that have wildly different meanings.
It's funny how "just how it works out" always leads to "neutral" words having double meanings that equal "man" but never "woman"
Maybe it's not "just how it works" and maybe it's just bias...
Out of the mouth of babes... π₯°
I believe that sentiment was also uttered by another wise man. A man of his time. Mr. Jeffrey Lebowski.
In Australia the gender-neutral term is βCuntβ.
While a great word, in my neck of the woods that wouldn't go over well.
Be the change you want to see in the world.
Yeah, I only call my friends cunts. Most Americans would not be too happy to be on the receiving end of this one.
I thought it was mate
I stand corrected.
Thereβs, cunts, good cunts, sick cunts, and shit cunts.
Apply as needed.
not for people you like
Try the following for groups:
Hey folks, how's it going?
Listen up assholes!
Greetings, gumshoes
I say "greetings earthling(s)" but I also like gumshoe! Also definitely adding "listen up assholes" to the rotation, my coworkers appreciate your suggestions!
Yo!
"Fuckers" is gender-neutral.
But it excludes asexual people /s
What's up, cunts
Works best if they're your friends and also you're in Australia
I am pretty sure the "friends" part is optional in australia
Or Scotland
Comrade.
β
Our tovarich
Iβm AFAB enby, saying βyou guysβ and calling me βdudeβ is fine. Those to me arenβt gendered anymore. The people who get offended at general terms like these for groups of people need to touch grass.
But if youβre dead set on it, embrace yβall lol. Just donβt say it with a southern drawl and youβll be fine. Itβs a fantastic gender neutral term. You can also just train yourself not to add in the βyou guysβ to the βwhatβs upβ phrase, and maybe just say βwhatβs up with you?β βWhatβs up with you all?β Etc.
"Offended" is a bit of a strong word.
Many trans folks are, understandably, bummed out when gendered terms that refer to their AGAB are used to refer to them.
I don't think there's anything wrong with trying to avoid causing that brief moment of dysphoria. That just feels like a thoughtful and kind thing to do.
Itβs good that OP means well, but also there are so many of us who do not care and are not affected because we know the speaker is using a generalized term and isnβt (usually) being malicious with it. I call several of my cisgender girl friends βdudeβ and βbroβ and Iβll call men βgirlβ as a joke sometimes (like, girl what are you doing?). Many of these terms simply have completely lost their original gendered meaning in a lot of contexts.
I'm also on Team "these words have lost their meaning" but often feel opposite to OP's intent
When people go out of their way to force inclusive language to a degree that feels unnatural, and especially when I'm the only trans person in the room, it feels like I'm being singled out for my identity. It's extra uncomfortable when they make (often incorrect) assumptions about my body while doing so.
That said, I will also never fault someone for trying to be inclusive, and ofc always respect other people's preferences.
Good point dude
That's great, and it's nice that you don't have to deal with that jolt of dysphoria in those situations.
I'm simply saying that it's also common (and okay) to not be entirely comfortable with those terms. Especially from strangers or acquaintances.
I don't think seeking to reduce the linguistic pattern of male as the default is a misguided effort.
No southern drawl? Yβall is like our one positive contribution donβt take it away from those of us who ainβt bigots
This is likely the best solution, but also a hard one. Thanks for the perspective though.
Yeah I agree, bro, but I wouldn't use guys or dudes on old ladies
"Foolish mortals" is my go-to gender neutral form of address
The simplest approach is to accept language is inherently gendered, and at a certain point it is exhausting to either take offense to everything or walk on eggshells.
Iβm southern, so I use yβall almost exclusively lol
I'm more of a "be the change you wish to see" kinda person. I'll neutralize my language to encourage others to do the same, eroding the banks of the river of language in the direction I wish it to go.
Did you just assume my language?
Mortals
Meatbags?
Everypony.
An oft overlooked option that leaves no one indifferent.
Cursed
But very truly
Fucker.
Oi, stop being a cunt - some Auzzie
Wait, I take back my suggestion. This is it.
Take off ya hoser - some Canadian
Sup fuckers,
As per my previous email we should set a schedule for a meeting with the fuckers in the sales department.
Meatbags.
Negative, I am a meat Popsicle.
All the alternatives make me cringe.
If someone is insulted that you use the term "guys" for a group, they're not worth being friends with. That's a lot of exhausting mental energy to deal with. Ignore 'em and move on.
I find "y'all" works pretty well, so does "folks" or even better "Fellow Workers."
βYβallβ is Texasβ greatest cultural contribution IMO.
I've noticed people using these more but I hate them. It's a cultural thing. I'm a New Zealander and y'all sound American redneck to me and folks just sounds weird.
Rich coming from someone who says βnorβ instead of βnoβ.
/s
Seriously, I love NZ and canβt wait to get back there. Iβve only met a few shitty kiwis and they were all here in the US lmao
All it takes is using it for a bit, and it doesn't.
Folks.
Chat
This is a great plural term, thanks.
'round here "guys" has become gender neutral. But "folks" is my go-to.
Guy is actually from the proper name Guy, variant of Guido. It was originally used as a mild insult, refering to Guy Fawkes, infamous terrorist.
I think "guys" is perfectly gender neutral, in the same way "you idiots" is.
Same. And i will die on the hill that dude is gender neutral. Dudette sounds like a mini dude, and no way am i calling into question any dudes "dudeness" on account of their gender.
My 8 yr old grand daughter calls everyone "bro". Including her mom!
Thats my point! My cis woman SO? dude. My trans woman friend? dude. Shes no longer with us, but my very very princess like girl dog? fucking dude.
I feel like i def call my SO, bro, too.
I subscribe to the "Goodburger" school of thought on the subject: I'm a dude, you're a dude, he's a dude, she's a dude, we're all dudes.
I mean buddy is already gender neutral.
So is "guys" as far as I'm concerned.
"Dude" is the definitive gender neutral term.
I am thoroughly confused, isn't "Dudette" a term that's used for female Dudes? Or "her Dudeness" if you aren't into that whole brevity thing.
Fellow kids
Man, guys, buddy, etc
Just use them as gender neutral. Done.
I'm not your buddy, pal!
I'm not your pal, fwend!
Tack on bro, sis, king, queen, and dude, and you've got a ton of words to choose from
I say y'all. It's inclusive.
It is, but I feel as a non-southerner (or even US), I feel obliged to go full Sandy Cheeks and it never ends as well as I think it does.
I'm in Australia and I've started using this, in addition to folks
Youens
Y'all
I love βyβallβ. It is one of the only things that Texas was way ahead of the curve on. It is gender neutral, easy to say, grammatically correct, and has such a long history that it doesnβt sound forced or intentionally PC.
Yβall is the way. Yβall is the future. Peace, yβall.
And you can go one layer more and say "all y'all" when you really mean everyone. It's a great word, I just wish I liked how I sounded when I say it.
"Citizens". It has the added benefit of implying that you're an authority figure and they're in trouble.
Luckily service guarantees citizenship!
I would like to know more!
Comrades?
βοΈ
Not everyone is a citizen in the place they happen to be. In my country, more than 30% of permanent residents are not citizens.
Earthlings is the only valid option
Earthicans
Earthletes.
I prefer humanoids. One can never be too careful...
Choom(s).
I use "folks" a lot. "Howdy folks." I am also a Tarheel so I can get away with y'all. And howdy.
As a Texan, I officially give the entire country the βHowdyβ and βYβallβ pass, but weβre keeping βthereβs a snake in my bootβ for ourselves.
"My fellow great ape"
Guys is always fine as it refers to followers of Guy Faulks and pretty much anyone has probably considered blowing up parliament at some point.
folks, y'all, youse
friends / friend
comrades / comrade
Cheese bags.
Folks or Everyone tend to be my go to.
In the words of Kel Mitchell:
I heard this comment
"Guys" is gender neutral already...
Dude.
I'm a dude. He's a dude, She's a dude. We're all dudes.
Trans women sometimes feel uncomfortable when they are called dude, so if you're aiming for maximum comfort of people, dude is not a great choice.
Well, to make a more serious comment instead of just quoting an old song from an old movie, it's definitely most important to call people by pronouns that they prefer. That's the number 1 priority.
That said, I have some trans friends who don't like gender neutral pronouns in general. One in particular has explained how much she has gone through to be able to identify as a woman, and using "they" instead of "she" makes her feel like she still isn't a woman.
So the real answer is there's no one word that will make everyone happy. They best way to do that is to ask people the pronouns they prefer.
the best take. as with everything, there is no one size fits all solution
I never though about that aspect of it, thanks for sharing that friend's perspective.
Yep, especially your mom, she's probably the best dude
cousins
friends
y'all
neighbors
folks
party party people
fellow-travellers
and, of course
You forgot "comrades."
Step-cousins for extra pizzaz
Guys is 100% gender neutral.
Also, can't go wrong with the old standby "Stay Fresh, Cheesebags!"
If you said βI brought some guys back to my place last nightβ, do you really think people would be imagining a mixed gender group? Do you think they would ever imagine you brought a group of women back with you when you said that? Guys is masculine sometimes used to generalize across a group that includes non-males. It only applies when at least one male is around.
I would probably use gals in your specific example, but personally, I would use guys if addressing a group of girl friends, but that's just how I perceive the word. I guess once you add 'the' or 'some' behind guys, I perceive it as masculine, but it feels totally neutral to me in other contexts, such as "C'mon guys, let's go X!" or "Guys, check this out."
can you explain how guys is gender neutral? or did i miss the /s?
Probably because people have been using it since the 90s for either gender. Same with dude. I was in high school over a decade ago but back then I remember dude and guys being gender neutral, both guys and girls used it that way. Funnily enough this same conversation was happening back then too among my peers, and we all agreed it was already gender neutral at the time.
ah fair... we used dudette cos it's funny but i get the point...
guess i never thought about it much cos i jumped on the chance to be encouraged to use all the sillier alternatives at work etc haha
Coming from a Midwestern state in US, guys, is a very common word. I would say GenX/Millennials use it most, can't speak for GenZ much, or Alpha as I never know what they are saying anyway.
Is buddy really a problem?
I'd be more worried that someone thinks I'm treating them like a dog, than a man.
for singular use boo works, and plural you can say "hey, fuckos"
"What is up, my mammals?"
Fellow Earthlings
English is sorely lacking a second person plural. Y'all fills that gap well and should be adopted over other regional suggestions such as the Jersey youse guys or the dreaded Philly... yinz.
I'd avoid using "dude" as I've heard this specifically as an example that bothered some women.
Y'all is great. I use it often in the North East and only one schmuck ever said anything about it.
Buddy works, but comes off kind of aggressive towards strangers, same with pal or pals, but that may be my own regional affectation showing off.
"Buddy" elicits so many conflicting feelings in me.
People sometimes say that English is easier to learn than Mandarin because the latter has a lot of intonation specific meaning, but there's a very clear difference between "Hey, buddy!" (jocular) that you say to a long loved friend and the "Hey, buddy!" (pejorative) you say to the guy who steals your grocery cart.
I should have seen this coming a mile away
Yeah, I'm trying to avoid dude for that very reason. I just haven't found a suitable replacement for it yet.
You're asking about a collective and also a singular...
Just in general I'd say that if you're trying to quit a habit around trans women, go the extra mile and quit it around cis ones too. For the collective "hey guys" I have no one-word replacement ("folks/folx" sounds equally southern and somehow more cringe), but you could replace the whole phrase with "hey everybody", "hi gang", "how are you all", or just "hey".
When speaking to any woman, I would advise against calling them "dude" or "man." Full stop. No further thoughts necessary on that one.
Sorry if it wasn't clear enough, I'm looking for general terms to use for all people, regardless of their gender, not just trans people.
There have been some good examples for groups, but nothing that fits well for talking to one person directly.
My personal recommendation is to drop the extra title entirely. For everybody.
E.g. instead of saying "great work man" just say "great work." It could help you prevent flubs later.
I do wish I knew some non-binary singular terms I could use, but none come to my mind
Yes, this seems to be the simplest answer, even if it will take a while to get used to.
I bit the bullet and was the cringy person at work who said "peeps". After a few months of do this, it was amusing to see the word spread until my boss's boss started saying peeps in meetings.
Fellow humans
This is how you get a visit from humans at AARO https://www.aaro.mil
Fellow bipedal meat-things.
Dipshits
"Mate" is always a good option, I wish it's used more universally in the States, too.
I just omit the unnecessary words or use their name. That works OK, although I'm awful with names so usually it just becomes "Good job!" or "What's up?".
Funny story time: in English I find this is not so bad. In French it's worse. In Vietnamese it's awful. We have dozens of pronouns. They're not only mostly gendered, but contain information about their age and perceived status relative to you. It's a 3-dimensional matrix where the axes are approximately gender, age/hierarchy, and degree of relation (inlaws/blood relations/strangers). You even get a different word for yourself in some of these situations. Then sometimes there's a numerical rank inside each pronoun e.g. male uncle, my spouse's family, 3rd oldest.
The language is already at maximum pronoun burden. Honestly it would just be easier if we called each other 'human' or 'comrade' or 'citizen' or something equally encompassing. It's exhausting as a non-native speaker (and you are not ever allowed to use their names, that's considered super rude).
Peeps
Note: You will sound like a tool if you say this.
Greetings, Programs!
My darlings, tell me everything.
Later Cheesebags!
*Stay Fresh Cheese Bags
My go-to is folks, but 1000 others have mentioned that already. So I will throw in "people".
"Hey people, how's it going?"
That works for me
"What's up everypony?"
Comrade
You could copy Scooby do and refer to the group of people as 'gang', 'team' works too
Peeps
Gang
dawg, home skillet, my glip glops, folks,
hydrogenated oil
You can't say glip-glop! That's their word!
Peeps
Buddy is masculine?
Could be. Depends on a bunch of factors. But as a trans person Iβve never encountered someone whoβs trans and feels that itβs masculine.
"Gentels and Ladymenβ
Folks for groups and friend for individuals is my go to. Comrade if you want to be spicy
cumsplats
all friends everyone folks peeps team
If you're only addressing one person then it can be left off entirely.
What's poppin primatesβ½β½β½
Guy:innen
I've started using "hello chums"
"What's up dog turds?"
"How's it hanging, dingleberry?"
"Nice job, Captain Hazelwood!"
I do actually know someone who speaks like this.
Friend
i find myself using "friend" a lot lately. dunno if that's a great replacement.
I'm not your buddy, guy!
Chooms
Whenever there's any question, I usually open with "sup, dogs" in my most serious voice, then continue to deadpan refer to everyone as dog, such as "and you, dog, I need to check the grist mill, thank you dog". Fifteen years in and no complaints so far.
Probably easier for furries...
I sound even more southern than I am because I say "y'all" frequently to avoid gendered pronouns. People, you, and we are often good. I think my favorite is "you folks".
Bitch or bitches
Come on, bitch is as gendered as dude and guys /s
What's up carbon based earthlings.
Matey/mateys, scallywags
It depends on who youβre talking to. Many people donβt care about saying βguysβ as itβs so universal. However, if youβre unsure or meeting new people, thatβs where youβd likely want to change it up.
Hey friends! (This can be used for strangers too) Whatβs happening my peeps? Hello everyone! Hope you both have a good weekend
Or just Whatβs up? Hiya! Hey [insert their name]
Earthling...Terran - I don't care how awkward it sounds. It's awkward for me to change might as well make it awkward for everyone.
Edit: just me being cranky... Normally I go out of my way to make people feel accepted.
I support this
Remember, non binary ppl exist too! (in reference of "both genders")
The term "fucker" covers all bases.
But what about asexual people?
Would all genders be a better way of phrasing that?
Yep!
Great, thanks!
I like what they use on the Bananas Podcast. "Guys, gals, and non-binary pals."
Guys is probably the most neutral of the ones you mentioned.
Potential litigants
I tend to use "folks" for my usual gender-neutral collective pronoun.
I don't think "dude" is a real issue, is it? Here in Australia, I'll happily use mate for any gender, and I often hear other genders do the same.
Of course, we also tend to unnecessarily shorten (or lengthen) people's names here, and those always get used:
Even our Prime Minister, Anthony Albanese, is Albo. You get the idea... ;)
"YOU PEOPLE" π I'm kidding
I've found a lot of success using pal for the individual and folk for the group. Such as "Jesse is my pal", or "Hey folks."
....oh shit. Palworlds a thing now. Don't use pal.
People here are not understanding that language changes with location
"Hey gang!"
Mate Cunts Dickheads
Dude
So I've seen this a lot, but I'm Gen-X and dude was always masculine to me. I support use of dude as gender-neutral, but it's hard for me to do it naturally because my brain is so locked into dude as gendered.
Aerosmith ain't helping the situation.
(Also - some of the recent comments on that video are annoyingly predictable swipes at current issues. You have been warned.)
Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
Aerosmith ain't helping the situation.
Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
I'm open-source; check me out at GitHub.
Dude its OK for me because you Know, the dude.
Pacifist as fuck, its a good name then. I don't feel it like man, etc. Even the majority when using it don't think about lebowski.
If i name someone dude, there is more than "man" behind. But I'm maybe wrong ?
Edit : oh sorry realized plurials.
People fine for me, its just an habit to change really. Or hey guys and girls or better, hey girls and guys π
But as non English speaker I could use dude for the group, and a my lady for her, if there is an fellow trans with me. Not others ofc. Will check thΓ© answers for real lol
Dude isn't quite there yet. The phrase "I fuck dudes" has only one interpretation still.
There are still lots of reasonable women who don't want to be called dude as it is still associated with masculine people.
"Hello, losers"
gamer(s)
"Buddy" is gendered?
Yep. It's a name for teen boys or for men that are significantly younger than the speaker. Typically said by men rather than women too.
No one says "Hey buddy" to a teen girl, or to a woman a couple of decades younger than them
Interesting, I use it pretty much interchangeably with "friend".
I'm not no one. Buddy can be used for pretty much anyone. You're definitely right about it addressing younger people though.
i only use buddy for dogs and puppies
apes!
Danger if you are white and speaking to folks who are not. Lots of history in that word, use carefully.
Alley cats
You people
Y'all Y'uns Fuckers
chum
comrade
It depends on the group and setting. I use folks and y'all a lot, but don't put a heavy southern drawl on it. Sometimes I say homies or party people. Really, in an unprofessional setting I try about anything I can that could be considered a term to group people. I jumped in a Discord call the other day with two of my buddies already in there and opened by referring to them as bromosexuals. I try to have fun with it but professionally, folks or everyone is what I use most.
"Yous badly-aimed batches of ejaculate"?
Everyone, you all, y'all
Youse fucking wallopers!
Carbon-based life forms
All, team, friends, everyone, folks (preferably prefixed with βhowdyβ)β¦
Pal, bud, friendo, sport, tiger, chief, boss.
I just call everyone "man" and "dude", irrespective of gender/sex Β―\_(γ)_/Β―